Thursday, December 30, 2010


We had our 2nd Christmas in a row together, since 2003. I was looking forward to spending this day with our family. I'd invited my friend who spent Thanksgiving to spend Christmas with us. I've never had anyone spend Christmas morning with us and have to say I don't think I want to again. Christmas morning is very special, to be able to just have our little family with us is truly such a gift from our Lord. This year our home was opened to my friend and her girls and another friend who's a single soldier who's pregnant (she didn't get up until the kids were nearly done opening gifts). Having M who's the soldier, wasn't an issue, since she didn't come up until late. What was hard was that we have a certain way we do things, and with the grace of GOD our children were blessed with gifts this year. But ultimately it was a blessing and although I prefer it to be just our family, my friend K's husband is deployed so I know being here was a nice distraction for her.

We had a wonderful dinner. I made turkey (which we're still enjoying leftovers of!), a small ham, homemade noodles, my homemade dressing (or stuffing which is what we call it, but we do not stuff it in the bird!), green bean casserole, mashed potatoes. I also made pumpkinn and chocolate pies. M made BBQ meatballs, which were seriously the best BBQ meatballs any of us had ever had! She used my meatball recipe and then made her own sauce which was to die for!!! She also made deviled eggs, which was via Chad's request!!! Dinner was yummo! The kids got to go sledding in our over 1 foot of snow that we started getting more of on Christmas Eve and it continued to snow a day on Christmas!

We have been so blessed and it's all to the Glory of GOD. Christmas is all about Jesus. We are thankful that our Lord humbled himself to be born a poor babe in a manger. Without his birth, we wouldn't have the promise of the cross.

Thank you, Lord....I just wanna thank you Lord.

New Years post will come hopefully tomorrow or Sunday. I have made a decision to take a picture every single day this year. I've already started with taking pictures of all of us at midnight! I also plan to have at least one picture a week with me in it! I'll be posting the pictures, maybe not daily but at least weekly.

God's Blessings...Humbled by our Lord

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Hi all! Life's going good, busy for sure!! We're preparing for the celebration of our Lord's birth! The 3 oldest kids are going to be in our chapel's Nativity Story play/program. I some how got wrangled into helping! I don't mind, just not sure how it all happened! LOL PWOC is now finished until January! We'll have 4 weeks off and I have to admit, I'm soooo looking forward to the break. This year I did the normal morning class, which was Sheparding a Child by Tedd Tripp (great book), and I took the evening class (because I'm crazy like that!) and took Beth Moore's: Daniel. If you know anything about Beth's studies, they're homework heavy, digging into the bible, and learning lots of new things. Here's my problem....having so much homework equaled Christy not doing homework most of the time. I know HORRIBLE example to my children. Between school with the boys, playing with Emma and Noah, keeping up the house, a dog (that gets on my nerves daily), trying to be a decent wife, Homeschool PE twice a week, PWOC Praise team practice, Hospitality House, helping friends out with their kids, and just every day living.....homework was often something I literally didn't think about until Tuesday night and then I was too tired! I know still an excuse, but it is what it is. I still learned a great deal in BOTH classes, and think my walk with Christ is deeper, my parenting skills are closer to where GOD wants them to be, and honestly I have joy in my heart. GOD is GOOD.....ALL the time! He knew I wouldn't pull off the homework and he loves me anyways!

So here we are 9 days from Christmas!! I have applesauce cookies made! So one down!! Still need to make no bake cookies, buckeyes, and sugar cookies (with the kids). We have the turkey, don't need to buy too much more for Christmas dinner. This year I was smart and while planning our menu and making grocery list, I finally remembered how stressed I am on Christmas Eve, in trying to get our family a fulfilling dinner, yet never having the actual time to make it because of various other things I need to make for the next day, as well as Christmas Eve service, and our family traditions of opening a gift on Christmas Eve, Daddy reading the story of Christ's birth, and watching a movie together before sending the kids off to bed, very excited. So this year...on the 23 I'll be making a big pot of Veggie Soup and we'll have left overs on Christmas Eve ('s always better as left overs too!). I also the last couple of years the kids and I have made sugar cookies on Christmas Eve...not this year! We'll be making them earlier in the week! I'm working to simplify things that we love, yet make sure we keep our eyes completely focused on Christ. Less gifts, more giving.

Well, Noah is over in his Jumperoo fussing and literally calling my name "Mommmaaaa, Momma"!! So I'll write more later! I'm so blessed!

