Jack's 5

It's almost 3 am and I really SHOULD be in bed, but here I am thinking of my now 5 yr old little boy. My how the years have flown by. He's my 3rd child, living as the 2nd. He's completely unique and completely, Jackson. It's hard for me to label him, because one moment he's all boy, rough and tumble and the next he's a cuddle bug who wants to revert to being the baby. I remember when he was a baby and how he loved to cuddle with me. The depth of love I felt for him overwhelmed me at times, as it seems to everytime God has gave me a baby. He immediately was special and our bond was something I can't find words for.
We spent 9 months with Chad in Iraq. Unfortunately Chad missed Jack's 1st, 2nd, and 3rd birthday's. He was home to celebrate his 4th. (He was home the day after Jack's 2nd birthday). Once again Daddy's back in Iraq and we're marking another year of Jackson's precious life. God has been so good to allow our family to be blessed to have this little boy in our lives. I'm so grateful for him.

We're in Michigan and will be celebrating his special day with friends. We're taking him to Castaway. He's going to love it. He's getting an Ice Cream cake, which he'll love. Tons of presents, and lots and lots of play!

I'm so blessed to be Jackson's mommy and thank our Lord and Savior for him.

Happy Birthday Jackson, I love you.

Update on request

First with the good news, Chad called and prasie our God he is fine. He was there, but only has two tiny scratches. Pray for his emotional well being though. Holding someone during their last minutes of life is nothing to be taken lightly and he is hurting.

The soldier who was killed as I told you was Chad's Plt. Sgt. Right now, Chad and two others have stepped up to his position, as they all take on various tasks and make decisions, etc. Chad kept saying that he just can't believe he's gone. Yesterday they had the memorial service for him in Iraq and next week they'll have one for him in Germany. His wife and children left today to head back to the states, so please be in prayer for them. In my life's experience the worst thing one can go through is the death of a child, and the next worse thing would be the loss of your beloved spouse. So please pray for this family. I will not write his name on this blog, since I don't have permission and would not feel comfortable giving out such private information on another family. God knows who it is.

As to the other two soldiers who were also injured in the attack, they're both doing better. Over this weekend they'll be heading to Landstuhl! I am not sure, but believe my friend will be joining her husband in Germany. She may be on her way for all I know. I hope they're reunited soon. I know that her husband has some lung issue's, shrapnel hit his lungs, so pray for those to heal completely (he is breathing on his own...PRAISE be to JESUS!!) and he is stable and awake. He did lose a finger, but that seems to be such a minor thing compared to what it could have been, so God has been very gracious to him. The other soldier who I don't know, is stable and well as far as I know as well.

I know I mentioned it earlier, but Chad did call on Thursday and it was so good to hear his voice. We talked for about an hour and he was able to talk to all 3 kids and his Mom as well. His voice sounded so sweet to my ears as he told me he was ok, but admitted his heart was hurting. We were able to talk about other things and he was able to laugh a few times. It's breaking his heart to be away from the kids and for him to be missing out on our little girls babyhood/entrance into toddlerhood. I will never know what that's like to have to miss out on such precious time with my children. I am so thankful that God has made Chad a man who's willing to fight for his country and do what needs to be done, and to be a man who's willing to admit that being away from his kids is the hardest part of it all.
Pray for Chad in his mission with the Army as well as his mission with the Lord. He's in deep prayer right now over where God is leading him. It's something I've been praying over for years and will continue to pray. I know that if this is God's will he will make it all possible and tear down any and all obstacles that present themselves.

