Friday, October 31, 2008


Our day was good. Last night my friend's son spent the night. They had fun, stayed up late watching a movie, had popcorn...were little boys! They were up too early this morning! Emma and I got up, and I started on breakfast...french toast. The older two boys each had a 2nd piece, Jack and Emma filled up on one. I took a quick shower, rushed around getting ready, got Emma dressed, had the boys get dressed then we were off because I had a facial this morning, well it was micro abrasion/ about 50% relaxing and enjoyable. Chad actually called while I was there, because we had a VTC today and he was just confirming!

We rushed home after my facial so I could get the kids changed into their Halloween costumes, then off to the Battalion we rushed. They were running behind, they had a late start, getting things set up/connected on our end, and then they gave one family some extra time, because it was Daddy's first time seeing his 4 month old daughter! (Ahhhh!!) So our Noon was pushed back to 12:30. We walked into the conference room and there he was, ready and sitting to talk! The kids were excited and Emma too. Chad got to see Emma walk for the first time, which was sweet and just a blessed moment. The boys took up most of the time talking to Daddy, while I took about 2 minutes. Emma even jabbered quite a bit. The 15 minutes flew by and before we knew it, we were given our 3 minute warning. I hurried and took a picture

It's rather blurry, but that's ok! Emma was ticked. She was hungry, tired, and did NOT want to be held (she wanted to walk around). Yes that's our Soldier Man behind the kids! :) So see we got to spend a bit of our day with him!! We are so blessed to live in the days we do. To think that with the amazing advances in technology we can have a real time conversation with our soldier, who's pretty well lifesize!

The rest of our day was filled with lunch, a small amount of school work, all the kids napping, talking to Emily on the phone for a bit, and making dinner (meatloaf and mashed potatoes and sweet peas). I wanted to make sure the kids had a good meal in their tummy before eating the candy! After that we went trick or treating, which is the LAST TIME. I HATE scary costumes, don't want those images in my children's heads. That lasted 45 minutes then we headed to the youth gym, for our Fall Festival which was sponsored by our Chapel and MWR. The kids had a blast! There were 4 jump houses, a box maze, face painting, fishing, duck fishing, balloon darts, and other games, and lots of candy! Emma loved getting on the toddler jump house and jumping! She was so cute, on her little knee's jumping. The boys were all over the place having a blast!

That's all we're doing from here on out, at least while we live here. Only wholesome, appropriate costumes were allowed. It was truly a fun night! Emma btw really got into getting candy. We also took our downstairs neighbor boy with us. Mom is deployed and Dad stayed home with baby sister. He was really, really good. Unfortunately I didn't get any good pictures of just my 3, so tomorrow I'll have to try again with them in their costumes.

Emma enjoying a sucker at the Fest.

Emma at home, getting ready to get a drink.

My boys went home with B, so they'll be home at some point tomorrow! I brought T our neighbor home and dropped him off. His Dad offered to let the boys spend the night there next weekend, we shall see.

Ok totally off subject, but my upstairs neighbor is walking around in freaking high heals and I'm about to lose my mind. I mean serious, come inside and take those stupid shoes off. She does this quite a bit on the weekends and tonight it's just on my last nerve! I'm just not a big fan of wearing shoes inside. I like to take them off for the dirt factor, as well as the comfort factor, so normally before we even walk in everyone's shoes are

Ok so I guess that's it! Oh Jack disappeared on me tonight, we had to go back and get his bucket that he'd left in the gym and then he just left the gym. I was searching for him, terrified. He'd went and joined my friend B, waiting for me. I was so scared I was in tears. I popped his behind and then hugged him and just cried. We talked about how he can't EVER do that again. I've lost one child, by no control of my own...I will not lose another when it's in my control. He's safe though and that's the most important thing. The boys did each get a pumpkin though! We were not able to get one this year, so now they have two. They want to paint on them, so we'll do that. They want to keep them until Thanksgiving. I doubt they last that long, but we'll keep them for as long as we can! I'm hoping since we're not carving they'll last longer.

Ok well as hard as I try, I can NOT keep my eyes open. I hope you all had a good Halloween!

Tales From The Front...

I have our other blog up. For those who don't know, I also have a deployment blog. Chad and I ultimately were supposed to be blogging together, but it's never worked that way. I will post mostly here, but will write over there from time to time, so please come follow me there too. My hope is that one of these days that man of mine will blog away right with me! It was both our goal, so we'll see!

It's not always easy being an Army wife, but it's my life and I am thankful for it. I ONLY write there when Chad's deployed, btw.

Thursday, October 30, 2008


Ashley left a comment and I have recieved a few over time so I figured I'd address it.

We love outside pictures, but you need to keep in mind we live in Germany. For those who don't know what fall and winter are like in Germany, let me paint you a picture...

More Rain
Rain with Snow mixed in
Wintery Mix
Rain (again)
More Rain
Oh and More Rain

As you might have guessed, it rains A LOT here and if it's not raining in the fall and winter it's normally FRIGID or snowing. We actually live in the State of Bavaria. It's beautiful, we're set in an area that often does not get a lot of snow, but is often VERY,VERY,VERY COLD.
Our first winter here, we got record setting snows. Then the last 2 we've barely gotten any snow at all. This year they're predicting a fair amount of snow for our area. It honestly is seeming to follow Chad's deployments. When he's gone, we get snow...when he's home just rain.

So as you can see, outside pictures don't exactly work right now. Inside or outside, pictures just were not good for Emma today. I know this child well. Our photographer asked me if she was ready for a nap and I said "oh, no, she doesn't nap until after lunch, normally lays down about 1)...our apt. was for the 10:00 hour. Well as soon as we left there and headed towards home what did that girl do...she fell asleep and proceded to sleep until 1:30 when I had to WAKE her up for an apt I had! I know she's teething (a good reason for her grumpiness, no actually just simply nasty attitude), I also think she may be going through another grown spurt. She's nearly 15 months, so it'd be about right for one. She's also fiercly independent, and well rather spoiled. Yes I take responsiblity for that. It IS my fault. I can't say I'd change most of it, although I'd make a few adjustments with her. Ultimately it's her personality, it's how God made her and I just need to figure out how to deal with this strong personality!

I do always appreciate suggestions and please know I take no offense, just thought I'd explain why sometimes being IN studio is a simple must. Had we been here when she actually turned 1, we would have been outside. Back in May before Chad left, we went to a beautiful park here in town and had family pictures taken as well as Emma's 9 month pictures. I am pretty sure I posted some of them on here, go back to May and take a look at my enteries.

Well, it's late and I'm one tired Momma!

God Bless

Another blog

If you came from the AOL journals, then you may know that I had a deployment journal, I've finally taken the 5 minutes and got it transferred:

This right here is still my main blog and the one I'll write in the most, but hope that Chad will one of these days write a blog entry and if so it'll go over there.

It's ONLY 1 PM

This has already been a long day. I had Emma's "1 yr" pictures taken today, she's 14 months old, and pictures is ONE thing I really like to do "on time" I'm a little obessive about them! LOL I'm ok though. Well Emma wanted virtually no part of it. It probably could have went better had the boys not immediately showed her the horse, which is a Christmas prop and sat her on it. She loved it and did NOT want off of it, of course! So I finally get her over to the pretty little wicker chair that our photographer set up. She sat in it for a couple shots, then wanted to go back to the darn horse. We tried a higher chair (VERY high), got a couple shots on that as well. Then we finally gave in and brought the horse over, we got a few cute shots on it. Then she decided she was done. WHAT? I still had another outfit (Linda, it was the K-State outfit you got her) and Halloween costumes. Oh goodness. Well she was NOT smiling in her CUTE and ADORABLE K-State outfit, but we still got a cute picture. Then it was time to dress my little bear as a sweet lion. The boys were in their Halloween costumes as well and were happy as could be to have their picture taken, well Emma's SCREAMING her head off. We got a few pictures (she's screaming) the boys are smiling. At one point Emma pushed Jackson off the platform they were sitting on, oh yes, it was a "lovely" session. By the time it was time to pick out photo's she was SCREAMING and oh you all will say you've heard screams, but Emily can attest, Emma's screams is "special". My eardrums were KILLING me. I was pretty well PAST annoyed and heading into anger. Yes, oh yes I really, honestly was so mad at that point I could have spit nails. I paid for our pictures, thanked our photograher who's a friend of mine and was so beyond patient with Emma and her stinking FIT, oh GOD bless her...and we left. I had to make one last stop, grab some paperwork for an apt I have at 1:45 (in 15 minutes now) and then we came home, where Miss Emma fell asleep and has been sleeping since. No lunch yet, just sleep. I don't know if she's getting sick, growth spurt, or still teething...if it's one of those I feel horrible at being so mad at her, but I'm human and one can only take some much ear peircing screaming.

And here it is, time for me to wake up the child who I admittedly have spoiled beyond anything sane, and have to go to my apt, come home in just enough time to take the boys to SAS, come home and clean my butt off, because B's kids are coming over and this place is rediculous, messy, and I'm admitting I've just been lazy, procrastinating, and not caring all that much.

