The Ugly

I've been in a funk when it comes to writing lately. I want to write and in my heart I have so much to write about, yet I have a guard up. I've built a fairly nice wall up and it's hard to break down. To be vulnerable (again) and real. I struggle with that at times. There are moments when I am as real and honest as I can be, but it's exhausting to let it all out and when I don't know who's all reading well that's really baring it isn't it. ? .

Well here's the reality. Chad's leaving in a few months. Iraq here he comes, again. I know this is what my actual blogs have been about lately, but hang with me if you want because I have some place to go with it, I think! ;)

Chad and I have not been getting a long the best lately. Normally I internally blame myself, why, because well I can be a real wench and it normally IS my fault on many to most levels. He gives me high expectations because he delivers them so often, so when he doesn't well it normally ticks me off. I know there are PLENTY of women who wish their husbands did this, and hey I wish they did too...but anyways. That is Chad. He's for the most part a great guy, great husband, great Daddy. He still has his faults. I'm not going to announce all of them out on cyber space because that's simply not necessary. I do enough of it to his face. :X Anyways...we've both been testy with each other. I'm snapping at him or he's snapping at me. Hello "predeployment" mood swings! The last week I'll probably be the ugliest to him too. For those of you not in the military or have never been through a deployment, I can only tell you I'm not alone in this ugly behavior. I mean I KNOW outside looking in it sounds just awful, well trust me from the inside looking in it's just as awful. I will be ugly and then be sobbing in remorse. It's a horrible cycle. I believe for me and probably for most other military spouses (and the members themselves) it's a defense mechanism. Building the wall thinking "if I'm mad at him/her I won't miss them so much" ROFL!! Yeah I know, get real. What ends up is you do miss them just as much anyways and now you've went and ruined those last moments with them being ugly.

Well, we've got an early start people. Today they did one of the first things in preperation and we've both been snappy with each other this evening. We even talked about what he did today, but never really addressed the issue. Part of it is that we are guarded in how much we talk about since we have not told the boys yet. I think Jacob knows, but not sure. Chad's slipped a couple times and did a HUGE slip last week and I pretty well came unglued on him. So I think we're going to need to tell them sooner rather than later at this point since Chad keeps slipping up. (See there's another annoyance for me..literally as I wrote it out about him slipping I rolled my eyes not even thinking about it!).

Oh and add on we've had had wonderful colds and just not felt really great, we're a pleasant group to be around. I try to be nice when I'm around others, but man behind closed doors...the real ugly Christy starts to show and it IS ugly.

So...what am I going to do about it? Well since I've actually written it all out here for the public to see and know, I'm going to do something.

My goal is to stop myself when I find myself being ugly with him. It will not make the deployment better. It will not make me miss him less. It will not make me feel better, it only makes me feel worse. I'm leaning on Jesus for this too. I'm asking him to help me. I'm asking him to shut my mouth when it needs shutting. I'm asking him to soften my heart when it's starting to harden. I'm asking him to be the love that shines out of me.

Will you all pray for me too? Will you pray for Chad?

I'm off to bed.

Sickies

We have them again in our house, so far I'm the only one not coughing and hacking up a lung. Emma's the one I feel the worst for, Chad's the one I'm most annoyed by! Chad rarely gets sick, as a child he NEVER got sick. Yes you read that right, the man never got sick. He had chicken pox before he was school aged and after that nothing. He didn't miss a day of school for anything other than school sponsored functions (perfect attendance always). So now when he does get oh say the slightest cold...it's like a national tragedy. I'm "sick" of listening to him! LOL He has simply a cold, you know that thing most of us get at least once a year..yeah! The boys both have a cold too and so does sweet little Emma Grace. This morning she started screaming for no apparent reason too and she's done that twice now. She is also teething and I'm thinking the horrifying screams are from those mean teeth trying to fight their way through her tender little gums.