The kids and I are having a good time here in the states. So far my "favorite" time has been my days with Emily. I miss her like crazy. We're at my inlaws right now and it's actually going VERY well. Neither of my inlaws health is very good, and it's truly sad to see just how it's changed in the last 4 yrs since we last saw them. Our nieces and nephew have grown by leaps and bounds. Chad's sister's middle child, is 10 and Jacob is as tall as she is. Now Jacob is tall, but "C" is also quite short for her age, although she's built so thin that she seems very tall. I know that seems to contridct itself, but if you saw her you would understand! ;) Tomorrow we will go visit Chad's grandma. I know she'll love seeing the kids and will most likely have a huge amount of food prepared. She always does! LOL The kids will probably have a good time there, she has a nice fenced in backyard so they should be able to spend the majority of their time out in the backyard playing. Here they've spent pretty well from 9-8 everyday outside playing, only stopping to eat meals and then they're off riding bikes, swinging, having waterballoon fights, etc. They've had a great time playing with their cousins and I know they'll all miss each other when we head out on Monday. Monday we head to my best friend Tami's. I am so excited to see her and her kids! Her boys are the same ages as mine and they're all going to probably play until they drop. We'll celebrate Jack's birthday with them. Her and I have to go shopping so I can get Jack a few more birthday gifts. I think we're him to a fun resturant that's aimed towards kids, but it's NOT Chuck E Cheese (or anything like that). It'll be fun. She planned to invite a couple kids his age to go along too so it'll be fun and give him his special day too!

Emma's still not walking and that's fine. I will say it'd probably be good with her spending so much time outside, she gets filthy in minutes. Hopefully today she'll stay somewhat clean and will not mess up her outfit, it's shorts so I think we have a fighting chance today! LOL She's had a blast staying outside though, crawling around and playing.

Thank you for the prayers for Chad, his soldiers, etc. Thank you for travel prayers for the kids and I.

God Bless

Prayers Needed

Please be in prayer tonight. Chad's Plt. Sgt was killed. I don't have all the details. He has left behind a wife and 2 young children (school age). Two other soldiers were injured. I'm friends with one of the soldiers wife, she told me tonight that he's breathing on his own today (he wasn't yesterday) and that the surgery went well. They're trying to get him from Iraq to Germany, so pray for his stability and for her to be able to get back to Germany very quickly (she's in the states currently).

I haven't been able to talk to Chad in 1 1/2 weeks and I am praying he's able to call me tomorrow at his mom's.

So blessed

God is awesome. He places people in our lives that will for some weave in and out, some who stay for the long haul, and some who are simply there for a season and never again. I have some of each and I am blessed by all, even those who have not remained if nothing else because I've learned something from them in one way or another.

Today I visited with an old neighbor. She lived below us when we first moved on post at Ft. Riley 7 yrs ago. Jacob was just about 4 months old and we were moving ourselves from off post to on post. As we were taking things up we met Donna. She was instantly friendly and it was nice to know a neighbor after us living off post for about 9 months and not knowing a single neighbor. We became wonderful friends and hung out, along with another neighbor nearly every day. She loved Jacob and our whole family and we spent most of our time laughing it seemed like. She was the first friend I had as an Army wife who left ME verses the other way around. It was horrible to watch her and her husband drive away. Today for the first time in over 6 1/2 yrs I got to spend a few precious and wonderful hours with her, her husband, and her little boy. It was so hard to leave, but I just truly felt so blessed to be able to spend time with her.

I'm now at my friend who I've known for 10 yrs. We both worked at the bank together during our pregnancies with our oldest girls and have been friends since. It's been almost 5 yrs since we last saw each other. She came to see us after Jackson was born, he was 5 weeks old then. Her girls were in bed by the time we got here, so I'm excited to see them tomorrow and see how much they've grown!

The best part of this whole trip though is that I was blessed to spend 5 1/2 days with Emily. If you read her blog (link on the side bar) then you probably already love her, if not, go read her, you'll love her. We met when we were both pregnant. She with her oldest and me with Jackson. We first met in person with Jack and her oldest where about 7 months old, and after we met we started talking on the phone multiple times a week, until it was every day. Being back in the states on this trip has been the longest we've went without talking, that's really stunk, so getting to be with her constantly was wonderful. Her family is so wonderful and well I just adore her.