Ok..I have to go. I'll most likely write more later tonight.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

A little this and a lot of nothing

I'm tired and absolutely will be going to bed soon! Our time changed this past weekend over here in Germany and the rest of Europe. The extra hour of sleep you think would have helped, but nope...the good thing is that lately I've been going to bed earlier, except for last night I was up late, but I was talking to a friend online who's having a hard time right now and friends are always worth staying up late(r) for.

Emma's been insanely cranky and just in a bad mood. Of course being the oh so observant mother that I am...I just realized she got a new tooth through. Gee can you guess why she's so crabby? I am pretty sure she's working on more so I've been generously dousing her gums with orajel and even gave her some pain reliever today because she was just screaming her head off and it was that or I was considering putting her out in the hall way in our stairwell. Oh did I just type that!?!

I have to say I have not had a lot of patience with the kids the last few days. I'm fairly crabby and always tired. I think the lack of sleep over the last 8 1/2 yrs is definately catching up. The past few weeks feels like I've done nothing but run and although this past weekend I didn't do anything, being sick is just as draining, if not more draining than when you're on the go constantly. I wish I could say tomorrow is a down day, but it's not! I have Emma's pictures at 10 am and then an apt in the afternoon. I'm watching my friend B's kids tomorrow, I'm going to go get them at a little after 5 tomorrow, then we're going up to the elementary school here on post and taking all the kids trick or treating there, then we'll come back here eat and relax until B and her husband come and get them. They're going to a Hail and Farewell dinner, so it'll probably last a couple hours. Of course Friday's Halloweek so we know that day is going to be crazy. Friday morning I have an apt to have a facial, then after that we get to have a VTC with Chad! I'm excited! I'm going to have the kids change at my friends house where I'm having the facial at, into their Halloween costumes so Daddy can see them, plus the Rear D's having a costume contest so they can join in on that! After that, we'll come home, have lunch, and then the boys will do some school work while Emma naps. After that I'm going to the gym to help set up our PWOC booth, which is a maze out of cardboard boxes. Someone did it last year and it was a HUGE hit, the kids loved it! At 5 is when the Fall Festival starts and I'm taking my 3 and my downstairs neighbors son. I know it'll be fun, but I'll be rightfully exhausted I am sure! Oh and on Friday the weather is supposed to be "A WinterMix"....lovely! Thank goodness we'll be indoors!

Ok, well I've pretty well blathered about nothing for long enough and am finding myself closing my eyes and fighting harder and harder to keep them opened, so that's a SURE sign that it's time for this momma to head to bed. I have a 5 yr old already cuddled up in it, so hopefully he warmed it up, but I doubt it! LOL

Good night and God Bless

Monday, October 27, 2008

"Not Me" Monday

Ok before I begin, please everyone be in prayer for McMama as Baby Stellan will be arriving THIS WEEK! It's exciting and most definately prayer-worthy! So fill her up with your prayers and love!

Now on with the "show"...

"I was as healthy as a horse this weekend. I do NOT get sick, oh no not me. I did not hate the Army this weekend as I sat plastered to the toilet, thinking how much easier life would be if my husband were home and not in Iraq, not me obviously".

" I did NOT mess up and give my boy's soccer coach the wrong gift card as a thank you on Thursday and just discover the mistake today, no not me"

" I did not yell at my 1 yr old as she screamed her Octive C high screach this weekend, because I am the most tolerant and gentle mother on this planet."

"I did not throw up for 1 hour STRAIGHT and pray I did not have an accident elsewhere, Sunday morning, not me and thankfully I did not!"

"I did NOT enjoy the fact that from Friday evening until Saturday evening my boys were with other people, and were two less "things" I had to deal with, not me, no never!"

"I did not whine about my husband being deployed to Emily for the umpteenth time last week, not me. I'm the model Army wife, who sits by and never complains, see's only the positive, and never dwells on the negatives of the fact that her husband is deployed for 15 months."

"I did not run out of Pepsi last night and become a raging lunitic, not me, I'm not caffiene dependent...nope, not I".

"I did not find a bit of joy in the fact that I lost 8 lbs by being sick, no I should only lose it the right way, by eating right and working out hard".

"I did not fill out my absentee ballot with joy, thankful that I'm an American and allowed to Vote".

"I did not make my boys clean up under the diningroom table and their sister's high chair today, oh no not I. I'm not mean and a bit lazy like that, and make my children actually help around the house".

" I did not sit at the computer while my boys were cleaning the dining room, I'm surely not that lazy and mean".

"I did not put up the gate to the kitchen to keep Emma out, because frankly she drives me crazy while she's in there, oh no not me".

"I did not leave the clothes still piled up on my loveseat, most of the unfolded, because I'm too lazy to fold them and put them away. I love laundry don't you know?"

"I did not decide that the stairs in our apartment building would suffice for my excercise today, as I went up and down them 10 times doing laundry, no not me"

"I did not have a bang of envy, once again, for my neighbors who live on the 2nd floor because it's one less flight of stairs, but same size apartment as my own, while carrying my super heavy laundry basket up 4 flights up stairs today, oh goodness no, not me..."

Ok, so if you wish to join, click on the button at the top, and read the rules for Not me Monday and join in! Don't forget to be praying for McMama and Baby Stellan!

I'll do my "Not Me Monday" post later today. I just have a moment, finishing lunch and then have to run an errand. I'm posting to say I'm feeling all better! The bug has left the body! LOL! The kids all seem to be fine still too! Here in a bit I'm going to call a friend and see if she can watch the kids while I go to a luncheon. I'm looking forward to it. I'm going with "B" so it'll be nice to spend 2 hours with her and other ladies!

I have to get laundry done today, well some of it done. My goal is to get the laundry off my loveseat, folded, and put away!! I did make up the menu for the next 2 weeks so on Wed. after PWOC I'll go to the commissary and get all the groceries I need for our meals. I did it for all three meals and snacks as well. Well I need a few more snack idea's. Right now I have apples, grapes, oranges, and at Jacob's request nacho's, and I have popcorn (we use the airpopper), so if anyone else has some simple snack idea's for the kids. Oh I'll have string cheese too for the kids, and carrots and dressing to dip. I need snacks that are Emma friendly too. She doesn't have a ton of teeth, but can eat almost anything (obviously not nacho's and popcorn), and she's not a fan of cheese slices yet.

Ok got to get lunch

Tcheuss (bye in German)

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Work in Progress

Feeling better that is. Actually it's not that I've felt awful the whole time the past 2 days, just various times when I have, otherwise I almost forget how nasty this bug is and then it hits me and I'm running to the bathroom. I hadn't thrown up at all yesterday, until 5 am this morning, and WHAM, I barely made it to the bathroom and it's maybe 15 steps from my bed! For a full hour I was either leaning over the toilet or sitting on it, seriously I know TMI, but good grief! Emma was NOT happy with me that I was not in bed with her, cuddling and allowing her to nurse, but there was no leaving that bathroom! She threw almost every book that I had on my headboard, off! I walk in and she starts clapping! LOL The truth of the matter is, she can crawl out of my bed if she wants, but was being a stubborn little thing. (No she's not spoiled! LOL)

Anyways, I was thankfully able to go back to sleep and slept for quite a while, then moved out to the couch to be a somewhat attentive mother. I let the boys watch tv, as I dosed off and on and ran back and forth to the bathroom. Praise GOD all 3 of the kids remain healthy. Obviously we didn't go to church this morning. One of my friends' husband's was kind enough to go the Commissary and get me some soup since I was out. The kids had sandwiches that Jacob made (he's sure handy!) for them, and he kepts my Cranberry juice coming! I honestly don't know what I would have done without Jacob today. Jack was a good help too, he played with Emma a lot today and they both tried to keep her off of me as much as possible. She seriously kept wanting to climb all over me every chance she got, I thought I was going to start crying.

The boys did go to AWANA tonight though. My friend B took them and brought them home. I don't know what I'll do without her when she leaves. Her and A are such a life support for me. A leaves in December and my heart just breaks over it. I am just trying not to dwell on them leaving, and being thankful for the time I have with both of them.

Tomorrow I'm hoping will be a better day. I made a schedule for the whole week. I'm not a list/schedule type of person really. Well, we have our schedule for school, but that's it. I want and NEED to get on top of things here at home, so I'm going to try with the list and hopefully can do it. I did this last time Chad was deployed and actually did really well for a few months (I think I got sick and that's how I got off of the list, so need to make sure that doesn't happen again). I'm going to blog about what I'm doing as a way to keep me accountable. I'll let you know what I want to get done each day and what I actually get done. I'm also going to start making my weekly menu's out again. I used to do this all the time and it made dinner time so much easier. I actually had a time where I planned all 3 meals and 2 snacks. I started the menu when Jordyn was alive and we were driving back and forth between Walter Reed and Ft. Belvoir everyday. It made it easier to know what we were going to have when we got home from her chemo or a check up and on the days we didn't have to go in, just easier to know what we were having vs trying to think of it. I find that I dwell on what to make all day long, which actually makes me just think of food in general and I find myself snacking more. So my hope is that it'll also help me in my weight loss. If I have snacks already planned out, meals planned, hopefully I'll snack less often.

