Lets get real

I know I just posted, but I'm so overwhelmed right now this is the only thing I can do...write. Whether I will post this or not, I've not decided. I just finished reading Emily's lastest blog entry and oh how it grabbed my heart. Emily knows just how every life is a miracle, her sweet Miller Grace was part of this world outside of her womb for 5 precious days. It got me to thinking more of this baby growing inside of my womb. I've not talked much about this pregnancy, mostly because it seems every where I turn there's another broken hearted mother, mourning her child. I've been there. I've been that grieving mother and honestly don't want to the cause of another's hurt and pain...because of that though I've not openly celebrated this precious baby, this absolute miracle that's growing inside of me. It's not my job to feel the guilt of what GOD's allowed for others. It's my job to celebrate the miracle that GOD has allowed me to experience once again. I don't understand why GOD's allowed me to experience this miracle not once, not twice, but 5 times! As I'm typing, the baby is kicking...a good reminder of the fact that I DO have a miracle inside of me.


While being open about this miracle, I have a confession. I stopped recently reading a very popular blog. I'd been thinking about it for months, but a few weeks ago it became clear that I could not in good conscience continue to read her, while I found myself annoyed, aggrevated, and even angry with her, as I read her words that to me twist GOD's, yet proclaim to know him. I should state that I do believe she believes and loves him, but our beliefs in GOD and the word and what we're to accept are different, some are minor but others are HUGE. Then tonight I clicked on her link from another blog (I'm nosey...I admit it, it's the ONLY reason I went, I was being nosey). I read her and was ashamed at the emotions of anger and frustration I had towards this woman, this mother. I am not proud of those emotions and am asking for prayer. I'm not perfect. I'm failable, as we all are. I fall all the time, flat on my face. I've been called ugly names and I've called people ugly names. I'm sitting here confessing these things, not because I need YOUR forgiveness, only Christ can give me that...no man, no woman can give any of us forgiveness. BUT I think if I'm being honest, if I'm being real...I need to share my flaws as well as my joys and enjoyment and loves and desires, etc, etc, etc.

So with all of this...with sharing my joy and my shame I'm real. My name is Christy. I'm a Child of Jesus. I'm the wife to Chad. The mother of Jordyn (resting with Jesus), Jacob, Jackson, Emma, and little Miss/Mr No Name...and I'm fallen, I'm not perfect, I hurt, I feel joy, I'm judged and judgemental. But most of all I'm FORGIVEN.