Monday, December 06, 2010

Zumba....I did it

(This post is truly all over the place as I haven't written in a while, so as I think of things...they'll be there! LOL)

I went tonight to my first Zumba class. Holy smokes, this girl is sore, almost 3 hours after the class and the longer the evening is going on the more I know that tomorrow I'll probably be barely moving. What's crazier is that I'm planning on going tomorrow night too! LOL I'm excited about it. Our instructor is a girl I know. She was actually about my size about a year ago and is literally half the size she was. She looks AMAZING! Honestly, had I not seen pictures of her on facebook I would never have recognized her when I saw her in person. I know I won't have as fast of results as she did, since I can't go every single day, but I am planning on going twice a week. Well next week I won't be able to, but after that I will. There's a class tomorrow evening, which normally there isn't on Tuesday evenings. Wednesday evenings I have bible study, but the last of that class is next Wednesday so after that I'll have 2 hours a week where I'm doing nothing but downing water and working my butt off (hopefully literally!!). A lady that I know has gone 6 times and is already seeing a difference in her body, pretty awesome for 3 weeks worth of work outs! I want to add in weight training as well, I know that's a must to have sucessful weight loss and to up my metabolism, and to firm everything up as the weight drops off. That was tonight, but today was busy and fun as well. Our homeschool group had our Christmas party. It was great. We had good food/snacks, the kids had Christmas crafts, they played Bingo, then we did a family ornament exchange (each family brought an ornament and we then numbered the gifts/ornaments and each family got a number! The kids had a great time and us mom's and even 3 dad's were able to come and enjoy the party (Chad was able to be with us pretty well for the majority).

We've been getting snow since the day before Thanksgiving! It's looking better and better that we're going to have a white Christmas! Every day for the next 10 days, except next Thursday they're calling for snow. Today it was a very wet snow and probably will be the next couple of days, because the temps are up just a little above freezing. I have to say I love snow. I love the beauty of it and I get so sick and tired of people constantly complaining about it. Winter they complain about the snow and cold and summer they complain about the heat....I know by the end of winter I will be more than ready for spring, but I'm not going to complain and whine about it especially at the very beginning of winter. The season's are blessings from GOD and we praise him for all 4 of them!!!

Noah's 6 months now! He's growing so much. Sunday he rolled over for the first time! Yes I know he's a little behind the curve on that one and that's ok by me! I've purposely held him a lot because honestly I'm in no rush for him to roll, which leads to crawling, which leads to walking. It's already going by too fast. But...he's rolled now and so it begins! I'm not going to obviously stop it and he does get on the floor every day quite a few times a day, but I've not encouraged this little bit of progress! LOL I think this weekend or next Daddy's going to be putting up gates on the stairs. The stairs have no back to them, so if he ever did get to them, he'd fall to the basement. I hope I can figure out how to add video on here, and hopefully soon I'll remember to get it up on here. Noah's just the happiest baby. The only time he's really fussy is if he's tired of not feeling good. He just has the best giggle and does it often!!!

Well I'm off to walk the dog. Wish those who WANTED the dog would do so more willingly and that includes the husband who wanted and asked for a dog just as long as the kids! But Momma does the nightly walk, which honestly I don't mind, but from time to time it'd be nice to have a night off from it! Especially when it's wet and slick out! Oh well, a Mom's job is never done! :)

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Seven Days and counting!

I love Thanksgiving. I love what the day stands for, to be thankful for our nation, to be thankful for our lives, and for us to be thankful that we have a GOD and Savior who loves us so much he died for us. I also love cooking the Thanksgiving meal. I LOVE cooking the turkey. I put it on normally around 10 or 11 PM Wednesday night, I season it, butter it up, and add water (to cook it all night, you must add water). I baste it off and on while I'm still up, but don't get up just to baste it through the night. It's covered by either my turkey pan lid or foil if the turkey's too big for the lid to fit on (which this year it will be indeed). I like to make my pies the day before, this year I'm making 2 pumpkins and 1 chocolate pie. Thursday morning I'll get up and start making my homemade noodles, get potatoes peeled and diced for mashing later on, cut up fresh veggies and cheeses for snacking on throughout the day. I normally make stuffing, but not this year for Thanksgiving (I'll make it at Christmas though). I'll use the broth from the turkey for my noodles and for gravy. We'll be having corn per Chad's request. The rest of the meal will be made by my dear friend Kandice. They recently moved to a post that we used to be stationed at when Jordyn was alive, they got here in October and we've yet to see each other and I am just so excited I can't wait!!!!! She's bringing things to make her mom's stuffing (oh I hope it's good, because I love stuffing and although until we got married, Chad never liked stuffing, he loves we're hopeful lol), green bean casserole, and a couple other things. I'm so excited to share this day with my friend, meet her husband (they just got married 18 months ago), see her girls and just hang out and laugh and probably do some crying (her hubby will be deploying in a matter of days after Thanksgiving..sniff-sniff).
Of course I have lots to do before they get here. Lots of cleaning and organizing. The boys are working on getting the upstairs cleaned and I bought a shelving unit at the German thrift store today for their towels to go into, it also has a place for all their games (board games), and any odds and ends I want/need to go in there. I bought yesterday a shelving unit for us downstairs for our towels, and just in general bathroom sort of things, which will really help me to feel organized. I need to take all of Noah's clothes that I've packed up that he's out grown up to the attic, get all of Emma's clothes that she's outgrown packed and up to the attic as well, find our airmattress, for Kandice and Josh to sleep on in Emma's room (a little privacy). The girls will get to sleep in the family room on our futon couch. We figured the kids would want to hang out down there most of the time anyways, so might as well let them sleep in there!