Being sick has helped in the weight loss. I weighed myself today and lost 7 lbs. So if there's been ANYTHING good about this, that's it! Hey we have to take what we can get right?!! So I'm on my way! I'm back to drinking less Pepsi, I finally had to give in and drink my last one that was in my fridge tonight. I hadn't had once since yesterday morning (before I got sick). I had a massive headache all day and it of course left once I had the Pepsi. So I'm going to try and drink just one a day and no more. I know that will help with the weight loss, and the one will keep the headache away. Goal is to not be dependent on caffiene by the time Chad comes home for R&R in Feb. I believe I can do it, actually I KNOW I can. I'm going to get used to just one a day and then start cutting that down, I figure I'll just pour a little down the sink and every week pour a little more down, until I'm not drinking it at all, except for on rare occasions. I love water so I'm going to just up that and I'm going to lose this weight and feel better about myself.

I'm definately just a lovely old work in progress. From getting over this bug, to getting healthier. I want to show my kids that I believe I'm worth being healthy and that they're worth it. I want to show them they don't need to depend on food to fill voids, when the only one that can fill it is Jesus. Food should be for nutrition not for emotional support. It's been my support for far too long now.

On another note. I was hoping to talk to Chad today, but he must still be out. He's gone so much and I hate that. It's his job and I'm fine with it, just wish he'd have a little more down time to rest. I worry about him so much in getting enough sleep. Sunday's are their down time as a battalion, but he's rarely there for their day of rest and fun (they play various sports and it's just a fun day for them), but he's normally off on a mission it seems. We are going to have a VTC (Video Teleconfernce) on Halloween though! I'm so excited! I'm going to have the kids dressed up in their Halloween costumes, so he can see them, and our Rear D is doing a Costume contest so they can see just how cute they are! LOL Emma is going to be a sweet little lamb, Jack's Indiana Jones, and Jacob's Iron Man. I am thinking next year I might see if I can get them to dress up as a theme, where they all go together. We'll see if they go for it or not! Jacob will be 8, but it'd be cute none the less! I can't sew, so I'd have to depend on someone helping me out by teaching me or simply sewing their costumes or me finding ones already made, but in the theme! We'll see, that's a year away still!

Well, hoepfully tomorrow I'll have good news of being past this bug. Thank you for the prayers!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Should be in bed

I think I laid around dosing in and out so much today and taking a nap that here I am wide awake. I had started feeling better earlier, even made me something to eat, but now it's gurgling again. I will say I'm sick of spending so much one on one time in the bathroom.

I've decided we're not going to church in the morning. I'm pretty strict on if my kids are sick, to make sure they've been healthy for 24 hrs before bringing them around others, well I need to follow that myself, and at least skip church. Awana though is the one thing I don't feel I should miss, but at the same time I don't need to be exposing all the kids that I'll be around to what I have, because it's NOT pleasant. I emailed my friend who's over the whole program and she told me that I'd be covered, and to just take care of myself and get healthy. I love her! I figure that if I can't go I'll see if B will take the boys so they don't have to miss. She's my secretary so she has to be there anyways, although her son has the same thing I do.

Speaking of her son, I was worried when she told me he had to too, that I'd passed it onto him, when I stopped by her van today to give her his birthday present. But as I was talking to another friend, she said it's a bug that's been going around and either we were probably around the same person or it was just a coincidence, because I've barely seen him this week, other than today I literally peeked my head into her van to talk to my boys, but it was moore just looking through the door talking to them.

So far my 3 are still healthy. I was really worried about Emma, not knowing if she'd come down with it or not since she's been with me this whole time, but so far so good. Her bowel movements have been normal..not she's good!! I told my boys if they woke up with diarreah or vomitting to make sure to at least let me know. We'll just keep praying that they don't get it. I kept windows open here all day, even though it was chilly to try and air the place out as much as I could, while not freezing Emma and I out. I stayed cuddled in a blanket most of the time and she was dressed warmly and comfortably.

I am feeling absolutely drained all of a sudden, so I'm going to go lay down. Thank you for any and all prayers. I truly appreciate it.


I woke up feeling fine this morning, looking forward to going to my friends son's birthday party and spending time with them. Then my friend A called and her little boy has she believes a Sinus infection, because he woke up with a fever last night. So we decided that the boys could go over to her house, play, have dinner, and then her husband will bring them home. Then about 10:30 I started getting a weird taste in the back of my throat, you know the one when you're getting sick. It came on fast and furious. I've spent the majority of my day in the bathroom. So far I've not thrown up, but well you get the drift. I have had some soup and drank cranberry juice. Emma is ok still, thank the Lord for that! I'm guessing the boys will be home in 2 or 3 hours. When I called "A" to let her know what was going on with me she did offer to let the boys stay the night, I said lets play it by ear, so not sure what's going to happen there. They don't have clothes for church in the morning if they stayed with them, so we'll see.

I'm hoping this will pass and by morning I'll be feeling better, I don't mind missing church, but we have our 2nd week of AWANA and I can't miss that. Well I could, but I'd hate to start our year out like that. So say a prayer please.

Oh and a side note, no I'm NOT taking anything. I one believe that our bodies are meant to get rid of these things on their own and that's much better for us and I'm also nursing Emma and will NOT take anything, since everything passes through my breast milk and I have nothing here and WILL NOT be leaving, not when I can't trust if I could make it to the bathroom or not in time! So please just say some prayers.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Quiet weekend

It's going to be a strangley quiet weekend here in my home this weekend. Here it is 1:20 am not a big surprise that it's quiet and I'm feeling VERY tired, so I plan to head to bed once I'm done here.

The boys are having a sleep over tonight with their friend "B" (his mom is my best friend over here, "B"). Tomorrow is son "B's" birthday party. It'll be at the bowling alley, so I'm guessing the boys will ride with their family up there and Emma and I will meet them up there. I'm hoping to walk up there. Hopefully it will not be raining. After that party both boys are going to the same house to have a sleep over with their friends/brothers S&E. Their Mom "A" is one of my closests and dearest friends here. They're moving in December, so this is really their last chance for a sleep over since in less than 2 weeks the movers will come and pack up their house and they'll only have military furniture and just a few toys to play with. They're not a big tv family, but they do watch movies here and there so I'm going to offer the tv that sits unwatched in my bedroom to them while they are still here.

Anyways, I will get the boys at church on Sunday. We'll come home, have lunch, do some last minute studying on their AWANA verses to just make sure they've got them, have some quiet time (maybe a short nap if we're tired and need it!), then it'll be off to AWANA, we need to be there no later than 4:15. I am going to try to be at the chapel to drop Emma off at childcare by 4:10 so I can be at the gym no later than 4:15. This year they changed the childcare hours to drop off at 4:00, which makes it so much better, since we need to be at the gym waiting for our kids to show up no later than 4:15 and have them ready and in the gym by 4:30. This is only the 2nd week too, so it'll be quite hectic still.

I need to decide what I'm making for dinner for Sunday still. I have some cube steaks and I have a recipe I can use them for, in the crock pot so I'll probably do that. Make for a much easier dinner when we come home. After dinner, it'll be bath time, prayer time, then bedtime.
I will barely have any time with my boys this weekend. It makes me sad, but it's a welcomed break too. If only I could get someone to take Emma for a few hours over this that would be nice! LOL

I do think tomorrow when I get home though, I'm going to get all the laundry that is in my living room put away and my dining room cleaned up. It's gross and messy, and I mean MESSY. I know a lot of people want to say their home is, but I highly doubt the majority of you live in the mess I am right now. When I'm sad and just feeling blue I want to sit on the comfort of my couch and pretend I have a perfectly clean house. It's denial and my home suffers because of it and that's just not good, so I'm pulling myself out of this pity party and going to get things together. I'm far too embarrased to have anyone over here, even "B" and she's seen this place BAD and I've seen her place bad, but this is just unacceptable and I know it. We won't even talk about my bedroom. Sure I can close the door, but it doesn't take away from the stressful mess that it is. You literally can't walk into my bedroom without stepping on something. It's rediculous and most of it's clothing that I've not put away. In piles on baskets and placed on boxes that I've tossed in there when someone has shown up and I've thrown junk into them to hide it. It's so bad. I want my bedroom to be my santuary. I would love to have it clean enough that I could paint my bedroom. I want a new bedspread. Something pretty and femine. Something opposite of what I have now, which is so ugly, very masculine, but ugly none the less! Actually I haven't even been using the comforter, and instead have just had my quilt that's pink on there. I love that quilt, my grandma made it for me and it's treasured. Anyways, I want to find something pretty so I can feel comforted in my own bedroom. Will you pray I get off my lazy butt and get that room cleaned? Trust me when I say Chad would be STUNNED to come home to a clean, organized bedroom, that actually looked pretty. I probably wouldn't have it painted, just for the fact that our furniture is too heavy for me to move and I am not comfortable or feel it's appropriate to have another man in my bedroom if my husband is not in there too, so I can't ask for help. Maybe it's the one little project Chad and I can do together over R&R, it'd just take a day to paint, so it's something to talk to Chad about (before he comes home so he's not shocked at my request! LOL).

Well, I can't do it anymore. There were more things I wanted to talk about, but just can't!