God places people in our lives and I can tell you that he's been overwhelmingly generous to me. He's given me a husband who's my best friend and then the absolute most wonderful girl friends a woman can ever ask for. I've had friends who walked through grief with me as they went through their own and found best friends in that grief. I never thought that'd be possible that I could find someone who got my heart that way when my heart was broken. He gave me Tami and Kelly. Eight years later and they're both still an intergeral part of my life. Then 5 1/2 yrs ago he brought Emily into my life. I can tell you I never even thought I'd connect with women on the pregnancy board where we "met" much less find a friend who's a part of my heart and soul, yet I did. To know that God just keeps working the way he does amazes me. I've seen him in my children, in my husband, in my life in general, and to see him bring such amazing women into my life to love, lean on, support, pray for, with, and who lift me up and let me lift them up, be a shoulder to cry on, etc it's just awesome to me.

God is so generous, far more than I deserve and he's just blessed me. Tonight as I miss my husband who's deployed to Iraq. I think of how blessed I've been the past few days. He gave my children and I a home where we instantly felt at HOME in (especially the bedroom! LOL), he gave me a friend who's husband so willingly and generously slept on the couch while Emma and I slept with his beloved so we could have a safe and comfy (and roomy!!) place to sleep. He gave me laughter, joy, and tears.

I am so blessed, more than I deserve.

Lil' Update

Well I'm in KS and have been for a couple weeks now. Today we had a big get together/birthday celebration (for Jack and Emma). It was great, my friend Linda who I met 3 yrs ago in Germany when we'd both moved there, she left a year later for Ft. Riley. Her and her 2 kids who've grown soooooo much came up! It was FABULOUS seeing you!!!! At the final count we had over 60 people there throughout the day! It was a lot of fun seeing friends and family we haven't seen in years. Friends from high school came and it was so good to see all of them, but one in particular just brought me to tears. It truly amazes me that seeing her brought on so much emotion. I just couldn't help but cry as I saw her with her beautiful family and to see such a happiness in her! We also have family friends who came to visit. When I was a kid we rented a house from them, we moved from that house when my parents bought the land their house now sits on. I absolutely adore these 2. Their daughter just won the Rep. primary to be our State Representative. They are two of the most wonderful people in the world and have truly overcame so much adversitity. They've both had cancer, he lost his left leg because of it. He fell off their roof, fell 2 stories, hit the balcony, then hit their cement drive...numerous broken bones (most in his face), and he was laughing on days after.
We had great food. My dad grilled brats, burgers, & hotdogs and then everyone brought various sides. We had 2 birthday cakes (one for Emma and 1 for Jack), my uncle who got married last weekend snuck in left over wedding cake, literally there was food galore!
Earlier in the week one of my other high school best friends drove 7 hours with her 4 children to see us! Her youngest is 2 weeks older than Emma. Her little girl is walking, but has no teeth, yet Emma's not walking and has 5 almost 6 teeth! :) The girls played together and did all the other kids!
My boys are loving their time here. They especially love playing with my brother's girls. They run, run, run, play in the sand pile, swim, play in the play room, play with the dogs, have went on numerous 4 wheeler rides, a few tractor rides (my dad has a big John Deere), playing at my brother's house, and loving on our two dogs that my parents are keeping for us (they're 11 yrs old and we knew would be miserable in an apartment in Germany).

On Tuesday I head down to Emily's (see sidebar). I can't wait! I should arrive on Wed. I'll stop over night and stay with our old neighbor from Ft. Riley. I can not wait to get to Emily's! Then we'll head North, see another friend for a couple days, then up to my inlaws for a few days, and then off to my best friend Tami's! I'm really excited to see her too. Her boys are the same ages as mine. Her oldest daughter died from cancer about 1 1/2 months after Jordyn died (we met on a bereaved cancer parents online group). God has truly blessed me with my friends. On my way home I'm hoping to see one of the friends who came today. She's a homeschooling momma of 6! I think I'll be driving past her so it'll be nice to get to see her again before I head home to Germany.

I will have pictures to share once I am back to Germany!

God Bless

Why I Love My Husband

My friend Amanda over at: I Am Mommy borrowed an idea from another blogger and I love it! So often you read women bashing their husband's, sharing why you should dislike him as much as they do at that MOMENT. It often is honestly rather heartbreaking. I think it's so important to be careful of male bashing as a whole, especially if you're a mother of boys. Everytime I'm tempted to bash my husband or read it I think, "how would I feel if a woman was saying that about one of my son's?" Let me tell you, I'd be fit to be tied. I NEVER want a woman to talk ugly about Jacob or Jackson. It's just some food for thought.

