Saturday, November 21, 2009


It's upon us! I LOVE Thanksgiving. I love having a day to focus on being Thankful. I really enjoy making dinner! Oh how I enjoy it! I love cooking the turkey, making homemade noodles, from scratch stuffing, broccoli casserole, homemade bread, Chad does the mashed potatoes, corn, cranberry sauce (Christmas I'm going to make from scratch cranberry sauce, I just got a recipe for it). I'll be making a Chocolate pie and a Double Layer Pie. My friend who's coming over is making the green bean casserole. We'll have appetizers of cheeses, crackers, fresh broccoli, cauliflower, cherry tomatoes, dips, and chips. Nothing fancy, but will stave off the starving! We're having my friend over as I mentioned and her two little boys, her husband just recently deployed so I'm so thankful to bless them. We're having some single soldiers over as well. I'm making a huge turkey (20 lbs) and I plan to make up some plates for the soldiers who have to work Staff Duty.

We have a few games to play with adults and kids can join as well! Chad bought Apples to Apples tonight, which is one of my favorite games and can be played with a large or small group! We're going to buy the Junior version for the kids for Christmas!

I have to say that I feel so blessed to be living here in Germany, especially when it comes to Thanksgiving and Christmas. There's no extended family pulling us to come to be with them. My family lives in Kansas. Chad's family lives in Ohio. We've already discussed that when we retire (we'll retire in KS) we will have the meal at our home every other year and on the off year we'll take turns of going to ones family. On our years we'll of course invite our extended family to join us, but if they don't, they don't. I don't want my children's memories of us having to travel all over the place, but instead have memories of laughter and praising and celebrating GOD in our home. I feel that's so important.

I hope you each have a blessed Thanksgiving. That you can praise Jesus for him being your Savior (and I pray he's each of your Savior) that you can be thankful for where GOD's placed you. That you can thank GOD for being an American or living in the US and celebrating Thanksgiving. I wonder if the Pilgrims ever imagined this day of thankfulness and celebration would still be going on after so many years!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Secrets how I despise thee

Does the title say it all? I don't like secrets. I think they hurt people, destroy relationships, and when it's in a group setting, it destroys trust and moral.
In the last many months, certain people that I am around keep having secrets. It's a board that I'm on and have been on this particular board 4 times with various people, in various situations. There have been tensions on the board in the past, especially a couple years ago when 2 of them disliked each other so completely. But here's the thing, it was NO SECRET. They didn't like each other and the other knew about that mutual feelings of dislike, like I said it was not a secret. It made for some tense meetings at times, but there was no guessing.
This year though, I can say personally I've not enjoyed being on the board and am right now praying whether I'll be staying or not. Yes I made a committment, but at what price. I came home today and my stomach was such a mess, and I just found myself so emotional and so drained. I haven't talked to Chad about it yet, we'll talk tonight. I'm just truly disheartened and frustrated, and wondering why the need for secrets, especially when the secrets are over things so petty, other than what I personally view as being a control issue. Had I realized how things were going to be, I'd have never applied for this position, never accepted it.
Will you pray for me as I seek GOD's will here and search for his guidance in this decision.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Thank you for your comments and love and support. I was definitely having a hard day, they come and go and I know that as long as Satan is in this world, that will come and go, but the one thing I have to cling to, no cleave my Savior....Jesus Christ. Do you know him? If the answer is Yes, so wonderful, the bigger question though is "Do you have a relationship with him?" If you answered no to the first question, I would love to pray with you, share with you about the Lord I know, I love, and can NOT live without. If you answered yes to the first but no to the 2ND part of that question, I'd love to pray with you and walk with you as you develop a relationship with him.

You may or may not know my story. I'm more than an Army wife and mom to soon to be 5 children. When people look at me what they see is an Army wife and Mom of 3 soon to be 4, because our oldest daughter is in Heaven with Jesus right now. I've known the depths of grief and heartache. I still deal with those, but even on my worst days I know I have hope, because I have Christ to lean on. I know that when my heart is literally aching for Heaven so I can be with my Lord and my girl, my Savior is right beside me holding me as I weep. It's been 9 1/2 years since I last held Jordyn. It's been 9 1/2 years since cancer, leukemia (AML leukemia) killed my 2 year old little girl. Although it's been 9 1/2 years, somedays it feels like yesterday that I last held her in my arms as she took her last breath. But even on those days where it feels like yesterday and I can't breath and my heart is heavy, I have hope that tomorrow will be better.

I hope each of you have the Hope you can ONLY have in Jesus Christ, if you don't I'd love to pray for you.

In His.....