I'm so thankful that we are able to host our friends in our home, that we have a home truly big enough to welcome them in and for them to be comfortable in. I have to get the laundry room cleaned up aka lots of laundry done (have I ever mentioned how much I HATE laundry)? I despise it. It's that unending chore, even when you're "done" you're not done, because you and your family are all wearing clothes, but it must be done and I REALLY am thankful that I have my own laundry room and no longer have to share it with 5 other families! So with that, I'm off to work on laundry and then get dinner started and finish mopping the dining room and then to vacuum the living room (which will have to be done about oh...5 more times before Thanksgiving! LOL

What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving? How will you be marking the day? What are your traditions if you have any?

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Days 25-30

I'm going to finish up this little project of 30 days of me.

Day 25...A First:

Wow I'm seriously struggling to find something to write about on this, so I'll hopefully come back to it and if not, it's because I am just drawing a blank...of course that could be a first in its own right, not knowing what to say! :)

Day 26: Your Fears

I think most people would say "My spouse dying or one of my child dying" and well I don't want either of those to happen anytime soon, yet eventually Chad will die and go to Jesus and eventually I will die, and my children will all die as well and be face to face with our Lord. I've already had to let go of one child, and she is resting safe in the Arms of Jesus. So what fears do I have? My one fear is that those who I love will die without knowing and accepting Christ as their Savior. There's nothing that burdens my heart like that.

Day 27: Your Favorite Place....anywhere with my family honestly. But...with my family and not at home I'd say it's a tie between Ireland and right here in Germany. I love both places, now granted I've only visited Ireland so I could feel differently if I lived there, but we loved our 7 days there. I feel so at home here in Germany, I'd love to stay here for the rest of our lives, if it's what GOD called us to. We shall see what his plans are for our family!

Day 28: Something that you miss: Well the obvious would be since that's the obvious let me go with the nonobvious to many. I miss some of the conviences of the US, like stores that are open past 7 PM, Sonic (lol....seriously though, I do miss it). Seeing my brother and his wife and daughters. Ok this could get really long as I keep thinking of things/people I miss.

Day 29: Your aspirations: I want to be a GODLY wife and mother. I'm so far from it, it's heartbreaking and sometimes discouraging. I know that with GOD's help I can be who he's created me to be, I just wish I was there right now.

Day 30: One last moment:

One last moment, the fact that with each child GOD has blessed us with, I love them and as excited about them as with Jordyn's pregnancy and her birth. I really didn't think it'd be possible, yet GOD makes it so. I'm so blessed!

And...I never could think of anything for Day'm done!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Faith Deployed Winners......

The drawing is done (I should have taken pictures, but totally forgot!) the winners are.......

Brandi C and Linda M!!!! I will email you both and get the books mailed out first thing on Monday! Congratulations ladies~!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Faith Deploy Review

I was blessed to have received this book last Feb. at PWOC, so when I saw I'd have the opportunity to do a give away of this book, I jumped on it! Joceyln obviously put great thought and heart into this book, and most of all our Lord is written all over it! Faith Deployed isn't just for you if your spouse is deployed, it's for all of us who's spouse is in the military, was in the military, or is planning on being in the military. Faith Deployed is a devotional that cuts to the heart of it, there are stories/devotions that made me laugh out loud and then the next page I'd be reaching for the tissue's to dry the tears. There are many that simply made me put the book down and open my bible and read GOD's word out of gratitude and thankfulness. This is honestly the best devotional I've read directed to Military wives. There's not a single branch that's not represented. It's such a great reminder that no matter if your husband is in the Army, Air Force, Navy, Marines, or the Coast Guard....we all have hardships, but we're never alone we always will have sisters in Christ walking with us, but most of all we have Christ who is holding us and helping us through it all.

I want to end this review with a reminder from our Lord himself!
Matthew: 28:20
"Surely I am with you always"

Our Lord is always with us. As military wives, life can be lonely sometimes, but we are NEVER alone...we always, always,always have Christ with us!!!

If you want to win this book, leave a comment with your name and email address. Two names will be picked tomorrow sometime!

********I'm going to push drawing the names to Saturday, so spread the word and encourage your fellow military wives to leave a comment at a chance of being blessed***************

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Faith Deployed Give Away

Just a reminder, if you're a military spouse or know one (and in turn want to bless them) I'm having a contest to give away TWO, yes count them TWO Faith Deployed if you'd like to be entered, just leave a comment and your email address. Tomorrow I will be writing a review of this great, beautiful book!

Sunday, November 07, 2010

Days 22,23,24

Day 22: Something that Upsets You

This is something I feel so passionate about.....parents smoking around their children or anyone smoking around children or pregnant woman, and worse a pregnant woman smoking. If you want to smoke, no one can stop you....but as a parent you have no right to hurt your child or anyone else's kids. It makes my blood boil when I see a parent in a car driving, smoking with kids in the car. It's so careless and thoughtless. It truly hurts my heart. This can and does cause cancer not just to the smoker, but to those innocent little people they have no choice. Trust me there's nothing worse than allowing something around your child that ends up being behind why they died. It's a guilt and heartache no one wants.

Day 23: Something that makes you feel better....

Just one thing? family is the first, true friends, music/singing, but most of all Jesus. No one can I trust more and know that he loves me and there's nothing better than to know you're unconditionally loved.

Day 24: Something that makes you cry....

Seeing people who I love hurt. Be it my children, my husband, a friend.

Saturday, November 06, 2010

October in Pictures

Faith Deployed Give Away!!!