Chad and her sat in a very hot and steamy bathroom last night to try and break all the gunk up in her chest, they both felt a bit better and both sounded better after that. Chad and the boys are also taking cough suppresant at night so they can all get some sleep. Jacob HATES it and takes so long drinking it, we both keep telling him to just gulp it down in one shot, it just makes it so much easier than prolonging it. Jack's not feeling good besides the cold too, I pray he doesn't get anything else besides this cold. We've dealt with the flu between the 5 of us already and I do NOT want that again in this home. I keep windows cracked open so that we have some fresh air getting in and hopefully sick germs leaving.

Emma and Chad took a bath this morning, and she's now finally passed out on my chest as I type this. I think all you momma's can understand and relate how helpless you feel when your child is sick, but it's worse when it's your baby. Because of Jordyn I normally am pretty relaxed when my kids get sick. I know you'd think I'd have went the opposite direction but I figure for the most part it's just making their immune systems stronger every time they get sick. Over all when compared to the average kid, my children rarely get sick and that is an absolute blessing.

So with all that said and done, say a little prayer for my precious family please. That first of all our baby girl gets over this nasty cold and starts to feel better and that my boys get rid of their cold and that in some ways the biggest baby of them all, my husband gets past his. I do think it's good this man gets sick every once in a while, builds empathy! :) BTW this is his first cold ever! Disgusting isn't it..almost 33 yrs old and this is the first time he's had a cold. I've had one pretty well every year of my life and growing up in a house of smokers, got bronchitis every year as well. (IF you smoke, please quit, but at least take it outside and away from your kids!).

BTW...Emma turned 5 months old on Thursday. My how quickly time is going by. Too fast.

YIR and Looking towards the new year

Well it's 12:05 AM January 2 for me in Germany so since the first day of the new year is officially over, I thought I'd do a review of last year as best as I can remember and share my thoughts for this new year!
January: I was in the beginning of a new pregnancy, dealing with some morning sickness, and we celebrated Jacobs' 6th birthday! The boys wrapped up basketball, which Chad was head coach for them (same team).
Feb. I turned 30, Chad threw me a surprise party!! We went to Rothenburg odT for the first time and loved it and also to Edelweiss for a retreat and had a wonderful time!
March: We marked what would have been Jordyn's 9th birthday.
April: We found out we were having a GIRL!!!!!!! We also were in the midst of planning for my parents upcoming visit in May. Both boys played Tball and Chad was head Coach for Jackson and Asstistant Coach for Jacob's team. I went away for 4 days for a PWOC conference in Willigen (Villigen is how it's pronounced). The city is a beautiful city in the mountains and it was the longest I'd EVER been away from my children.
May: We marked 7 yrs since Jordyn went home to Heaven. My parents came for 12 wonderful days. We went to area's of Germany we'd never been to before: Triberg in the Black Forest, Berchessgarden, up to Eagle's Nest, The Netherland's to Kuekenhof, and to Poland. May my sweet Emily also found out that there were some very serious problems with the baby who was growing inside of her, Miller Grace...at that point there was still so much not known though. (You can read more about Miller Grace's 5 amazing days on this earth at: www.caringbridge.org/visit/millergracecassetty ) Chad also had knee surgery after waiting 2 yrs from the initial injury to have it. Tball wrapped up, it was a lot of fun and was great to see them enjoy themselves!
June: We spent most of our days at the park or pool, did local trips around the area. On June 23 Miller Grace was born (Emily's baby girl)....she lived for 5 amazing and precious days and on June 28 went to Dance with Jesus.
July: We celebrated 4th of July in the pouring rain for most of the day. I was VERY pregnant and pretty well counting down the days at this point. Chad braved it and took our 2 boys and 2 friends boys (4 boys in total) camping and fishing. The day they left my friend Bobbie, her little girl, and I went shopping...we bought BASKETS!! LOL That was the day my stomach almost tipped our table over too as I tried to stand up! ROFL!!




August: What a glorious month this was for our family!!! August 3...we welcomed Emma Grace into our family. She was absolutely perfect and beautiful. We'd prayed for her for so long. The boys instantly fell in love with her as Chad and I had! At the end of the month we celebrated Jackson's 4th birthday!