So in the spirit of lifting up my husband here's my list!

1. I love my husband for the man he is to me. He loves me with his whole heart and truly adores me and that is an amazing feeling...to be loved!
2. I love my husband for the father he is. He did not have a father growing up, but that has not ever detered him from being the best dad I could have EVER asked for my children to have.
3. I love my husband that he's willing to put his own life at risk for others. He's more than just a Patriot, he's a soldier who literally goes out there and puts it out on the lines!
4. I love my husband for the way he loves GOD. He knows who he is in Christ and doesn't question that. To have such assurance is awesome to witness and a great example.
5. I love that my husband is finding that one of his many gifts is working in the children's ministry! To see him interacting with a variety of children and them responding so sweetly to him is awesome!
6. I love that my husband loves to travel as much as I do!
7. I love that my husband's desire to be with our family is greater than going out with his friends.
8. I love that my husband is handy around our home and with cars. I can do many things around the house, but not with vehicles! He's a man's man!
9. I love that my husband loves his job! He's a soldier, nuff said!
10. I love that my husband wants me to find things that make me happy!
11. I love that my husband has seen that God's will for our family is up to GOD and not up to us! (Trust me that's HARD submission in today's society!!)
12. I love the way my husband holds me and makes me feel as protected phsyically as the Lord makes me feel protected spiritually.
13. I love that my husband is strong enough to argue with me, especially when I "think" I'm right!
14. I love that my husband is adventerous!
15. I love that my husband feels as strongly about homeschooling our children as I do and supports us 100%!
16. I love that my husband supports me breastfeeding (and extended bf) our babies and GETS why it's so important!
17. I love the way my husband still longs for our daughter Jordyn, as much as I do.
18. I love that my husband is such a strong example to our boys.
19. I love that my husband is such a strong and gentle example to our daughter(s).
20. I love that he can grill and will cook if I'm not in the mood!
21. I love when my husband comes home from a deployment and wraps me in his arms as tight as he possibly can and isn't afraid to let the tears of joy fall from his eyes!

So join in. Tell the world why you love your husband. It can be a list of 5 things or 100, just tell us what it is about him that makes you so blessed that he is your husband! I also urge you to share your list with your husband, just so he knows why he's so special to you! Let me know if you have joined in, I'd love to read some kind things about others husband's too!

Stepping outside my box

God seems to never leave us alone, if he's not right there teaching us a lesson, he's showing us one through someone else (which in turn is still teaching, but hopefully you understand what I mean). I am in constant awe of what he's done in my life. As far as I know I've not shared too much of myself here, not like I should have been doing from the get go, so here goes.



I was wild, I mean wild as a teenage girl. I had the ability to be a sweet girl, but I liked having fun, I was searching for something/one to make me feel whole, and looked for it in ALL the wrong places. I wanted and needed someone who I barely had a relationship with. Growing up, I did not go to church. My parents didn't go, although they each were raised in church themselves, instead of compromising and finding a church they both could agree on, and raising my brother and I to know and love the Lord, they just decided not to go. I didn't know the true meaning of Easter until I was a preteen. I knew who God was very loosely, knew that Jesus had died for me, but definately didn't get it completely, and was doing anything but living for him. Satan had me in his hand and was doing all he could to keep his grip on me.



Then I met Chad. We became friends, married, and had our oldest daughter and such desperation for her to know the Lord overcame me. We had just started attending church on a regular basis when she was dx with AML leukemia. I still did not know the Lord, I thought I did, but I had absolutely NOT given my whole heart to him. I prayed like I never had though when Jordyn was dx and my relationship with him grew and became deeper and deeper. I truly thought I was where I was supposed to be, but I was not. I had no doubts though and I was a believer and knew Jordyn was with him when he called her home on that fateful day of May 8, 2000. As grief took hold of me, my desperation to know him more became more and more powerful. I read the bible more and more, I sought after him like I never had. I was desperate to know the one who now held my first born, my sweet little girl, Jordyn. November of 2001 as I sat at my computer, much like I am now, I gave all my heart to him. I sat with my head down, weeping and praising him. He had all of my heart for the first time and I did NOT want it back. I wanted him to have all of me and I felt like for the first time I was truly knowing him. My friends, if you've never experienced God in that way, I pray you will one day and if you do know him, you get what I'm talking about.



