Tuesday, June 22, 2010

hand over the mouth

Those who know me and I mean REALLY know me, you know I speak my mind and sometimes I speak before I think. Last night was one of those experiences and all I can do now is pray that GOD will place his hand over my mouth, grab me up and shake the daylights out of me so I can hear him tell me "quiet". Seriously I can preach a good sermon, but I sure can't seem to take my own advice. Why can't I just keep it shut sometimes and let things be. So will you pray for and with me. Pray that I will stop, pray, and then if GOD is leading me do or don't do. Will you pray that my actions and words do not have a negative effect on someone I love so much I can't even bare the thought of hurting him. I'm so angry at myself and so remorseful I can't even tell you how much. I just have to wait and see what comes of my own arrogance.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Hurt Feelings

We've all had them at least a few times in our life. I feel like I've sucked it up more over the years, but there are still times when it's just a reality of life that my feelings get hurt. I thought I'd share a few things that hurt my feelings.

When a friend says she'll call me that day/later and then doesn't.
When friends who live in the same place as you talk about how they and other mutual friends are getting together and never think to invite you.
When my husband snaps at me when I ask a question, and actually have no attitude when asking it.
When I find I spend my day holding the baby all day, not able to accomplish much if anything and then hubby coming home and you can see it in his eyes that he thinks you've simply been lazy, and just done nothing.
When my husband promises me he'll do a specific task and because he's helping others doesn't ever get to doing the task that he promised he'd do.
When my child prefers his/her Daddy over me/Mommy.

I know most are ridiculous, actually all of them are. They are things I just need to suck it up and get over. Yet when you have your feelings hurt, it hurts. I try hard to turn those hurt feelings and all the pettiness over to GOD. I also know I am not always very good at doing it timely. I find instead that I sit and dwell on it for a bit first. I hope that one of these days I get over being so childish/petty. That I toughen up even more and get thicker skin.

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Here we go.....

Tomorrow Noah will be 3 weeks old. I can't believe he'll be 3 weeks already. He's baby #5 and honestly I love him as much as our first, I just have a better idea of what's going on most of the time! Chad's been on leave since I had him, but tomorrow he's going back to work. He was supposed to be off the rest of this week, but they need him back and his boss asked him to return, and he has a great Plt. Sgt who's over him and Chad respects him a great deal so he's going. I honestly wish he could stay home for the rest of the week, but oh well. I'm going to PWOC for the first time since having Noah. I'm on the board once again, I'm the Prayer leader, which is such a full circle position for me. When we first moved here almost 5 years ago, just the thought of praying out loud literally made me sick to my stomach. I felt inadequate, was scared of tripping over my words, and honestly scared of being judged for sounding stupid and not eloquent like it seemed everyone else did! Then GOD convicted my vain self! Praying out loud is not about me. Let me say that again, it's NOT ABOUT ME! It wasn't about any of my sisters. It wasn't about tripping over my words. It's all about HIM! It's about Praising GOD, about Seeking HIM, Humbling myself at HIS feet! It's not about me, it's all about HIM! Whew, that was a lesson to learn. GOD calls us all to leave our comfort zones and depend on HIM. He wants us to step outside of our comfort zones and stop making it about ourselves, and start making it about him and then praise him when he allows us to succeed or not! Praying out loud was a slow start for me, I started doing it with only a few people, got comfortable in that setting and went to a larger one, until I felt GOD urging me to pray in front of our whole PWOC body (aprox 40 to 50 women). At this point it's not a nervous issue, it's still so humbling to me to see where GOD's taken me in this particular area, and that he's constantly working on me in other area's that I cling to out of fear and have not given over to him fully. I believe with all my heart that he does that with all of us. He's calling us to step outside our comfortable place and let go and let GOD!
I'm excited about tomorrow, to officially stand in front of the ladies and praise our Lord! To share his word, and pray for our ladies in an official capacity.

With that....it's 4 minutes to midnight, my sweet Noah is waking up and ready to nurse and have a diaper change and I need to get some sleep, we have a big day ahead of us since we'll be going out it just me and the kiddo's! I think it's going to be a good day!

Oh and just a little shout out.....Happy Birthday Emily....I love you girl!

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Two weeks already

All taken today

Noah's two weeks today, and it's flown by. He had his 2 week Well baby apt today and has gained 1 lb 2 oz. (thank you Momma's milk!), he's grown 1/2 inch, and his head is 1 in. larger as well! He got his Vit. K shot, Hep B shot, and PKU. He will not get any more vax's, until he's 2. Yes 2. We do delayed vaccinations over all. If you don't agree fine, but no unsolicited advice...I've done my research!

So how's life been here...one word....EXHAUSTED! I'm tired, nope I'm exhausted! But, I love it. I'm so thankful that GOD has blessed me once again. Emma's still crazy about him and we have to watch her constantly around him (we'd do this anyways, but still) she's always wanting to hug him, kiss him, and lay beside him (which ends up on him if we're not really careful). She's also insanely jealous and has been whining more than normal (aka driving me INSANE), but her love seems to override the jealousy so I'm thankful!! The boys are great. Jack seems to be more interested in Noah than Jacob, but Jacob's 9 and well I don't know what else to say about him (we seem to be entering a moody phase that holds some unpleasant attitude...it's tough getting older with parents who don't allow disrespect!). In a few weeks Jacob will actually be showing our church community and saying outloud that he's given his life over to Jesus, and will be baptised! He's loved Jesus for years, and had a true heart for our Lord for the last 4 years, that others have truly seen and even talked with him about as well, so to have him make this step is one that makes my heart just swell. He asked to take the baptism class and really loved the classes, loved speaking every week with our head chaplain, and learning more about Jesus than he already knew, and then sharing with Chad and I all he's learned. I'm sure I'll be a crying mess the day he's baptised, as I cry when anyone publical displays giving their life over to Christ, so to see it with my own child....whew watch out!
Well it's LATE and my eyes are heavy! Good night