Jacob

It's now Jan 31 here in Germany and my sweet Jacob is 8 years old now. Oh how the years have flown. God has blessed me with this little boy. God knew how he'd bless my heart with him. I did not know how I'd be able to love him. I was still in deep grief from Jordyn's death and so fearful of not being able to love him. God was graceful for allowing us to have Jacob.

Jacob is kind and gentle. He loves the Lord with all his heart. He is nice to others, even when they're not always nice back. He is gentle with Emma, yet can get as rough and tumble as can be. He is not afraid to say "I love you, Mom" in front of anyone, including his friends! He still kisses me goodnight without inhibition. He has a gift for prayer. He does it straight from the heart, straight to the Lord. He begins and ends his prayers with "Heavenly Father" and it's the most beautiful words to my ears.

I pray this little boy always has the compassion and love that he has in his heart. I pray that his relationship with the Lord continues to grow and grow and that he will never doubt what the Lord has laid before him, no matter how hard or challenging it may be. I pray that before he seeks anyone else's advice, he seeks the Lords first and last. I pray he'll remain a little boy after God's heart and continues to be a man after God's heart in the future.

My prayer for Jacob this year though is that he will continue to love the Lord and enjoy being 8. That he will laugh more than he cries. That he will smile more than he frowns. That he will love deeper than he ever dislikes. That he continues to be who HE is and not what others try to make him. That he never gives into peer pressure, and continues to be exactly who GOD has made him.

I am truly blessed to be his Mom. He's leaving the Mommy stage and although it makes me sad to a degree, I find joy in the fact that as much as I'd love for him to remain little for years and years to come, he's getting older and through natural process I've become simply "Mom" and I'm ok with that! :) Every once in a while Mommy is slipped in and I praise our Lord for those continued, though rare moments of being younger.

Jacob has a special relationship with his dad. There's an unmistakable bond between them and I am so happy they have that. Little boys NEED their dad's. Little boys need a strong man to teach them how to be men. They need to be shown how to do little boy things, how to be a father, husband, and friend. I'm so blessed all my children have that in their lives. It hurts them deeply to have their dad off in Iraq, but there's never a moment where they wonder if their dad loves them, they know he does. Jacob will be a fine man, if he grows up to be like his dad and I see it already in many ways. How blessed am I?

So to my "Little Man"...Jacob, Happy 8th birthday buddy. I love you and I'm so proud of you.

Jacob 9 lbs 3 oz



Jacob and Dad on his 1st birthday....Jan 31, 2002

Jacob his last night being 7 yrs old.

Brighter Day

Last night was a dark night for me. When I initially started writing last night it was on how blessed I was, and look at how quickly Satan took that and made it into something heart-wrenching and full of sorrow. Well maybe it wasn't heart wrenching to any of you, but it was to me as I poured out my heart and could not even see the screen because of the tears.

The thing is though, I still have those moments, those days where my heart is just pulled outside of me, stomped on, and shoved back inside, with a little twist. It's been 8 years, 8 years since I last held Jordyn, the child who made me a mother, the one who showed me just how far I could go with love (to the ends of the earth), and just how love never dies...ever.

There's obvious regrets, but there's so many more blessings. Jordyn was God's shining moment in my life. If he's ever been more obvious in my life, I totally missed it...because for me she was the crown jewel. He showed me just how deeply I could love as well as hurt...most of all how much I could trust in him. He didn't answer my prayers the way I WANTED, but he answered them none the less (that answer btw was no). He did though keep her safe. I know she's loved and well taken care of and not a day goes by that I have to worry about her. She's with Jesus!

Sometimes we have to go through the darkness of the night to see just how bright the morning really is. Last night was a VERY dark night, and God's shown me once again just how brightly he can and does shine.

You see he's blessed me beyond all measures. He allowed me to have Jordyn, even if for a short moment. I can promise you this, even knowing the ending....sure I'd have changed some details there, but even if it was the same ending...I'd have done it all over again, because those 2 yrs 1 month and 8 days were the most blessed days of my life. God's blessed me with an amazing husband who puts up with far more than he deserves. He's given me grace over and over. He loves me like no man can love. God's given me 3 other children (so far) and they're amazing. He gave me Jacob when he knew without a doubt a girl would not have been in my (or Chad's) best interest. He gave us Jack, to show us he knew exactly what he was doing and it was HIS will NOT ours. He gave us Emma, after such deep prayer and telling him the desires of my heart. What is in the future is not for me to worry about. Will he allow us more children, I do not know. I do know that he'll continue to show me all the wonders of this world, as long as I keep seeking him.

