I was visiting Freddae and she is down at Disney World and shared how she saw a family publically praying and another family with the dad leading, making fun of the praying family. It grieves my heart to think that people 1. think it's ok to mock others 2. MOCK GOD.
She asked us how many of us pray in public? I read through her comments and it was mixed with yes's and no's. Our family does the majority of the time and quite often before Chad or I can even say "lets pray" one of the boys has said "lets pray". One of the comments I read was of a woman who said she prays silently almost all the time, but not outloud in front of her little boys and said she needed to start. It got me to thinking of how we are constantly teaching our children and they are constantly watching us.

How many times do we say something or do something that we do NOT want our children to repeat or do? Well I can tell you for me it's multiple times a day. I have a mocking bird in my home right now, Emma's 2, if you've had a 2 year old you know what I'm saying and if you don't, let me tell you that they repeat everything you say, especially the things you DON'T want them to say. She also though repeats and learns the good things we do. She sings "clean up, clean up" when she spills something or I tell her to pick things up, but the thing that brings more joy in my heart than anything else is when she insists on saying Grace over our meal, often her and Jack are arguing over WHO gets to pray! To know that prayer is such a big part of their life is so important to me. I can not take all the credit, I have a husband who prays as well and together we've taught our children to pray. Right now we're working on getting them to be more natural and spread their wings when it comes to praying, especially for Jackson (he often says the same thing at every prayer, I can say he's learned that from his Dad).

So how many of you are bold and pray outloud out in public? How many are teaching your children to be Bold in Christ and not ashamed? If you're not, I challenge you to. When you're at a friends home eating, who doesn't pray, I encourage you to ask if they would allow you the honor of leading everyone in saying grace? When out to eat be it a fastfood place or a nicer estasblishment bow your heads and pray. There is no right or wrong way. Our family does a variety of things..sometimes we all hold hands (the kids love this), sometimes we keep our hands in our lap and simply bow our heads, sometimes we put our hands together and pray that way, and sometimes we each do our own thing with the kids holding hands and Chad and I simply bowing our heads (that's normally when seating is spread out). We aren't screaming nor whispering, we speak low to medium volume and praise GOD for blessings and thank him for the blessings we're about to partake in and pray for the safety of the troops home and down range (we're an Army family that's always in our prayers), and at times we will also pray for specific needs and people.

When we first began getting serious in our walk with the Lord, I was VERY intimidated at praying outloud, especially around others who I felt prayed so beautifully. I will say if I've grown anywhere in my walk in big ways, it's in my praying outloud. When we were still at Ft. Riley (KS)
at small groups I NEVER prayed outloud and don't recall Chad doing it either, although I was usually sitting there literally praying that I would NEVER be asked to pray outloud! When we first moved here and I began attending PWOC I was actually facilitating a class, I did not feel comfortable praying out loud, and would always ask others to do it. Then GOD started working on me, started telling me it was time. Time to step outside of my comfort zone and start praying outloud. I fought him for quite a few months. Finally I started and started small. I would do it in class and my stomach would be in knots the whole time. As friends began encouraging me that my prayers were beautiful and I found that I was hitting things on the head for people because GOD was placing it in my mouth to speak. Now know this, it's anything but about me. The words that come out of my mouth are NOT from me, if they were I'd be tripping all over the words, but before I pray outloud I say a silent prayer that what ever I say is what GOD would have me say, to let me be his vessel. When I say that prayer, GOD has always answered and his words have just glided out of my mouth, and it's always such a blessing to me and let me tell you it always is delightful that GOD would take such a huge FEAR (yes it was a fear) and show me that I could OVER COME and be his vessel! If you've been used by GOD, you know how amazing that is, you know that it's not about you and it's all about HIM!

I have now started praying in larger forums. I pray in front of the whole PWOC body (which depending on the week can be up to 60 ladies), I've prayed in front of our whole church congregation (around 200), our AWANA sparks group, and our Hospitality House group (the size always varies between 10-30 people). I'm not sharing those numbers to brag, because it's not...but to testify to you that GOD can do anything through you....when you open yourself up to let him! Why? Because it's not about you, it's all about HIM and NOTHING, absolutely nothing is impossible when GOD steps in! And praying outloud was the LAST thing I wanted to do, just 4 short years ago and now it's become a ministry of mine. I've given devotions on it, I've prayed with sisters one on one about it, because I see the value of it, and how we can be GOD's tool!


I know this is long, but I want to encourage you if you're stuck inside that box of fear of praying outloud...start praying for boldness. Ask fellow friends and family to start praying for you on it (or anything else you're trapped in fear about!). GOD wants our praises. I believe he wants us to step outside of our box/out of our comfort zone and find new ways to bring him GLORY. I also want to encourage you to be praying outloud in front of your children. If it's not prayers you want to say outloud around your children, I want to encourage you to drop to your knee's and pray, and when they ask you "Mommy, what are you doing?" tell them "I'm praying". They will learn by your example.


If you would like me to start praying for you, leave me a comment and I will.

