Hi/Lo Thursday

This post is part of "Hi/Lo Thursday" on the Riggs Family Blog. Check out their blog to read everyone else's "Hi/Lo" posts and get your link on their site.







My high for this week would be that we were able to attend church and Awana and have Chad with us one last time.

My low for the week....well I have two: Chad leaving on Monday to head back to Iraq to finish out his 15 month deployment. My other low would be that Emma is sick. She's been vomitting off and on and has diareah that's just simply water. It seems Satan is back at it.

I would like to ask each and everyone of you reading this right now to start to pray. I know compared to cancer (been there done that, no desire for that again) it's not that big of a deal, but if you've been reading here for a while you understand that Satan has been attacking my family (and me) with sickness since October. I'm praising our Lord though, as ultimately we're blessed in so many ways. We've had the worst thing happen, and God has given us the grace to get through it.

Join in on Hi/Lo and if you're not yet, pray for Abby!

A Longing of the Heart

I miss my husband. I got to chat with him today for a little bit, of course it never seems to be long enough, but any amount of time he has to talk or chat with us is such a blessing for our children and me.

Chad was in the Army when we met, but I had absolutely no idea what I was getting into when I married a soldier. I was a naive 20 yr old girl who thought she'd lived. HA! I'd done plenty of things I wish now I hadn't, but truly living was yet to come and it came fast.

We found out just a few short months into marriage that we were going to become parents and we were so excited. The next 3 yrs were full of joy, sorrow, and intense love and grief. Nine months of pregnancy, a deployment, moving to a new country (Germany...the first time), a beautiful girl learning to walk and talk, and then the devestating diagnosis that our sweet baby girl had AML leukemia. Off to fighting the beast, moving back to the US, continuing the fight, bone marrow transplant, relapse, nothing left medically to do, pray, pray, pray, pray, pray...and pray some more. Watching our baby wither away in front of us, nothing we could do, but pray and live the best we knew how. At 23 yrs old I sat at my child's grave. We found out we were going to have another baby just 8 short days after Jordyn died. Not exactly the time we were desiring a blessing. We hurt like nothing we'd ever expected. Nine months passed and the fear of not loving this new life, disappeared, yet the ache continued. Six months later, another deployment, then 9-11 happened, life changed forever. He returned 4 months later, another baby 2 yrs later, and 5 months later off to Iraq Chad went. 9 months later he returned, then we once again were blessed to return to Germany. Praying this time our time here would not be tarnished. Another deployment, 12 months later, he returned and 2 months later...we found out our Emma Grace was on her way. Nine months later Chad was leaving us again, but now for 15 months. So here we are 5 months down, 10 to go.

I will just say it now, this is the longest deployment. Ok I know it really IS our longest one, but what I mean is it's just dragging for me. I want him home, now. I have never felt so completely dependent on Chad before as I do now. I think that as our relationship as husband and wife grows in Christ, my dependancy on Chad grows as well. I need this man, here. I NEED him to hold me, comfort me, to be my helpmate as I am his. To know that he is here to take care of me and vice versa. Our family is simply not complete and whole without him here. All 3 of our children who are living long for him, even if Emma doesn't really know it, the girl glows when she hears her Daddy's voice. My boys need their dad. They're little boys and little boys need their Daddy's, it's as simple as that.

On a good note, this deployment is going by quickly for Chad. I'm so grateful for that. He deserves for a deployment to fly by, they normally drag for him (and fly for me!). I think for me it is because I went to the states and actually thought it'd feel like it was just flying by because I'd come back home and we'd be at the almost 4 month mark. My expectations were obviously too high! LOL

I am sure God's teaching me here. I have not completely seen or realized all he is teaching me, although I know that part of the lesson is that I'm to lean on HIM more than myself or even Chad. I am admitting here and now, publically that I'm struggling with that. I need to spend more time with our Lord. I need to spend more time in His word. I need to spend more time in prayer.