September: We started back to schooling after taking the month of August off, and adjusting to having Emma here with us. At the end of the month we headed down to Garmisch for a weekend retreat. Emma's first big outing, she did great and we all had a wonderful time!
October: Just local adventures, Jacob and Jack continued to enjoy school (homeschooling remember), Emma turned 2 months old and was starting to interact more and more. Halloween was fun, the boys were both Prince Peter from Narnia and Emma was a Princess!


November: We went to Rothenburg again with the chapel, celebrated with our friends for Thanksgiving. Chad went out to the field for 3 weeks and the night he came home Emma rolled over for the first time.
December: Emma became an expert at rolling over and started scooting backwards! She truly recognizes people she knows, "talks" a lot. Christmas was a blessing and we truly tried to make it special. We invited a friend and her 2 children over for dinner and the evning as her husband's deployed (we had went to her home for Thanksgiving).
Over all it's been a wonderful year with some sadness. I saw my parents for the first time in almost 2 yrs, did some traveling, welcomed our 4th child/2nd daughter to the world, and have had one of my best friends have to hand her baby girl over to Jesus and is now walking this walk of grief that truly turns the world you once knew upside down and inside out.

For 2008 we are prepared for more changes. More traveling is in order! We're planning a shopping trip to Poland for February!! Can't wait! Still need to line up childcare for the boys, I have a couple options just need to secure. May brings in big changes for our family, which I'll write about later. April I'm planning a trip for our family to Ireland!!! I can not wait for that! It's currently a surprise for Chad! Haven't decided when I'm going to tell him, I'll tell him before the trip. I'm starting to get antsy about telling him so it may be sooner rather than later! :) Planning on at least a day trip to Czech Republic to do some shopping and hopefully we can make it to Prague for a long weekend! We're hoping for a trip to Venice. Chad will be gone for 30 days in Feb (to obviously early March) so maybe in March we can go to Venice or we'll do it after our Ireland trip, it's only a 6 hr drive. I am hoping in March to take a weekend or 4 day weekend trip up to The Netherland's again to Kuekenhof. It's only open for I believe 6 weeks, it'll just depend on our finances for that one. It's a 6 hr drive as well, but the hotel will cost more than when we go to Venice (we'll stay at the Army Post that's just 45 minutes away when we go there and save money). If we can get away for a long weekend I'd love to go to Switzerland in early May. In June or July a friend and I are planning a girls only shopping trip to Belguim! They have gorgeous furniture there, antique's, and we plan on getting a couple things! :) We may have to rent a small truck or a trailor if her van has the hitch (mine doesn't I know). I don't plan on buying a ton, but do plan on buying a couple pieces hopefully! Later in the summer the kids and I are going "HOME" for 6 weeks! We'll be going to Kansas and staying with my parents, we'll be heading down to Ky to visit Emily and my friend Kandy, up to Ohio to see Chad's family for a few days, and then onto Michigan to see my best friend and to see Kelly.

My new years resolution...well normally I don't make them because people just break them, but this one is not going to get broke.
My resolution is to love God as I'm supposed to: With All My Heart, Mind, Body, and Soul.

My goal is to lose weight. This is something I'm very serious about. My friend B and I are going to start going to the gym. I want to start at least twice a week, and if it's nice out go walking around post and off post as well. I'd like to go twice during the week and if Chad's around on the weekend, go on Saturday with B and see if Chad is up to watching all the kids for an hour or so. He can do it, the boys wouldn't be a problem and if I timed it right Emma could be napping while I'm there and then he'd really only have to entertain B's little girl, D who's about to turn 1 this month! B's husband will be home in last summer and she'd like to have some weight off and I desperately am TIRED of being fat and want to get HEALTHY (B wants this too!!)...so that's the goal. I'd like to see at least 50 lbs off of me by this time next year! I KNOW I can do it.

Oh last night we welcomed the New Year in by having B and her kids over. Chad made pizza's, we munched on some snacks, played Sequence, and at Midnight B and her son and Jacob and I went outside to watch the German's shoot off fireworks! They're crazy I tell you!!! LOL They definately get into shooting in the new year! It was cold and snowing. Chad was dozing and Jack had passed out in Chad's arms by then, and Emma was out!

