Saturday, May 18, 2013

Since moving back to Kansas we've been with only 1 vehicle, which means the kids and I are at home all day, everyday. Ultimately I leave once a week,on Sunday's to go to church. In general I'm okay with it, I'm a home body, we do school, kids play, our days are full, but what I've found out about myself is that when you live 30 minutes from post, aprox. 5 miles to the closest small and I do mean small town and 11 minutes from the next town, well you can get a little stir crazy. I am a homebody, but I also need some adult interaction and just need out of the house from time to time.

I simply put get lonely. I often feel forgotten. I have a friend who texts me from time to time who lives on post, to check in, but we just haven't been able to spend much time together. I am ready for Chad to get his own vehicle so I can have my van back and even if I don't go anywhere, I don't feel so trapped. I know I could obviously leave once Chad's home, but I don't feel like wasting gas just so I can "go".

I know the Lord has called me to this place right now, and although I don't completely understand it fully, I must find joy in it, and honestly I've not felt a lot of joy in my heart lately, but I think that may be why the Lord has called me to this place of solitude.

I want to be obedient. I want to be a good wife and not complain all the time to Chad, and I want to be a good mother, a better mom.
Use me Lord to be who you want and are calling me to be.


Conny said...

I just wrote a whole blog post on my attempt to hold on to joy in the midst of hard days (for other reasons for me) ... but I do feel for you and pray peace on you as you wait for His timing in your life for a vehicle.