So...in a very long way about all of this, I see what I need. I need our Lord. Through it all he's been my constant. He blessed me with a strong and wonderful God-fearing man to be my husband. I do need to depend on him, but more so I need to depend on the Greatest Man in my life, my Lord.

Deuteronomy4:29
But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul.

1 Chronicles 16:11
Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.

This and That

Today was a good day, a really good day! The morning went nice and smooth and Emma fell asleep before lunch and took about an hour nap. We had lunch, Emma woke up and joined us, then it was time to start school. Both boys were great with school today and let me tell you God's just been so good to me with school this year. I was honestly terrified to be teaching Jackson. He had little desire to do anything last year as far as preschool work was concerned, and the fight ultimately was not worth it. I didn't want to ruin homeschooling for/with him before we'd even officially began so although he's "behind" kids his age that go to preschool...he's making up for it very quickly. He's learning to write very quickly, he's recognizing his letters and numbers more every day and loves to be read to (which has been a hit or miss thing for him over the years). He's a boy that needs to be praised more, so daily I praise him on his school (praising Jacob too of course, but Jacob doesn't NEED it to feel confident in his school work). Today the both just jumped into their school work, they did it well, neatly, and truly it felt like with joy in their hearts! We're still inching into various subjects and have yet to really touch history or science...Science will be coming next week, because they're both itching to start it! I think in November we'll add in history. I will start spelling words for Jacob next week as well. We're doing something a little unconventional to work on his handwriting this year. I'm having him write a letter to Chad every week! This helps him work on his penmanship, spelling, punctuation, etc and Chad gets a letter from him. What I've done so far is he dictates what he wants the letter to say, I write it out, then he copies it. We'll do this until we break for Christmas, then once we start back in the new year, he'll be writing it on his own and I'll look over it and make corrections, make a copy and send the original letter to Chad and we'll go over the copy so he can see where he needs to make the corrections and I'll have him send the fixed version to Chad as well. This helps Chad stay in on his schooling, gives Jacob good practice, and keeps them communicating in the good old fashioned way...and Daddy loves to get mail! So it's truly a win-win. I just have to make sure Chad writes him back! I'm hoping by spring Jack can write him a couple sentences note, so he can feel apart of it as well.

While Jacob was reading out loud, I started sorting laundry, then we went for a walk with our friend B. We picked up her son from school. She brought their dog, Lola who's a Lab. She's a great dog, still a puppy...but 18 months so full size and sooo strong! Jacob started walking her, well ok reality...she was walking Jacob, no DRAGGING Jacob. Literally he fell and she kept going and he was being pulled behind her. We got him back up and he lost his grip and she took off, would grab the end of her leash and run. B finally caught her, she she walked her while Jacob pushed her daughter in her stroller and I pushed Emma. On our way from picking her son up, to drop Lola back off at home since we were going to the PX, Commissary, and Mailroom...I offered to walk her. She was very good for me, but at one time yanked a little on her leash and it broke my nail. It's broke about a 1/4 of the way back and hurts. I've trimmed it as good as I can, but if I trim anymore, we're going to see the underneath of my nail and I can't bear that (the pain or the sight). So I'm going to put a bandaid on it before heading to bed, and hope the nail grows quickly.

Today was the first time B and I have walked since coming back from the states. Before my trip we were walking everyday, all over post. So it was so nice to be back into our little ritual. Of course life's a little crazier for both of us with sports, but this is the last week for Jacob's soccer (Jack finished last week). So she'll still have her son's football, but we'll have the flexibility of walking with her to get him from school if our school work is done.

I'm going to start going back to the gym next week if I can get everything figured out as far as childcare. With Chad deployed I get 16 free hours of childcare per child through School Age Services for the boys, Family Childcare (in home), or the CDC (for Emma). I will not be using the CDC. There's also a FCC provider offering childcare at the gym now, so I think that's what I'll do with Emma. I was planning on going in the mornings to the gym, so I'm going to see if my neighbor is still willing to watch the boys twice a week while I go to the gym. In the afternoons once they're done with school a couple times a week I'll let them go play at SAS. We're taking the winter off from sports (Mama needs a break!) so this will be a fun thing for them to do!

