Monday, October 29, 2007

The Ballet and Leaves Changing

Well Emma and I saw Sleeping Beauty for the Ballet and it was beautiful, amazing, and just spectacular! Truly those dancers were so talented it goes beyond words! The lead girl got up on her very tip toes multiple times. I've never been a dancer, but I know from having one of my best friends growing up that it's extremely difficult even with the special shoes. The poses they did was just well no doubt painful, yet they did it with such ease and grace!

Here's 2 pictures of Emma and I (we of course were not allowed to take pictures OF the ballet)...

Saturday we went and took a hike and looked at all the leaves in all their glory! Truly it's like God just paints our world with the beautiful colors! It was a great hike, we went up what I like to call a mini mountain, ok so it wasn't a mountain, but man that hill was far up and steep! Once up there it was totally worth the climb though! We walked through the woods down a path. It was really beautiful! After we came back, had lunch, and our boys went home with a friend because later they were having a sleep over at another friends house, Chad, Emma, and I headed to Graf to the new PX. On the way there the leaves were stunning as well! I made Chad pull over so I could take a couple pictures!

These were taken on our walk

Chad and I looking at Emma Our family with again our friends girl

(Our friends daughter on Chad's back)

On our way to Graf

Saturday, October 27, 2007

A few pictures from the last 2 days

God's Splendor

Jack and Jacob

Me and Emma at the Ballet
Chad and Me looking at Emma
with our friends girl hanging out on Chad's back

Friday, October 26, 2007

Going to the Ballet

Tonight Emma and I are going to the Russian Ballet. It's here in town and I'm really excited. A group of us from the Hospitality House and Chapel are going! It's starts tonight at 1900 (7 pm). Chad and the boys will be going to regular Friday night Hospitality House. Tonight for the HH is pizza, so Chad's making a pizza once he gets home and he'll feed the boys while I'm getting ready.

Tomorrow in the morning we're going on a Fall Colors walk with the Hospitality House and then my friend Bobbie is taking the boys to her place while Chad and I go over to Graf to the new PX and do some Christmas shopping for the kids!! :) That evening the boys and Bobbie's son are going to another friends place to have a sleepover. That friends oldest son just had a birthday and this is his "party" a sleepover. Jack's going too because she thought it'd be nice for her youngest son who's also 4 to have a friend to play with and Jack and her son love each other!

Sunday we have chapel and when we get home I have to start some laundry and then we have AWANA. I'm the Sparks Director again. This week I'll be the Sec. too since mine will not be there. I have to meet with my leaders at 4:00 to go over any questions they have and go over a few things that we need to address from last week. I have some really great leaders, it's just 3 of thems first time ever helping with Awana so we just have to cover some basic things and then if they have any questions or concerns they can ask me. I had just changed Emma's diaper and was throwing it away. I'd left her on her changing pad (on the living room floor) and Jack decided to "play" with Emma and was pulling her around on her changing pad (yes I know...nothing good comes from a 4 yr old pulling his 12 week old sister around) I hear Emma SCREAMING this horrible high pitched, I'm in pain scream and I go in and she's under our chair and I run in there and I get her head out from under it and notice her right hand isn't coming, I gently tug it and feel it's stuck, I feel more and it's her index finger, it was stuck on a staple. I'm trying to stay as calm as possible. Jack's screaming and I yell for Jacob to come help me. I lift Emma and he lifts the chair (it's on gliders so easy to pull back thankfully) and I have to just pull her tiny little finger off the staple. Tons of blood of course. I was almost in tears, yelled at Jackson who's sobbing, run Emma to the bathroom, wash her finger, get antibiotic ointment and a bandaid and bandage her tiny finger up. I started to nurse her and have Jack climb up with me and he's still just sobbing his little heart out, saying how he's sorry he didn't mean to hurt Emma. We talk about how Emma's not a toy, she's a person and that he could have hurt her even more than she already got hurt. I told him to tell her he was sorry, which he did with crocadile tears running down his little face and he gave her a kiss. When Chad got home we had to put another bandaid on her because she'd bled through the first one, which she screamed through and made Jack cry all over again and this time Jacob got teary eyed as well. They just can't handle their sister being in pain.

All's good in Emma's world now and the boys are good now too. Jack's playing knights in the playroom, Jacob's in the dining room drawing, and Emma's laying on me filling her pants! :)

Oh and today Emma's 12 weeks old. Time has just flown by with her and I wish it wouldn't. I'd love for it to just slow down a little. She's starting to really coo and laugh at us now and although not purposely batting at this (which is how her finger got caught on the staple). She definately loves her Momma too ;)...if someone else is holding her and I'm near by she's leaning towards me, turning her head to find me. I have to say I LOVE IT!!!

