Tuesday, September 12, 2006

These Days

We all have them. We all want them to just stop. I'm in them right now....it's one of those days. I'm exhausted. Mostly mentally and emotionally, but also physically. I think when your mind and heart at at their breaking point, it just takes a toll on you physically. Yesterday was already an emotional day I think for our nation just in general, then I found out our unit lost another soldier. That really seemed to be the kicker for me. Simply put, I'm ready for my husband to come home. I miss him. I miss his support, his face, his arms around me. I miss him being here, just his physical presence. I miss him helping out around here so it's not all on me.

Anyone that TRULY knows me, knows cleaning house is one of my least favorite things to do in this world. I really, really do not like to do it. I know there's someone out there saying "who does", trust me I seem to be surrounded by those women who do. Everywhere we live GOD places "those" women in my life! LOL Oh but I am just NOT one of those women and honestly I don't have the desire to be. BUT I do have the desire to have a nice, organized, clean home. It's clean right now, but organized not so much. I feel the need to get rid of a lot of things. I guess you could say a fresh start with things. I honestly don't see myself as materialistic. I want the things we have to be in nice condition, but I'm not someone who feels the need to have everything, to have the best of everything. I don't rush right out to get the newest and latest gadget. I just don't see the point. Eventually the majority of things are going to wear out (for the simple fact that most things are just not made to last anymore). I just want things more simplified.

Anyways....today we had a waste of my time briefing, for 1 1/2 hrs. The boys went with me and did really well. But my goodness it just dragged on forever and ever and in the end I got nothing out of it other than the fact that I just wasted 1 1/2 hrs of my life, of nap time for Jack and school time for Jacob. I was pretty aggrevated by the time we got home. We had another meeting tonight, I got to stay a whopping 5 minutes, because my 5 yr old decided it was time to pop one of his attitudes. He did not want to stay at the CDC center. I was furious and he got to learn what it's like to go to bed at 6:45 pm! Lucky him, huh? I get online and my husband's online and offers exactly NO support at all. That was the lovely topper of my evening. I just was ready to explode by the time I walked away from the computer.

I wish I could find the words for the rest of the day. I'm sure to an outsider looking in they'd think my day was fine. It's all the emotions inside though. I'm just worn out. I am ready for a break. I told my husband I'd love to be able to just run away for a few days once he's home. I can't and I won't, but a girl can dream. I know before I know it, Chad will be retired from the Army. The boys (and any future children) will be grown up, and I'll wonder how the time past by so quickly. It's already passing by quickly. It just seems like the great days fly by and the not so great, drag on and on and on.

So it's one of those days for me. I'm actually thinking I'm going to head to bed early tonight! I have PWOC in the morning!! It's our fall kick off. I've decided what book study I'm going to be in: "Lies Women Believe". I'm excited. I have already started reading some of the book and find myself just pulled into it. I look forward to being convicted, finding ways to change and live as God wants me to live.

Good night. I am prayerful that tomorrow will be a better day. That I will be a better woman, child of GOD, mother to my children, teacher to Jacob and Jack, and wife to Chad.


Kelly said...

Oh, but it is SO hard sometimes. I honestly don't know how you have done it for so long. You have been alone for so much of the last three years, you absolutely deserve to feel the way you do. I had all the help in the world and STILL felt like I needed to escape (heck I still do some days!) It's no fun always having to be "the mom"

But I know we both know that one day it will pay off in spades :-)

Amy said...

I had one of those days yesterday. I was just plain tired physically, emotionally, and everything else in between. I think the other issue is that we are new to the area so things are quiet and rather lonely during the day. With my oldest in school and on Tues and Thurs I just have one.
A case of the blaghs. I find that going to bed early helps. I'm usually really tired and just need to chill.
Blessings today

Sue said...

Hope you are having a better day today. You are a much stronger woman than I am. I am only "temporarily" taking care of SIL's kids and I am having a tough time. I can't imagine doing it with my husband in harms way. {{{hugs}}}

Linda said...

hang tough girl...you know God's watching out for you.