We're now into our 5th month of this 15 month deployment. Time is dragging for me I have to say. It feels like he's been gone closer to 9 months and feels like we should be about done, but we're not even half way done...still 2 1/2 months to go before I can even say that. Chad on the otherhand said the deployment is going by quickly for him and for that I'm so grateful. If it has to drag for one of us, I'd rather it be me...at least I'm here in the comforts of our home with our children, our bed, friends, and safety. We still have months to go before he's home for R&R too. We have decided what we're doing for R&R at least...we're going to Rome! I think we'll go for 3-5 days. I'm not sure yet. I think we're going to drive to Vecinza, stay a night or two there, maybe even take another trip to Venice, then take the train to Rome, on the train ride there we'll get off in Piza and sight see for a day and my friend B is going to give us a few other places that are must see's that will be on our way down to Rome to see as well! I'm excited! We want to try and go to new places and although we've been to Italy, we've not been to Rome. When he comes home for good, for block leave we're planning on taking a Greek Cruise! A friend of mine did this after our last deployment and she said it was very family friendly and she has some wonderful pictures of their whole family. We have a list of places we want to go to, so after this deployment is over and block leave is over we'll be able to mark those off! We are truly so blessed. This deployment is not easy and our family is sacrificing a great deal of time and memories being seperated, but this is Chad's job, his career and he loves it and I support him and what he's doing 100%. We just try to make the most of our time together. The most important thing when he's home is family time, we're just blessed that family time can include amazing places that so many just don't get the opportunity to see. The boys are old enough that they'll have some memories of their time here and although Emma won't be able to have her own memories, she'll see that she was at all these amazing places!!

So anyways...my plans for tomorrow: If Emma's feeling better, I guess I forgot to mention that when we got home I changed Emma because she'd soaked through (she'd drank 12 oz of water while were on our walk), but it wasn't urine...she has diarreah and it was literally water. :( She was so red. I nursed her and she fell right to sleep (bare bottom and all). I laid a towel on the couch and then covered her up and she slept for about an hour. She woke up just as I'd finished up dinner and was happy. Her cheeks were really red and she felt warm, but she had a smile on her face. She was happy to go into her high chair, but didn't touch dinner. This is NOT like Emma. She may be tiny, but she LOVES to eat. So I knew she definately was not feeling good. I am guessing there's a bug going around and she must have caught it. I just keep telling myself that everytime she gets sick, her immune system only gets stronger.
So anyways, if she's feeling better in the morning, then I am going to PWOC, going to the post office to mail in my voter registration so I can get my absentee ballot ( are you registered?? It's important!!), coming home and starting laundry, having lunch, getting Emma down for her nap, doing art with the boys. At 5 Jacob has soccer practice, so I need to make sure I have dinner planned out and everything prepared to be cooked once I'm home. Work on laundry some more (probably just folding and putting away for the most part). I plan to not wash/dry past 7 pm. Then we'll finish our evening up with dinner, baths, story, prayers, and bed for the kids.
Thursday I will have to finish up laundry and Jacob has his last soccer game, then I will have to come home and pack!! Friday morning we're heading to Prague! It's known to be the most beautiful city in all of EUROPE! I am so excited! We're also planning on going up to Poland for 2 days as well and staying in a city (the name just left my head) that's compared to Venice because of all the cannals! We're going to hit a couple castles while in Poland and planning on hitting the town that we go to for Polish Pottery! Wahoo! I don't plan to buy much pottery this trip, because I didn't budget it in, but will get a couple pieces I'm sure! :) I will definately take lots and lots of pictures and will share!

Ok, not sure if I'll blog again before our trip or not....we'll see if the mood hits.