I pray your 2008 will be a wonderful year for you.

Sunday night/Monday Morning

I've struggled with insomnia for 7 1/2 yrs and it's not fun. After I have a baby it "disappears" for a short time, just long enough to get my hopes up that it's finally gone, but before I know it my mind is back to racing and I'm wide awake until the wee hours of the mornings. With insomnia over the years I've found myself on here more than anywhere. There are often times I've thrown a load of laundry in the washer or waiting for clothes to finish up in the washers, but most often than not...it's my quiet time after the kids are asleep and Chad. I normally spend time in prayer while sitting here in front of this screen as well.

Tonight loneliness has taken over me. I just feel very disconnected right now. I'm totally dwelling on the upcoming deployment and wonder if my family will ever step up and really be there for me during a deployment. Sadly I doubt they ever will, this will be our 5th deployment, 3rd to Iraq what would make them step up NOW? I just wish they would. I don't feel sorry for myself when it comes to deployments. The majority of my friends are, have, or will be going through one themselves so how's feeling pity for myself going to make things better or easier? It's not. It doesn't mean though that I don't want love and support. See my mind knows what we're about to face, my heart is having a harder time coming to grips with it though. Sometimes I just want to say "hasn't our family been through enough?" We miss every single day with Jordyn. Not a single day goes by that I don't think of her. I look at Emma and wonder what it'd be like for her to have her big sister. I wonder the same thing for my boys. It's a question that I'll never see answered this side of Heaven. I accept it, doesn't mean I don't still wonder though.

I am honestly feeling I guess you could call it deployment exhaustion, and it's not even started. It's just know he's going AGAIN and then I meet people who's NEVER been deployed and that is absolutely frustrating. I know it comes down to MOS's (Army lingo...the type of job they have), some of it's simply luck of coming and going from a unit and just missing deployments over and over again. Three deployments to Iraq in 5 years is just so much. I miss my husband and although I GET how blessed we are with all the technology we have that no other war has had...we have internet/email/im's/webcams. We have phone services, cell phones, satelite phones. The reality is, there's still nothing like when he's home.

I want to be the best mom to my kids always, but especially during deployments. Last time I was not so much. This time I want to be better. I know that if I give this request over to Christ he'll give me everything I need to get through it. I just have to remember not to take it BACK from Christ when he does take the burden.

I'm starting to finally get tired, hopefully this made some sense. I'll write more tomorrow all of a sudden exhaustion has taken over and I can barely keep my eyes open.

God Bless

Time's Fleeting

I've wanted to blog, it's been eating away at me, yet wasn't sure exactly what I was going to write about. The one thing I've tried hard to NOT write about is what's here, bubbling out of me. As we draw near the end of 2007 I'm thankful that Chad was home with us this year, next year will be quite a different story. I don't think I've blogged about it, but Chad will be deploying again in late spring. This will be his (our) 3rd deployment to OIF and our 5th over all deployment in the last almost 11 yrs of our marriage. There are so many things that I'm not looking forward to concerning the deployment.

1. He'll be gone for 15 months. This is not a maybe, not a "well hopefully"...this is what it is. Although they are hoping to scale deployments back to 12 months, there was an article I read that stated even when it has, those who have been issued the 15 mo. deployment by such and such date will still deploy for those 15 months, so no matter we know Chad will be gone for 15 months. It's really hard for me to swallow this, to grasp it so to speak. God has definately been preparing our hearts and world for this. Our first deployment was a 4 month to Bosnia, then a 6 month to Kuwait (he was there during 9-11 that was soooo stressful!) then he went to Iraq for 9 months, then Iraq for 12...so it really only makes sense that this deployment would also increase. I know we'll manage just fine, but I'm simply not looking forward to it. He's my husband and as much as he gets on my nerves, I do not want him gone for so long. A month here and there is one thing, but goodness this is just a whole new ball game. We'll be fine, we'll make it I'm just going to miss him.

