JJ Heller - What Love Really Means (Official Music Video)

I heard this song a few weeks ago and it just struck such a cord in my heart. I of course went searching her out and found I love many of her songs. I've been in a funk lately, but when I strip all the self-pity away and just give it to Jesus.....the last verse speaks the truth of it all:
http://www.jjheller.com/article.asp?id=lovemelyrics


He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He's the kid with the story
No one would believe
He prays every night"Dear God won't you please
Could you send someone here
Who will love me?"

Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done
Or what I will become
Who will love me for me
'Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day
She's the woman whose husband has run away
She'll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner
Then he would've stayedAnd she says...

Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done
Or what I will become
Who will love me for me
'Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means
What love really means

He's waiting to die as he sits all alone
He's a man in a cell who regrets what he's done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
"Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home"

Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said, "I know you've murdered and I know you've lied
And I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you'll listen I'll, I'll tell you that I..."

I will love you for you
Not for what you have done
Or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew
Love you for you
Not for what you have done
Or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew

The More I seek You

The more I seek you....The more I find you

The more I seek you, The more I find you
The more I find you, the more I love you
I wanna sit at your feet
Drink from the cup in your hand.
Lay back against you and breath, feel your heart beat
This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand.
I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming.

I need this so much right now. I need God's peace. I know I'm not the only one. I know there are others who are needing Jesus and sadly do not even know he's what they need.
I know I'm not the only one who puts a wall up, who doesn't truly let anyone completely in. I have one friend who knows more than others here, but I just don't want to burden her or others. I feel like I'm stuck on this stupid merry go round, and keep having to deal with the same things over and over again. There are times I'm up, and it's great...but more and more I find that I'm down and hurting and just don't want to bother anyone.

Five and a half months ago, my husband was almost killed in a roll over accident in the hum-vee he was riding in and 4 days later one of my best friends unexpectantedly died at the young age of 33, leaving behind her 2 little boys who are now being raised by a Dad who never wanted to be a dad, who couldn't be bothered being a Dad, and still doesn't seem to care so much about being a dad. Honestly I'm furious. I'm furious that Rebekah's almost exhusband (they were days away from signing the divorce papers)is now raising those precious little boys. It truly just infuriates me beyond belief. I think in ways I'm still also reeling from Chad's accident and have yet to let myself truly deal with it.

I need Jesus. I know, I know...I need him. I desperate for him.

School

I don't blog a lot about our homeschooling adventures, but thought I'd share a bit! School is half way over this year, wow! It's flying by. Jacob's in 4th grade. He's always been a very independent learner, that continues. He's been busy doing a great deal of research, projects, and tons and tons of reading. He loves art and is very talented in drawing and well pretty well anything he puts his mind to. Jackson is not an independent learner, although he's wanting to be more and more and so we're working on encouraging that. Jack is 7 and reading has not been one thing that he's been strong at, but that's not unusual with boys and here's the great thing...on Wednesday he read a book completely on his own! So progress and success are there! He's great at math, loves his bible lessons, it excellent at memorizing bible verses, enjoys math and history. Jack is also showing that he's talented in drawing. I should state that they get that all from their Dad and not a bit from me at all. He also loves to sing and most notably writing his own songs. They're all praise songs to our Lord and they're all long! LOL No seriously i don't know if he's sung us one that's less than 10 minutes! Hehe!! But we love it and are so thankful that his heart is to sing and praise Jesus!!!
This year we're using Alpha Omega Lifepacs and just love,love,love it!!! I highly recommend it! If you're new to homeschooling or wanting a change, we have been so happy with this curiculum this year! If you're searching for a God centered curriculum. If you want one that makes your kids excited and will challenge them, this is a great one. (No I don't get paid, but I do get asked what you use a lot and why we chose AOP). One of our favorite parts is that each subject has 10 small books, so they're easy to take with you when you're out and about, heading somewhere besides being home! ;) It's been perfect especially for Jackson, because looking at books that are thick/long are overwhelming to him, so as he finishes up one he gets excited and can see his accomplishments easily! Jacob said it makes me him feel like he doesn't have so much to do he just keeps focused on the book he's working on vs worrying about what's still ahead! Ok...done with that! LOL

It's really been a great school year and has been a blessing to see both the boys grow in their knowledge and abilities. I'm so thankful that God placed it on our hearts to homeschool our kids.
Emma is also loving doing her "school" work. She likes to sit and write, trace her name, color, be read to and to "read" to us. She loves counting everything, singing, and telling stories (ones she's made up).

I have had people ask how we do it with Noah. Well, he's such an easy going, happy baby that for the most part he makes schooling his siblings easy! He is still a baby so there are days that he simply wants to be the center of attention, and the beauty of hom schooling is there is flexibility! We just roll with things. I'm a pretty flexibile person in general.

God's been so generous to our family in making this possible. He called us to it and he's made it possible the whole time. It doesn't take patience, it doesn't take a masters degree, it only takes dedication and GOD's calling on your family.

Sleepless Nights

I couldn't sleep last night, I was still awake this morning when Chad left for PT at a little after 6 AM, just laying in bed wishing I was asleep and knowing the kids would be awake way too soon for "me". I fell asleep shortly after Chad left and almost 3 hours of sleep, until the phone rang. A friend of mine who's in the same battalion, but different company called to see if I'd heard about the soldiers from our company who were injured down range. I hadn't (since I was still in bed and Chad didn't wake me to tell me since he knew I'd gotten no sleep), so I hopped out of bed (careful not to wake a still sleeping Noah) and checked my email. Five of our soldiers were injured from an IED, but they're all going to recover. God was protecting them. So my day started, tired but some how we got breakfast done, and school going. Thankfully both boys were on top of things today and they were done by NOON! It was great and I was very thankful for no fighting or stressful schooling today.

It's been a good day for the most part, quiet. The kids and I cuddled and watched movies, read stories, etc. I got a load of laundry folded and put away and then decided to get a little MORE productive and vacuum since it's been over a week and oh sooo needed and low and behold my beloved Dyson is not sucking up....how can this be? I'm honestly too physically tired to take it all apart and figure it out. I was able to pull a lot of junk out but that did not fix the issue, so once Chad gets home he gets the fun job of fixing my vacuum while I make dinner. We have on the menu...breakfast for dinner. I got a waffle iron for Christmas so homemade waffles, sausage links and patties, scrambled eggs and eggs over easy. Well Chad will make the eggs over easy, because I can't stand the smell of them frying like that, yet him and the kids loooooooove them (we call them dippy eggs), and biscuits.

I have to say that tonight I shouldn't have any issue's sleeping, I'm so tired right now it hurts to think. My eyes are so heavy, yet I know if I even considered closing them for even a few minutes I'd be in trouble later tonight. I hate insomnia and have been so thankful lately for it staying at bay for the most part. All good things must come to an end I guess. Would you pray for me, pray for this horrible insomnia that I've had for almost 11 years off and on. I've tried many things, but I do think GOD's working on me and teaching me things through this struggle. My prayer life has strengthened a great deal over the last few years, and that is never a bad thing.

Well...I should get to mixing up the waffle batter! I'm hungry!! Oh and next Monday...Zumba starts back up! Yeah!!! That definitely cheers me up. It's going to hurt, but it's a good pain! :)