I've never done this before, but I was one of the lucky ones who gets to do a give away! What's really awesome is that I can do TWO give aways of this book, because I already own a copy and want to bless 2 Military spouses, so here's the deal. Every day this week I will post a reminder of the Give Away and if you're interested in winning a copy of this book on Friday I will have my kids draw the name out of a bowl and those 2 spouses will be getting their own copy of Faith Deployed!!!! Later in the week I'll be giving my honest review of this book, so be on the look out, but trust will want to be in the running of being picked to receive this book!! :)
So if you're a military spouse and you don't have your own copy of Faith Deployed.....leave your name AND email address in the comments (no email equals no entry...I have to have a way to reach you, even if you think I have your email, just amuse me!). Also if you have other Military spouse friends who you think would be blessed by this book, send them here and have them comment and leave their name and email!
God's Blessings

Friday, November 05, 2010

Day 20 and 21

Day 20: This Month
Well it's November now and a busy month is upon us! Next weekend we have 3 birthday parties to attend, not sure what we'll do about the 2 that are the same time, right now I'm leaning towards simply dropping a gift over at their place since it's a 1st birthday and well all us mom's know that a big, huge blow out party is often just a lead up to a big, huge melt down for birthday boy, and honestly my kids would have a lot more fun at the other one, since the kids are all closer to their ages. We love the little one turning 1, but it's hard to be at 2 places at one time.
Next Thursday I'm also driving up to Frankfurt to the airport to visit with a friend for a couple hours. She's been working (as a contractor) in Kuwait. Well she's finally done there so her and her two little ones are moving back to the states. She has about a 4 hour layover in Frankfurt so the kids and I will be getting up at what's the crack of dawn to US and plan to be on the road by 6 AM to get there by 8 to have a couple hours with them, before it's time for them to get on their next flight. I'm excited that I get to see her. I haven't seen her in 5 years (since we moved here) and have never got to meet her babies!! She's not met Emma or Noah and Jack wasn't even 2 when she last saw him. Jacob called her his "girlfriend" and he was just 4 the last time he saw her. So it's going to be exciting to see her and all the children being introduced!
We have lots of preparing to do for Thanksgiving. My dear friend Kandice has moved here to Germany and her family will be spending Thanksgiving with us. I'm so excited!! They live aprox. 4 hours from us so I haven't been able to see her yet since she arrived in country! I'm not sure how many days they'll be spending with us, at least Thanksgiving and the night, I'm hoping at least through Saturday.

I'm looking forward to cooking Thanksgiving dinner! I love cooking Thanksgiving dinner (and Christmas). I love the smell of turkey cooking all night long and having it done in the morning when I wake up, and then making all the fixings. I still have to get with Kandice and see what their must haves are and what she wants to contribute to dinner. The Sunday after Thanksgiving is the first Advent Sunday and the beginning of Christmas Markets!! Can't wait.

We also have school to do, homeschool group, AWANA, PWOC, and hopefully a field trip thrown in! Life's never boring, but oh so good.

Day 21: Another Moment

The moment our lives changed in ways we didn't imagine (my first moment was all about Jordyn). Eight days after Jordyn died that moment was finding out I was unexpectantedly pregnant with Jacob. When Jordyn was dying, Chad and I both felt firmly that we would not have anymore children. The heart break was so strong, we had no idea that Jacob was already forming in my womb. That GOD's intention for us was bigger than what we could possibly grasp. I feared I wouldn't be able to love him, that my heart simply was too broken. The moment I discovered that my heart was indeed not too broken, that I could love again, that I could breath again, live again was the moment I heard his first cry. Such a precious and unexpected moment. He was born on my Great Grandma C's 91st birthday. She had wanted a grandbaby born on her birthday all of her life, so when I found out my due date was only 2 days before her birthday I KNEW when Jacob would be born. For the next almost 2 years were some of the happiest of her life, as she had her birthday baby and how she loved him.
I love these moments where GOD shows us he knows far more than we can grasp. Jacob's creation and birth...what a moment!

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Day 18 and 19

I've decided to try and catch up a bit, I'd like to be done with this sooner rather than later!

Day 18: Your Favorite birthday

Well I have 2 of them! My 22nd birthday. Jordyn was alive and at that point we thought she was healthy. I don't recall what we did. I know we were stationed in Baumholder, and I'm pretty sure we went out to eat. Life was full of possibilities and full of joy.
My other would be my 30th. I LOVED turning 30 and have loved my 30's since. We were here in Germany where we are stationed now. Chad threw me a surprise party!!! My first surprise ever! He took me to one of our favorite places, Italia's! He invited a few of my friends who greeted us there, he even made me a huge double layer (9x13 size lol) German Chocolate cake (a little useless info....the German chocolate cake is not German, the man who created it, his last name was GERMAN and that's where it's from!! Plus if you have ever had German cake, you'd realize it's so anything but authentic German's sweet and yummy). I was surrounded by my sweet family and friends and pregnant with Emma. It was so much fun and just a birthday full of joy and celebration and lots of laughter!

