I have hope that tomorrow my heart won't hurt so much. I have hope that one day I'll be with my beautiful Jordyn again. I have hope because, Jesus Christ is my Savior. Today instead of me hugging and kissing and wishing Jordyn a happy birthday and celebrating 13 years of life....I know she's safe in the arms of Jesus. Chad and I are still not sure what we're going to do today for her birthday celebration. I had PWOC this morning, I led our worship team and prayed and cried. Chad stayed home this morning with the kids since Emma wasn't feeling well when she woke up (I think it was just allergy junk though). He has to go to the memorial service of two of our fallen soldiers from our Battalion who were killed last Tuesday in Afganistan. I'm not going to the memorial service, it's too hard and today's hard enough, plus at 4 I have Noah's well baby apt. and Jack has cub scouts. So although it'd be easiest to climb in bed, have a good hard cry, and sleep....God's made my life so that it won't work like that. I am strugging right at this moment to find joy, I have it, it's just a little deeper in my heart today. I know that part of me wants to REJOICE and sing from the mountain tops that today 13 years ago I gave birth to the most amazing little girl ever. I AM BLESSED. I AM Thankful. I AM Loved. Happy Birthday, Jordyn. I love you to Heaven and Back (and back again a few million times). Today I became a Mommy and I can say it was TRULY the most amazing experience of my life. I'll love you forever.