What I didn't get at that point though was that even men that belonged to him, who are here to help lead us to him, sometimes still don't get it. I remember two days later going to my then pastor and sharing with him that I'd given my life to the Lord and he just looked at me and said "that's good" and nothing. I was on FIRE and wanted to be used and nothing. Shortly after that my neighbor invited me to the church she was attending and the moment I walked in I knew God had just led me "home". He put our family with people who wanted to use me for his greater good, who wanted to share his truth's with me. He surrounded me with love and accountability. Let me tell you, if you are surrounded with fellow Christians, you should have both of those, they're equally important. You need to feel loved, but you also need to feel accountable for your words and actions.



Now 6 1/2 yrs later I'm a woman still seeking God's desires and yes demands for my life. I want to please him like I want to please no other. I find myself more often than I like, falling into worldly traps. The fact of the matter is though, that nothing in this world that is of material value has any worth to our Lord. The kind of woman I am, the kind of wife I am, the kind of mother, friend, sister, daughter...those are what matters. Most important the kind of Child of his is most important.



Do you know what the Lord had planned for you? Do you seek him, desire him? Are you glorifying him in your words as well as your actions? I urge you to pray on this:



2 Corinthians 6:2

"For he says, "In the time of my favor I heard you, and in the day of salvation I helped you."* I tell you, now is the time of God's favor, now is the day of salvation. "



Today is it. We don't know what tomorrow holds for a single one of us. If you're making decisions that do not please the Lord today, tomorrow does not matter a single bit. You don't know if you even have tomorrow. You could wake up and be in his presence and then what? Today is it. We are to be the women (and men) who he created us to be right now. The words coming out of our mouths must be righteous unto the Lord. The actions we carry out. How do you glorify God?

If you're a Christian and your neighbor is not, how are you showing them the Lord? Are you smiling at them, being kind to them, even if they're ugly. Are you showing them Christ or are you showing them your ugly side? Are you building fences or opening gates? Today is the day. Quit putting it off and step outside of your box, out of your comfort level and do as God has comanded you.

Tomorrow

Marks 1 year since my best friend, Emily gave birth to a beautiful, precious, amazing little girl... Miller Grace (Miller Grace is her FIRST name it's not Miller being first name and Grace middle name, it's Miller Grace...kind of like one word, but it's not! Sorry some people seem to get confused about that). Anyways tomorrow Miller Grace is 1 yr old. Miller Grace was not meant to live in this world, but God graced us for 5 precious days. I wish I could say that I held her, touched her, seen her in person, but I was here in Germany praying that God would show us a miracle, he did it just wasn't the miracle so many of us had hoped for. The fact is, Miller Grace was MEANT to live 5 days and they are the most life changing days of Emily's life. I may have never held that beautiful little girl in my arms, but I love her just the same, and I love Emily. Please be in prayer for Emily tomorrow as they mark the day that Miller Grace was born, the day Emily saw the face of her beautiful daughter for the first time. Pray for her husband Matt and their other two little girls Hope and Matilyn. Pray for them throughout this week.
Emily, I love you and I am praying tomorrow is gentle for you. You know I love you and love Miller Grace and oh how I look forward to the day that you and I get to hold our girls in our arms again.

Dicipline & Love

First for those of you who are bloggers here did you notice the changes? I like that I don't have to go and dig a little deeper to control my comments and backlinks. Now back to my regular posting.

Often as a mother I find I am falling on my face with mistakes that I've made left and right. It's not easy parenting and anyone who thinks it is either has no children or the child that's just so complient you don't really qualify as a parent to begin with. See I'm constantly messing up. I question if I'm truly being a Godly example as a mother to my children, am I being a good example as a wife to them, so that one day when the boys pick a wife and Emma becomes one, they know what to look for and what to do or not to do.