Day 19: Something you regret

I'll start and I'm sure I may ruffle a few feathers, but oh well...I can not stand when people say "oh I don't regret anything, it's made me who I am". Ok I think we all know our experiences make us who we are, but that doesn't mean we can't regret things. I absolutely have regrets, actually I have MANY. My biggest regret is ever allowing my parents to smoke even one cigerette around me while I was pregnant with Jordyn and around her after birth. There's now proof that the unborn BABY being exposed to cig. smoke can cause AML leukemia (which is what Jordyn had), and of course 2nd hand as well. I will NEVER forgive myself for that. I always hated their smoking, but never had the courage to stand up to them. I did after she was diagnosed and no one is allowed to smoke around my children or me for that matter. Honestly I wish it was made illegal. It hurts those who do it, it hurts those who are exposed to's so addictive, it changes how the brain works as all drugs do. It breaks my heart that there are some who I love and care about DEARLY continue this addiction, continue to kill themselves, put themselves and others in harms way. It's my heartfelt prayer that they'd quit and others that I know only in passing or even just pass by on the street. THEY deserve better and most of all our children deserve better than to be exposed to those toxins.

So there you 18 and 19.


Friday, October 29, 2010

Day 17: Your Favorite Memory

My favorite memory...easy: Jordyn's whole 2 years of life. From the first time I held her I was passionately in love with that little girl. I had never felt anything so powerful or fast. Even during my pregnancy with her I was intensley in love with her. When we moved to Germany, even night I would take her to her room and sit in the rocking chair and rock her until she fell asleep. She would play with my hair, and the warmth of her breath on my neck as I sang to her. I'd often sit there and just hold her for an hour or more after she fell asleep, listening and feeling her breath, the softness of her hair against my cheeks. When she'd been diagnosed with leukemia, cuddling with her and literally clinging to her and praying to our Lord to let her live. Getting to Walter Reed and her running up and down the hall ways, giggling and being full of joy. Being home with her and all her girliness of playing with her babies and kitchen and of course her Barbie Jeep. She did NOT like sand or dirt. There's not a memory with her that I don't cherish.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Day 16: Your First Kiss

Day 16: Your First Kiss

Ok I'm so horrified by this one and have seriously been dreading this one. It was the summer between 1st and 2nd grade. Yes I'm serious. My family went on vacation that year to Wyoming. We spent the first part of the week with my dad's oldest sister (he's #5 out of 12 and she's the oldest of all of them). We spent an insane few days with her and her family seeing all that was in that area we went to see the Mount Rushmore, Devil's Tower, and so much more that my brain can't remember because was so many years ago and 2 I was very young! Well the 2nd half of the week we went farther north to see family friends. While visiting them (they were old enough to be my grandparents) many of her children and grandchildren lived nearby so we spent a great deal of time with them. I think it was the first night there, and all of us kids went to the park. Rowdy was the little boys name, we were the same age I believe and if not he was only 1 year older. While we were there he kissed me. Not some little innocent peck either, but a big, open mouth, wet kiss. I remember not knowing if I actually liked it or not, but decided I was going to like it and let him kiss me all he wanted over the next few days and there was a lot of kissing. Who does that? What 6/7 yr old girl has business being kissed. I can remember we slept over at his house one night. I know we all slept out in a common room. He waited until his sisters and my brother were asleep and then he started kissing me again. I honestly don't even know where his mother was at that point, but I know eventually she came in and made Rowdy just go to his room and me feeling really happy that I could finally go to sleep. I don't think any of the adults had a clue, because it's definitely something my mother would throw in my face if she knew and she's never said a word about it. (Up until a few years ago she still would bring up my first crush, which to me just seemed rediculous...I was married and it was a school girl CRUSH, nothing more). Anyways....that was my first kiss. A little boy named Rowdy (who from what I was told a few years ago got into a lot of trouble, so I guess the name suited him or inspired him one or the other) was my first kiss, at a park in Wyoming. Thankful that at this point, neither of my boys have done that and I will not allow Emma that opportunity or any of our other children!

I am praying that by us raising our children in the Lord and knowing him they will not follow in my or Chad's foolish footsteps and will honor and value themselves far more than either of us did.

Tears and Judgement

I am not ashamed to cry. I recognize and realize that tears are not a sign of weakness, but are cleansing and refreshing to the soul. They often open you up to more people as they see you're willing to show your emotional side. Last year it seemed every time I turned around someone was making a snide comment about my tears, although when I sat down and thought about it, my tears seemed to come less and less last year and since having Noah I can count on one hand how many times I've cried. I normally go through a dry spell from time to time a few times a year, but this has been I think the longest, where other than a couple times because of circumstances I'm not at a place I'm willing to talk about here, I've just not cried much. I will get teary eyed with Noah, and of course had the normal post partum tears after having Noah, but although there have been things that normally would set the tears off, lately even when I want and need to, I can't cry.

As I was reading my devotional tonight low and behold what is it about....tears. Let me share part of it with you:

Revelations 7:17 "For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd;he will lead them to springs of living water. And GOD will wipe away every tear from their eyes".
Look at your bible and the men, yes MEN in it. How many of them wept? David did, my goodness Psalms is full of his tears. Jacob wept and grieved at the death (or so he thought) of his beloved child, Joseph. And most importantly....JESUS WEPT. JESUS wept and cried out to the Lord.

