Sunday, June 22, 2008

Tomorrow

Marks 1 year since my best friend, Emily gave birth to a beautiful, precious, amazing little girl... Miller Grace (Miller Grace is her FIRST name it's not Miller being first name and Grace middle name, it's Miller Grace...kind of like one word, but it's not! Sorry some people seem to get confused about that). Anyways tomorrow Miller Grace is 1 yr old. Miller Grace was not meant to live in this world, but God graced us for 5 precious days. I wish I could say that I held her, touched her, seen her in person, but I was here in Germany praying that God would show us a miracle, he did it just wasn't the miracle so many of us had hoped for. The fact is, Miller Grace was MEANT to live 5 days and they are the most life changing days of Emily's life. I may have never held that beautiful little girl in my arms, but I love her just the same, and I love Emily. Please be in prayer for Emily tomorrow as they mark the day that Miller Grace was born, the day Emily saw the face of her beautiful daughter for the first time. Pray for her husband Matt and their other two little girls Hope and Matilyn. Pray for them throughout this week.
Emily, I love you and I am praying tomorrow is gentle for you. You know I love you and love Miller Grace and oh how I look forward to the day that you and I get to hold our girls in our arms again.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Dicipline & Love

First for those of you who are bloggers here did you notice the changes? I like that I don't have to go and dig a little deeper to control my comments and backlinks. Now back to my regular posting.

Often as a mother I find I am falling on my face with mistakes that I've made left and right. It's not easy parenting and anyone who thinks it is either has no children or the child that's just so complient you don't really qualify as a parent to begin with. See I'm constantly messing up. I question if I'm truly being a Godly example as a mother to my children, am I being a good example as a wife to them, so that one day when the boys pick a wife and Emma becomes one, they know what to look for and what to do or not to do.

Today we walked with my friend to the school to pick up her son and then go to the book sale they're having. All the books were half off, so it's the one to go to. I gave both boys $5.00 and told them to get what ever they like. Jack picked one thing that was 4.00 and Jacob being the thrifty boy he is, managed to pick 3 items with .75 more cents from me that I told him he'd have to pay me back for. I then picked each boy out another book as well as got Emma 2 books. Jack was out in the hall with my friend while I was helping Jacob and paying for the surprise books and Emma's. Once done I went out and gave Jack his other book, which Jacob had helped me pick out and he started an attitude. I gave him a chance to correct his attitude or he was losing the item he'd purchased himself, until he could stop and be kind and grateful. (Side note, Jacob was VERY kind and grateful..whew!). No, instead his attitude got worse. I had to take the item he bought away and told him if he could act nice and apologize he could have it back. Nope, here it came. A fully out temper tantrum. This child is almost 5 and there he was throwing a fit like a 2 yr old. I went against my instinct (which was to swat that behind) and instead sat him down outside on a step and got down to his level and attempted to talk to him. He was having none of it. The crying continued, the ugly attitude went on. The walk home was joyful let me tell you. I'm sure the Lord was looking down at me and shaking his head. The temptation to swat him was great, trust me. I'm NOT a mom who's against spankings. I truly and firmly believe it's required at times and I also can see a generation of children who have parents who don't do it and see a great deal of those children who are just simply out of control. Many of them are also not taught respect of each other, authority, etc and the attitude coming from them is enough to make my head spin (Sassy sauce people!). Either way, there I was going against my instinct and was being far more patient with him than he deserved. My friend who was with me said "I think I'd have spanked him at least 10 times, good job on keeping it cool". The fact is that although I'm fine with spanking, I aslo know there's a time for it and a time when it's just not going to help. This was one of those times. So we finally get home and I have him sit in front of me on the ottoman and we talk. He's calmed down, I'm calm (still...MIRACLE FROM GOD I tell you!) and we talk about his temper tantrum, what he should have done, I make him apologize, and he understands that he will not be getting any of his books until tomorrow.