God Bless

Blessed

Tonight has been such a great example of how blessed I am! My friend Heather who many of you prayed for this past spring through summer and I have spent most the evening going back and forth calling each other. She makes me laugh so hard, to know that she knows the Kid Rock song, cracks me up. She's a good Southern girl, who's husband is a chaplain.
I'm having an antique Polish shrunk/hutch brought home on Tuesday. Heather's husband, B's husband, my friend A's husband and my downstairs neighbor are all helping to accomplish that and to get rid of this heavy old desk and bring over B's "old" (but far newer than what we have right now) desk. How blessed am I?

God has surrounded me with all these amazing women and I've never had this before, to this extent. Since we moved to Germany God has placed one friend in my life after another and I just am awestruck to be honest. I'm losing my best friend here, and she's concerned more about me than herself, which just speaks of one of the millions of reasons I love that girl. Then A who's leaving next month is concerned about me and her other friends who she's leaving behind. Heather's staying put for now and I'm so happy! If you knew her, you'd love her too! I am just astonished at just how many women I know who've wrapped their arms around me knowing how hard B leaving is on me. I've been so focused on how sad I am and what I am losing, that I've been blinded to see just all that I will have left. Let me tell you, I have more than I deserve in the friends that will remain. I have friends who will watch my children at the drop of a hat, who'll bring soup over to me with just one phone call, if I need it, I just need to ask. They love me for me. They know me and still love me and let me tell you that's impressive in my book! I'm pretty much an open book on most things.

I'm done whining and complaining about my friends moving. This is a part of the Army life and it's hard yes, but God's provided for me. He knows I have other friends waiting in the wings to wrap me up in their arms and reassure me that I am NOT alone. That I don't have to finish out this deployment without friendship, support, and love. How in the world could I have lost sight of that?

I talked to Chad tonight too. Oh that man is so wonderful! God just blesses me in every direction let me tell you! He's been kind of down in the dumps lately too. I've asked people to pray for him and oh he HAS been surrounded in prayer let me tell you! He sounded just so full of joy tonight. I could just hear his smile! Do you know what that does for my heart? To know my man has God fighting for him and showing him the joy he has in his life, even in Iraq?!!! If you're one who's been praying for him, THANK YOU! Don't stop! But thank you! He told me he truly FEELS those prayers surrounding him! Oh how blessed we are!

I think Emma's finally on the mend. I will say I say that with a little trepidation, but she ate dinner tonight. No fever and a lot of smiles. Whew! Thank you for praying for my baby girl. The boys are both in good spirits too! They were being crazy, silly kids when I was talking to Chad and him hearing the craziness of our family was making him laugh! It brought me such joy. I often get so caught up in the craziness, I forgot to appreciate it! I don't want to take these moments for granted. They're blessed times and I know that.

So with that, tell me, what are your blessings? I know many of you do Thankful Thursdays, so it can go along those lines, but it's more than that...what are you so overwhelmingly blessed with in your life? None of us deserve these blessings, yet God's allowed us to have them none the less, so share, please. I love to read about other people's blessings!

Brighter Day

Last night was a dark night for me. When I initially started writing last night it was on how blessed I was, and look at how quickly Satan took that and made it into something heart-wrenching and full of sorrow. Well maybe it wasn't heart wrenching to any of you, but it was to me as I poured out my heart and could not even see the screen because of the tears.

The thing is though, I still have those moments, those days where my heart is just pulled outside of me, stomped on, and shoved back inside, with a little twist. It's been 8 years, 8 years since I last held Jordyn, the child who made me a mother, the one who showed me just how far I could go with love (to the ends of the earth), and just how love never dies...ever.

There's obvious regrets, but there's so many more blessings. Jordyn was God's shining moment in my life. If he's ever been more obvious in my life, I totally missed it...because for me she was the crown jewel. He showed me just how deeply I could love as well as hurt...most of all how much I could trust in him. He didn't answer my prayers the way I WANTED, but he answered them none the less (that answer btw was no). He did though keep her safe. I know she's loved and well taken care of and not a day goes by that I have to worry about her. She's with Jesus!

Sometimes we have to go through the darkness of the night to see just how bright the morning really is. Last night was a VERY dark night, and God's shown me once again just how brightly he can and does shine.

You see he's blessed me beyond all measures. He allowed me to have Jordyn, even if for a short moment. I can promise you this, even knowing the ending....sure I'd have changed some details there, but even if it was the same ending...I'd have done it all over again, because those 2 yrs 1 month and 8 days were the most blessed days of my life. God's blessed me with an amazing husband who puts up with far more than he deserves. He's given me grace over and over. He loves me like no man can love. God's given me 3 other children (so far) and they're amazing. He gave me Jacob when he knew without a doubt a girl would not have been in my (or Chad's) best interest. He gave us Jack, to show us he knew exactly what he was doing and it was HIS will NOT ours. He gave us Emma, after such deep prayer and telling him the desires of my heart. What is in the future is not for me to worry about. Will he allow us more children, I do not know. I do know that he'll continue to show me all the wonders of this world, as long as I keep seeking him.

I am So Blessed, even in my darkest moments.

