Thursday, February 07, 2008

Blessings all around

Here it is 8 til midnight and I hear Emma "talking" to Jackson who's got a sore throat so of course he needs to sleep in my bed! We cosleep so that's why Emma's there. Chad's gone for the month so there's at least room for Jack. I just nursed Emma and went and laid her down and Jack looked so miserable. I gave him a throat lozenger to suck on and told him to stay awake until it was gone, he of course ate it! While I went to the kitchen to get him some water, Emma had started a conversation with Jack! LOL She's laying there with her hand on his arm just jabbering away. These are the moments I want to seal into my memory. I don't want to forget them. Jack laying there smiling at his baby sister, while she's absolutely thrilled to find him next to her! I know these days are precious, they're few and far between, and that they'll be over long before I'm ready.

I have learned a great deal about being a mother in the last almost 10 yrs of being a mother, I've learned possibly more by being a mother who's buried her child. I GET it! I get that tomorrow's never promised and for those who know me, you know that's my saying. It's absolutely not promised, not even for our children. I know that our children are babies one moment and talking back the next. I can simply look at Jacob and Emma and see how FAST 7 yrs goes by. It's all in a blink of an eye.

I hold onto my babies maybe tighter than a lot of other momma's. Not because I think I'm a better mother, all knowing, or anything like that. I just get that these are the moments I will NEVER have again. I will never have this day back. It's 2 minutes from being over. I'll never hear Emma babble to Jackson like that again, not for the first time. The joy on her face as she talked to him was beyond precious. I believe it's because she had him right beside her like that in our bed for the first time...where it was JUST the two of them.

As my heart aches over the time that's already gone, I rejoice in what I have right now. Today. I don't wish yesterday back or tomorrow gone. I am doing my absolute best to just enjoy today. I do not know what tomorrow will bring to me or my family. I know what I believe it will, but God's showed me time and time again that what I have planned is not always what he has planned. I think he's humored me many times in letting me believe I know what's going to happen.

Now as a new day begins, quiet has already come over my home. My heart sings to know my babies are all safe and warm right where they belong. Jordyn, in Jesus' arms, playing with Miller Grace. Although Miller Grace is not her baby sister, they're still connected and Emma and Miller Grace are almost the same age so until her Momma joins her up in heaven I like to believe Jordyn's with Miller Grace showing her all the wonderful places to cuddle at, the best place to run and play, the softest place in Jesus's arm.

Tonight as I prepare for bed I will lay there thanking God for the blessings he's given me and the ones he did not, because they were not what I needed.