Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Sweet Mercy

Praise the Lord, I made it! I made it through May 8, through Mother's Day. Chapel service was hard, hard, hard. I cried through the majority of it. AWANA was a good distraction for me, but I came home emotionally exhausted and vegged out the rest of the evening. I told Chad I wanted nothing for Mother's Day. He did get a card from the kids and one from him. Jackson made me a picture and Jacob gave me a homemade coupon book. Those meant more to me than anything they could have bought (although Jack really, really, really wanted to buy me something).

Thursday will be the anniversary of her funeral and burial, it's another hard day, but nothing like the 8th. I am so very thankful we have such a Gracious and merciful Lord and Savior. I don't know how else I'd get through these hard days. I look at those who deny Jesus as their Savior and wonder how in the world they get through one single day, much less such hard ones.

Thank you for praying me through Sunday. None of you will know how crushing that day was to me. What most people don't get is that you ARE thankful for the children still walking on this earth, but that does not make you miss the one who's not any less. For many bereaved Mom's, Mother's Day is already a difficult day, but let me tell you I never experienced it being so absolutely AWFUL until this year. When a day that was created to celebrate me, to celebrate those who made me a Mother...to not have the child who MADE me a mother first, to have the day that celebrates this huge part of who I am, who I love about me,to know that day is the same day as the worst day of my life.....painful does not even describe how I felt. But that day is over, and with God's grace I came out breathing and even had a smile on my face a couple times. I was able to think of how she met Jesus that day and how as painful of a day that was for me, it was the most glorious day for her! I DO celebrate her life and even her death. I do still miss her and long for her, yet would never want to bring her back from Heaven.

I thank you, Jesus for my 2 years with Jordyn. I thank you for loving her so much that you allowed her relief and gave her Heaven. I thank you for holding me so tightly over the last 11 years, and for allowing me the promise of you continuing to hold me oh so tightly for the rest of my days on this earth. Thank you for your mercy on each and everyone of us. We sure don't deserve it in our own selves, but in you we're new, loved, and forgiven.






3 comments:

Emily said...

Love.

Cheryl said...

So thankful that you made it through such a difficult time with help from your Heavenly Father.

With Hope,
Cheryl

Mira said...

I am so sorry. This has to be really hard for you. I hope you have a great week with your great family! :)