2. He's going to miss out on so much with the kids. Jacob will be 8 1/2 by the time he gets home. Jackson will be 6 (well he may actually get home before his birthday so we'll see how that one plays out), and Emma will be 2. Emma will not know her Daddy the way she should. He's going to miss so much with all the kids, but those sweet milestones of Emma's breaks my heart. What's ironic is that with all of our children he's missed out on that 6th month of their life and I was so excited to think that finally he was going to be home for one of our kids 6 month, but nope...he'll be off training for the whole month! Well he'll get to be with her for 2 days of it. It does figure, so I'm not all that surprised!

We have a few more months still. I just feel tired already thinking of it. The plan right now is that the kids and I will go back to the states for about 6 weeks to visit family and friends. Most likely by the time we get back it'll be over 3 yrs since we've been to the states and it'll be the first time Emma will have been there! I am feeling really sad that my family is missing out on Emma's babyhood. They see her in pictures, but it's not exactly the same. I really wish they could come here or we could afford a trip to visit them, but that's just not going to happen.

It's late and my families all in bed. Chad and Emma are warm and cozy in our bed and it's time for me to crawl in there. I know these moments are fleeting and I need to take advantage of them every moment I can.

God Bless

After Christmas

I got this from a friends blog and it grabbed my heart I just had to share it. I don't know the author, so if you do, let me know and I'll give credit...for now though it's "Author Unknown"

After Christmas

When the song of the angels is stilled,

When the star in the sky is gone,

When the kings and princes are home,

When the shepherds are back with their flocks,

The work of Christmas begins;

To find the lost,

To heal the broken,

To feed the hungry,

To release the prisoner,

To rebuild the nations,

To bring peace among people,

To make music in the heart.

***************************************************************************

We had a wonderful Christmas. We do one Santa gift, normally the kids each get a gift, but this year it was a big one and for everyone...Santa brought us a Cat. She's a beautiful tabby that the boys named Whiskers. Not sure how old she is, we'll get her into the vet and see if Dr. Mike can tell us how old she is. We got her from a friend who got her from a friend who's husband was injured while in Afganistan and ended up being medically retired because of the injury, she simply couldn't afford to take Whiskers (they had 2 dogs and hadn't had whiskers very long). The mutual friend had the task of finding her a new home and we were the happy ones to jump on being that home! The boys were speechless and so excited! We already have a cat here, Pounce, but simply put he's as antisocial as a cat can be. Whiskers isn't! She's not even stepped into our bedroom I don't think and it was the FIRST place Pounce dashed to the moment we brought him home. Whisker's is very social, playful, and just wonderful to be around. She LIKES people!

They got many other gifts and still have many to come from friends and family in the states. The boys also got a big gift each. Jacob got a PSP and Jack got a Leapster LMax. They both really, really like them and have had a great time with them. Momma's played on the leapster already and thinking tomorrow might have to play with the PSP. What's funny is in general I'm not a fan of these sort of games...but Jack's "Cars" game totally addictive! ROFL!

As wonderful of an addition as Whisker's is, this Christmas's best addition is by and far Emma. I don't want anyone to misunderstand me when I say this and I'll put out a disclaimer..I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE My boys. I adore them, my life would be missing and lacking without them and I love them just as much...ok. Emma is someone I've prayed for. When Jordyn died and I found myself pregnant with Jacob I was simply not ready for a daughter and thankfully I knew it and God definately knew it. God blessed us with Jacob and he was the child my heart and arms needed. When Jackson came along, we wanted a girl, but I was not heartbroken to find out he was a boy, again he was exactly who we needed in our family. But...I've always wanted to raise a daughter. I had Jordyn and she will ALWAYS be our daughter, simply put though I don't get to raise her. I had her for the most precious 2 yrs 1 month and 8 days of my life, but she's with Jesus now. She's better off there, she's where we all want to be some day. I do not fear death. I know I'll be with Jesus and Jordyn when I die. I look to that day as a glorious day for me. None the less, I've prayed for Emma. From the time Jack was 2 I was ready for God to give our family another child, and I DESPERATELY wanted a girl. My heart and arms ACHED for her. I knew in my heart God would give us another daughter one day and I prayed that when I found out I was pg last Dec. 17 that the baby growing inside of me would be the daughter I had been aching for. The day we found out Emma was a girl, I cried tears of joy. Emma had been growing in my heart for so long, that relief flooded my soul.