I have held onto this hurt for the last year. I've felt bitterness towards a particular person last year, bitterness that turned a place/group/ministry that I LOVED/LOVE into something that I dreaded and nearly wanted no part of. What I am constantly learning and relearning is that we can tease via friendly teasing, but even that can get hurtful after a while. We have to guard our own hearts and for me I need to be sensitive to not out of sarcasim, teasing, jesting, etc cause pain to others because of something they do or don't do.

I honestly do struggle to understand those who have a hard time openly crying, because it is such a natural thing to me. But that's who they are. I have no right to judge them for it, to see it as a weakness (whether it is or isn't)...instead I just need to love them, be an encouraging friend, a soft place, and love them like Jesus. Let me tell you though...I suck at that. I sit here in my home, in my chair and I judge. I judge like no one's business. Who am I to do that? I, who's constantly concerned that others are judging her, that people are gossiping about her, or simply talking about her behind her who am I to do it? I wish so much that GOD would just swipe those thoughts out of my head, that he'd slap his hand across my mouth, and then get right in my face and tell me to SHUT UP. My silent judgement has allowed me to put a wall up. I've cut myself off from allowing others to get too close. It hurts to have others make you feel like a part of your personality is this big flaw, that's to be made fun of. It hurts when you feel like when you walk into a room others are judging you because you cry easily, because you're the fat girl, or any other reason. It hurts to think people are talking about you behind your back because of any or all of those reasons as well.
I'm tired of worrying about what others think or are saying or not saying. I KNOW I only need to be concerned with what GOD thinks of me. I know I need to worry less about the opinions of others, and just simply be the woman GOD wants me to be. Why is that so difficult though? Why do we continue to listen to Satans lies? Why am I so self centered that I think what someone has said or written is a jab or simply directed to me? You know I've reread the previous sentence 5 times now and here's a simple truth...I'm simply not that important in others lives for them to talk about or write about me 99.9% of the time. It's really conceited of me to think otherwise. Wow, that was quite the revelation from GOD just now. I need to get over myself. Time to pull up my big girl panties and just let these issue's go, because they are most definitely my issue's and not others. Well then.....

Lord let me see myself in your eyes. Let me be the woman you desire for me to be. Let me be the wife and mother you have called for me to be and not be concerned or so self centered as to think that others are talking about me or even thinking enough about me to make it about me. Lord, let me live this life of mine to be all about you and not about me. It's not about me, it's all about you. I have to remind myself of that daily, Lord. Thank you for this clear reminder and good old slap in the face via my own fingers. Thank you, Lord.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Day 15: Your Dreams

Day 15 is Your Dreams

I think this is more about aspirations and hopes and not about what I dream about at night, if so it'd be a short one liner of "I rarely if ever remember!" rather boring!
My dreams have changed over the years some in ways that I never even imagined. When I was a teenager I had my life mapped out as so many of us do. I was going to go to college, get my degree in Child Psychology, meet the man of my dreams, have the practice of my dreams, then have 3 children...a boy, a girl, and another boy, and of course we'd live happily ever after.
Well I found that child psych. was not what I wanted to do. I eventually met and married Chad and well 5 kids later :) . I honestly thought I'd travel and visit Europe but NEVER live here.
My dreams at this moment are: To one day see a CURE for childhood cancer. To see a way for childhood cancer to be prevented. I want to see a day where my husband doesn't have a deployment looming in his life every other year. I dream of continuing to teach my children at home, of them not only continuing their love for Jesus as children, but for them to continue their love and relationship with Christ as adults as well. I dream of having a solid and healthy relationship with my children as adults, and dream of Chad having one with them too.
I dream that Chad will retire from the Army in a few years and that he follows the calling that GOD is calling him to (becoming a Chaplain). I dream that I will be the woman GOD has called me to be, and not the one "I" want to be. (Two very different things some days).
I dream of holding all of my babies again in Heaven, never having fear or concern that another will be diagnosed with cancer, die a painful death, feel unspeakable pains and heartache.
I dream that one day I'll have at least a decent relationship with my parents (mostly my mother and my relationship is strained to say the least).

My greatest dream is to truly have a heart like Jesus. I can't tell you in written word how far it is from such a beautiful place, but it's so far and it grieves me so much. I want to love others like Jesus does. I want to see them as he does. I'm not sure that dream will come true until I get to Heaven, but I truly want it.

So with all these dreams the best thing I can do is give them to Jesus and let him do as he will with them. And pray,pray, pray.