Thank you to all who commented on 2 entries ago entry!

If this entry makes no sense, please know I'm just so stinking tired and in my head it made perfect sense! LOL

God Bless

It's a Giveaway!

So via Kelly I found this awesome new blog, Dani is giving this awesome Coupon box away! This is the one I WANT! (See above) So for a chance to win, go by Dani's and enter and then come by and congratulate me when I win! LOL

Thursday, October 23, 2008

A Longing of the Heart

I miss my husband. I got to chat with him today for a little bit, of course it never seems to be long enough, but any amount of time he has to talk or chat with us is such a blessing for our children and me.

Chad was in the Army when we met, but I had absolutely no idea what I was getting into when I married a soldier. I was a naive 20 yr old girl who thought she'd lived. HA! I'd done plenty of things I wish now I hadn't, but truly living was yet to come and it came fast.

We found out just a few short months into marriage that we were going to become parents and we were so excited. The next 3 yrs were full of joy, sorrow, and intense love and grief. Nine months of pregnancy, a deployment, moving to a new country (Germany...the first time), a beautiful girl learning to walk and talk, and then the devestating diagnosis that our sweet baby girl had AML leukemia. Off to fighting the beast, moving back to the US, continuing the fight, bone marrow transplant, relapse, nothing left medically to do, pray, pray, pray, pray, pray...and pray some more. Watching our baby wither away in front of us, nothing we could do, but pray and live the best we knew how. At 23 yrs old I sat at my child's grave. We found out we were going to have another baby just 8 short days after Jordyn died. Not exactly the time we were desiring a blessing. We hurt like nothing we'd ever expected. Nine months passed and the fear of not loving this new life, disappeared, yet the ache continued. Six months later, another deployment, then 9-11 happened, life changed forever. He returned 4 months later, another baby 2 yrs later, and 5 months later off to Iraq Chad went. 9 months later he returned, then we once again were blessed to return to Germany. Praying this time our time here would not be tarnished. Another deployment, 12 months later, he returned and 2 months later...we found out our Emma Grace was on her way. Nine months later Chad was leaving us again, but now for 15 months. So here we are 5 months down, 10 to go.

I will just say it now, this is the longest deployment. Ok I know it really IS our longest one, but what I mean is it's just dragging for me. I want him home, now. I have never felt so completely dependent on Chad before as I do now. I think that as our relationship as husband and wife grows in Christ, my dependancy on Chad grows as well. I need this man, here. I NEED him to hold me, comfort me, to be my helpmate as I am his. To know that he is here to take care of me and vice versa. Our family is simply not complete and whole without him here. All 3 of our children who are living long for him, even if Emma doesn't really know it, the girl glows when she hears her Daddy's voice. My boys need their dad. They're little boys and little boys need their Daddy's, it's as simple as that.

On a good note, this deployment is going by quickly for Chad. I'm so grateful for that. He deserves for a deployment to fly by, they normally drag for him (and fly for me!). I think for me it is because I went to the states and actually thought it'd feel like it was just flying by because I'd come back home and we'd be at the almost 4 month mark. My expectations were obviously too high! LOL

I am sure God's teaching me here. I have not completely seen or realized all he is teaching me, although I know that part of the lesson is that I'm to lean on HIM more than myself or even Chad. I am admitting here and now, publically that I'm struggling with that. I need to spend more time with our Lord. I need to spend more time in His word. I need to spend more time in prayer. a very long way about all of this, I see what I need. I need our Lord. Through it all he's been my constant. He blessed me with a strong and wonderful God-fearing man to be my husband. I do need to depend on him, but more so I need to depend on the Greatest Man in my life, my Lord.

But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul.

1 Chronicles 16:11
Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.

Honesty In Journalism

This is written by a Democrat columnist – Very worth the read.WorldWatch
First appeared in print in The Rhinoceros Times , Greensboro, NC

By Orson Scott Card October 5, 2008
Would the Last Honest Reporter Please Turn On the Lights?

An open letter to the local daily paper -- almost every local daily paper in America:

I remember reading All the President's Men and thinking: That's journalism. You do what it takes to get the truth and you lay it before the public, because the public has a right to know.

This housing crisis didn't come out of nowhere. It was not a vague emanation of the evil Bush administration.

It was a direct result of the political decision, back in the late 1990s, to loosen the rules of lending so that home loans would be more accessible to poor people. Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were authorized to approve risky loans. What is a risky loan? It's a loan that the recipient is likely not to be able to repay.

The goal of this rule change was to help the poor -- which especially would help members of minority groups. But how does it help these people to give them a loan that they can't repay? They get into a house, yes, but when they can't make the payments, they lose the house -- along with their credit rating. They end up worse off than before.

This was completely foreseeable and in fact many people did foresee it. One political party, in Congress and in the executive branch, tried repeatedly to tighten up the rules. The other party blocked every such attempt and tried to loosen them.

Furthermore, Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae were making political contributions to the very members of Congress who were allowing them to make irresponsible loans. (Though why quasi-federal agencies were allowed to do so baffles me. It's as if the Pentagon were allowed to contribute to the political campaigns of Congressmen who support increasing their budget.)

Isn't there a story here? Doesn't journalism require that you who produce our daily paper tell the truth about who brought us to a position where the only way to keep confidence in our economy was a $700 billion bailout? Aren't you supposed to follow the money and see which politicians were benefitting personally from the deregulation of mortgage lending?

I have no doubt that if these facts had pointed to the Republican Party or to John McCain as the guilty parties, you would be treating it as a vast scandal. "Housing-gate," no doubt. Or "Fannie-gate."

Instead, it was Senator Christopher Dodd and Congressman Barney Frank, both Democrats, who denied that there were any problems, who refused Bush administration requests to set up a regulatory agency to watch over Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, and who were still pushing for these agencies to go even further in promoting subprime mortgage loans almost up to the minute they failed.

As Thomas Sowell points out in a essay entitled Do Facts Matter? "Alan Greenspan warned them four years ago. So did the Chairman of the Council of Economic Advisers to the President. So did Bush's Secretary of the Treasury."

These are facts. This financial crisis was completely preventable. The party that blocked any attempt to prevent it was ... the Democratic Party. The party that tried to prevent it was ... the Republican Party.

Yet when Nancy Pelosi accused the Bush administration and Republican deregulation of causing the crisis, you in the press did not hold her to account for her lie. Instead, you criticized Republicans who took offense at this lie and refused to vote for the bailout!

What? It's not the liar, but the victims of the lie who are to blame?

Now let's follow the money ... right to the presidential candidate who is the number-two recipient of campaign contributions from Fannie Mae. And after Freddie Raines, the CEO of Fannie Mae who made $90 million while running it into the ground, was fired for his incompetence, one presidential candidate's campaign actually consulted him for advice on housing.

If that presidential candidate had been John McCain, you would have called it a major scandal and we would be getting stories in your paper every day about how incompetent and corrupt he was. But instead, that candidate was Barack Obama, and so you have buried this story, and when the McCain campaign dared to call Raines an "adviser" to the Obama campaign -- because that campaign had sought his advice -- you actually let Obama's people get away with accusing McCain of lying, merely because Raines wasn't listed as an official adviser to the Obama campaign.

You would never tolerate such weasely nit-picking from a Republican.

If you who produce our local daily paper actually had any principles, you would be pounding this story, because the prosperity of all Americans was put at risk by the foolish, short-sighted, politically selfish, and possibly corrupt actions of leading Democrats, including Obama.

If you who produce our local daily paper had any personal honor, you would find it unbearable to let the American people believe that somehow Republicans were to blame for this crisis.

There are precedents. Even though President Bush and his administration never said that Iraq sponsored or was linked to 9/11, you could not stand the fact that Americans had that misapprehension -- so you pounded us with the fact that there was no such link. (Along the way, you created the false impression that Bush had lied to them and said that there was a connection.)

If you had any principles, then surely right now, when the American people are set to blame President Bush and John McCain for a crisis they tried to prevent, and are actually shifting to approve of Barack Obama because of a crisis he helped cause, you would be laboring at least as hard to correct that false impression.

Your job, as journalists, is to tell the truth. That's what you claim you do, when you accept people's money to buy or subscribe to your paper.

But right now, you are consenting to or actively promoting a big fat lie -- that the housing crisis should somehow be blamed on Bush, McCain, and the Republicans. You have trained the American people to blame everything bad -- even bad weather -- on Bush, and they are responding as you have taught them to.

If you had any personal honor, each reporter and editor would be insisting on telling the truth -- even if it hurts the election chances of your favorite candidate. Because that's what honorable people do. Honest people tell the truth even when they don't like the probable consequences. That's what honesty means. That's how trust is earned.

Barack Obama is just another politician, and not a very wise one. He has revealed his ignorance and naivete time after time -- and you have swept it under the rug, treated it as nothing.

Meanwhile, you have participated in the borking of Sarah Palin, reporting savage attacks on her for the pregnancy of her unmarried daughter -- while you ignored the story of John Edwards's own adultery for many months.

So I ask you now: Do you have any standards at all? Do you even know what honesty means?

Is getting people to vote for Barack Obama so important that you will throw away everything that journalism is supposed to stand for?

