Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Being silent

So after my previous entry with the song lyrics I've went back and forth about writing more, and well you see what won out obviously! Quick update, Ireland was wonderful. I took 1,075 pictures. I'm in the process of editing them now. We loved Ireland and plan to go back for Chad's R&R as long as he's not home over the holiday's. I'll share some pictures once I've finished editing them.

So the last few days I've been praying over so much. God is always revealing things to me. Tonight as I talked to Emily on the phone I told her how God's teaching me to hold my tongue, well he's been convicting me on it for quite some time and I'm working VERY hard on obeying. I've done decent in quite a few area's. In written form, I've done the best, then it'd be towards others ranging from strangers to those I know but not particularly close with, to good friends, then coming in last is my closests of friends...Chad, Emily, Tami, and Bobbie to name a few! :) I struggle the most with holding my tongue be it remarks (snide or otherwise) to my closests of loved ones and friends. So often I find it's out of my mouth before I even realize it, that is NOT a good thing. I get it, really I do...now it's just learning to stop and shut up for a second before opening it. If I want my children to do it, I need to be the example and since they're always with me, they're not exactly learning what I keep preaching to them! So that's an issue I'm working on now, very hard.

I know this entry will seem all over the place, so please just bare with me. I am discovering a lot about myself lately. I have discovered that I have so much in my heart that I have shared with God, but not a single other soul. I know he's the only one I need to share them with. I do worry though. I know that sounds rediculous. It's just that there are things in my heart that I know other people are dealing with, being led to, that are similar to what I am and my worry is they'll think I'm doing things only because they've voiced it to me, yet all the things that are in the forefront are things that have been on my heart for a few years now. It's just amazing to me how God places me in positions of silence at times and at other times I run my mouth all over the place. Being still, waiting is not something I've done by nature. I often have fought him tooth and nail, yet when I come to realize the things I have been stilled about I'm often amazed at just how still I have been. Patience, waiting...they're just not my strong suits. Not talking things to the floor, not something I'm known for. But God is teaching me, and most amazingly I'm learning.

I believe I shared it here about my friend Heather. God's allowed me to use my gift of writing (talking). While I was off in Ireland a couple different friends updated her page and they both did not enjoy the task. One of them is taking care of Heather's children, the other arranges rides for Heather's parents daily. I could do the taking care of her children, homeschooling her son...but calling people and asking them to drive her parents would not be a strong suite for me. I'd be more tempted to just tell someone they're driving vs asking. But that's her gift. What I find as something simple for me, isn't as simple for another and it honestly was not something I'd thought would be any different for anyone else. I figured they'd have a slightly different tone in their writing, but no big differences. They did a great job, just in less words. I am blessed that God has allowed me a gift of writing, of public speaking, because they're two things I absolutely love to do. If my hearts not into it though, I think it's obvious. There are times here my heart has simply not been in it and it shows. Those are the times I should have remained silent.

So this week's challenge to myself is to improve on being quiet. On thinking before I speak, and when I do, being thoughtful and most of all mindful in what I say.
On a side note...with in the next month my husband will be off again for deployment. I am prayful in making the most of these next few weeks with him. Please be in prayer for our family as we get ready for our 3rd and longest OIF.

God Bless


Emily said...

Your heart is beautiful and I am so blessed to see it firsthand... okay so maybe I hear it... :) I love you and I look so forward to seeing more of your heart's desires revealed as we continue down this road toward our Lord and our girls.