God Bless

I'm a good mom. I recognize this. I love my children, I teach my children (literally), I enjoy my children. What I struggle with is being a good wife. I love my husband don't get me wrong. He frustrates me at times to no end. But I struggle being a Godly wife. I struggle being submissive. I struggle with intimacy. Yes I said it. I struggle with it. Because of that I see sadness and rejection in my husband's eyes. That's not ok. God tells us that this is a gift between a husband and a wife. That it's supposed to be joyful for both of us. That it's a gift I give to my husband and he gives to me. That it's a comforting measure. I have not see it in that light for a long time. The thing I notice is that many of the women and friends I have, are like me in that we see it as a chore.

In my PWOC class it's on Initmacy Issues. Let me tell you right now, last term I was in the wrong class. I thought I was supposed to be there, but it wasn't right. I hadn't listened to GOD, but went with what I thought I wanted/needed. I was wrong. So I ended up being in a place where God did not intend for me to be in. This time, I went kicking and screaming into my class. I honestly would rather be in the parenting book class that's being offered or even the class about keeping my big mouth shut...but no that's not where God wants me to be. Lovely is all I could think when I realized this was the class God intended for me. God has been convicted me daily, and if that's not a testimony that I'm supposed to be in this class, nothing is! Chad LOVES this class! ROFL

I have a long ways to go, I mean a loooooooooooooooooooooong way. I do like the book. It's an easy and short read, it's just that even with that it's got me in a corner that I'm trying to get out of. I don't WANT to talk to Chad about this class, yet it's exactly what I am supposed to do. Grrrr! LOL Let me tell you, it's rather a pain sometimes when we follow God's will. But ultimately I know if I do this, my marriage will be so much more than it already is.

Chad's going to be heading out to the field here shortly. He'll be gone for a full month. It stinks, but that's life you know. Then before we know it, he'll be heading off for the big sandbox. It makes me sad. Sad that my husband is going to be gone. Sad that our children will be missing Daddy and that he'll be missing them. Sad that he'll miss out on these daily normalcy's, sad that he'll miss the special moments in our lives as well. By the time he gets home Jack will be turning 6 yrs old. Emma will be 2. Hard to imagine my sweet, beautiful 6 month old (tolday) will be 2 by the time her Daddy gets home.

This is the Army life. It's not always easy, but it's still our life and I wouldn't change it!

Army Extending Deployments from 12 to 15 Months

Gates announces longer tours in Iraq - Yahoo! News

Top News- Pentagon Extends Army Tours to 15 Months - AOL News

I'm saddened, frustrated, and angry over this. It's not effecting us immediately but it will in less than 12 months. We have so many friends here and from other posts that are being effected or about to be effected. What's absolutely the most frustrating to me is the fact that this is ONLY effecting the Army. I'd assumed for a long time that the Marine's deployed for 12 months as well, but their average deployment is 7 months, now they are only home for 7 months too, but....either way at this point we're doing 15 months now.

I look at the average AF deployment being 3-4 months, Navy the majority of them don't go to Iraq or Afganistan...again this is AVERAGE not all by any means and I know there's exceptions. I just cried tonight though. Cried for the fact that when Chad does leave he's going to be 15 months with our children, 12 months has been hard enough. I look at some friends who have NEVER been through a deployment or who's spouses when they do deploy never leave the comforts of their base camps. I accept that War is part of our life. I support it. I support our President. Most of all I support my husband and his JOB. He believes in what he's fighting for. Doesn't mean it's easy or that he likes having to do it, but this is the point of a military...to fight wars. No one likes war, but they're part of life, and always have been.

These soldiers who are currently in Iraq and Afganistan need our prayers as do their families as they face an additional 3 months and the soldiers who are about to deploy need our prayers as they prepared for 12 and now have to go there with the realization that it's 15 months instead. A lot of our friends who are about to deploy are currently on block leave and many of them are in area's that they probably have not even heard of this new news and it saddens me that when they come home this is what they'll be facing.

I just really don't understand why the other branches can't extend the additional 3 months, they'd still fall short of the Army's 12 months....but well we will just suck it up and go with it. We have no other choice. I have to remember and remind myself God knew this was going to happen and that it's all in his hands, nothing happens without his permission. Oh how easily I forget that God's got this, oh he's got this.

Keep our soldiers in your prayers.