Thursday, January 27, 2011

The More I seek You

The more I seek you....The more I find you

The more I seek you, The more I find you
The more I find you, the more I love you
I wanna sit at your feet
Drink from the cup in your hand.
Lay back against you and breath, feel your heart beat
This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand.
I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming.

I need this so much right now. I need God's peace. I know I'm not the only one. I know there are others who are needing Jesus and sadly do not even know he's what they need.
I know I'm not the only one who puts a wall up, who doesn't truly let anyone completely in. I have one friend who knows more than others here, but I just don't want to burden her or others. I feel like I'm stuck on this stupid merry go round, and keep having to deal with the same things over and over again. There are times I'm up, and it's great...but more and more I find that I'm down and hurting and just don't want to bother anyone.

Five and a half months ago, my husband was almost killed in a roll over accident in the hum-vee he was riding in and 4 days later one of my best friends unexpectantedly died at the young age of 33, leaving behind her 2 little boys who are now being raised by a Dad who never wanted to be a dad, who couldn't be bothered being a Dad, and still doesn't seem to care so much about being a dad. Honestly I'm furious. I'm furious that Rebekah's almost exhusband (they were days away from signing the divorce papers)is now raising those precious little boys. It truly just infuriates me beyond belief. I think in ways I'm still also reeling from Chad's accident and have yet to let myself truly deal with it.

I need Jesus. I know, I know...I need him. I desperate for him.