After it was all said and done, I sit here now hours later and think of how I'm anything but our Lord, and please know I'm NOT comparing myself. But how often is he patient with us? How often does he bend us over his knee and give us a swat? God knows when to do which disciplinary action with us, being human parents it's absolutely necessary to find that out ourselves. There's a time for both and finding the balance is not always easy. It's really easy to reach and tap that tush as it's walking (or stomping) past you vs sitting down calmly talking. There's also times when sitting down and talking is just not going to cut it as the only discipline.
I'm also trying to get more creative in my discipline. I'm making them sweat off some punishment...aka they're scrubbing walls and floors with a rag and their hands (and on their knee's as it may be). It gives them a little time to "think" and well my walls don't have their dirty little hand prints on them! LOL

It's absolutely not easy being a parent and I'm only parenting 3 little ones (God's got Jordyn all taken care of up in Heaven!) can you imagine God's position? He has every single one of us. The love he has for us, even the ones who have turned their back on him, he loves them.
I'm a child who breaks his heart I'm sure daily, yet he keeps loving me anyways. I have to be like him with my children. I have to be gentle but firm, and most of all forgiving. The biggest thing though is that I NEED God. I can't do this job wtihout him.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Sweet Emma

She's 10 months old today. I'm amazed at how fast time has gone by. She's our 4th child and I know how fleeting these days are. She's doing so many things already and I just wish time would slow down a little, but it won't. She cruises along the furniture. She has let go and just stood a couple times for a few seconds, she's a speed racer on her knee's, she's still toothless, her hair is slowly but surely growing and I'm still not sure what color it will be. Her eyes are the most beautiful blue I have ever seen. She looks like her Daddy through and through. She LOVES her brothers and lights up when she see's them. She laughs like no other. She has my temper (*YIKES!), she loves deeply. I am so blessed.


Thursday, May 29, 2008

The Heart of the Matter

As I signed in I saw that this is my 200th entry. This isn't my only blog, so the fact that I've written here 200 times is pretty good. When I think of the subjects I've talked about I think the two top ones would most likely be GOD and my family. That's what I'm writing about "again" tonight.

Yesterday was an UGLY, I mean U-G-L-Y day for me and for my boys. The fact is I let Satan in and let him do what he does best...hurt and destroy. I complained about the boys to 3 people. Two friends and Chad when he got online. Then I opened up my email and there I read exactly what I needed to read. God's message to me. Had I rebuked Satan in the name of our Lord and Savior? Had I kicked him out of my home, out of controlling our lives? No I had not. So after I hung up the phone with Emily I was standing and praying. I went into every room of our home and prayed. I prayed over my children as they slept. I felt weak afterwards. God was and is the Ruler of our home and I will not let that change.

The thing is simple, we have enough grief and hardship with Chad deployed with God's love, tenderness, and allowances to see us through the hard times. I can not allow Satan to take control of this deployment. It's not going to happen. Our house belongs to the Lord, Jesus, and only him. This morning I brought the boys into the living room for a talk. We talked about the ugliness of yesterday, apologies were said from both sides, and we moved on. We made a chore chart on Tuesday and it's went well. Our biggest battle was their bedroom. That's what the ugliness was about yesterday. Today we took on a new way of doing things. After lunch they cleaned the room for 30 minutes. It was a challenge for them, to see just how much they could get done in the amount of time they had allowed. They got almost done! Tonight they went back in and cleaned for 30 minutes. Tomorrow, I think just one 30 minute cleaning period will be needed and they'll be done! Once it's clean they'll have to clean just for a few minutes in the afternoon and evening to keep the upkeep. Today the peace in our home was just simply God given. I am so thankful he sent me that article, opened my eyes, and showed me that I can do this without losing my mind! God is absolutely amazing that way.

Psalm 34:14
Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Praying for Steven Curtis Chapman Family

If you've not heard, Christian Artist, Steven Curtis Chapman's 5 yr old daughter was tragically killed today when his teenage son accidently hit her with his SUV. Let us all pray for this whole family, especially the son who hit her, the guilt must be eating this young man up.

CMT : News : Steven Curtis Chapman's Daughter Killed in SUV Accident


Sunday, May 18, 2008

We were in a Car Accident

Hi
tonight on our way home from Edelweiss, it was raining really hard. The car in front of us slammed on her breaks. Chad slammed on ours and veared to the right (where there were no cars), unfortunately he still hit the right back corner of her car, which spun her and led to her getting hit full on her drivers side by another car. No one was hurt, just shook up. Jacob bumped his head, but he's ok. My van is in really bad shape. The tie rod, the strut, the stabilizer bar, the break line, the steering gear shaft, and the drive gear shaft was bent. We got towed and when the KID (he looked like he was 19) was lowering the van off the truck, he managed to rip tire/gear drive off the van completely. The kid actually was laughing. I was sobbing at that point. It's all the front drivers side corner. I took pictures at the scene of the accident of our van and Chad took a picture of the can he hit. The accident happened just past Munich/Munchen.

We rented a car to get home. We're hoping that our insurance will pay to have the van towed back here. We're not sure what's going to happen with the van, and of course Chad leaves in just a couple days.