The Most Important Thing

Tonight we had Awana and as always it was wonderful. Wonderful that God's allowed me to help lead children into a relationship with himself, watch my oldest son's relationship with Christ grow, know that just across the street my youngest son's relationship is growing with Christ, and that in the midst of all of it Emma's being exposed even without her knowing it fully!

Tonight we had a special speaker. Bob Mortimer. He's been here before as a speaker and he's not only inspirational to adults, he's so honest and kids LOVE him! His legs and left arm were all amputated because of choices he made as a young, unsaved man. Drugs and alcohol. But he came to know Christ, married a woman that as he says "be still my heart", he's obviously in love with, and has 3 children.

The thing is this man is a great example that we never know how God is going to change us. God could have stopped Bob and his brother from getting in that vehicle that night. He could have shown Bob the utility lines that were down on the ground before he fell upon them, yet he didn't. He allowed consequences to his actions, and painful and life changing ones, yet without them he very well may have never came to have a relationship with him.

I don't know what tomorrow holds for me or my children. What I do know is that showing them that a relationship with Christ is essential is the most important thing I can give them, show them, teach them. I have to be a living example of Christ to them, if I'm not, then what am I teaching them? Jesus is the absolute most important man in my life and he must be the most important in my children's. He must be more important than Chad. I don't know what life holds for my children, what I do know is that if they don't have a relationship with Jesus it's not going to mean a single thing. They could have all the success that life has to offer them, but they can't take that success to Heaven with them. They could have ever material item that this world allows, but when they die it's going to remain here. What I can teach them is that a relationship with Jesus is something they can take with them when they day and will allow them an eternity in Heaven, without that relationship they can only guarentee an eternity in hell.

I have a responsibility to my children to show them the way to Heaven. They'll have to make the choice to go, but I have to show them the door, if I don't, I have no business being a parent.

For a few years I was locked in this idea that the worse thing that could happen to me was for another of my children to die or Chad to die, but that's absolutely not the worse thing. The worst thing that could happen is one of them dying without a relationship with Christ. Without salvation they have nothing. I must teach them about Christ. I must show them Christ through my own actions, words, and heart. I must surround them with others who are living for Christ as well, and explain to them the alternative. Once I've done that, I've done the most important part of my job as their momma. There is still a great deal of work to be done even after showing them the road to Salvation, but nothing will be nearly as important!

So my question for each of you today, for those who have children...what's stopping you from sharing Christ with them? Do you think your children are invinsible? Do you think that tomorrow is promised to them? It's not. I'm living proof.

My prayer for you is that you will introduce your children to Jesus, if you have not already. That you'll not only talk the talk of Christ, you'll be walking the walk as well. That you can show them how to love our Savior and just what he can do in their life. It doesn't mean we are going to be perfect. It does not mean we're not going to have bad days as parents, women, etc...just that his love and gift are free.

God Bless

I'm a good mom. I recognize this. I love my children, I teach my children (literally), I enjoy my children. What I struggle with is being a good wife. I love my husband don't get me wrong. He frustrates me at times to no end. But I struggle being a Godly wife. I struggle being submissive. I struggle with intimacy. Yes I said it. I struggle with it. Because of that I see sadness and rejection in my husband's eyes. That's not ok. God tells us that this is a gift between a husband and a wife. That it's supposed to be joyful for both of us. That it's a gift I give to my husband and he gives to me. That it's a comforting measure. I have not see it in that light for a long time. The thing I notice is that many of the women and friends I have, are like me in that we see it as a chore.

In my PWOC class it's on Initmacy Issues. Let me tell you right now, last term I was in the wrong class. I thought I was supposed to be there, but it wasn't right. I hadn't listened to GOD, but went with what I thought I wanted/needed. I was wrong. So I ended up being in a place where God did not intend for me to be in. This time, I went kicking and screaming into my class. I honestly would rather be in the parenting book class that's being offered or even the class about keeping my big mouth shut...but no that's not where God wants me to be. Lovely is all I could think when I realized this was the class God intended for me. God has been convicted me daily, and if that's not a testimony that I'm supposed to be in this class, nothing is! Chad LOVES this class! ROFL

I have a long ways to go, I mean a loooooooooooooooooooooong way. I do like the book. It's an easy and short read, it's just that even with that it's got me in a corner that I'm trying to get out of. I don't WANT to talk to Chad about this class, yet it's exactly what I am supposed to do. Grrrr! LOL Let me tell you, it's rather a pain sometimes when we follow God's will. But ultimately I know if I do this, my marriage will be so much more than it already is.

Chad's going to be heading out to the field here shortly. He'll be gone for a full month. It stinks, but that's life you know. Then before we know it, he'll be heading off for the big sandbox. It makes me sad. Sad that my husband is going to be gone. Sad that our children will be missing Daddy and that he'll be missing them. Sad that he'll miss out on these daily normalcy's, sad that he'll miss the special moments in our lives as well. By the time he gets home Jack will be turning 6 yrs old. Emma will be 2. Hard to imagine my sweet, beautiful 6 month old (tolday) will be 2 by the time her Daddy gets home.

This is the Army life. It's not always easy, but it's still our life and I wouldn't change it!