In His Grace,

Monday, October 25, 2010

Day 14: What I wore today (again)

Day 14 is What i wore....again and so soon. Again just a stupid one, but oh well. I've been sick all day. Some lovely stomach bug. Not sure who i caught it from, but it's here so i guess it doesn't matter. I'm just praying the kids and Chad do not get it.
So since I've been ill all day (well since last night actually) you can guess that I've stayed in my pj's all day. Nothing exciting that's for sure, but comfort is the key for the day.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Hey I'm participating in a Military Spouse Blog Hop.....if you're a Mil. Spouse join in and if you're not, although you can't link up, you can still find some great new blogs!!!

oops missed Day 12: What's in your Bag

Day 12: What's in your bag

Ha...I skipped this yesterday and went straight to day 13! Well joyfully I literally just switched bags out. I am only carrying one bag right now, the diaper bag. I have a wonderful friend who makes bags similar to Vera Bradley bags (similar, but not exact) and for a fraction of the cost! They were stationed in Korea after they left here a few years ago and she got all the same material for only a few dollars per yard vs over $10.00 a yard for the same material in the states!! Anyways, she's made me a few bags and made me Noah's diaper bag! I just washed it so I just started putting stuff in it again! Right now there are about 7 diapers, the small wipe case, my wallet, chapstick, and a pen. That's it! :) Nothing exciting and very light! (Now don't go asking me this question in a week, I am sure I'd have a load of junk in that list! LOL).

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Day 13: This Week

This week..I'll do my best! :)
Sunday: We went to church, went to the dining hall and had lunch, came home for a few, went to the chapel at 3 to work on AWANA stuff, then had AWANA from 4-5:30. Came home, had dinner, and relaxed.
Monday: The kids and I did school, played, we skipped sports time at the park with our homeschool group so the boys could finish up their school for the day. Jacob had cub scouts. I made stuffed shells for the single soldiers dinner that the Hospitality Host does once a month (and made our family stuffed shells as well). Dropped them off and when Chad got home we ran to the PX bought candy and bads for "Boo Bags" and the kids and I went and boo'd a few of their friends, since they'd been boo'd. We also bought candy to hand out on Halloween.
Tuesday: The boys did school, I had praise team practice, Noah turned 5 months old and sat upright without assistance (not from the laying position, but I sat him on the couch and he stayed sitting without falling over!). Noah had his Well baby check up, he weights 19 lbs 7 oz and is 25 1/2 inches long (yep he's a big boy). Ran a few errands after his apt, then home, made dinner. I feel like we did something that evening, but i can't remember for the life of me!!
Wednesday: I had PWOC, the boys did their school work during PWOC, came home made lunch, did some cleaning....I know I did some errands. Did not have evening PWOC which was nice break.
Thursday: School with the boys, cleaned, ran errands, and other things but I can't remember what. It's rather sad.
Friday: School in the morning, Homeschool PE after lunch, went to the commissary and a couple items I needed for what I was making to take to the Hospitality House. Came home and made dinner, we had a friends son over for a sleep over (he's good friends with Jacob), went to the Hospitalty House for our weekly small groups bible study and dinner.
Saturday: I got to sleep in...big time! :) Whoot-whoot! Got up, got dressed, had lunch, then we headed out and met with friends from the Hospitality House and went to a large Flea Market and found some good deals (a large wicker trunk that I'm going to use for throw blankets), an old world map (seriously awesome, although I plan to reframe it since its current frame is UGLY) and found a lazy susan that's huge and we only paid a few dollars for. After we were done we went to the post that was very close and got groceries (their commissary is only a little bigger than ours, but so much better!!!). Oh and we had dinner at Taco Bell since they have one and we do not. Came home, unloaded groceries and our finds, I nursed Noah and then we loaded back into the van and we headed to the Volks Fest (it's like a carnival).

There you have it. I know there are things I forgot that we did, but so is life! It's not always exciting, but it's ours!!

Friday, October 22, 2010

5 Months Old

Noah's 5 months old!! It's amazing how quickly the last 5 months have gone by. I think that with each baby, but it's true. The time just flies (and it continues to fly no matter the age). Noah's a complete joy though. We've had a few bumps this last month. One night he decided that sleep was TOTALLY over-rated and didn't fall asleep until 6 AM! When Chad got up at 5 and left and sad how guilty he felt about leaving me knowing we hadn't slept, I burst into tears (they were short lived), and was thankful that he finally fell asleep and I was very thankful that my other kids slept in and then let me sleep (sort of) for another hour...yep they got to veg out in front of the tv vs starting on school first thing. I will say though, that's the beauty of home schooling, flexibility. I was not functional and had enough mind to tell them to watch a movie that would work for all 3 and please eat breakfast and be as quiet as possible.
Noah's also teething, or has been working on teething. Eventually those little buds will pop through. I'm in no rush! LOL
I'm still his very favorite person in the world! :) He lights up when he see's me. He leans towards me, lifts his arms, etc. He does really love his Daddy, brothers, and sister. He and Jack seem to click the best. Jackson can put him to sleep like no one else. Emma's so in love with him, it's rediculous, and Jacob has developed a very special bond with him as well. It's a beautiful thing to see your older children in love with their baby sibling. I honestly can't imagine only stopping with 2 or even 3 children, when I look at Noah and think of what a blessing he is to our family and how much I love him. We're so blessed that GOD has called our family to leave our family size in HIS hands!!!

With's a few pictures. They're all from October. On his 5 month birthday he decided it was time that he would be a big boy and sit all alone. (Not sitting up from laying, but I sit him on the couch of floor and he stays sitting up without assistance!) Such a big boy and so exciting to see his newest milestone!

Day 11: What You Wore Today

No picture......but what I wore today, personally I think this is pretty stupid for a getting to really know a person, but anyways! :)

I wore blue jeans, a purple top (short sleeve), my beautiful brown wool sweater that I got in Ireland at a wool shop (they make the wool right there, they had sheep just outside), my brown crocs and no socks (which was stupid since it was sooo stinking cold today), hair up in a pony tail.

