Wednesday, December 26, 2007

After Christmas

I got this from a friends blog and it grabbed my heart I just had to share it. I don't know the author, so if you do, let me know and I'll give credit...for now though it's "Author Unknown"

After Christmas

When the song of the angels is stilled,

When the star in the sky is gone,

When the kings and princes are home,

When the shepherds are back with their flocks,

The work of Christmas begins;

To find the lost,

To heal the broken,

To feed the hungry,

To release the prisoner,

To rebuild the nations,

To bring peace among people,

To make music in the heart.


We had a wonderful Christmas. We do one Santa gift, normally the kids each get a gift, but this year it was a big one and for everyone...Santa brought us a Cat. She's a beautiful tabby that the boys named Whiskers. Not sure how old she is, we'll get her into the vet and see if Dr. Mike can tell us how old she is. We got her from a friend who got her from a friend who's husband was injured while in Afganistan and ended up being medically retired because of the injury, she simply couldn't afford to take Whiskers (they had 2 dogs and hadn't had whiskers very long). The mutual friend had the task of finding her a new home and we were the happy ones to jump on being that home! The boys were speechless and so excited! We already have a cat here, Pounce, but simply put he's as antisocial as a cat can be. Whiskers isn't! She's not even stepped into our bedroom I don't think and it was the FIRST place Pounce dashed to the moment we brought him home. Whisker's is very social, playful, and just wonderful to be around. She LIKES people!

They got many other gifts and still have many to come from friends and family in the states. The boys also got a big gift each. Jacob got a PSP and Jack got a Leapster LMax. They both really, really like them and have had a great time with them. Momma's played on the leapster already and thinking tomorrow might have to play with the PSP. What's funny is in general I'm not a fan of these sort of games...but Jack's "Cars" game totally addictive! ROFL!

As wonderful of an addition as Whisker's is, this Christmas's best addition is by and far Emma. I don't want anyone to misunderstand me when I say this and I'll put out a disclaimer..I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE My boys. I adore them, my life would be missing and lacking without them and I love them just as much...ok. Emma is someone I've prayed for. When Jordyn died and I found myself pregnant with Jacob I was simply not ready for a daughter and thankfully I knew it and God definately knew it. God blessed us with Jacob and he was the child my heart and arms needed. When Jackson came along, we wanted a girl, but I was not heartbroken to find out he was a boy, again he was exactly who we needed in our family. But...I've always wanted to raise a daughter. I had Jordyn and she will ALWAYS be our daughter, simply put though I don't get to raise her. I had her for the most precious 2 yrs 1 month and 8 days of my life, but she's with Jesus now. She's better off there, she's where we all want to be some day. I do not fear death. I know I'll be with Jesus and Jordyn when I die. I look to that day as a glorious day for me. None the less, I've prayed for Emma. From the time Jack was 2 I was ready for God to give our family another child, and I DESPERATELY wanted a girl. My heart and arms ACHED for her. I knew in my heart God would give us another daughter one day and I prayed that when I found out I was pg last Dec. 17 that the baby growing inside of me would be the daughter I had been aching for. The day we found out Emma was a girl, I cried tears of joy. Emma had been growing in my heart for so long, that relief flooded my soul.

I knew Chad wanted a daughter and both boys wanted a sister. I knew Jacob would be wonderful with her, and Jack was very excited and liked other people's babies, but I wasn't sure how he'd be since he'd been the baby of the family for almost 4 yrs (although do NOT call him a baby...oh he doesn't like that! LOL). Jackson was MADE to be a big brother.

In my joy, grief was crepped in. I've ached for Jordyn more this year than in recent years. As I've distantly walked the path of fresh grief with my sweet Emily and so many emotions of once again having a daughter (some baby blues to go along with it), it's been emotional to say the least. My heart so often feels like it's going to explode with joy because of everything Emma has brought our family, yet there is those "what might have beens". I would NEVER wish Jordyn to be back here, she's in Heaven, painfree and with Jesus. But....what would life be like had she never had cancer or simply beat it the way we prayed she would and she'd be alive being the sister to 2 brothers and 1 sister. Would she be a mother hen, or more of an annoyed almost 10 yr old who's siblings drive her crazy? I will never have this answer.

I thank God for the blessings he's bestowed on me. I have so many, but 5 of them are the most precious. Chad, who loves me more than I deserve most days...who together we've made 4 of the most, if not the most beautiful children that's graced this earth. Jordyn, who made me a mother and showed me just how much living can be lived in a far too short of life of 2 yrs 1 month and 8 days. Jacob who showed me I really COULD love again, after my world had been ripped from my arms. Jackson who has made me laugh more than I think I've ever laughed at another human being. Last but definately not least...Emma. My sweet Emma Grace. She shares a middle name with Emily's girl, Miller Grace who's with Jordyn in Heaven. Although she's not truly named after Miller Grace, they have what I believe is a heart bond. Two momma's who love each other, shared pregnancies, and a connection to Heaven. Emma to me is God's grace. I definately have not deserved any of my children, yet over and over again he's given it to me and this time he gave it to me in a beautiful little blue eyed girl package, who's smile can light up a room, who's the "official" chapel baby of our post as our Battalion Chaplain likes to call her (she was the first of a string of babies born over the last part of this year). Is our family complete? I don't know, that's not up to's up to God. I don't think it is, but I can tell you that Emma has brought something to our family that I didn't even realize was missing, so she's definately a part of the completion of our family if that makes any sense at all.

I pray you all had a wonderful and blessed Christmas. That your focus wasn't on what "Santa" brought you, but what GOD gave us. That we can remember that 2000 years ago probably frightened young girl gave birth to a KING. The King of ALL Kings...Jesus Christ. That a man watched a child who was not truly his son, being born, yet accepted the responsibility of raising him into the MAN who would one day give his own soul Salvation. How blessed are we to know that because God humbled himself and created himself to be a tiny baby...we have the comfort of tomorrow. I do not have to worry about Jordyn, I know she's safe in Christ's arms. Emily does not have to worry about Miller Grace, because she too is safe in Jesus's arms. I picture him up there rocking them back and forth, back and forth. Kissing the backs of their heads singing to them the most beautiful hymns. I see Jordyn resting her little head on his chest simply breathing him in, as I used to breath her in. Oh how blessed we are, how blessed we are.

Jack,Jacob, & Emma Christmas Eve

Chad showing off one of his gifts



Emma trying to tear into her package

Whisker's in Emma's toy basket

Her favorite place last night
she was playing with the balloon string