Friday, May 10, 2013


May 8, 2000 at 5 AM EST I awoke to my little girl taking her last breath. I screamed out to the Lord, begging and pleading to let me have her back, not yet, I wasn't ready. I was alone...literally. Chad had left the day before to go to his Grandfather's funeral. I called a friend to come sit with me, our beloved nurse, hospice, but first I had to call Chad who was in Ohio to tell him his baby girl was in Heaven.
There are details that will forever remain etched on my heart and in my mind. When I try, I can still smell her. I can still almost feel her warm breath on my neck as she falls asleep on my shoulder, as I rock her and sing to her.
She'd be 15 years old now.
I am so thankful for those precious 2 years I had with her on this earth. She lived a difficult life in many eyes, dx with cancer 6 days before her first birthday. Her last year she was in and out of hospital, chemo, radiation, a bone marrow transplant. She had the most contagious smile, her eyes danced with joy, and her love for Jesus radiated from her.
Not a day goes by that I don't long to still be able to wrap her up in my arms. I loved her well, she loved me well. Most of all the Lord loves/loved us both well. He's never let me go, he's still Holy, just, powerful, and amazing. I'm still humbled that he calls me his daughter. I'm humbled that he allowed ME, this sinful, mess of a woman to be this amazing child's mother. That he allowed me bring her into this world and he allowed me to hold her as she left it. There is nothing more precious than that, my friends.


Cheryl said...

I am so sorry for your deep loss. I love that picture of your sweet daughter. She looks like she has a beautiful soul. I wish I could help you. Know that you are not alone in your grief (I have lost a son) and I will pray for you in these difficult days.

Every day you are getting closer to seeing her again <3

With Hope,