Sunday, September 26, 2010

With in the Army life (and military in general) you step up when a fellow Army wife is in need or their family in general. This past week a sister/friend needed support. Her husband had to go to Walter Reed for issue's he's dealing with (please pray that more answers come out from this trip) and as if that wasn't stressful enough, their youngest daughter was hospitalized. My sweet friend T won't leave her sweet girl M and there for wasn't eating much, and when you're pg and have Type 2 diabetes that's not a good combination, and well American's and German dinners leaves a lot to be desired, unless you like having some bread (not always brotchen), some of their cold cuts (which to me is YUCK), and maybe if you're lucky soup and/or a salad (normally pretty good). So once I found out she was in the hospital I got other wives lined up and we've had dinner brought up to her every day since, and on Friday Chad took her lunch and dinner. Her other two kiddo's were staying with her best friend, but her son who's Jacob's age asked to spend the weekend with us, so N has been with us since Friday after he got out of school. He has school tomorrow so Chad will make sure he gets there and our weekend of an extra kiddo will be over. I've loved having him. He's a great boy and him and Jacob are pretty well best friends. This is what you do for a friend. You help them when they need it, especially when they are too stubborn to ask for help or don't realize they have help out there. Honestly we were very blessed while Chad was in the hospital last month through the various meals people brought us and can't imagine what I'd have done if friends hadn't blessed us that way. Money was being spent on gas, since in general our gas budget is set VERY low and when I set our budget I had no idea it'd be blown out of the water after 2 days, I then used up our grocery money after a few more days of driving back and forth, so having limited groceries in the house as it was, and not getting home until late....we were looking at having pb&j until the next payday had I not humbled myself and told a friend we needed help in that area. Let me just say my kids have a lot to be thankful for (especially Jacob since he's not a fan of pb& on the otherhand am in a big kick for them "could" eat them daily....I don't but on yum!) anyways it's just a blessing that we can help others after being helped so much.

On other news...Chad returns to work in the morning. Say a prayer for all of us if you would as we adjust. I'm praying he stays on top of his pain meds. I know he can and will make it through his work days, I just know it'll be an adjustment for him and for the kids and I as well. He's been home for a little over 4 1/2 weeks. I'll start schooling the boys full time (Chad has been doing school the majority of the time with them since they started earlier this month) and juggling Emma and Noah. I'll be pulling out some preschool books I have for Emma to do while the boys are working on their school work, hopefully it'll keep her busy for a bit of a time at least.

God's Blessings

Thursday, September 23, 2010

We have professional photo's done a couple weeks ago. Noah's 3 months, Emma's 3 years, Jack's 7 year and then we did all 4 of the kids and a family photo. Always missing one, but thankful for the blessings GOD has given us.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Eyes wide open

How many of you have found that in so many ways you're outspoken in life, that you always have things to talk about with others, but there's that one friend who no matter the reason they call it all turns back to them? When they call to comfort you, share in your joy, see how you are...that somehow and for some reason it all turns back to them and they do 99% of the talking, while you sit there wondering if they even realize it. Now with most people I'd speak up, but with one I find I can't. I know it sounds rediculous. I never have a problem speaking my mind, speaking up for myself, etc...yet this one person I find myself hanging up the phone and thinking "wow, I bet out of that 20 minutes I spoke 2 minutes, maybe."
I've recently discovered, that this friendship just doesn't seem important and that as much as I want this person to simply care about me and our friendship, I really don't think they do. It hurts, it makes me sad. I just recently lost one of my dearest friends, unexpectantly. She's in Heaven now. To lose another in another form makes my heart that much heavier.

I know my posts lately have been a big pile of "poor poor pitiful me", bare with me. I really will start writing and stop whining.

On good news. Chad's doing well. He's slowly healing. He's been doing physical therapy for a couple of weeks now. He also saw the MTBI clinic today. He'd been having some dizziness and had been getting light headed. They are working with him and he'll have another apt on Friday and they believe they'll have everything fixed. It at least seems to be a simple fix. Ironically the MTBI person is also his physical therapist, so he knows her and she knows what he's been through, so today when he went into the clinic she was able to just get to work and didn't have to know his back story! I am not sure how things are going to go for him when he returns to work. He tires out quickly, he still has a good amount of pain. He's still on heavy pain meds and when he doesn't take them on time is in extreme pain. Please be in prayer for him. While he's been home he's been helping with the boys schooling. It's been truly a blessing to have a little bit longer of a break for me, as I'm handling Noah and Emma and everything else that goes along with an infant and toddler and homeschooling. Of course he does things differently so I've had to work hard not to say anything, be critical, etc. I've tried hard to just be supportive and grateful.

