Sunday, February 27, 2011

It's almost 3 AM and I'm still wide awake. In about 12 hours my big boy will be getting the first stage of braces on. His top 4 teeth are very messed up, so he'll be getting braces just on top and only the 4 maybe 6 teeth, in a year or maybe two (depending on how long it takes for him to loose the rest of his baby teeth) he'll get the rest of his braces. It's honestly hard to believe I have a child old enough to be getting braces. The years just fly by. Far too quickly. It seems like only yesterday that he was Noah's age. The other night we were talking about what he was doing when he was Noah's age. He went through this awful phase of banging his head against the wall. It was horrible to me. Of course I'd react, which would only encourage the behavior. When he finally stopped was when I finally stopped reacting! LOL Of course!

I read blogs of new Momma's and how they're wishing for the next phase of babyhood to get here....wishing away these precious moments, wishing away the time. I am going to just say it: STOP IT! It goes by in the blink of an eye. If you have a baby, relish it. Love it....enjoy it. You WILL long to have those days back. You'll long to hold your baby in your arms again. You'll look at your toddler and wonder how they got there. How it's possible that they're talking and running and never run out of constant energy????? Don't wish those toddler days away either. In a flash they'll be a big kid who may actually know more than you. Who may roll an eye at you, who are almost as tall as you....who just a blink ago were that infant that you were rocking to sleep in your arms. Who you nursed to sleep, and held tightly to your finger. You'll long to feel them cuddled up in your lap once again. Don't wish these days away, I promise you it goes by all too quickly.

There's nothing wrong with looking forward to the future, just don't be so focused on the future that you forget to enjoy the present! Look back on the past with fondness and smiles.

Make memories. Share laughter, hugs, and kisses. Take pictures of the mundane of your life with those little ones, so you never forget. Smell them in, take deep, life lasting smells of their heads. Never take for granted a day. It'll be over before you know it.

Most of all praise GOD for each Glorious Day. Praise Jesus that you have the Promise of Tomorrow because of his sacrifice for your life and your loved ones.....if they're believers.

Tonight as I'm heading to bed, I'll be cuddling with my 3 year old who's officially out of diapers (she's just recently night time "trained") and my 9 month old. I'm blessed and not taking a moment for granted. Tomorrow....I'll take my camera and take before and after photo's. I can't believe my "little man" is 10 and ready for braces.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

9 months/6 months

Today's a bittersweet day. The Sweet is that Noah's 9 months old today. Wow how has time gone by so quickly? 9 months. They're formed and grow and are born in 9 months and here he is....God formed a beautiful, happy, funny, loving, loved little baby boy who's adored and cherished in ways that are just unspeakable. How quickly they go from these little bundles that do nothing but sleep and eat and cuddle in just that right spot on your chest and in the nape of your neck, to cruising the furniture and crawling at the speed of lightening. Who do everything they can inbetween the times of sleeping and eating and making the most of all those moments. Such beautiful moments they are, but wow are they on the go! Here's a widely known secret (so I guess that doesn't make it a secret huh! ) I hold my babies as much as I possibly can. I don't lay them on the floor much, because I don't want them to be mobile for as long as possible. Here's the reality...once they're mobile you're constantly chasing, you making sure your older children have picked up the lego's, twigs that the stupid dog drug in, that got caught on his coat, because you know that the little one is fast as can be to pick up any and everything and stick it into his mouth. They're pulling up, walking along the furniture, losing their grip and balance and falling and bumping the head...the olders are running and acting like it's the end of the world, which in turn makes that baby cry harder,louder, longer. But you know what, I wouldn't want to miss a moment. I love each moment, even when I feel like I'm constantly walking throughout the rooms picking up the lego's and stupid twigs from the stupid dog (can you all guess who I'm not liking right now???? ) Anyways....time flies by too fast. So, I literally hold my babies as long as possible. I don't wish any of this time away. Sure there are nights when he's up until 4 AM because of gas, because a certain momma was stupid and ate something that's not digesting in his properly (oops..BUT lesson learned!). Even when I'm dog tired and have tears streaming down my face because I'm so exhausted and know that in only a couple short hours the older kids will be up ready for breakfast and ready to start their school day....I cherish it. I know that these moments are fewer and fewer and in a blink of an eye Noah's going to be 10 years old like his big brother and I'm going to long for these moments of rocking and nursing and cuddling over eye rolls, stomping, mubling and having to discipline for disrepect and having to talk about how he's breaking a commandment (Honoring They Mother and Father). I don't think Noah's our last, but reality is I don't know what the Lord has prepared for us in the future. I know that my heart doesn't say we're done, Chad's definitely doesn't (he's ready to have another NOW...personally I'm ok with waiting another year, but I trust the Lord!). So with that....Happy 9 month birthday my sweet Noah James. Mommy loves you so very much.

Sweet Noah in the hospital just a couple days old

Noah James...Feb 2011....on a mission: crawling and pulling up with 2 little teeth and the most beautiful blue eyes.