You might want to remember the way the National Organization of Women threw away their integrity by supporting Bill Clinton despite his well-known pattern of sexual exploitation of powerless women. Who listens to NOW anymore? We know they stand for nothing; they have no principles.

That's where you are right now.

It's not too late. You know that if the situation were reversed, and the truth would damage McCain and help Obama, you would be moving heaven and earth to get the true story out there.

If you want to redeem your honor, you will swallow hard and make a list of all the stories you would print if it were McCain who had been getting money from Fannie Mae, McCain whose campaign had consulted with its discredited former CEO, McCain who had voted against tightening its lending practices.

Then you will print them, even though every one of those true stories will point the finger of blame at the reckless Democratic Party, which put our nation's prosperity at risk so they could feel good about helping the poor, and lay a fair share of the blame at Obama's door.

You will also tell the truth about John McCain: that he tried, as a Senator, to do what it took to prevent this crisis. You will tell the truth about President Bush: that his administration tried more than once to get Congress to regulate lending in a responsible way.

This was a Congress-caused crisis, beginning during the Clinton administration, with Democrats leading the way into the crisis and blocking every effort to get out of it in a timely fashion.

If you at our local daily newspaper continue to let Americans believe --and vote as if -- President Bush and the Republicans caused the crisis, then you are joining in that lie.

If you do not tell the truth about the Democrats -- including Barack Obama -- and do so with the same energy you would use if the miscreants were Republicans -- then you are not journalists by any standard.

You're just the public relations machine of the Democratic Party, and it's time you were all fired and real journalists brought in, so that we can actually have a daily newspaper in our city.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Father/Daughter Talk

If you've been reading my blog or simply know me, it's no surprise that I'm a Conservative Christian Republican and you can guess what my thoughts are on Obama's whole "plan" to redistribute the "weath".

Anyways...Enjoy! :)

*******I do not know who wrote this, if you come across the author let me know and I'll give credit where it's due!**********************

Father/Daughter Talk

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth.
She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunchRepublican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.
One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs. Theself-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in school.Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA,and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.
Her father listened and then asked , 'How is your friend Audrey doing?' She replied, 'Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She isso popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties and lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung over.'
Her wise father asked his daughter, 'Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.'
The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, 'That's a crazy idea, how would that be fair! I've worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lotof hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!'
The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, 'Welcome to theRepublican party.'

Monday, October 20, 2008

30 Days of Praying for America

Ok so I'm getting caught back up. There will be many days more or less lumped up and I'll write one prayer to cover all the days.

Day 7

13. Pray for the leaders, churches and Christians of Hawaii and Idaho

14. Pray for the Soldiers, Sailors, Marines, Airmen and Guardsmen (I'm also adding Reservists and Coasties here - they are not on the original prayer list), thanking God for their service and asking Him to bless them with strength.

Day 8

15. Pray for the leaders, churches, and Christians of Illinois and Indiana.

16. Pray for candidates for public office, that they would be moved by God to see what is honorable, just and moral.

Day 9

17. Pray for the leaders, churches and Christians of Iowa and Kansas.

18. Pray for a spiritual awakening across the nations, that the Gospel would be communicated across the full spectrum of American society and that Americans of all ages, races and backgrounds would be drawn to Christ and receive His life and salvation.

Day 10

19. Pray for the leaders, churches and Christians of Kentucky and Louisiana.

20. Pray for the children and youth of America, that God will grant them protection of body, soul, mind and spirit and fill them with godly desires and true hope.

Day 11

21. Pray for the leaders, churches and Christians of Maine and Maryland.

22. Pay for the President and Vice President, that their hearts would be guided by God, that their decisions would be wise, and that their leadership would be principled.

Day 12

23. Pray for the leaders, churches and Christians of Massachusetts and Michigan.

24. Pray for God's kingdom to come and His will to be done in your life and your family (Matt6:10)

Day 13

25. Pray for the leaders, churches and Christians of Minnesota and Mississippi.

26. Pray for all of our Representatives and Senators who serve in the U.S. Congress, that they will govern with God-honoring discernment and preserve the freedoms we enjoy as Americans.

Day 14

27. Pray for the leaders, churches and Christians of Missouri and Montana.

28. Pray for the safety of those who live in your community; specifically safety from conflict and crimes (Ps. 122:7).

Lord tonight as I read through these prayer requests, my heart is aching that your people will come to you, they will seek you. Whether they are in a position of governing, power, voters, or children. Lord I pray that they will that the only way is to accept you as their Savior and that through that, you will bless them, even if they don't see it immediately and even if/when it hurts and makes no to little sense.
Lord you have blessed our nation time and time again and we've taken advantage and for granted those blessings. We've become lazy and selfish in your blessings. Lord my prayer is that we become good stewards in the gifts you give us, no matter how big or small or signicant they seem to us at the time. That we will praise you through it all. Through the good and beauty or the hard and ugly times. Lord let the leaders of our country seek you when making decisions for our country. Let them come to you on bended knee and humble themselves before you. You and only you are to be worshipped and I pray that they all see that and come to you.

Shout Unto God

I just found this at a new blog, Jackie's blog and just love it so I had to lift it!
This is most definately how we should ALWAYS be in worship. Making it ALL about HIM, our God, our Lord, our Savior.

Not Me Monday Segment

I've been following McMama and family over at, praying for baby Stellan. One of the things she does is "Not Me Monday". I'm joining in along with tons of others! :)

I was not up until 3:00 am last night, oh no, not me.
I did not make my 7 yr old get his siblings breakfast this morning, and me. Oh not me. (It was just cereal)
I did not leave this post open for 5 hours, and just now come back to it, oh no...not me!
I did not curl up on the couch earlier feeling sorry for myself that we are just hitting the 5 month mark since my husband deployed and we still have 10 months of this deployment left, and have a mini pity party. Not me I say, not me.
I did not go and buy a Halloween bag of Hershey Chocolate bars, 12 pack of pepsi, a bag of cheeto's, and a pint of B&J's Choc. Chip Cookie Dough to eat my sadness of not having my husband home with me. Not me, I don't like junk food!
I am not living in a pig stye of dirty laundry piled high, empty grocery type bags, and other junk strung throughout my home. Not me, I'm a cleaning fanatic I say!
My bedroom floor is not covered with everything and anything that can be thrown into it. No, no that would NEVER be me.
I didn't let my 14 month old color this morning and take the crayon away when she starting eating it, but laugh at her green teeth anyways. No not me!
I did not call my best friend and whine to her about missing Chad and being tired, while she was actually being productive and cleaning her children's room and their "future" playroom. Oh no not me, I NEVER complain and whine!
I did not manage to get our of a Children's Church meeting tonight, I just LOVE meetings and all. No not me.
I did not rethink going to the meeting just so I could get a break from my children. Oh no not me, I value every single moment with my children, even when they're acting like misbehaved children belonging to someone else, because we all know MY children are perfect. Oh yes, yes they are!
Stop by and read the rules if you want to join in, click on the following link!:)

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Lessons Learned, oh so hard

It's a little after 2 am and I am finally feeling tired enough to go to sleep. We started Awana back up tonight and it's fabulous and exhausting all at once! Jack's in Spark's this year and he was so excited and loved that he got to see me. Sadly when we got home I never got to talk to him about it. I'm the Spark's Director so I'm all over the place, making sure the Leaders have everything they need, showing them how to do certain things (paperwork), helping with said paperwork, making sure everyone's leaving on time to go to the next event, etc.

I had put a roast in the crockpot, so that dinner would be easier. I had meant to have potatoes in it before I left, but ran out of time. So I peeled those when I got home and just made reg. mashed potatoes. I had put carrots around it, added some garlic, a half an onion, and some other seasonings. I made some peas for Jack because he doesn't like cooked carrots and since I had just made him eat one last week and he gagged and almost got sick, I'm not going to force the boy to eat a cooked veggie he hates (loves them raw though!). Emma loves veggies, I've yet to find one she does. She loved the whole meal and was covered in it! LOL Jacob didn't eat well though.

Speaking of Jacob, he's definately going through things and I'm not sure exactly what. I have decided tomorrow I'm putting Emma and Jack down and letting him stay up for about 30 minutes aftewards so we can talk. I have no doubt he's missing Chad, but he also found out that B and her family are leaving, because he out right asked me and I will NOT lie to him. We don't have a date, so I told him that they are leaving, but it could be before Christmas to as late as next summer. If I haven't said it before, this is one of the worst parts of Army life (deployments being the #1 worst part), but it's a part of it none the less and I know we'll get through it, and I also know it's not going to be easy. Pain and grieving will be a part of B and their family leaving. B's son "B" is Jacob's best friend. Please just pray for Jacob. He's only 7 and he's had to say goodbye to friends, but this is his best friend and they've spent at least 4 to 5 days a week together pretty well for the last 2 1/2 yrs, minus our 7 weeks in the states.