I knew Chad wanted a daughter and both boys wanted a sister. I knew Jacob would be wonderful with her, and Jack was very excited and liked other people's babies, but I wasn't sure how he'd be since he'd been the baby of the family for almost 4 yrs (although do NOT call him a baby...oh he doesn't like that! LOL). Jackson was MADE to be a big brother.

In my joy, grief was crepped in. I've ached for Jordyn more this year than in recent years. As I've distantly walked the path of fresh grief with my sweet Emily and so many emotions of once again having a daughter (some baby blues to go along with it), it's been emotional to say the least. My heart so often feels like it's going to explode with joy because of everything Emma has brought our family, yet there is those "what might have beens". I would NEVER wish Jordyn to be back here, she's in Heaven, painfree and with Jesus. But....what would life be like had she never had cancer or simply beat it the way we prayed she would and she'd be alive being the sister to 2 brothers and 1 sister. Would she be a mother hen, or more of an annoyed almost 10 yr old who's siblings drive her crazy? I will never have this answer.

I thank God for the blessings he's bestowed on me. I have so many, but 5 of them are the most precious. Chad, who loves me more than I deserve most days...who together we've made 4 of the most, if not the most beautiful children that's graced this earth. Jordyn, who made me a mother and showed me just how much living can be lived in a far too short of life of 2 yrs 1 month and 8 days. Jacob who showed me I really COULD love again, after my world had been ripped from my arms. Jackson who has made me laugh more than I think I've ever laughed at another human being. Last but definately not least...Emma. My sweet Emma Grace. She shares a middle name with Emily's girl, Miller Grace who's with Jordyn in Heaven. Although she's not truly named after Miller Grace, they have what I believe is a heart bond. Two momma's who love each other, shared pregnancies, and a connection to Heaven. Emma to me is God's grace. I definately have not deserved any of my children, yet over and over again he's given it to me and this time he gave it to me in a beautiful little blue eyed girl package, who's smile can light up a room, who's the "official" chapel baby of our post as our Battalion Chaplain likes to call her (she was the first of a string of babies born over the last part of this year). Is our family complete? I don't know, that's not up to me...it's up to God. I don't think it is, but I can tell you that Emma has brought something to our family that I didn't even realize was missing, so she's definately a part of the completion of our family if that makes any sense at all.

I pray you all had a wonderful and blessed Christmas. That your focus wasn't on what "Santa" brought you, but what GOD gave us. That we can remember that 2000 years ago probably frightened young girl gave birth to a KING. The King of ALL Kings...Jesus Christ. That a man watched a child who was not truly his son, being born, yet accepted the responsibility of raising him into the MAN who would one day give his own soul Salvation. How blessed are we to know that because God humbled himself and created himself to be a tiny baby...we have the comfort of tomorrow. I do not have to worry about Jordyn, I know she's safe in Christ's arms. Emily does not have to worry about Miller Grace, because she too is safe in Jesus's arms. I picture him up there rocking them back and forth, back and forth. Kissing the backs of their heads singing to them the most beautiful hymns. I see Jordyn resting her little head on his chest simply breathing him in, as I used to breath her in. Oh how blessed we are, how blessed we are.

Jack,Jacob, & Emma Christmas Eve

Chad showing off one of his gifts

Jacob

Jackson

Emma trying to tear into her package








Whisker's in Emma's toy basket









Her favorite place last night
she was playing with the balloon string

Do you ever?

Do you ever just feel like you have so much to say, but don't have the words to say it? My heart at times screams so loudly, but when it comes time to type it out or say it out loud, I can't find the words. That's where I'm at right now. So often I just want to say or do this or that, but the words just can't form. My heart is so often full, but to express those emotions is simply beyond me.