Nothing exciting, just a pretty average day for me. I'm a blue jeans kind of girl. Of course at this point I'm already in my soft work out type pants and a tank top to sleep in.
Seriously dumbest one.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Day 10: Your Siblings

(My handsome brother and his beautiful family)

I have a great brother. We're 1 yr and 2 weeks apart. Growing up we did NOT get along. We fought constantly. I can say I honestly did not like him very much when we were kids. The fights were vicious, yet I know we still had a lot of fun together did a lot of stupid things together. As we grew we became friends, slowly. Phil has a great sense of humor, he can make anyone laugh, and let me tell you he LOVES his family. He married his high school sweetheart and they have 2 of the most gorgeous little girls who ever walked this earth! (I'm not biased, it's just a fact!).
As a kid he was not exactly a great student, and I only share that with you because my parents worried he had a learning disability...yeah if you call being brillant a he was just lazy and didn't care. He managed to graduate high school and college was the last thing he wanted to do at that point and the last place he needed to be, so he joined the Army and served 3 years, matured a bit, got married. After he got out of the Army he worked at a few various places (always full time and always hard, manual labor type work). He decided he'd hate it and that he was going to work hard, and go to college and he has! He's working on his nursing degree right now, works at a hospital in their Cardiac Center (he was actually fought over between the Surgical dept. where he was working and the Cardiac Center...he made a great name for himself). He worked the long 12 hour shifts for a year or so and a few months ago when to the Cardiac Center, with a raise and nice hours of 8-5 with weekends and holidays off, all while working on his degree. He's taking a full time load of are you ready for this....17 hours (he's a little bit crazy!). And that's not it....both of his daughters are very active in sports so he coaches, he goes to every practice and game (his older daughter plays baseball well the season's over now, so she did 30 miles from home, so quite the drive).

I truly love my brother and I'm so proud of the man he's become and all that he'll be in the future. It breaks my heart that we're so far away from him and his family. But thank the Lord for technology!!!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Day 9 {Your Beliefs}

Well if you've read my blog at all this will not come as a surprise....
My beliefs lie solely with Jesus Christ. I believe there is only ONE way to Heaven and that is through accepting that Jesus is the Son of GOD and accepting him as your savior. I believe that if you do not believe in the SON, you will NOT get to Heaven. No amount of GOOD works will get you to Heaven, it's all about the FAITH in the SON. I believe that many people I love and care about will not be joining me in Heaven and that's heart breaking and I'll continue to share The TRUTH (GOD's HOLY WORD) with them, but ultimately it's their choice and I can not be soley responsible for their decision and I am not responsible for their rejection of Christ. I think that those who blame others for not accepting Christ, for pushing them away from church, are only making excuses for not wanting to stop living in their sins, lazineness, and actual take responsibilty for their life now and for eternity.

I have some VERY strong feelings on this and honestly when I read a blog about people thinking works and karm and all that junk will allow them into Heaven, it makes me want to just slap them. I know not nice, but HONEST. I'm NOT perfect. I do still find myself sinning, but I REPENT, and try hard not to do it again (although there are times I do and again I repent). I believe it's very important to attend church as I believe as GOD tells us we're to surround ourselves with believers AND accountability. I don't believe that church must be done in a brick and mortar building though. I have met people who's church is at home and other fellow believers all gather there weekly and have their own church service. I believe that the Man/husband is the head of the household. I believe the wife is to be submissive (even though I still struggle with this, I KNOW it's the way it's supposed to be and I'd be blessed beyond measure if I'd only let go and do what GOD tells me to do).

I believe in the GRACE and forgiveness in Christ and know that without it I'd be lost. I know that I'm a sinner and that I'm forgiven. I am in AWE that he died for me and that he has forgiven me of all my ugly and nasty sins.

I believe my children will be miles (well they already are) ahead of me in their walk with Christ, because they're growing up knowing Him, having a relationship with HIM, and knowing the bible in general...I was not raised in a Christian home, and did not come to Jesus until I was 24 years old. I knew him, but wasn't living for him and hadn't completely given my life over to him.

I'm so thankful for my faith in Jesus Christ. I'm so thankful that all I truly have to do is accept his gift of salvation. That I don't "have" to do any works for him (although once you're living for Christ, good works do come naturally, but not required) to be saved. I am so very thankful that I know the ONE Truth, the ONE TRUE SAVIOR. JESUS CHRIST

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Kurbis (Pumpkins)

Day 8 {A Moment}

A moment. The moment I became a mother. The moment that child who made me a mother was diagnosed with leukemia. The moment I watched chemo go into her little precious body. The moment we left Germany and headed to Walter Reed. The moment we were told she relapsed before her bone marrow transplant (bmt). The moment she went back into remission. The moment she recieved her new marrow. The moment she was released and we thought we were moving into the next phase of her life. The moment I was told she had relapsed. The moment we were told there was nothing left to do. The moment she left my arms for Jesus's. These are some of the most defining moments of my life and they all happened to me between the years of 21 to 23 for me. There are so many more moments in my life.