I don't know if I blogged about this or not, but I got the oh so brilliant idea to cut the boys hair. Jack was first. I had him stand in the tub figuring it'd be the easiest place to catch all the hair and to clean it up from, and that was not a problem at all. The problem is I didn't know what I was doing and that boy has oh 1,000 more callick's than I even knew he had and I knew he had quite a few! LOL Well from the first cut I knew it wasn't going well, but thought I'd get the hang of it and that I'd be able to make something of it. I mean goodness Chad's done it many times and it turns out great, how hard could it be?'s the end result....

Oh here's what he looked like BEFORE I had to shave the poor kids head completely:

So what did this Momma learn?

It's well worth paying what ever amount the barber shop wants to charge to cut my little boys hair. I will NEVER cut his hair again. Jacob I just trimmed his. He has stick straight, very fine hair. I just cut it across the front and then shaved around the ears, and trimmed up the back. MUCH easier. Jack has not only all the callick's but also super thick hair. Goodness, I give props for sure to those who cut his hair and make it turn out like I want it too!!!
What's wonderful is that Jack LOVES having his head shaved so he looksl ike Daddy now. (Chad totally shaved his head bald since he got to Iraq this time!). Jack's hair also grows really fast so probably in a month, he's going to need a haircut and we will be walking over the barber and letting them cut, shave, trim..what ever they need to do!

Oh and tomorrow I'm going to do a catch up post on the 30 days of praying for America. My friend had gotten behind after a death in the family and then I left for Prague and tomorrow is catch up day! Join me in praying for our country!!!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Picture slide show from Prague and Poland

We had a wonderful time on our trip. I do think we did too much in too short of a time, but hey live and learn! My wonderful friend who I went with is moving soon, most likely (they're just waiting on their orders-sniff-sniff). Prague is stunning. If there was a bad part it was that I forgot Emma's blanket (I'd asked Jacob to grab it and he left it in the dining room, right along with me leaving her coat! I did get her jacket at least), and that it was very hazy out most of the day. We'd have times where it was as clear as could be and then the sun would go and a haze would settle in. But, that haze could NOT take away from the stunning beauty of Prague. I can say imo it's definately one of, if not the most beautiful city I've been to so far in our 3 yrs of living in Germany/Europe! We also went to Wroclaw, Poland. On our way we passed a castle that sat up on top of a mountain, so we turned around and drove up there. It was well worth the short out of the way drive and the break was really nice. The views were beautiful, the kids had a blast running around, the leaves were beautiful and Emma really enjoyed playing in them. We arrived in Wroclaw and didn't have hotel reservations (BAD, BAD,BAD) but we were blessed with a nice and pretty affordable hotel, that even had a pool so my friends husband took the 3 little boys swimming in their underwear! Hey when in Europe! It really seems like most of the little boys have suits that look like underwear! There wasn't anyone down in the pool, so the boys had a blast and they were able to burn energy. While they were down in the pool, we had pizza on the way (being delivered!! Wahoo!!), the girls got to run around the hotel room and play and relax.

Of the 8 of us traveling 5 of us had a stomach thing. Imodiam AD helped take care of it and of course it was during our drive from Wroclaw onto Boleslawiec, Poland that we got to deal with that. God was merciful though and it wasn't too awful other than for my friend B, she definately suffered the most poor thing. When we got to Boleslawiec we had fun shopping for pottery. The boys were all very excited to see a pottery store and were truly AMAZED at all the pottery. My favorite store has a couch and table with a few toys, paper, and crayons to keep the kids busy. They were allowed to step into that store and our very first stop (which if looking at the pictures, the one with the HUGE pottery outside...Emma's sitting on the cup!). The other store (with the couch, etc/my favorite store has pottery on the floor, shelves, hanging on the name it. They have a picket fence setion up when you first walk in, so the boys all looked over that and my boys agreed they did NOT want to go in there! LOL FEAR is good!!!

The spent the rest of the time in B's van with her husband, watching a movie and playing games.

We got a few pieces, not too much since pottery really was not something either of us had saved for. I'm so glad we got to have that experience though of going together at least once. I'm sad that most likely we won't get a full Girls weekend. :( That's the Army life.

I only shared a small portion of the over 350 pictures I took. It gives you a nice glimpse of our trip at least!!

It's really, really late (or early depending on how you view 4:40 AM) so I have to get to bed. My kids will be up way too soon and I have a busy day ahead of me!

Oh tomorrow/Friday night B and I are going to play bingo! It's actually a fundraiser event for my battalions FRG and I made one of the baskets that's a prize (it's Basket Bingo!!)...I'm excited and we're hoping we each win! Last time we won at basket bingo!! We hired a babysitter(s). A friend of ours she's in her 20's and then a teen boy. They'll have 5 kids with 2 being under 2 yrs old. We're also ordering pizza for all of them. I'm bringing my airpopper over so they can have popcorn, and just have a fun time! Us Momma's are really looking forward to the rare break and time together with probably a lot of laughter!!!

God Bless and Goodnight!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Home and a Great Search Engine

I know blogger is owned by Google and I'm not anti-google, but sometimes there are just simply better options. My best friend shared with me this search engine,

You put in your favorite charity (gives you many options and if you can't find it in their huge library, you can add it!). Everytime you go looking for something, your charity will get a donation! How awesome huh? My charity is They're the leading research group in finding a cure for Childhood Cancer. Obviously close to my heart. You can change your charity too, so one time you can use one and another time give to another! It's truly a win-win!!! I've had perfect luck with this search engine too!

BTW...we're home from Prague and Poland! We had a great time. I'm working on editing my pictures that I took while gone. I took over 350, so it's taking a bit of time. I hope to have some resized once the kids are in bed and I have time to truly sit down and work on them, I'll add them once I have!

Wednesday, October 08, 2008


And so it goes...

Last night we went to bed with Emma not feeling good. She had diareah that was literally water, she had a fever, and her cheeks were so red. She went to bed easily and when she woke this morning and crawled on me the fever was still there but just by touch I could tell it was down, the red was gone from her cheeks so I figured she was on her well to feeling better, but could smell she was nasty. Between 8:30 and noon she had 8 WATERY diapers. Her poor little tush looked awful. Last night she also did not eat dinner (that was the biggest sign to me she wasn't feeling good, she loves to eat!). So this morning, I gave her toast..she ate it throughout the morning, she ate 3/4 of it which is a lot because we eat the Whole Grain-Whole Wheat bread which is about twice the size of say "Wonder" bread. Then for lunch I heated up left overs of biscuits and gravy and she ate all of it with a big smile on her face. She went down for her nap very easily, and woke up as perky as could be. The diapers are no longer watery, not normal, but definately on it's way, and the fever is gone.

She went with us to soccer practice (mostly because all my friends have kids her age and I didn't want to directly expose them) I kept her away from everyone. She was giddy to be outside I tell you! I got some cute pictures of her and the boys in the leaves before anyone showed up to practice (we were the first ones there...AMAZING us being the first ones!). I'll share those later (I'm transfering my aol journal right now). So we came home, had dinner and then Chad called!!! Let me tell you how good it was to hear that sweet man's voice! He forgot we are going to Prague this weekend, he's happy we're going and getting out of here for a few days!
I can't remember if I mentioned it here that we're going to Prague and Poland. We leave on Friday. We're going with my friend B and her family, we rented a 2 room apartment (cheaper than a hotel). We don't have reservations for Poland, so say a prayer we don't have a problem finding a hotel there and if we do...we're just going to drive home, it's only about 4-5 hours from here, just would shorten our trip by a day.

Tomorrow is Jacob's last soccer game, Jack's was last week. Then we'll have a breather. I am going to enroll Jack in Tae Kwon Do and Jacob into Cub Scouts. Those will be our "winter" activities, along with Awana. No basketball. If I start to feel overwhelmed I guess we'll have to pull them from TKD and CS, Awana's not an option of pulling out of, but I think we'll be ok with those, plus it'll be a change for us. We've always done basketball and neither of the boys really like it that much and after last year with Jacob and the coach that was to be desired, I just have a bad taste in my mouth and feel it's important to take the break. I think I'll take the kids to a high school game, one of the tournaments on a Saturday (we go to the Hospitality House on Friday Nights).

Well, I'm off to see if the transfer will finish, it's almost done and seems to be frozen.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

This and That

Today was a good day, a really good day! The morning went nice and smooth and Emma fell asleep before lunch and took about an hour nap. We had lunch, Emma woke up and joined us, then it was time to start school. Both boys were great with school today and let me tell you God's just been so good to me with school this year. I was honestly terrified to be teaching Jackson. He had little desire to do anything last year as far as preschool work was concerned, and the fight ultimately was not worth it. I didn't want to ruin homeschooling for/with him before we'd even officially began so although he's "behind" kids his age that go to preschool...he's making up for it very quickly. He's learning to write very quickly, he's recognizing his letters and numbers more every day and loves to be read to (which has been a hit or miss thing for him over the years). He's a boy that needs to be praised more, so daily I praise him on his school (praising Jacob too of course, but Jacob doesn't NEED it to feel confident in his school work). Today the both just jumped into their school work, they did it well, neatly, and truly it felt like with joy in their hearts! We're still inching into various subjects and have yet to really touch history or science...Science will be coming next week, because they're both itching to start it! I think in November we'll add in history. I will start spelling words for Jacob next week as well. We're doing something a little unconventional to work on his handwriting this year. I'm having him write a letter to Chad every week! This helps him work on his penmanship, spelling, punctuation, etc and Chad gets a letter from him. What I've done so far is he dictates what he wants the letter to say, I write it out, then he copies it. We'll do this until we break for Christmas, then once we start back in the new year, he'll be writing it on his own and I'll look over it and make corrections, make a copy and send the original letter to Chad and we'll go over the copy so he can see where he needs to make the corrections and I'll have him send the fixed version to Chad as well. This helps Chad stay in on his schooling, gives Jacob good practice, and keeps them communicating in the good old fashioned way...and Daddy loves to get mail! So it's truly a win-win. I just have to make sure Chad writes him back! I'm hoping by spring Jack can write him a couple sentences note, so he can feel apart of it as well.

