I don't get a lot of one on one time with Jacob. Tonight I sent Jack to bed a little early (because he was so tired and simply needed to go to bed). Jacob came out to the living room and got in the chair with me and we sat watching tv and talking. He had me cracking up. We talked about us having one on one time and it's something I am going to try to do at least once a week or every other week. He said "I don't mind Emma being with us since she needs you, but no Jackson." I can understand that. I was the older sibling growing up and time alone was rare, especially when we were younger.
Jacob and I sat there for an hour just laughing and talking and enjoying our time. He's such a great kid. He's funny, he's honest, he LOVES Jesus, he's got such a kind heart, he's truly a blessing. I know all these things, but I don't always acknowledge them to him and tonight I did. When he went to bed he went with a smile and a thank you. I felt great, but sad too...that I've done such a poor job at making sure I get that one on one time with him over the last year especially. It's now a priority. He's closing in on 7 yrs old and although that's not that old...in 11 yrs he'll be 18 and preparing to head off to college or the military and I don't want these years lost. I want to KNOW him and have a close relationship with him. I want this relationship to be able to transition from parent/child (what it is now and will be for the next 11 yrs) to parent/friend when he does become a man/adult.
If I can't be the mother who's there when he needs to talk, open arms to fall in, laughter to his jokes...then I'm a failure as a mom to this child and I REFUSE to fail him. He deserves the best of me. I do feel like Chad and I have done a great job with him so far, but we still have a lot of work ahead of us and I take that seriously. This is the job that God placed me here on this earth to be. My priority after God and Chad is my children and Chad and the kids rotate at times in who comes first. No amount of money, alone time, etc is worth missing these moments. I'm blessed that God called our family to Homeschool. I'm blessed that God called me and told Chad I'm to be a SAHM. I have to be more diligent though on seeing each child as an individual. To make sure that we have that quiet time together. That we have moments of laughter one on one, etc. If I can't do that...then what AM I doing? Nothing nearly as important that's for sure!
Tonight...I'm thankful for Jacob. For my 1st born son/2nd child. I'm thankful for his laughter, his tender heart, his love for Christ, his honesty, his love, for HIM. I praise God that he made Jacob just as he is. That he has a smile that is true and not forced. That he has eyes that see more than what's just on the outside. I look at him and know God's got GREAT plans for this boy. It's exciting to me. I look forward to seeing him age and develop and become the young man and man that God is molding him to be!
I pray that I will not do anything that will harm him. That I will be the mother God wants me to be to Jacob, so Jacob can grow to be the man God has designed him to be.