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Crying Out

I'm truly curious how many people hide their true feelings, how many skip the little and even the big details of their life happenings, because it really doesn't feel like anyone, besides GOD cares. He's the only one that ultimately matters the most, yet I think we ALL desire to have others not only listen to the big, little, and mundane things in our life...but to CARE and actually WANT to hear about it all.
I don't want to have a pity party here, I want to be really honest. I feel really, really lonely. I started thinking about this last night and it's just eating at me. Chad's not asked me any details on how my week went last week. I will give him the benefit of insanity. He took on the huge task of changing rooms and we're still literally in the midst of that decision of moving toys, laundry, and other effects between the two rooms, as well as getting laundry done that's out of control, etc. Yet, to be completely honest it hurts that he has not asked me once. I've had a couple friends ask how it went, yet maybe it's just me, but it doesn't feel like they really want to know all the details. I know this is Satan, telling me "you're not important. Nothing you have to say really means that much. Other people are far more interesting, intelligent, funny, beautiful, kind, honest, pure, lovely. You are none of those things." I get that those are from Satan. I know it, but wow it's hard to push him out. I keep praying to HEAR GOD tell me that I'm "loved, important, wonderfully made"...I'm struggling to hear him right now. I often feel like I'm in this battle alone. I often feel like I'm supposed to be the person that everyone can come to, but that I get to share a little and then it's time to shut up. Or I find myself being honest say on facebook and then getting slammed by someone who's not spoken to me hardly at all since college (we went to high school together), telling me how wrong my walk is with Christ and how she has 2 Christian friends who do it right because they don't share OUTLOUD their walk, but do it quietly and how when I'm honest and yes even maybe ugly in my opinions, that I'm just not showing I'm a "good Christian". Let me just say this: "Ouch". She doesn't know me, but takes my 2 strong opinions that I've shared and just shoved my face and my heart right into the ground and then stomped all over it. It's made ME feel that I have to be one way or I'm dettering someone's walk with Christ. I don't EVER want to be a person that pushes someone away from Christ, yet part of me really wants to ask "when do YOU take responsibility for your OWN WALK?" Maybe I'm wrong, most likely I am wrong in that thought, in that opinion.

I am crying out to JESUS right now. I long for him. I ache for him. I want to feel him close to me. I want to know I'm not alone in this life, especially when I feel so alone (like right now).

Just The Way You Are

I came across this this video on Heather's blog. Isn't this what we all want to hear, isn't this exactly what our daughter's deserve to hear from us as parents?! What a promise of truth, we're beautiful just the way GOD made us! God whispers this to us constantly, that we're beautiful just the way he made us and we don't need all the extra's of hair die, makeup, hair straighteners, curling irons, face lifts, etc. GOD made us in HIS IMAGE, which makes us perfectly beautiful just the way we are. Does that mean I'm not going to use make up ever again, does mean though that it's not going to make me "more or better" because of it. Nothing I do on the outside is going to change who I am on the inside, and most of all it will not change how GOD see's me!
I'm blessed to have a Father who loves me just the way I am. ("Father=GOD....father=my earthly dad). I have a husband who loves how I look with and without make up, with and without my hair done up. I am more blessed than I could have ever imagined, and I want that for Emma and any other future daughters...for her (them) to know they're always beautiful...inside and out no matter what they do and don't do with make up or hairstyles or clothing (although we'll be teaching her to dress modestly). I want that same lesson for our boys too. For them to know we love them just the way they are, just as GOD created them.

Saturday, November 07, 2009

Worship and Study...PWOC Style

I had the most amazing week this past week! I am on our local board for PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel) which is a miilitary wide women's bible study, which began 54 years ago here in Germany, by some wonderful Army wives who felt the need to have an official bible study!! Since moving here I've been a part of our local chapter of PWOC and have been blessed all over the place and am so thankful. Last week was the annual Worship and Study. We stay at a 4 Star Hotel, our local chapter is VERY blessed because none of the 8 of us who went had to pay a single dime for our accomadations or the event itself. A Christian book store comes so we all have the opportunity to pick up (for one dear friend even SMELL) and look at books and other items we want to purchase (and purchase I did! LOL). We had a special singer who's husband is retired Air Force and a special speaker (writer/speaker) Cindi Woods. Then we had smaller classes we took. On Tuesday I took a great class that was all about ice breakers and different sorts of games to play and get to know the ladies in our local chapter of PWOC. We had another small group class that day, which was learning the signing (sign language) to our PWOC song of the year "Sing To The King", well that would have to be my BIG disappointment of the year, the lady mixed different signing versions, didn't really actually TEACH, but would turn on the song and start signing and we had to try to learn that way. I left that class frustrated and not knowing it, and my friend who's not an expert at signing, but does it pretty well, was so frustrated by all of it since she's the one who KNEW the lady was mixing things up, not giving the correct signs. So that class was a bust. We then had a general session with the special music and speaker, the speaker was an author/speaker: Cindi Woods. She was ok. Everyday she seemed to get better and better.
The other two small group classes I took over the next two days was "Preparing to be the Bride" I LOVED this class and wish the lady who taught it was stationed here in Germany, but her husband ( a chaplain) is of course retired and they live in the states. I took tons of notes and was just so moved by that class. The last class was on "Becoming a Bold Prayer Warrior" word: WOW! Not a single woman in that class left there dry eyed. It was the most moving, emotional, and powerful class I took. There were 3 other women from our group in the class with me and we all just left there almost stunned with emotion. We truly released it all over to GOD, I know without a doubt that I have NEVER allowed myself to go to GOD in the way I did! The teacher literally prayed over every single one of us, and wouldn't let us leave with out one last small prayer and hug! It was amazing. I still get chills just thinking about that class. Oh I wish each and everyone of you, that you could have experienced that class, most of all...that experience with GOD and with other women who love the LORD! There was a woman singing praises to GOD, speaking praises to Jesus loudly, one speaking in tongues, all of us crying. I hope, truly hope that each of you have this experience with GOD, through prayer...through conversation and love for our Lord, Jesus Christ.

I came home and it's like coming down from a high. My husband took on a task that was far more than he expected. He decided to switch our bedroom with our rooms, and paint what is now our new room! He's still not done! LOL He has until Wednesday night to finish things, because housing comes to check all the fire alarms and making sure they're working properly! Today I got my living room cleaned up, Chad removed totes that were in the boys room out of the kitchen (yes you read that right, he put them in the kitchen! LOL). Tomorrow the boys and I will be getting the dining room, kitchen, and bathroom cleaned and I'll be doing laundry, we have lots of laundry. Have I mentioned how much I dislike laundry? My #1 detested household chore.