Now to the "bitter". Six months ago my best friend Rebekah went home to the Lord. I do rejoice she's with him....but oh how I miss her. I can't believe it's been 6 months since we last chatted. It was about this time 6 months ago we said "goodnight, talk to you tomorrow. Love you" I never dreamt that tomorrow would not come for her. I never thought her life would end at 33 years old. I never thought that the man who couldn't be bothered and who had readily admitted that the reason he didn't want to be married was because he didn't want to be a FATHER, is now fully responsible raising their two little boys. 11 almost 12 years and 9 years was not enough time for them to have their Momma, yet it was all the time GOD deemed for all of them. Oh how my heart aches. I look at Noah and think that the day he turned 3 months old, she was about to meet her Lord. I'm in close contact with her mom and sister. They are hurting and I know the hurt and pain her Mom is feeling all too well. To grasp that your child's been gone for 6 months/half a year is sometimes just so much to bare. I'm so thankful they all know our Lord. They know she's in Heaven, I KNOW she's in Heaven. How she loved our Lord. I still miss her. I still ache for her boys (actually I'm in such worry for them, but fighting hard to completely trust that the Lord is taking care of them). I don't know I'll ever "understand" why on August 19 GOD called her home. I believe all these sorts of questions will make sense when we get to Heaven. Actually I don't think we'll care, because we'll be with our Lord, that gives me peace. I miss talking to her everyday. It's still hard to grasp that I'll never get to. I still find myself wanting to share things and thinking "oh I will tell Rebekah, she'll love it, understand, etc". Please pray for her boys and her family and her other friends.
Until we meet again my beautiful friend.......

Tuesday, February 15, 2011


When the year started I was planning on participating in the 365 days of photo's, but I've failed miserably. I instead decided to just try to take quite a few each week and that's worked out much better!!! So with that here you go. The first set are from Feb and then next is from January (which is noted.

Mr Blue Eyes

He's crawling

He was giggling so hard

In Daddy's Army Winter Weather Gear

Noah hugging Jacob

Jacob's big birthday gift
Emma and Me
My Valentine Flowers and the heart is from Jacob

Me and 4 of my GIFTS on my birthday
Jack,Noah,Me,Emma, & Jacob
From this point on below are all from January 2011


Jacob doing some school work



beautiful sunset from my back patio

When Noah was born the hospital had professional photographers and this was part of the package we bought. if you look closely you'll see Noah's feet as the background! Love this!!!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

I was catching up on a couple blogs and read one about how she annoys herself. One thing she said annoyed her was parents who just allow their child to throw a fit and they don't do anything. It got me to thinking about how judgemental I am, we all are. It's so very easy to sit back and judge another mom and/or dad. Easy to judge another wife, woman. More often than not though, we do not know their story.

I have a friend whose son was recently dx with quite a few different issue's, one being PTSD. Now if you're not in the military, you may not know that acronym. If you are in the military you probably know it well. Post Trumatic Stress Disorder. This is common in Soldiers (and other military members), is becoming more common in spouses who've been through multiple deployments (yeah I probably have it),but it's recently been children being dx with it. Sadly my dear friend is dealing with it and so much more. When he starts having a meltdown she simply has to let it go forward, let him finish and then once he's done talk with him. If she tries to "interfere" or "parent" as some would like to call it, he goes into a whole new level. Now from an onlooking looking on at my friend and her son, they'd think she's just ignoring him or doing nothing. The reality is, she's doing exactly what she's found works best with him, as well as what his psychiatrist, psychologist, and specialist.

How many of us stand back and judge others. Parenting or what we deem as lack of parenting? Marriages? Friendships? How they do their job (what ever it may be). Oh we are so full of sin, self-loathing, judgement, self-righteousness. We can't see the board that's in our own eye, while pointing out the thorn in someone else's.
I want to be Godly. I want to be like Jesus. I want to love another far more than I judge. If I'm judging I want it to be righteous judgement, not my own. I want a heart like Jesus, vs the heart that I have. I want to be gentle, yet firm. I want to be blunt, but with love in my heart and tone. Wednesday was my birthday. I had so many birthday wishes, and so many nice things said to me. None do I feel worthy of. I was humbled. I was embarrassed. I felt and still do feel unworthy of such admiration spilled upon me. The reality is, I'm so fallen, so unkind at times, so unloving, and most definitely so unlovable....yet to view me through those who wrote on my facebook wall....I would look like a warm, lovely, kind-hearted, Godly woman. I want to be the woman so many see me as. I want to see me as GOD see's me.

This song just popped in my head:

"No Higher Calling" by Jonathan Butler

Down at your feet Oh Lord
Is the most high place
In your presence Lord,
I Seek your face
I Seek your face

Down at your feet Oh Lord
Is the most high place
In your presence Lord,
We Seek your face
We Seek your face

There is no higher calling
No greater honor
Than to bow and kneel before your throne
I am amazed at your glory
Embraced by your mercy
Oh Lord, I live to worship you

How I long to be at Jesus's feet. How heavy my heart is some days when I think of how unworthy I am, how far I have to go to be what GOD has called me to be. I don't want to judge others. I don't want to look at them and only see faults. I want to look at them through the eyes of Jesus. If I see sin, I want to go to them as a sister in Christ and speak with them as HE calls me to, not as my own "self" wants. Pray for me as I seek to be more like Jesus. To love like him, to walk like him, to fall on my knee's before him.