I am So Blessed, even in my darkest moments.

The Most Important Thing

Tonight we had Awana and as always it was wonderful. Wonderful that God's allowed me to help lead children into a relationship with himself, watch my oldest son's relationship with Christ grow, know that just across the street my youngest son's relationship is growing with Christ, and that in the midst of all of it Emma's being exposed even without her knowing it fully!

Tonight we had a special speaker. Bob Mortimer. He's been here before as a speaker and he's not only inspirational to adults, he's so honest and kids LOVE him! His legs and left arm were all amputated because of choices he made as a young, unsaved man. Drugs and alcohol. But he came to know Christ, married a woman that as he says "be still my heart", he's obviously in love with, and has 3 children.

The thing is this man is a great example that we never know how God is going to change us. God could have stopped Bob and his brother from getting in that vehicle that night. He could have shown Bob the utility lines that were down on the ground before he fell upon them, yet he didn't. He allowed consequences to his actions, and painful and life changing ones, yet without them he very well may have never came to have a relationship with him.

I don't know what tomorrow holds for me or my children. What I do know is that showing them that a relationship with Christ is essential is the most important thing I can give them, show them, teach them. I have to be a living example of Christ to them, if I'm not, then what am I teaching them? Jesus is the absolute most important man in my life and he must be the most important in my children's. He must be more important than Chad. I don't know what life holds for my children, what I do know is that if they don't have a relationship with Jesus it's not going to mean a single thing. They could have all the success that life has to offer them, but they can't take that success to Heaven with them. They could have ever material item that this world allows, but when they die it's going to remain here. What I can teach them is that a relationship with Jesus is something they can take with them when they day and will allow them an eternity in Heaven, without that relationship they can only guarentee an eternity in hell.

I have a responsibility to my children to show them the way to Heaven. They'll have to make the choice to go, but I have to show them the door, if I don't, I have no business being a parent.

For a few years I was locked in this idea that the worse thing that could happen to me was for another of my children to die or Chad to die, but that's absolutely not the worse thing. The worst thing that could happen is one of them dying without a relationship with Christ. Without salvation they have nothing. I must teach them about Christ. I must show them Christ through my own actions, words, and heart. I must surround them with others who are living for Christ as well, and explain to them the alternative. Once I've done that, I've done the most important part of my job as their momma. There is still a great deal of work to be done even after showing them the road to Salvation, but nothing will be nearly as important!

So my question for each of you today, for those who have children...what's stopping you from sharing Christ with them? Do you think your children are invinsible? Do you think that tomorrow is promised to them? It's not. I'm living proof.

My prayer for you is that you will introduce your children to Jesus, if you have not already. That you'll not only talk the talk of Christ, you'll be walking the walk as well. That you can show them how to love our Savior and just what he can do in their life. It doesn't mean we are going to be perfect. It does not mean we're not going to have bad days as parents, women, etc...just that his love and gift are free.

God Bless

Life

I've been terrible at blogging over here I feel like. So often I want to write and then get distracted by, oh life! I don't write a lot about our homeschooling life and don't know why, it's such a HUGE part of our life and I love it so much. I need to start blogging more about it! Trust me, my blog will not be all about HS but I will be adding in more. Right now I'm actually at a point of trying to figure out if I want to stick with what we've been doing or add some new things. I'm really intrigued by so many different curriculum's and it's just so hard to know which ones will fit our family, most of all which ones the boys will like. I have to start saying and looking at it as "boyS" because Jack will be starting a more "formal" schooling come fall time. We go year round, but in the fall is when they move up you could say to the next level/grade. I find myself drawn to FIAR (Five in A Row). I love reading, so there's a big portion of why I'm leaning towards it. I've come in contact via Internet with quite a few who do FIAR and seem to really love and enjoy it. So I'm pretty sure come fall we'll have this curc. and see how the boys do with it. If you have any opinions on it or other curic. please let me know. I think to give my children the best education I have to be open to trying different ones. I will say that expense does factor in. We're definitely not rolling in dough, and I also know I can give my boys an EXCELLENT education without spending tons of money.



