I've wanted to blog, it's been eating away at me, yet wasn't sure exactly what I was going to write about. The one thing I've tried hard to NOT write about is what's here, bubbling out of me. As we draw near the end of 2007 I'm thankful that Chad was home with us this year, next year will be quite a different story. I don't think I've blogged about it, but Chad will be deploying again in late spring. This will be his (our) 3rd deployment to OIF and our 5th over all deployment in the last almost 11 yrs of our marriage. There are so many things that I'm not looking forward to concerning the deployment.
1. He'll be gone for 15 months. This is not a maybe, not a "well hopefully"...this is what it is. Although they are hoping to scale deployments back to 12 months, there was an article I read that stated even when it has, those who have been issued the 15 mo. deployment by such and such date will still deploy for those 15 months, so no matter we know Chad will be gone for 15 months. It's really hard for me to swallow this, to grasp it so to speak. God has definately been preparing our hearts and world for this. Our first deployment was a 4 month to Bosnia, then a 6 month to Kuwait (he was there during 9-11 that was soooo stressful!) then he went to Iraq for 9 months, then Iraq for 12...so it really only makes sense that this deployment would also increase. I know we'll manage just fine, but I'm simply not looking forward to it. He's my husband and as much as he gets on my nerves, I do not want him gone for so long. A month here and there is one thing, but goodness this is just a whole new ball game. We'll be fine, we'll make it I'm just going to miss him.
2. He's going to miss out on so much with the kids. Jacob will be 8 1/2 by the time he gets home. Jackson will be 6 (well he may actually get home before his birthday so we'll see how that one plays out), and Emma will be 2. Emma will not know her Daddy the way she should. He's going to miss so much with all the kids, but those sweet milestones of Emma's breaks my heart. What's ironic is that with all of our children he's missed out on that 6th month of their life and I was so excited to think that finally he was going to be home for one of our kids 6 month, but nope...he'll be off training for the whole month! Well he'll get to be with her for 2 days of it. It does figure, so I'm not all that surprised!
We have a few more months still. I just feel tired already thinking of it. The plan right now is that the kids and I will go back to the states for about 6 weeks to visit family and friends. Most likely by the time we get back it'll be over 3 yrs since we've been to the states and it'll be the first time Emma will have been there! I am feeling really sad that my family is missing out on Emma's babyhood. They see her in pictures, but it's not exactly the same. I really wish they could come here or we could afford a trip to visit them, but that's just not going to happen.
It's late and my families all in bed. Chad and Emma are warm and cozy in our bed and it's time for me to crawl in there. I know these moments are fleeting and I need to take advantage of them every moment I can.