Well I need to get into the shower and get dressed for the ballet and need to change Emma as well. I'll probably just have her shower with me! It's just easier that way!
Emma smiling!
Jackson and Jacob being goof balls

My gifts

Monday, October 15, 2007

Seeing the Sun

I'm seeing the sun again in all ways! I still know there's going to be bumps, curves, and complete detours at times but I'm out of this funk for the most part. Still aware of what could happen, but just happy things are going better for me right now and really that's all I can do. Praise God for the good he's bringing me now. I can say this, I can't imagine how anyone gets through trials without him, I truly ache for them. Without Christ you have nothing. It's that simple..with him there's hope, without him there is none.

I was reading another blog and they had this song posted on there and I thought...oh that's so perfect for me right now! I love this song and hadn't heard it in a while!!

I will sing to the Lord, I will lift my voice, for you have heard my cry.
I will sing to the Lord and I will lift my hands, for you have brought me out of the pit.
For you have brought me out of the pit.
I'll sing glory, halleluiah, I lift Your name on high
I'll sing holy, 'cause You're worthy.
I'll praise you in the dance.
And I'll sing glory, halleluiah, I life Your name on high.
I'll sing holy, 'case You're worthy.
I'll praise You with the dance.
I will praise You with the dance. 2x
I will sing to the Lord and I will lift my voice,
for You have heard my cry.
I will sing to the Lord and I will lift my hands,
for You have brought me out of the pit,
for You have brought me out of the pit.

*********i wanted to add a video but my internet is going so's by Casting Crowns so feel free to take a listen if you can't quite put your finger on the song/tune!*************

Monday, October 08, 2007

More Fun in Getting Real

Ok so please make sure you read the devotional after I'm done. I have felt very alone lately. I'm surrounded by people here at home obviously as well as friends here and friends in the states and family who a part of me knows they love me, but yet I just don't know why. I am seeing that I don't even love myself, so how can anyone else love me? I truly feel unlovable. I also feel like I don't even know who I am. I feel completely lost in myself and it seems rediculous.
Tonight I just couldn't take it anymore and left for a little while. I drove around post and found myself at the post lake. I walked around there for a while, and then sat on the bench and just cried and talked to Jesus. I don't see my purpose. I don't feel much of anything, and oh I miss Jordyn so much. I keep thinking it shouldn't hurt this bad still. I keep thinking how it wasn't hurting this bad, but in the last couple of weeks it just surrounds my thoughts.

When I did come home, Chad was finishing up dinner which I left just barely started, the boys were working on the playroom (with Chad) and Emma was crying, because Chad didn't bother to check her diaper (she's in cloth diapers and was VERY wet). I changed her, nursed her, put her into her PJ's, and just held her and cried with her.

I don't write this for sympathy, just being honest here. It's not going to be all lovey dovey anymore. I don't have lovey dovey going on in me not right now anyways.
So take a look at this devotion and see how perfect it was for me today.

October 8, 2007
When We Don't Understand
Sharon Jaynes

Today's Truth
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Friend to Friend
My son, Steven, was four-years-old when he contracted a severe case of the flu. He looked up at me with hollow eyes and slumped like a rag doll in my lap. When I took my limp little one to the doctor, he quickly surmised that Steven was dehydrated and needed to be admitted into the hospital immediately.

My heart broke as nurses strapped my baby boy onto a table and began to place IVs into his tiny arms. "Mommy, Mommy, help me," he cried. "They're hurting me! Make them stop!"

"No, honey," I tried to reassure him with tears that matched his own. "They're not trying to hurt you. They are going to make you all better."

He cried. I cried. The nurses cried.

Standing there, I could only imagine what was going through Steven's little mind: Why are these people hurting me. Why doesn't Mommy make them stop? She must not love me. She's not protecting me. If she loved me, she wouldn't let this happen. She must not care about me?

Then I had an extraordinary moment with God as He began to give me a glimpse into how He feels when I am going through a painful time that is for my benefit, but I can't understand. I cry out, "I thought you love me? Why have you deserted me? Why don't You make it stop!" But God allows the painful remedy to do its work. To me it may feel like God doesn't care, but to God, He knows that the temporary pain is necessary to make me whole.

If you are going through a difficult time right now -- a circumstance that you don't understand -- know that your Heavenly Father is right by your side. He loves you dearly and sometimes allows pain because it is the best remedy for our ultimate good.