One of the things I've been done poorly on so far this year is reading aloud to the boys. Chad reads every night to them, but that's separate. That's a bedtime routine. What I wanted to do this year was pick some books and read them aloud to the boys every day/evening, discuss what we read, and if we can do a project or craft that relates even better. But I will say it, having Emma and adjusting to having 3 under 6, and that last being under 6 months has been challenging. Jacob's very smart, reads amazingly well and from what I've observed (and discussed with other parents) he's well above other kids his age in his reading ability. Anyways he often does his homework at the dining room table and I'm sitting in the living room (it's really just one great room) rocking Emma, nursing Emma, changing Emma's diaper, playing with Emma, helping Jackson in some way...OK you get the point. I help and assist Jacob a fair amount, but he does a great deal on his own and I check over his work. He reads aloud, we discuss what he reads, we go over his math together and I make sure he understands what he's about to do then I check and make sure his answers are correct, he works on memorization of bible verses (AWANA), he has his spelling words, and that's a pretty typical day for him. We do have a new science curric. but we're waiting until Spring to start that. I try to take them to the library every couple of weeks to check out books, and we also use the chapel library as well. There's chores to be done, meals to be made, toys to be played with, and they get a little TV thrown in there as well. Then add in the sports our days and often evenings are filled...yet I am not feeling that I'm giving Jacob (currently) the absolute best education I could be giving him. I think in some ways although Jacob's NEVER been in public school (well he did go to a public school for his 1 yr of preschool that he was part of) my own schooling has me trained to feel that because he's not sitting doing 6 hours of school work, he's missing something. Never mind that he's getting more actual work done in half the time as a traditional brick and mortar school child is. Most of the time I don't compare or worry, etc...but there are times where I do. I know it's Satan attacking me. He does not want our family focused on Christ. He does not want to see our family feeling the joys and accomplishments that homeschooling brings us, he definitely does not want our children to hear and most of all LEARN the word of God during their "schooling" period! I have to remember that. I am determined to stay ahead of Satan and will not let him take this gift away from my children and our family. I will fight the doubts he seeps into my head.



With that, we're going to be giving our family an awesome "field trip" you could say! Being an Army family, and being so blessed as to live in Germany gives us wonderful travel opportunities! This weekend is Martin Luther King's birthday, so Chad has a 4 day weekend. I really wanted to go somewhere we have not been yet. I was thinking Chad wouldn't want to travel too far so I suggested places that were 4 hrs or less from here. The first one was Prague (said to be the most beautiful city in all of Europe!) and Salzburg (one place I'm dying to go to!!). Chad said "how about Venice"! I'm thrilled! We're heading out on our 6 1/2 hr drive early Friday morning (planning to be up and out between 4 and 5 AM....YIKES!) ***I'm NOT A morning person!****

We'll be down there by late morning. We're actually staying at Vecenza on the Army Post there and will take the train down to Venice. It's only 45 minutes away!! I'm so excited you have no idea! I have so much to do still before we go! I have to go the store and buy some snacks (going for healthy because I'm determined to lose weight and get HEALTHY!!), I'm using the money my parents sent me for Christmas to buy a larger memory card (At least a 4 GB), and some rechargable batteries. That reminds me I need to charge up our video camera. Thursday I'm going to clean the van, put Emma's new carseat in it (she's currently in an infant seat and it's time for her to move up to her Britax Convertable seat). I need to bring our suitcases up and get them packed. Make sure that any clothes we take does not scream AMERICAN (aka no American Flag shirts! LOL). On a good note, all my laundry is washed, being put away is a whole other task that will be done at a later time! LOL (It's folded!)



When we get home there will be plenty to do. Laundry of course, putting away all this clean laundry, cleaning up and getting rid of our bird cage (our cat managed to knock the bottom off the cage and kill the bird...we're done with birds at least until we move back to the states, I see no reason to be feeding Whisker's live birds that we paid for!). The playroom needs to be finished up. I need to shop for our friends son's birthday, as well as Jacob's upcoming birthday. I want to get my room all cleaned up, organized, and maybe rearrange it! :) We'll see how much I get done over the next few weeks!



Next time I blog will most likely be when we're back from Venice and I'll share pictures!

Seeing the Sun

I'm seeing the sun again in all ways! I still know there's going to be bumps, curves, and complete detours at times but I'm out of this funk for the most part. Still aware of what could happen, but just happy things are going better for me right now and really that's all I can do. Praise God for the good he's bringing me now. I can say this, I can't imagine how anyone gets through trials without him, I truly ache for them. Without Christ you have nothing. It's that simple..with him there's hope, without him there is none.

I was reading another blog and they had this song posted on there and I thought...oh that's so perfect for me right now! I love this song and hadn't heard it in a while!!