I know most likely it's God keeping me quiet. Telling me that what I have to say and should say are minimal and that I just need to be silent, pray, and be there. That's absolutely not what is natural for me, yet I'm learning that so often words are just not necessary. Often times I just need to be quiet, listen, read, pray, and let God take care of the rest.

My sweet Emily has a gift with words. God's given her that gift and he's allowing her to express a great deal of her grief, joys, emotions, etc through writing. I once felt I had that gift too...but not so much anymore. It seems to come here and there, but it's just far more seldom. It's where I'm at and it's not a bad place to be, just well annoying for someone who likes to talk about everything and who has an opinion about nearly everything. Lately God has shut my mouth and made me sit on my fingers a lot. Those of you who REALLY know me, know just how huge that is. I still say a lot, but there's a lot more I don't say.

I'm coming to appreciate the gift of just being silent or at least not so talkative. Of course I worry that others may think I'm not listening, but I am. I'm trying really hard to listen to God first and then deciphering everyone else after that. Tonight as I go to bed, I'm praising God for making me just listen. I've ignored him and talked over him on this subject for so long, it's about time I started listening to my father.

How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

I got this from Linda over at : MacDonald Clan


82%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

The post before this was actually good so if you haven't go read it! :)

How God Works

God is awesome. Oh most if not all of us who are believers have said it once if not numerous times in our walk with him...yet when we see him doing things in our lives or others it's just well AWESOME, AMAZING, Breath-taking. Currently Emily is seeing him doing all sorts of things and although she's not blogged about it (or at least not yet) I won't talk about that, because it's not mine to share...either way just know God's moving people in Kentucky!

Now where's my awesome moments with God coming from then? Well Emily a few hours ago she asked me to pray for her as she went to do something. So I did and well during that prayer which he sooo took care of, as it was one of those immediate prayers, he convicted my butt so hard and so fast my head spun! The thing is...when you know you're doing something you're not supposed to and you even say those words outloud...but say or do it anyways, you KNOW God's going to get you. I just didn't expect him to get me so quickly! But...he did! I smile and rejoice in that though. The simple fact is that he loves me enough to correct me quickly and almost immediately in this case for my disobedience. To know that he loves me so much that he's ready to grab me up and discipline me. Just as I do my children, he does me...his child!

What an awesome God he is!

I truly appreciate his love through disciple. I think it's one of the ways he shows it that I can really appreciate the easiest as a mother. I often feel like I spend some days doing nothing but this, and I have no doubt God feels this way and definately on me.

I have praises going through my head as I type this. Thanking him for loving me so much. For not letting me get away with things. For shaking me when I need a good shaking, for giving my heart the what for, for shutting my mouth when it needs shut, stilling my fingers when they need stilled. Now the key is to listen to him when he tells me not to do or say things. That's where my free will really fights him. We're sinners by nature and well I admit it...there are times I want to sin. I want to gossip, say ugly things about someone, listen to gossip, etc. I know those are the biggest fights I have. So I ask that you pray for me on those. They're in my top five biggest strong holds and I don't want them to be a strong hold for me.

Giving these over to God and not taking them back....that's big. We all know it is. When it's a sin we partially don't want to give up. I think that's when you know it's really bad for you! Tonight when I go to bed/sleep I know what I'll be praying about.

I pray that you can recognize your strongholds, that you can give them to God, and not take them back! That's my prayer for you.

Awesome Original Christmas Cards

A friend of mine is VERY creative and this year instead of having a prefabricated Christmas card, we have a totally original one!

Her website is:

www.tiffanyallemand.com

Wait for her site to completely load up and click on "cards" ours is an example and my sweet friend Emily's is the other example. My best friend Tami has had Tiffany make her one and I know of a few other friends who are having Tiffany make them one too! She does an awesome job and will do everything she can until you're 100% happy with how it turns out!

She's also making one of my Christmas gifts (yes I know about it!!) I'm getting a Wall Collage. My mom and mil are also getting one! So if you're looking for a good and original Christmas gift idea...Tiffany has them!

Ok this mini advertisement is over! ROFL!!