Let's Pray
Dear Heavenly Father, I am so glad that You will never leave me. I'll admit that sometimes I whine, even cry, because I don't understand why You allow certain things to happen in my life. But I know that You are Sovereign and nothing happens by chance in the life of your children. You are shaping and molding me into the woman that You desire me to be. I trust You and Your ways even when I don't understand.
In Jesus' Name,

Now It's Your Turn
What went through your mind as I was talking about Steven lying on that treatment table?

Have you ever felt toward God the way that Steven was feeling toward me?

Do you think God hurts when we have to go through painful situations? Let's don't guess. Read John 11:35. How did Jesus feel when He saw the pain his friends were going through?

More from the Girlfriends
Pain is sometimes hard to understand. C.S. Lewis said that "God whispers in our pleasures but shouts in our pain." If you would like to learn more about how God teaches us through difficulties in life, see Sharon Jaynes' book, Your Scars are Beautiful to God. Pain is never without purpose. Let's don't waste our sorrows but use them to minister to a hurting world.

Seeking God?
Click here to find out more about having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Girlfriends in God
P.O. Box 725
Matthews, NC 28106

Click here to learn more about hosting a Girlfriends in God conference in your area.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Searching for words

I'm searching for words to write here. I've attempted 3 times so far, but they're not the right words. So I just ask for prayer. I don't feel quite as numb, but it's still got a nice strong grip on me, I''m not in denial there at all.

I need and must get some sleep, I'm falling asleep here.

Thursday, October 04, 2007


This devotion struck a cord with me today. I'm struggling right now over many things, read the previous entry to get an idea. Sometimes I put on a front that everything's alright, that I'm "good", that nothing is wrong. The fact is though...even when we are doing all we can to be in God's will, we still have days where we need to be uplifted by others, we need encouragement, we need extra love, compassion, and care.
Just on a side note, I got this devotional from Girlfriend's In God Daily Women's Devotional, all the info you need to get your daily devotion should be linked at the bottom. I highly recommend it, so often these devotions are nothing less but God sent directly to my heart.

October 4, 2007
Believers Need Encouraging Too!
Sharon Jaynes

Today's Truth
"So then, as occasion and opportunity open to us, let us do good to all people, (not only being useful or profitable to them, but also doing what is for their spiritual good advantage). Be mindful to be a blessing, especially to those of the household of faith, those who belong to God's family with you, the believers" (Galatians 6:10 AMP emphasis added).

Friend to Friend
When I think of Paul, I tend to think of a stoic stern rock of a man that is neither swayed nor deterred from the course at hand. I see him needing no one other than Christ Himself. But that was not true! Paul needed the encouragement of other believers. He longed for the words of fellow Christians to cheer him on while spreading the gospel.
Ponder these words he penned to the Corinthian church:
"For when we came into Macedonia, this body of ours had no rest, but we were harassed at every turn -- conflicts on the outside, fears within. But God who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus, and not only by his coming but also by the comfort you had given him. He told us about your longing for me, your deep sorrow, your ardent concern for me, so that my joy was greater than ever" (2 Corinthians 7:5-7 emphasis added).
What was Paul feeling at this time? Conflicts on the outside and fears on the inside. Yes, that mighty man of God who said, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" also struggled with fear, discouragement and inner turmoil.

Paul was a spiritually confident man! He wrote: "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed" (2 Corinthians 4:8). "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us" (Romans 8:37). Paul believed these words with all of his heart, and yet, he still needed the words of fellow believers to encourage him to press on.

Even as I write these words, I am struck with just how much fellow Christians need encouraging words to continue in the faith. It is easy to say, "Well, God should be enough. People should find their strength in Christ." Yes, Christ is enough for salvation. However, God has placed us in a Body. He called us the Body of Christ because we are dependent on each other to function well, to love well, and to struggle well.

Let's Pray
Dear Lord, show me a Christian that needs encouragement today. May I never, never withhold praise and appreciation for any fellow believer when it is within my power to give them the boost they need. May I be like Elizabeth who encouraged her cousin Mary, the mother of Jesus, the very moment she walked in the door of her home.
In Jesus' Name,

Now it's Your Turn
When is the last time someone in the church thanked you for a job well done? How did it make you feel?

When is the last time you thanked someone in your church for all their hard work in leading worship, teaching children, sharpening the pencils in the pews, etc.?

What does God want you to do in response to this devotion?

More from the Girlfriends
Sometimes we forget just how much people need encouragement. It is easy to think that spiritually mature people don't need it....we're wrong. They do! If you would like to learn how to become known as an encourager in your church, see Sharon's book, The Power of a Woman's Words. Also, consider The Power of a Woman's Words Bible Study for your next Bible study group!

Seeking God?
Click here to find out more about having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Girlfriends in God
P.O. Box 725
Matthews, NC 28106

Click here to learn more about hosting a Girlfriends in God conference in your area.