Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Ignorant Parents

Ok, so I read a few different message boards and on one it's for parents of boys. This woman comes and starts talking about her 7 yr old son who is spoiled. She says that he just never accepts no, blah-blah-blah. Her complaint today was that there's a fair going on in their area, with a canrival. This woman's from my home state, so this is very common thing....fair and carnivals are just well all in one thing.

Well there's a build a bear at the carnival, and last year she bought him THREE. Ok, I know how much the bears are, to dress them, etc...and well that's insane, especially when you're a single mother, who would have been pg at the time! Of course just because some are parents doesn't mean they have common sense and you'll find out in a moment even more to that one! Anyways, the older son is part of the Big Brothers Little Brothers organization. She's had boundary problems with his big brother in the past, not understanding boundaries, etc. Personally I'd have cut it off with the big brother months ago, after he didn't obey my wishes in the first place, and the upcoming would have never have happened.

Ok, so back to the carnival. This year she told her son, he could only have ONE build a bear animal/outfit, etc...Because she has another son and wanted to get him one as well. She hadn't taken the boys yet, and her son went with his "big brother" and she told the "bb" as well that her son was not allowed to have anything from Build a Bear. Her son comes home, with a bear and dressed to the max, cost she's figuring at LEAST $50.00. The "Big Brother" says "well I know you said he couldn't have one, but he asked and I didn't have the heart to tell him no". now this grown man who's supposed to be a good influence on him can't say NO and obviously has no clue about boundaries, has just went against this mother's wishes, but the next night she takes the kids to the fair....For fireworks and a concert. Her son then starts bugging her to have one, and bugging her and bugging her (those who have kids, you get it)...But instead of sticking to her guns...she gets it for him! YES, that's right...Ok so if that weren't bad enough...she's complaining on our board about how she doesn't understand why he does this and why when she says no, he won't just stop asking! ROFL!

Seriously, this is NOT brain surgery! I can't imagine why her son just keeps up his behavior, hmmm maybe because unlike his mother, he has HER number and knows he bugs her enough she'll give in. I'm honestly stunned at how many parents are like this. Another woman responded that her kids do the same thing and she eventually gives in as well. At what point did parenting become about giving into our children all the time and being more worried about if they "like" you and you're their friend..than about teaching them that they CAN'T have everything they want. That there are boundaries in life, with people. That when you say no, it means no, etc.

I love my kids and they definitely have more toys than they need. At the same time I have NO PROBLEM saying no! I know in general it's the "dad" who's the "hard" one...not in this house. I'm definitely the one that has NO PROBLEM saying no. I have met other military wives who when their husbands are away, give in even more, because they feel guilty and just so bad for their kids that they don't have Dad right there. I have a heart. I feel sad for my boys that they miss their Daddy and I feel for my husband that he's missing out on this time with our boys. At the same time I'm doing them NO FAVORS if I gave into them, let them run wild, and set no boundaries for them. Our rules remain the same when dad's home and when he's gone. I definitely get stressed out more often, but at the sametime...that's part of being an Army wife. You deal with it and get over it and keep going.

I guess I see this kind of parenting far too often. Parent(s) who are too scared to parent or just too lazy. Parents who are worried about their kids being mad at them, etc. What kind of example are we showing our children when we do this? A bad one that's for sure. People don't understand the problems our kids (in general) are having today....well it starts at home. It does NOT take a village to raise a child...I've seen the village and I do NOT want them anywhere near my children. What it does take is parents who are committed to raising their children, with high morals and values. Who understand what respect is to adults. Who when they mess up, understand that there will be consequences, etc.

So that's my rant for the day, well at least for's only 3:25 pm...who knows what else could come up!


Sue said...

Many parents today have that problem. I see it everywhere I go. My SIL's two daughters get ANYTHING and EVERYTHING they want. And she wonders why they are horror shows -- well one of them seriously is...the other for some reason likes to work for her money -- go figure. You are right that there are no favors being done here only adults bound for serious disappointments. Linda could tell you that we were NOT spoiled in the least.

bemoreland said...

Hi, here from michele's! Love what you said about how your rules are the same whether Dad's around or not. That's so important! Also laughed at "I've seen the village..." LOL!! That's exactly how I feel most of the time!! :) Have a fabulous day!