Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Eyes wide open

How many of you have found that in so many ways you're outspoken in life, that you always have things to talk about with others, but there's that one friend who no matter the reason they call it all turns back to them? When they call to comfort you, share in your joy, see how you are...that somehow and for some reason it all turns back to them and they do 99% of the talking, while you sit there wondering if they even realize it. Now with most people I'd speak up, but with one I find I can't. I know it sounds rediculous. I never have a problem speaking my mind, speaking up for myself, etc...yet this one person I find myself hanging up the phone and thinking "wow, I bet out of that 20 minutes I spoke 2 minutes, maybe."
I've recently discovered, that this friendship just doesn't seem important and that as much as I want this person to simply care about me and our friendship, I really don't think they do. It hurts, it makes me sad. I just recently lost one of my dearest friends, unexpectantly. She's in Heaven now. To lose another in another form makes my heart that much heavier.

I know my posts lately have been a big pile of "poor poor pitiful me", bare with me. I really will start writing and stop whining.

On good news. Chad's doing well. He's slowly healing. He's been doing physical therapy for a couple of weeks now. He also saw the MTBI clinic today. He'd been having some dizziness and had been getting light headed. They are working with him and he'll have another apt on Friday and they believe they'll have everything fixed. It at least seems to be a simple fix. Ironically the MTBI person is also his physical therapist, so he knows her and she knows what he's been through, so today when he went into the clinic she was able to just get to work and didn't have to know his back story! I am not sure how things are going to go for him when he returns to work. He tires out quickly, he still has a good amount of pain. He's still on heavy pain meds and when he doesn't take them on time is in extreme pain. Please be in prayer for him. While he's been home he's been helping with the boys schooling. It's been truly a blessing to have a little bit longer of a break for me, as I'm handling Noah and Emma and everything else that goes along with an infant and toddler and homeschooling. Of course he does things differently so I've had to work hard not to say anything, be critical, etc. I've tried hard to just be supportive and grateful.

I'm off. I'm doing 2 bible studies right now. Craziness I know. I have to still do my homework for tomorrow morning's class and tomorrow will have to do the homework for tomorrow evening! Nothing like putting it off to the last minute. I will say that I feel like I've not really had time and everytime I've gone to do it, it seems like Noah needs me or I simply can't stay awake to get it done! Of course often I find facebook calling my name! :X I'm thinking it's time to take a facebook break. No not giving it up, just limiting myself more than I have been.

God Bless and thank you for the continued prayers.


That corgi :) said...

Christy, so sorry about your friendship. That is hard to realize if you mean anything to them or not. I think you are going through another hard season of your life, don't worry about what you write, sometimes you just need a chance to get those thoughts out somewhere. I am glad Chad is doing better, is it possible to get more time off to recuperate if he needs to?

keeping you in my prayers; cool that you are doing the Bible studies :) and I know you like to get the homework done, if you can't because of "motherly" duties, still go to the study to be around other moms and learning more about Jesus :)


Bri said...

Glad Chad is moving along in recovery, I'm still praying. I'll be praying for you as you deal with this friend. Losing a friend is hard, no matter how it happens. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time right now with life stuff. Don't feel bad for venting here on your blog. Sometimes you just have to express the sadness and frustrations in order to make peace and move on. Love ya friend!

And completely off subject here: GO CHIEFS! ;)

Leene said...

When you realize a friendship is ending that is very painful but if you have a friend who is not there during your times then are they really a friend? You have those moments of needing support, someone who will listen and reassure you and thats what a friendship is - give and take. With all that has happened over the past few weeks with Chads accident and losing Heather you deserve a true friend who will call and check on you and make sure you are doing well.

I am happy Chad is making progress and am in prayer that he is able to get some answers for the dizziness and light headedness. I am sure the big boys are savoring their alone time with Dad even if it means schoolwork and what a treat that you get alone time with Emma and Noah.

Keeping you in my prayers as always.