Friday, August 16, 2013

Outcast

I'm a pretty outgoing person, I rarely have a hard time talking to people. Yesterday the homeschool group here had a picnic. I have never felt so out of place and uncomfortable. Thinking about it right now makes me tear up, not because I'm an over-emotional sap (I used to be, but the last few years not a lot makes me cry), but because I was hurt that no one could be bothered to talk to me. I was late, but it's a picnic so that to me normally means it's a bit more open ended. We got there, placed our food on the table, made our plates. I said hello to a couple people and got a "hi" and nothing else. Now please know I did not expect everyone to stop what they were doing and greet me, but I did expect people to be more friendly. I sat down at a table where another lady was sitting and had been eating. As soon as we sat down, she turned around (at a picnic table) and started talking to another lady. I sat there, eating my watermellon, feeding Olivia, and fought off the tears. It was like this ugly click and I was obviously  not welcome. My kids were asking me when we could leave.
Now this was not our first time with this homeschool group. When we first moved back we went to a field trip, met other families, felt immediately welcome, spoke with MANY other parents. Yesterday could not have been more different. I ended up speaking with one person, a young woman who recently moved here, who has a mutual friend. She was getting her kids and leaving and walked past me and recognized me and we talked for about 5 minutes. That was it. Chad had met me there, since I had a drs apt at 1:00, so he took the kids and I left. We were there for a little over 30 minutes and had I ever suspected it'd be that way, we'd have NEVER went.
I am still digesting how to handle it, whether I address it with the group as a whole on our page on facebook or just let it go. I would NEVER want another person to feel like we did yesterday, but I also do not want to stir up drama or be thought of as this dramatic mess.
I know I could have put myself into conversations, but it's hard when it's so obvious that you are NOT welcome. I've lived long enough to know when a person's simply not welcome.
I told Chad, maybe it's time I start looking outside of the military for support, since our time is ending. Maybe this was the Lord's way to begin to prepare me for civilian life.
This has made me miss Germany so much. I miss my Bamberg home school group. My sweet friends who would and never did make a new family feel excluded, but instead probably overwhelmed them with love and welcoming them to the group. I have no memories of anyone ever being excluded.
I don't know how I'm going to handle this yet, but I know I want to be gentle and most of all be led by the Lord.






1 comments:

Traci DeSheles said...

This is so hard. We have had similar trials with different homeschool groups. I might address it to someone. They can't possibly have meant to be uninclusive!