still here

I'm sorry I haven't written lately. I've tried and just haven't been able to publish them for this reason or that. Chad's healing. He's still on leave until the end of the month, he's doing physical therapy now. He's helping with school (we homeschool) and right now he's doing the majority of it with the kids, it's been great for all of them as he see's what it's like for me and the boys are getting this one on one and one on two attention from him in this area.

I'm honestly still digesting with Rebekah being gone. My heart is hurting and my head is still just trying to grasp that she's really gone, it does not seem real. My heart is just so heavy over her death. I know she's happy and healthy and in Heaven now. I just miss her so much. I told her everything...the heaviness on my heart to the light, silliness of how many loads of laundry I got done that particular day. Oh I miss her so much. I chatted with her every night, and now nothing. I just miss her. My heart hurts. I long to see her pop online and start chatting. Her phone is still signed on to aol and it takes everything in my being not to write to her. Convincing myself not to takes nearly all my strength.

Noah's growing. He's a big boy, 3 months old...so happy. He's laughing and smiling all the time. I am sure he's going to be rolling far too soon. Emma's great, she loves Noah, yet longs to be the constant center of attention. Jack is finally getting over his excessive whining (Praise Jesus), and Jacob's attitude is getting much better.

I hope this weekend to give a decent blog post.

God Bless