Today we walked with my friend to the school to pick up her son and then go to the book sale they're having. All the books were half off, so it's the one to go to. I gave both boys $5.00 and told them to get what ever they like. Jack picked one thing that was 4.00 and Jacob being the thrifty boy he is, managed to pick 3 items with .75 more cents from me that I told him he'd have to pay me back for. I then picked each boy out another book as well as got Emma 2 books. Jack was out in the hall with my friend while I was helping Jacob and paying for the surprise books and Emma's. Once done I went out and gave Jack his other book, which Jacob had helped me pick out and he started an attitude. I gave him a chance to correct his attitude or he was losing the item he'd purchased himself, until he could stop and be kind and grateful. (Side note, Jacob was VERY kind and grateful..whew!). No, instead his attitude got worse. I had to take the item he bought away and told him if he could act nice and apologize he could have it back. Nope, here it came. A fully out temper tantrum. This child is almost 5 and there he was throwing a fit like a 2 yr old. I went against my instinct (which was to swat that behind) and instead sat him down outside on a step and got down to his level and attempted to talk to him. He was having none of it. The crying continued, the ugly attitude went on. The walk home was joyful let me tell you. I'm sure the Lord was looking down at me and shaking his head. The temptation to swat him was great, trust me. I'm NOT a mom who's against spankings. I truly and firmly believe it's required at times and I also can see a generation of children who have parents who don't do it and see a great deal of those children who are just simply out of control. Many of them are also not taught respect of each other, authority, etc and the attitude coming from them is enough to make my head spin (Sassy sauce people!). Either way, there I was going against my instinct and was being far more patient with him than he deserved. My friend who was with me said "I think I'd have spanked him at least 10 times, good job on keeping it cool". The fact is that although I'm fine with spanking, I aslo know there's a time for it and a time when it's just not going to help. This was one of those times. So we finally get home and I have him sit in front of me on the ottoman and we talk. He's calmed down, I'm calm (still...MIRACLE FROM GOD I tell you!) and we talk about his temper tantrum, what he should have done, I make him apologize, and he understands that he will not be getting any of his books until tomorrow.

After it was all said and done, I sit here now hours later and think of how I'm anything but our Lord, and please know I'm NOT comparing myself. But how often is he patient with us? How often does he bend us over his knee and give us a swat? God knows when to do which disciplinary action with us, being human parents it's absolutely necessary to find that out ourselves. There's a time for both and finding the balance is not always easy. It's really easy to reach and tap that tush as it's walking (or stomping) past you vs sitting down calmly talking. There's also times when sitting down and talking is just not going to cut it as the only discipline.
I'm also trying to get more creative in my discipline. I'm making them sweat off some punishment...aka they're scrubbing walls and floors with a rag and their hands (and on their knee's as it may be). It gives them a little time to "think" and well my walls don't have their dirty little hand prints on them! LOL

It's absolutely not easy being a parent and I'm only parenting 3 little ones (God's got Jordyn all taken care of up in Heaven!) can you imagine God's position? He has every single one of us. The love he has for us, even the ones who have turned their back on him, he loves them.
I'm a child who breaks his heart I'm sure daily, yet he keeps loving me anyways. I have to be like him with my children. I have to be gentle but firm, and most of all forgiving. The biggest thing though is that I NEED God. I can't do this job wtihout him.

Sweet Emma

She's 10 months old today. I'm amazed at how fast time has gone by. She's our 4th child and I know how fleeting these days are. She's doing so many things already and I just wish time would slow down a little, but it won't. She cruises along the furniture. She has let go and just stood a couple times for a few seconds, she's a speed racer on her knee's, she's still toothless, her hair is slowly but surely growing and I'm still not sure what color it will be. Her eyes are the most beautiful blue I have ever seen. She looks like her Daddy through and through. She LOVES her brothers and lights up when she see's them. She laughs like no other. She has my temper (*YIKES!), she loves deeply. I am so blessed.