Prayers for little Faith

I want to thank so many of you who are praying for me and am humbled and honored to know so many are and I will say I do need them. I feel a little more under control tonight and feel at peace to share a little more...I am having a VERY difficult time as Jordyn's birthday is coming closer (March 30) and more so that May 8 will mark 10 years since Jordyn went to the arms of Jesus and two short weeks later I'll be having a new baby. I feel like I'm honestly going crazy in many ways, please understand I'm not even saying that lightly. I feel torn in every way you can and can't imagine. My heart is broken, grief is overwhelming to me right now, and there's so many other issue's that I will not get into right now that have been going on long before this bbaby was conceieved, but I know that the pregnancy hormones are not helping and if nothing else encouraging the feelings. I'm seeking Christ, and will be honest I feel he's very far from me right now, but I KNOW he's there and know he's teaching me something (I just don't know what right now). I hurt, I'm scared, but I'm not being idle any longer. I am going to speak with a councelor on Monday. I'm currently praying this councelor is a Christian, but I do not know since she's on post (please remember I'm in Germany and seeking counceling off post is not an option at this point) and because we live on such a small post and we know the chaplains on a very personal level (they're all friends of ours) that going to the chaplain is just not an option I'm comfortable at all with at this point. Right now I'm praying the councerlor I see is a Christian and if not I'm willing to drive the 30-45 minutes to the next nearest post and seeing the Family Life chaplain there, but would prefer to stay here if at all possible. My prayer request is that GOD will continue to help me through this struggle and that the councelor will be a Christian. (As you can tell this is extremely important to me as true Christian counceling.) I went ahead and asked for prayers in my bible study class today and was very raw and honest with them, so I'm feeling stronger in the fact that I have more and more people praying for me and who are seeing the struggle I'm going through right now.

Now off of me...I came across a blog who shared of a little girl who's battling a very aggressive brain tumor. Faith is 6 years old and has been given a very short amount of time. From what I read and my own personal understanding of childhood cancer, there does not seem to be an option for actual treatment. It sounds like although they'll be doing radiation it will be for keeping her comfortable. Please pray for this little girl as well as her parents (I do not know if there are siblings.) If you click on her name above you should be led to her website if not it is: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/faithpruden
There's nothing worse than watching your child being in pain and you have no control to truly help her. Nothing worse than having to make that decision of life support vs letting them go, and there's nothing simple about that decision and even when you feel GOD leading you, I think many if not all question the decision they made...whether it was the right one or not, even when you "know" it is...telling your heart that is a completely different thing and that goes for either decision. Please pray for GOD to lead the parents who are Christians, that they will not question their decisions they make in their daughter's treatment and life, and that they are completely surrounded in the love of Christ from Christ himself as well as their family and friends. Pray for rest for the parents, you want to spend every second you have with them and struggle to sleep and struggle eventually to stay awake (not wanting to miss a thing). Pray that they never feel guilt. (Trust me, that's a HUGE one). Pray for comfort for both little Faith and her family. The last thing I want to say is: Childhood cancer SUCKS. I know it's crass, but there's nothing so true.

Praises for Jillian!

I'm not sure if I'd shared Jillian here so I'm going to give a little history of how I know her and her family! When Jordyn was dx and we moved back to the states for Jordyn to be treated (tx) at Walter Reed we were living at the Ronald McDonald House. There Barbara the house manager told me about listserv which has group after group of different support groups online for those battling cancers of all sorts (and many other diseases). On one of them I believe it was the AML board I met Jessica. Mom of twin girls (and a son) who both had AML leukemia. Jillian was in remission when we met and Jade was fighting like Jordyn. Jordyn and Jade had their BMT's just a day apart. Jade relapsed quickly after her BMT and Feb 4, 2000 went home to Heaven. When I called Jessica because Jordyn had relapsed I didn't know Jade had died. Jessica let me cry, share my fears, etc even in her own grief. Jillian did relapse, had a BMT (bone marrow transplant), relapsed again....and then a few months ago she was dx with a whole other cancer, osteosarcoma, which is a cancer in her leg. The Osteo is a whole other diagnosis, it's a completely seperate cancer...so they still count her bone marrow transplant as a success and they just found out that she's still 100% donor, which is FABULOUS news!! One of these days our families will meet in person.

In the mean time I keep up with them online, pray for them, love them. I hope you'll go and visit Jillian and pray for her, celebrate the victories, etc.
www.caringbridge.org/visit/joyfuljillian