PRAISE YOU IN THE DANCE
I will sing to the Lord, I will lift my voice, for you have heard my cry.
I will sing to the Lord and I will lift my hands, for you have brought me out of the pit.
For you have brought me out of the pit.
CHORUS
I'll sing glory, halleluiah, I lift Your name on high
I'll sing holy, 'cause You're worthy.
I'll praise you in the dance.
And I'll sing glory, halleluiah, I life Your name on high.
I'll sing holy, 'case You're worthy.
I'll praise You with the dance.
I will praise You with the dance. 2x
I will sing to the Lord and I will lift my voice,
for You have heard my cry.
I will sing to the Lord and I will lift my hands,
for You have brought me out of the pit,
for You have brought me out of the pit.
REPEAT CHORUS


*********i wanted to add a video but my internet is going so slow.....it's by Casting Crowns so feel free to take a listen if you can't quite put your finger on the song/tune!*************

PWOC/ATC

I just got back yesterday from Willengen, Germany for ATC (Annual Training Conference). It was just so amazing! We were constantly doing something from 8 until 9 pm with in the conference and then we'd go to our new local board Presidents room and have bonding time. Saturday night we spent probably the first hour in her room singing. We have an amazing woman who plays guitar, we each picked a song from her book and we just sang. It was beautiful. Then we talked about what our expectations and desires were for the up coming year. We spent so much time laughing that my stomach was just killing me because of the muscles being used! LOL

I learned a great deal about my board position that I did not know during the class that was specifically for the Outreach Rep. I loved that class and just truly got so much out of it. Every class I took was just simply awesome and I walked out of there loving it and just loved how amazing God was in the class, teaching not just me but the room full of women new things about him and about ourselves and how to share those things with other women and even our families and friends!

I can't imagine how anyone lives without Jesus in their life. He doesn't promise to make it easier, but he promises to be there with you every step of the way and he is. He's been through the absolute worst and the absolute best that life has to offer. He loves us so much that he died for us! I honestly ache for those who don't know him. How lost they must feel.

I know that our PWOC is truly an amazing one. We're a small Army community yet we really have a large group that comes week after week (for the size of our community). We have so many amazing women, God-fearing/loving women, who inspire me, encourage me, and make me want to be a better woman, mother, and most of all Christian.

Sunday night was probably the most emotional for me. During our general session it began (every time actually) with singing. The lady who lead it sang a song that just tore my heart out and I ended up just crying through the whole song. The words truly touched my soul. Our Praise leaders wrote the songs down and that was one of them. Every woman from our group had a strong reaction to this particular song (sorry can't remember the name of it).
Oh Linda....the Praise leader, lives in your old apartment! Chris was walking one evening and noticed her lamps and found out that Heather lives in your old apartment!! We thought it was cool! LOL She said it was weird going in to her apartment knowing how you had your furniture set up and seeing how hers is set up! LOL

Well, I need to go since I was gone Friday-Monday I didn't get my last assignment done for our class, tomorrow. We finished our study 2 weeks ago, watched the final video last week and we were challenged with 3 different things to do for this week, so I really need to get busy on that. It won't take me too long, but this pregnancy is wearing me out and the fact that the most sleep I got was 6 hrs this weekend, Sunday night I only got 5 hrs. This baby is demanding that my body get more, which I truly am so thankful for since I've dealt with 7 yrs of insomnia and even in the pregnancy there are nights it still takes over.

God Bless

ABC's of Jesus

ABC'S OF JESUS
Abiding Vine - John 15:4
Bridegroom - Ephesians 5:32
Creator - Colossians 1:16
Deity - John 10:30
Everlasting Life - John 3:16
Faithful Friend - 1 Corinthians 1:9
Good Shepherd - John 10:11
Hiding Place - Psalm 32:7
Image of the Invisible God - Colossians 1:15
Joy Unspeakable - 1 Peter 1:8
King of Kings - 1 Timothy 6:15
Lord of Glory - 1 Corinthians 2:8
Merciful Mediator - Hebrews 2:17
Never ending love - Jeremiah 31:3
Omnipotent One - Revelation 19:6
Prince of Peace - Isaiah 9:6
Quieter of Fears - Proverbs 1:33
Rock of Salvation - 1 Corinthians 10:4
Sacrificial Lamb - John 1:29
The Truth - John 14:6
Understanding Guide - Proverbs 3:5,6
Victorious Warrior - 1 John 5:4
Word of Life - 1 John 1:1
Exalted name above all names - Philippians 2:9
Your only Hope - Ephesians 2:12
Zion's Messiah - Isaiah 55:11