I'm off. I'm doing 2 bible studies right now. Craziness I know. I have to still do my homework for tomorrow morning's class and tomorrow will have to do the homework for tomorrow evening! Nothing like putting it off to the last minute. I will say that I feel like I've not really had time and everytime I've gone to do it, it seems like Noah needs me or I simply can't stay awake to get it done! Of course often I find facebook calling my name! :X I'm thinking it's time to take a facebook break. No not giving it up, just limiting myself more than I have been.

God Bless and thank you for the continued prayers.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Heavy Heart for Childhood Cancer

WOW, what else do you say to about a person who actually thinks that childhood cancer shouldn't get the funding that they're getting. WOW to someone who calls themselves a Christian, but has no problem having Children dying from a harsh, cruel, horrible disease. Wow to a person who tries to justify their ugly and disgusting words. Wow that this person is a mother to a young child. Who took the Childhood Cancer Ribbon that's on my page and displayed it on HER blog, and thinks that the less than 5% of all funding that the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society give to Childhood Cancer Research is good enough.
Honestly it makes me sick to my stomach. It infuriates me. It breaks my heart. It literally makes me throw up. My heart is racing out of ANGER towards this person. HOW, I mean HOW does one justify this to themselves? How does one look at their child, knowing so many kids are DYING because of CANCER right now? HOW does one look at her child knowing 46 kids were diagnosed with cancer TODAY? HOW?
GOD willing, she'll never know all the hatred she's spilled out tonight. GOD willing she'll never know the deafening words "Your child has cancer". GOD willing she'll never hear "There's nothing more we can do" GOD willing she'll never sign a DNR for her child, never pick out a casket or urn for her child, a headstone for her a child, she'll never know the animal like sounds that a mother makes as her child takes her/his last breath. She'll never know the heart ache, the weeping, the begging she'd do with GOD as he welcomed her child HOME to Heaven. She'll never have those heart breaking questions "what if we'd done this, instead of this, etc". GOD willing she'll never know. I don't want her to know. I don't want another single mother to know the horrible reality I live. I don't want another mother to know the heartache of holding her child with no life left in her, in her arms. I don't want her to know the "peace" of knowing her child's in Heaven and that she'd never want her to come back, but she'd sure love to simply have her here healthy with a long life ahead of her. No, even in my hurt and confusion...I don't wish my knowledge on her....I just pray she'll understand her hurtful words and thoughts and see that although losing a grandparent to cancer is hard, losing a child to cancer is nearly unspeakable. We expect to bury our grandparents and our parents and even our spouse....we NEVER expect to bury our child.

If YOU want to see an end to Childhood Cancer. If YOU want more research done. If you want to find less toxic treatments for kids with can donate to:
You can get involved with (either become a shavee, put on an event in your area, or simply support a shavee).

Understand that if you're support American Cancer Societ/ACS that less than 4% of their over Billion dollar revenue is generated towards childhood cancer. That less than 5% of Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's over 72 Million in revenue is delegated towards Childhood Cancer. Both USE children for their advertisement, because they KNOW Sick Kids bring in money. They know MOST people want to help kids with cancer.....but they don't want to actually help END Childhood Cancer (if they did, they'd be giving a lot more than their measely less than 4 and 5%).

My heart is so heavy tonight. I may struggle to pray for the mother I spoke of above, but I'll pray for her none the less. Please if the rest of you feel the way she does, just don't tell me. It's so heartbreaking to think people actually just don't think kids deserve a chance to beat cancer.

Thursday, September 09, 2010

still here

I'm sorry I haven't written lately. I've tried and just haven't been able to publish them for this reason or that. Chad's healing. He's still on leave until the end of the month, he's doing physical therapy now. He's helping with school (we homeschool) and right now he's doing the majority of it with the kids, it's been great for all of them as he see's what it's like for me and the boys are getting this one on one and one on two attention from him in this area.

