Thursday, July 08, 2010

Things Aren't Always What They Seem

There are times when we hide our pain, when we struggle to even tell our closest friends the pain that's inside of us. Sometimes we can't even bare to tell the one that GOD brought into our life to be our spouse for the rest of our life, and then. Well and then it all comes flying out. I see myself as a honest person, yet I also believe there's a time and a place to share things. When Chad and I are having an argument and a friend shows up at our door, it's not the time to continue the arguement or show my frustration or anger with him. I put up a front. Well, I found out that Chad can not stand when I do that. Here's the kicker, I can't stand when he continues to have an attitude when we're around others. We're different and show our emotions differently. I think next to money this may be a huge issue with many other couples, I obviously could be wrong...but I think when we look at men and women in general, our mindsets are often so different in how we express ourselves that those expressions become annoying or even absolutely in furiating to our spouse.

I'm here to say that I put up fronts because I don't think it's others business, that I do want others to see a particular side of my marriage and family. I never thought of it as a lie, because most the time what they see is what it is, but there are times what they'd just missed was angry words, hurt feelings, and possibly even tears.

I'm anything but a perfect wife. Honestly I can be down right rotten in the wife department. Chad is not perfect either and he can be pretty rotten himself as well. So how do two very imperfect, often rotten people stay married, work through the ugly, bumpy life we call marriage? JESUS Let me tell you th at if it were not for Jesus, my marriage would not even exist at this point.

How many of us put up fronts in various places in our life? Not just our marriage/family, but in other things in our life? I'm sure I put up a front in all sorts of ways, and don't even realize it. I am praying over this and asking GOD to show them to me, hopefully in a softer way than how Chad did it the other day. Please understand I am NOT bashing my husband, just that I'd rather not go through that again. Fights are obviously not fun and enjoyable and not a way to bring GOD glory (afterwards when we've calmed down we can give GOD the glory, but I personally don't glorify him when I am screaming at my husband).

So I'm taking down the front on family is not perfect, my marriage is not perfect. We fight, we say ugly things, we hurt each others feelings, we cry, sob, say things we regret. What we can do though is repent, we can pray together as a couple (and/or family), we can try to do better and learn and make changes.


Traci said...

Amen. I am like you. I don't want others to know we were fighting if they show up in the middle. Awkward for all.
We have been doing the Dave Ramsey financial peace thing. Talk about a fight inducing program. Whew!

But the only way to get through this life is with Jesus.


That corgi :) said...

I would be hard pressed to find that "perfect" couple/marriage out there. I think we all have our faults and shortcomings and as we so interestingly seem to marry our opposites a lot of times, no wonder we have disagreements. But you are right to put Jesus as the firm foundation in your household and to know that without him you (and me) would be nothing and most likely with marriages that have fallen apart or falling apart. But thankfully his love carries us and guides us and helps us to want to try to be more like him daily and to die to ourselves and be kinder to others and so we press on. We win some, lose some, but we do keep pressing on. Praying about it is always a good thing too. I'm with you though Christy, if I was fighting with spouse, I wouldn't want the "whole world" to know it in case someone came to visit.

hugs to you all!


Carolyn said...

Christy, I don't think it's a lie either not to want to air out things in front of others. No one in their right minds wants others to know their private issues! Who would want to be around a couple if all they did was argue and air out things all the time?
I think most women are like you- we put on fronts because a lot of times, especially when we're most frustrated, it's hard to get our thoughs out in order (does that even make sense? It does in my head LOL)
Anyway, we all have issues- husbands and wives, and kids. We all have things that bug us, personalities which are sometimes opposite to others. We're human!
The fact that in all your families small imperfections you all are close and loving still, and still married, giving your beautiful kids a stable loving home- it's getting rare, sadly, but it's the Lord's doing. Give Chad a big ol' hug, tell him that even though you're mad, you still love him- and go do some makin up lovin!
God Bless you girlie!