Please pray that God will show us his plan with all of this mess. Satan is definately fighting to take control of this deployment and we will not let that happen. We've definately had issue's with the van this past year, and Chad thinks maybe it's just time to say goodbye and get a new one. I'm not sure about that, but will do what he thinks is best at this point. I just want a safe and reliable and obviously driveable van for our family. I am thankful we have our little reliable BMW, it's crowded for the kids, but it will get us safely from point a to point b.

I can say with all honesty that I'm still really shook up and in a bit of shock at all of this. We did have a good weekend in Garmish/Edelweiss. Thank you for your prayers over this as well as our impending deployment for Chad.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

The Final Countdown

We're marking off the days until Chad leaves. He's heading back to Iraq in just days. This will be our longest deployment yet, 15 months. Those three months may not seem big to those of you who've never been through a deployment, but trust me those 3 months are pretty huge, especially when you have young children and so much can change in 3 months. We're praying that he's home in time for Jackson's 6th birthday, we're pretty sure he won't make it back for Emma's 2nd. There's so many things I was hoping we'd get to do and get done before he left and there's just not time enough now. We've, or I should say Chad has been working on Emma's room the last few days. He got it all painted, pink/mauve and tonight he's going to take the rug that's in there and take it over to recylcing, pull one of the dressers out and put it in the boys room, put together the crib so I can put her in there for naps and not worry about her falling off the couch or having to lay her on a pallett in the floor. I'm in the process of looking for wall decorations right now for her room, a cute rug and we already are getting a nice larger carpet/rug for her to be able to sit on and play with her toys.

I know it's boring, but it's life really. Laundry is constant and I hate laundry. I hate putting it up too, really hate that! :X That's why I have baskets of it just sitting in my room to be put away. I'm not sure what we'll get done before Chad leaves, but before the end of the month I plan on having our room looking good. I'm going to buy a new quilt for our bed, get some high thread count sheets, and make our bedroom into my sanctuary that I'll actually look forward to going into! Now that will be a change! Trust me it's a disaster area.
The boys have been working on their bedroom and it's looking a lot better. Jacob and I had a long talk on Monday about how we want things to go this deployment. They can either go nice or ugly...I can spend my day not yelling and screaming and feeling like I'm losing my mind or I can yell and scream and lose it! We're obviously going for the first! LOL So together we're going to create a chore list for each boy, they're going to help with what chores they will be doing. Some things they will do for the simple fact that they're part of this family and that's what is expected of them, some they'll earn money, and some they'll earn rewards such as a movie night (movie of their choice). I'm also going to surprise the boys with a coin jar. Every day that Chad's gone they'll be putting a nickle in the jar, every Saturday they'll put a quarter in the jar, when Daddy gets home for good we're going to take the money and do something special with it which the boys will help decide on! Maybe we'll let them split the money for our trip we take when we go on block leave. Either way it'll be a very nice sum of money saved. Next week I will go to the bank and buy a month's worth of nickles!

Well, Chad's heading home in a moment so I need to get off of here and spend as much time as I can with him.

God Bless

Monday, May 12, 2008

Pictures

We had family pictures taken last week in preperation for Chad deploying once again. We have one of the BEST photographers, I just love her to pieces. We went to a park downtown, Bug park (pronounced Boog), it was beautiful there. We also went ahead and did Emma's 9 month pictures! :)


Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Remembering Jordyn


Jordyn and Mommy 2/10/00


Today was the last day of Jordyn's life. I had written so much out, poured my heart out actually and before I could hit save AOL signed me off. God allowed me to get it out, but did not allow me to show it for all the world to see. I'm positively emotionally drained. I just ask that you keep Chad and I in your prayers. I am not sure yet what we're going to do to mark Jordyn's Welcoming into Heaven day, it's a very bittersweet day, to know she fell asleep in my arms and woke up in Jesus'. I wish I could say I gave and give all the glory to Jesus, but I can't. I'm a selfish, sinful mom/woman who aches for her child in her arms. I weap, I've screamed, I've kicked, and wailed. I know where she's safely at though and I rejoice for her. I would NEVER want her to leave Heaven to return here....just wish she wouldn't have went to Heaven quite so soon. I wish she'd have had another 80 yrs, with never having had deal with cancer, but that's not how life is for her or us. I will definately take quite time tomorrow at 5 AM EST., which will be 11 am CET and just think of Jordyn. I ask that each of you, if you're awake at that point to pray for me and Chad and remember Jordyn.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Does Anybody Hear Her

This says it all tonight....


Casting Crowns - Does Anybody Hear Her