Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Stepping outside my box

God seems to never leave us alone, if he's not right there teaching us a lesson, he's showing us one through someone else (which in turn is still teaching, but hopefully you understand what I mean). I am in constant awe of what he's done in my life. As far as I know I've not shared too much of myself here, not like I should have been doing from the get go, so here goes.

I was wild, I mean wild as a teenage girl. I had the ability to be a sweet girl, but I liked having fun, I was searching for something/one to make me feel whole, and looked for it in ALL the wrong places. I wanted and needed someone who I barely had a relationship with. Growing up, I did not go to church. My parents didn't go, although they each were raised in church themselves, instead of compromising and finding a church they both could agree on, and raising my brother and I to know and love the Lord, they just decided not to go. I didn't know the true meaning of Easter until I was a preteen. I knew who God was very loosely, knew that Jesus had died for me, but definately didn't get it completely, and was doing anything but living for him. Satan had me in his hand and was doing all he could to keep his grip on me.

Then I met Chad. We became friends, married, and had our oldest daughter and such desperation for her to know the Lord overcame me. We had just started attending church on a regular basis when she was dx with AML leukemia. I still did not know the Lord, I thought I did, but I had absolutely NOT given my whole heart to him. I prayed like I never had though when Jordyn was dx and my relationship with him grew and became deeper and deeper. I truly thought I was where I was supposed to be, but I was not. I had no doubts though and I was a believer and knew Jordyn was with him when he called her home on that fateful day of May 8, 2000. As grief took hold of me, my desperation to know him more became more and more powerful. I read the bible more and more, I sought after him like I never had. I was desperate to know the one who now held my first born, my sweet little girl, Jordyn. November of 2001 as I sat at my computer, much like I am now, I gave all my heart to him. I sat with my head down, weeping and praising him. He had all of my heart for the first time and I did NOT want it back. I wanted him to have all of me and I felt like for the first time I was truly knowing him. My friends, if you've never experienced God in that way, I pray you will one day and if you do know him, you get what I'm talking about.

What I didn't get at that point though was that even men that belonged to him, who are here to help lead us to him, sometimes still don't get it. I remember two days later going to my then pastor and sharing with him that I'd given my life to the Lord and he just looked at me and said "that's good" and nothing. I was on FIRE and wanted to be used and nothing. Shortly after that my neighbor invited me to the church she was attending and the moment I walked in I knew God had just led me "home". He put our family with people who wanted to use me for his greater good, who wanted to share his truth's with me. He surrounded me with love and accountability. Let me tell you, if you are surrounded with fellow Christians, you should have both of those, they're equally important. You need to feel loved, but you also need to feel accountable for your words and actions.

Now 6 1/2 yrs later I'm a woman still seeking God's desires and yes demands for my life. I want to please him like I want to please no other. I find myself more often than I like, falling into worldly traps. The fact of the matter is though, that nothing in this world that is of material value has any worth to our Lord. The kind of woman I am, the kind of wife I am, the kind of mother, friend, sister, daughter...those are what matters. Most important the kind of Child of his is most important.

Do you know what the Lord had planned for you? Do you seek him, desire him? Are you glorifying him in your words as well as your actions? I urge you to pray on this:

2 Corinthians 6:2

"For he says, "In the time of my favor I heard you, and in the day of salvation I helped you."* I tell you, now is the time of God's favor, now is the day of salvation. "

Today is it. We don't know what tomorrow holds for a single one of us. If you're making decisions that do not please the Lord today, tomorrow does not matter a single bit. You don't know if you even have tomorrow. You could wake up and be in his presence and then what? Today is it. We are to be the women (and men) who he created us to be right now. The words coming out of our mouths must be righteous unto the Lord. The actions we carry out. How do you glorify God?

If you're a Christian and your neighbor is not, how are you showing them the Lord? Are you smiling at them, being kind to them, even if they're ugly. Are you showing them Christ or are you showing them your ugly side? Are you building fences or opening gates? Today is the day. Quit putting it off and step outside of your box, out of your comfort level and do as God has comanded you.


Emily said...

I love you and I love how your beautiful heart challenges me to chase after God... over mountains, through valleys, and on all the dry land in between. He is Good and He blessed me big when He sent you to me. :)

I just know our girls are keep them laughing in Heaven tonight....