I'm honestly still digesting with Rebekah being gone. My heart is hurting and my head is still just trying to grasp that she's really gone, it does not seem real. My heart is just so heavy over her death. I know she's happy and healthy and in Heaven now. I just miss her so much. I told her everything...the heaviness on my heart to the light, silliness of how many loads of laundry I got done that particular day. Oh I miss her so much. I chatted with her every night, and now nothing. I just miss her. My heart hurts. I long to see her pop online and start chatting. Her phone is still signed on to aol and it takes everything in my being not to write to her. Convincing myself not to takes nearly all my strength.

Noah's growing. He's a big boy, 3 months happy. He's laughing and smiling all the time. I am sure he's going to be rolling far too soon. Emma's great, she loves Noah, yet longs to be the constant center of attention. Jack is finally getting over his excessive whining (Praise Jesus), and Jacob's attitude is getting much better.

I hope this weekend to give a decent blog post.

God Bless

Thursday, September 02, 2010

September is Childhood Cancer Awareness's some hard facts for you:

Over 12,400 children (in the United States) are diagnosed with cancer each year. That's a classroom full of children every single day, year after year
Currently, one in every 330 children in the United States develops cancer before the age of nineteen. The incidence of cancer among children is increasing. Each school day, enough children are diagnosed with childhood cancer to empty two classrooms! (*NCCF)
About 4,000 children die from cancer each year. That's 11 children every single day, every single year.
When a child is diagnosed with cancer, the entire family is affected.
Treatment is often lengthy, and always time-consuming. Some diagnoses are treated outpatient for over three years; others require lengthy inpatient stays.
Siblings of children with cancer face an entire set of emotional challenges, from wondering if they are to blame for their sibling's diagnosis, to feelings of jealousy for all the attention and gifts the child with cancer is receiving, to feeling abandoned by their parents as the parents (necessarily and expectedly) focus their time and energy on the child in treatment.
Cancer is NOT contagious.
Support (emotional, physical, maybe even financial) of the family IS contagious -- and very much needed from everyone -- from friends to neighbors to entire communities. When you know a child who is diagnosed with cancer, be the first one to offer support -- others will follow.
Cancer is the #1 disease-related killer of children under the age of 14 years, next to accidents. Childhood cancers are mostly those of the white blood cells (leukemia's), brain, bone, the lymphatic system and tumors of the muscles, kidneys and nervous system. Each of these behaves differently. Cancers in very young children are highly aggressive and behave unlike malignant disease seen at other times of life. The median age for childhood cancer is six. Children frequently have a more advanced stage of cancer when they are first diagnosed. 80% of children show that cancer has spread to distant sites in the body when the disease is first diagnosed.Although it is unlikely that your child will develop cancer, as a parent, you need to be aware of the symptoms of childhood cancer. Observe your child for any sudden, persistent changes in health or behavior as listed on the Signs of Childhood Cancer page. Since most of the symptoms of cancer can also be attributed to benign conditions, the diagnosis of cancer can be a long process. You must trust your own instinct and work as a team with your doctor, using your knowledge of your child and your doctor's knowledge of medicine to protect your child's health.

Gold Ribbons for Childhood Cancer

If you don't know, our oldest daughter (the slide show is her, our beautiful Jordyn) died from AML leukemia. My prayer is that in my lifetime childhood cancer will be erradicated. One day no other parent will hear those 4 life changing words :Your child has cancer. One day I pray no parent will hear "We're sorry, but there's nothing left to do." There's nothing harder than watching your child go through chemotherapy, total body irradiation, a bone marrow transplant, and then relapse and have no more options.
I urge you to do something. Help fight childhood cancer. You can. Get involved:
Those are 3 of our personal favorites. Please also take note that The American Cancer Society, gives only 1 to 4% of their total budget to childhood cancer research, but they use children as their advertisement and put up a face that they actually give a great amount. In My Opinion...they USE children's beautiful bald, round faces to get more money in. I do NOT support them, will not give any of our money to them. If you want to support ACS, just know the facts and do your research to find out where your hard earned money is going to.
God's Blessings