Heart Truths

This evening Chad and I were talking about the dvd series that PWOC is doing this summer. The study is by Ken Ham: Answers in Genesis. I honestly love it. It's deep, it makes you think, and from everything I've listened to it's sound, biblical truths. He takes the bible literally (so do I) and then shows how doing anything but is incorrect! Today I got my tush handed to me and also got me to thinking about Chad and his role in our family.
I've written before about submission, ok I've written about it a few times. You see it's a HUGE and I mean HUGE struggle for me. I know, I KNOW it's a blessing. It's a huge, huge, huge blessing to be submissive to my husband. Sadly I can count on ONE hand how many times I've successfully be a submissive wife in the last 13 years of marriage. You see as much as I know it'll be a blessing to me, as much as I KNOW GOD demands it of me, as much as I know Chad deserves it from me...it goes against everything that's ingrained in me. I honestly don't know a lot of women from my generation who don't struggle with it (if you don't, and are successful....seriously I want to hear from you and pick your brain!!!).
So today Mr. Ham was speaking of how men are to be the head of the household. I KNOW this, but I often don't "allow" it. Why? Why do I take on that burden? Why do I not want that blessing for my husband? Why don't I bless my family? Because although I don't view myself this way, when it gets down to it, when I am really, really, really honest...you know that ugly honest that you don't like to face about yourself?? When I'm THAT honest...I want to be the one in control. I want everyone to submit to me. Don't gasp, ok go ahead...it's ugly, but honest.

So I told Chad how I think it is really important that he be the true head of our household. How Dr. Ham said that it's important that it's the Dad's who are the biblical leaders of the family...leading family devotion times, reading the bible outloud to our kids, teaching them...being their biggest influence, yes even bigger than Mom. He covered so much that convicted me, that made me dig deeper, and be really honest with myself. I truly want all these things, and yet I don't do it. Being honest and tearful with Chad and sharing with him this desire of my heart and having to humble myself before my husband and telling him that I've been wrong and I have disobeyed GOD and him for not submitting to him. I asked him to help, and asked him to please step up. I also realize our family deals with a different set of circumstances...where every other year I have to step into Chad's place literally and be both Mom and Dad is so many ways, because he deploys every other year. Here's the thing though, he can and should remain the head of our household even when deployed. It actually just this second dawned on me, the boys have a year devotional, well they both got one (it's the exact same) so I'm going to have Chad take one copy with him and when he's able to call or Skype or have a VTC, I'm going to ask him to read that day's devotional and talk with the kids about it. Ok I just got super excited over that!! LOL

So pray for me and with me. That I will be a Godly submissive wife. That Chad will be a Godly Head of the Household husband and father. That I will be a submissive Mom. I don't mean that I will submit to my children, but that my children will see me as their Dad's helpmate. That I will be a Godly example to my son's, of how a wife is to be, and to my daughter(s) of what a wife is to be. It's truly my hearts desire, pray that I'll step up to this challenge, no...no...not challenge. Pray that I'll step up to this BLESSING.