While Jacob was reading out loud, I started sorting laundry, then we went for a walk with our friend B. We picked up her son from school. She brought their dog, Lola who's a Lab. She's a great dog, still a puppy...but 18 months so full size and sooo strong! Jacob started walking her, well ok reality...she was walking Jacob, no DRAGGING Jacob. Literally he fell and she kept going and he was being pulled behind her. We got him back up and he lost his grip and she took off, would grab the end of her leash and run. B finally caught her, she she walked her while Jacob pushed her daughter in her stroller and I pushed Emma. On our way from picking her son up, to drop Lola back off at home since we were going to the PX, Commissary, and Mailroom...I offered to walk her. She was very good for me, but at one time yanked a little on her leash and it broke my nail. It's broke about a 1/4 of the way back and hurts. I've trimmed it as good as I can, but if I trim anymore, we're going to see the underneath of my nail and I can't bear that (the pain or the sight). So I'm going to put a bandaid on it before heading to bed, and hope the nail grows quickly.

Today was the first time B and I have walked since coming back from the states. Before my trip we were walking everyday, all over post. So it was so nice to be back into our little ritual. Of course life's a little crazier for both of us with sports, but this is the last week for Jacob's soccer (Jack finished last week). So she'll still have her son's football, but we'll have the flexibility of walking with her to get him from school if our school work is done.

I'm going to start going back to the gym next week if I can get everything figured out as far as childcare. With Chad deployed I get 16 free hours of childcare per child through School Age Services for the boys, Family Childcare (in home), or the CDC (for Emma). I will not be using the CDC. There's also a FCC provider offering childcare at the gym now, so I think that's what I'll do with Emma. I was planning on going in the mornings to the gym, so I'm going to see if my neighbor is still willing to watch the boys twice a week while I go to the gym. In the afternoons once they're done with school a couple times a week I'll let them go play at SAS. We're taking the winter off from sports (Mama needs a break!) so this will be a fun thing for them to do!

We're now into our 5th month of this 15 month deployment. Time is dragging for me I have to say. It feels like he's been gone closer to 9 months and feels like we should be about done, but we're not even half way done...still 2 1/2 months to go before I can even say that. Chad on the otherhand said the deployment is going by quickly for him and for that I'm so grateful. If it has to drag for one of us, I'd rather it be least I'm here in the comforts of our home with our children, our bed, friends, and safety. We still have months to go before he's home for R&R too. We have decided what we're doing for R&R at least...we're going to Rome! I think we'll go for 3-5 days. I'm not sure yet. I think we're going to drive to Vecinza, stay a night or two there, maybe even take another trip to Venice, then take the train to Rome, on the train ride there we'll get off in Piza and sight see for a day and my friend B is going to give us a few other places that are must see's that will be on our way down to Rome to see as well! I'm excited! We want to try and go to new places and although we've been to Italy, we've not been to Rome. When he comes home for good, for block leave we're planning on taking a Greek Cruise! A friend of mine did this after our last deployment and she said it was very family friendly and she has some wonderful pictures of their whole family. We have a list of places we want to go to, so after this deployment is over and block leave is over we'll be able to mark those off! We are truly so blessed. This deployment is not easy and our family is sacrificing a great deal of time and memories being seperated, but this is Chad's job, his career and he loves it and I support him and what he's doing 100%. We just try to make the most of our time together. The most important thing when he's home is family time, we're just blessed that family time can include amazing places that so many just don't get the opportunity to see. The boys are old enough that they'll have some memories of their time here and although Emma won't be able to have her own memories, she'll see that she was at all these amazing places!!

So plans for tomorrow: If Emma's feeling better, I guess I forgot to mention that when we got home I changed Emma because she'd soaked through (she'd drank 12 oz of water while were on our walk), but it wasn't urine...she has diarreah and it was literally water. :( She was so red. I nursed her and she fell right to sleep (bare bottom and all). I laid a towel on the couch and then covered her up and she slept for about an hour. She woke up just as I'd finished up dinner and was happy. Her cheeks were really red and she felt warm, but she had a smile on her face. She was happy to go into her high chair, but didn't touch dinner. This is NOT like Emma. She may be tiny, but she LOVES to eat. So I knew she definately was not feeling good. I am guessing there's a bug going around and she must have caught it. I just keep telling myself that everytime she gets sick, her immune system only gets stronger.
So anyways, if she's feeling better in the morning, then I am going to PWOC, going to the post office to mail in my voter registration so I can get my absentee ballot ( are you registered?? It's important!!), coming home and starting laundry, having lunch, getting Emma down for her nap, doing art with the boys. At 5 Jacob has soccer practice, so I need to make sure I have dinner planned out and everything prepared to be cooked once I'm home. Work on laundry some more (probably just folding and putting away for the most part). I plan to not wash/dry past 7 pm. Then we'll finish our evening up with dinner, baths, story, prayers, and bed for the kids.
Thursday I will have to finish up laundry and Jacob has his last soccer game, then I will have to come home and pack!! Friday morning we're heading to Prague! It's known to be the most beautiful city in all of EUROPE! I am so excited! We're also planning on going up to Poland for 2 days as well and staying in a city (the name just left my head) that's compared to Venice because of all the cannals! We're going to hit a couple castles while in Poland and planning on hitting the town that we go to for Polish Pottery! Wahoo! I don't plan to buy much pottery this trip, because I didn't budget it in, but will get a couple pieces I'm sure! :) I will definately take lots and lots of pictures and will share!

Ok, not sure if I'll blog again before our trip or not....we'll see if the mood hits.

God Bless

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Pray for America Days 4-6

I want to first start off with an apology for not posting these, my brain just left here are the days I've missed. I'm not going to include the personal prayer for all of the days, but the last one.
Day 4
7. Pray for the leaders, churches and Christians of California and Colorado.
8. Pray for the Holy Spirit to bring conviction of sin and draw Americans to faith in Christ (John 16:8).

Day 5

9. Pray for the leaders, churches, and Christians of Connecticut and Delaware.
10. Pray for those who serve as police officers, prosecutors, defenders, judges, and Justices of the U.S. Supreme Court, that they would be vigilant in service and wise in judgement

Day 6
11. Prayer for the leaders, churches and Christians of Florida and Georgia.
12. Play that the Church will deepen its commitment to prayer and never cease to call upon God. (Psalms 5:3; 55:17; Isaiah 62:6).

Lord we pray for California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, and Georgia. Father I pray tonight that you will convict us of our sins that we do constantly against you. That you'll strengthen our will to be closer to you. Lord I pray for all those who are serving in public office, who are supposed to protect their fellow Americans whether it be police officers or Judges. Let them make wise decisions in their arrests all the way to their convictions and all that falls in between.
Lord pray with open heart that our family, your fellowers the church will find a desire to seek you, to talk to you unceasing, that they/we will hear your words, your guidance, your will and we will do all we can. Lord it is t hrough you we are strong and it is through you we are weak. Nothing happens without your permission, even the "bad", Lord you have ordained and there is a reason and your Glory will be that reason. Lord let us as Christians praise you through this storm. Let us see YOU working Lord for our greater good. Let us fight Satan as he tries to steal the joy you have given us and the pain you've allowed us all to feel from a weakened economy to high gas prices.
Thank you Lord, for allowing us to have so many luxuries that have turned into what many feel are necesseties. Lord let us see things for what they really are. You are an AWESOME GOD. You are a Great GOD. You are OUR God, My GOD. I Praise you, I seek You, I Love you.

It's in your Revelant Name I pray

Great day, sore feet

I had a great day, well take away the screaming at the boys to help me clean! You see I have this not so secret, secret (lol)...I HATE cleaning and I tend to do it as little as possible, which well it's not good. Since we got home, I've not done much of anything and things just have been piling. I managed to empty the luggage (hey that was good right?) and have emptied the 2 boxes that have arrived so far (out of a total of 9). I've done the laundry, folded it and made the boys put theirs away, put away a hamper of Emma's...but the rest of Emma's and all of mine sat on the couch, love seat, and yes sadly the FLOOR. :X We won't talk about the dirty clothes that were strewn all around this place from bedrooms, the "laundry hall" as I'm starting to see it as (I keep our hamper there and clothes go in it and around it) and I had a good pile of dirty clothes (99% Emma) in the living room as well. Then the papers, books, and toys..again all in the living room. Then the dining room...oh good grief it was a disaster. We have what they call a "Great room" living room/dining room all in one. It's really big, it is and I'm grateful that the military provides us room for both, but well I like seperate rooms personally and have only had it once while living in on post housing, although our dining room was then part of the kitchen, but there was a definate seperation there. Anyways...the dining room was toys, papers, boxes, and oh yes clothes strewn all about. Seriously it's amazing none of us have killed ourselves or at least broken a bone by tripping over all this stuff. Then the table, well it was full of school books, papers (of course), a few boxes, and of course TOYS, we had just enough room for the boys and I (Emma's in a high chair) to sit and eat our meals, otherwise it was no man's land at the other end of the table. The kitchen...oh where do I begin. Recycling had piled up HIGH again (at least I recycle! Impressive for a conservative Republican to do huh?! LOL) I had a trash bag needing to go out, so it was sitting by the recycling, there were old rubber maid containers that I needed to get rid of (recycling), the floor was disgusting and needed a really, really good cleaning (it got an ok cleaning), the counters were full of misc stuff, the little table in there was piled high with various items that didn't need to be there. Well most of the stuff from that table got put into the trash or recycling. The boys took out the recycling, I took out the two bags of trash (the other was in the can), I cleaned off my counters, cleaned up the dishes, swept and swiffer wet jetted the floor (aka my mop). The boys and I cleaned up the dining room together, the boys did 99.9% of the living room. Jacob vacuumed the living room AND dining room! I swept all the floors and cleaned the bathroom until it shined. Oh my bathroom was actually not too bad, but my sink hasn't been draining well. I figured it was still suffering from the toilet paper Jackson decided to clean it with BEFORE we'd went to the states (I thought I'd gotten it all out...HA). Anyways...we got everything cleaned, dinner was in the crockpot smelling wonderful, I'd just started peeling potatoes and our friends showed up for dinner.

I invited them over to share the meal I was making (it was new to them) and to motivate me to get this dump cleaned! It worked. Now I should say I invited them over LAST Sunday..I had a full week to clean, but notice I waited until TODAY. Guess who's a procrastinator?? Oh and everything that was strewn around that the boys didn't know what to do with and all the clean laundry went on MY bed. So, my bedroom looked like 100 bombs went off in it and trust me it was already a disaster. The last 2 1/2 weeks I've really had NO peaceful place for me to go at you can imagine how stressed I've been feeling.

Well our friends come, eat dinner, we chat, eat dessert (she made a home made apple pie and brought vanilla ice cream...YUM!). We chat a little more and they leave and instead of sitting my tired butt down and resting my ACHING feet...I go into my room and start haning up clothes and putting them away! Wahoo! I put Emma's away first, there were a few things for the boys as well so I gave them their clothes and had them put it up, then I moved onto my clothes and got them put away. Now I still have a laundry basket (or two :X) to put away from before our trip (see PROCRASTATOR) but the stuff that was literally covering my bed, is off and where it is supposed to be! So this week my goal is to get my room clean and for the boys to get their room clean. Ultimately I'm working on mine and I will have the boys devote two 30 minute blocks a day to theirs and we're going to see what we get done. We only have 4 days this week, because on Friday we're going to Prague!!!!!!! In case I haven't mentioned it, I LOVE living in Europe! We are soooo blessed!

Anways, my feet are killing me and I finally have a chance to sit and relax and it's only midnight! I feel so good that so much was accomplished today. Will you all pray that I keep up this motivation? That I'll get my room cleaned or very close to it? I know it really wouldn't take that long if I'd just go do it. I will say though that I really felt I neglected Emma today. I barely had time to sit and nurse her or just play with her at all, wait I didn't play with her at all :(
So I'm making a plan for my bedroom cleaning. I'm going to do the same as my boys 2 30 minute cleaning spurts for the next 4 days and I should have it looking fabulous! When I get it cleaned, I'll actually post pictures of it. I'm taking before pictures, but those are ONLY for Emily's eyes only (I've seen her room lol), but I'll happily show the world a CLEAN bedroom..just not the disaster it is!

Oh the the topper of my day...I got to chat with Chad this morning before church and he called this evening! God is good!!!!

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Request for all those talented taggers

Ok so I'm going out on a limb and just going to ask, would someone be willing to make me a personal tag? If you look at my profile picture, that's what I'm talking about. That was in very outdated, we're talking 3 yrs ago, so it obviously doesn't include Emma in it and I really want one with her in it.

I'm happy to email pictures, but I'm not talented enough to do it and would love you forever!! LOL

If you're willing let me just thank you now x's 1,0000000!

Brighter Day

Last night was a dark night for me. When I initially started writing last night it was on how blessed I was, and look at how quickly Satan took that and made it into something heart-wrenching and full of sorrow. Well maybe it wasn't heart wrenching to any of you, but it was to me as I poured out my heart and could not even see the screen because of the tears.

The thing is though, I still have those moments, those days where my heart is just pulled outside of me, stomped on, and shoved back inside, with a little twist. It's been 8 years, 8 years since I last held Jordyn, the child who made me a mother, the one who showed me just how far I could go with love (to the ends of the earth), and just how love never dies...ever.

There's obvious regrets, but there's so many more blessings. Jordyn was God's shining moment in my life. If he's ever been more obvious in my life, I totally missed it...because for me she was the crown jewel. He showed me just how deeply I could love as well as hurt...most of all how much I could trust in him. He didn't answer my prayers the way I WANTED, but he answered them none the less (that answer btw was no). He did though keep her safe. I know she's loved and well taken care of and not a day goes by that I have to worry about her. She's with Jesus!

Sometimes we have to go through the darkness of the night to see just how bright the morning really is. Last night was a VERY dark night, and God's shown me once again just how brightly he can and does shine.

You see he's blessed me beyond all measures. He allowed me to have Jordyn, even if for a short moment. I can promise you this, even knowing the ending....sure I'd have changed some details there, but even if it was the same ending...I'd have done it all over again, because those 2 yrs 1 month and 8 days were the most blessed days of my life. God's blessed me with an amazing husband who puts up with far more than he deserves. He's given me grace over and over. He loves me like no man can love. God's given me 3 other children (so far) and they're amazing. He gave me Jacob when he knew without a doubt a girl would not have been in my (or Chad's) best interest. He gave us Jack, to show us he knew exactly what he was doing and it was HIS will NOT ours. He gave us Emma, after such deep prayer and telling him the desires of my heart. What is in the future is not for me to worry about. Will he allow us more children, I do not know. I do know that he'll continue to show me all the wonders of this world, as long as I keep seeking him.

I am So Blessed, even in my darkest moments.

Friday, October 03, 2008

The Choices we regret

I had started to write another post, but as I did I was pulling up links on the type of leukemia Jordyn had, and of course there I was reading it all (again). Jordyn had AML leukemia M5, one please go and read and read about the subtype (M5) see what that precious, wonderful, beautiful little girl was up against.
What I've known for quite some time and saw a few years ago as a cause that had been proven, but had not ever read "officially" was that tabacco smoke as a cause/risk factor. Well it's there now in black and white and I have myself to blame. I lived with my parents, 2 heavy smokers for Jordyn's first 7 months, while Chad was in Bosnia. Let me tell you, people who say they wouldn't change a thing in their life, well if they're being honest good for them, but I would ABSOLUTELY change things (many) but the most important is the choice Chad and I made for Jordyn and I to stay with my parents for those 7 months. I should have gotten us out of that house, I should have NEVER moved in with them to begin with. NEVER allowed them to smoke around her or me while I was pg with her. But I was stupid and felt I still had to "do as they said", knowing it was so harmful. I HATED and of course still do, smoking.

I don't know if I will EVER be able to forgive myself for being so weak and stupid. I ultimately signed Jordyn's death certificate by a choice that didn't ever have to be made. Listen to me now, if you hear nothing else...DO NOT allow your children to be exposed to Tabacco smoke/2nd hand smoke. I promise you, you do NOT want to be here in my shoes, wheeping knowing that it's YOUR fault your child had to suffer so and die. You don't want to know that she didn't HAVE to go through the pain and suffering caused by chemo and radiation and a bone marrow transplant. You don't want to watch your beautiful child shrink before your eyes as the cancer eats away every single calorie before her body can do anything with them. You don't want to hear your sweet little baby tell you she wants to go to God instead of stay with you. You most definately don't want to wake up just as she takes her last breath and you BEG and PLEAD to GOD to please, please, please give her back. You don't. I promise you. You don't want to know what it's like to call your husband who's states away, to bury his grandfather...and have to tell him he has to come home because his baby has died.
Had I made ONE simple decision, my life could be completely different. I will never know though what it's like to have Jordyn grow past 2 yrs old. I ache for her. It's been 8 years and I still absolutely ACHE for her. God's allowed me another chance to raise a daughter and has blessed me with our 2 little boys and let me tell you I won't make that same deadly mistake twice.

Please, I am begging you....don't chance living with this pain, this guilt, this heartache. I pray GOD has forgiven me and I pray Jordyn has. It's my fault and I accept that. I pray my other children will forgive me one day when they know the truth, had their mom just stood up and said "NO" they could have had their big sister. I just have to figure out how to forgive myself.