Thankful

I like so many of you have been glued to the news tonight (vs the Olympics) watching for the Tsunomi was heading towards Hawaii and watching as the numbers went up for the victims of the devestating earthquake in Chile (wow an 8.8). My heart has been in my throat tonight though waiting for the water to come in on Hilo as I have so many friends who live there. My best friend in high school lives there, friends from the Army are stationed there, but thankfully via Facebook I got PM's and status updates saying they were safe and on high ground. Can I tell you what a blessing social networking is? To think that just a couple years ago most of us would have had to depend on emails, and even a few years before that a phone call. Technology is not always a good thing, but tonight it's been such a blessing to me personally as I waited on news and felt such concern for people I cared about and love to know if they're ok or not, safe or not and to have those answers so quickly...what a cool blessing GOD's allowed. The biggest blessing though is that the Tsunomi ended up being very minor for the state of Hawaii.
I have been and continue to pray for those in Chile.

Last night at the Hospitality House we read from Revelations Chapters 2 and 3 and how in so many ways that we do and don't recognize we're living quite possibly in the end of times (well the beginning of the end), we spoke of all the natural disasters that GOD allows and how it at least seems to us they seem to becoming more and more often.

One of the things that was said last night from a friend there was how she's not afraid of dying for Christ, it's living for him that's hard. To live and praise him through the hard times, to witness such devestation, heartache, and heartbreak and still see all his goodness shining through. THAT IS HARD, but we're called to do it none the less. Being a Christian is NOT easy, at least not in my experience. I think if it was easy, for me what would be the point? The things that challenge us, makes us take a deep look, etc those are often the things that we look back on and say "it was worth it". I look at my walk with Christ as being a mom. It's not easy, often there are days I want to throw in the towel and run away, far, far away. To not have the responsibility of mothering. To not have the heartaches that's come with being a mom. Yet it's worth it, even when things don't work out like you planned. Even when you think "this is not the life I imagined". Let me say I'm the first to say that. My life is NOT the life I imagined. I never imagined the heartache I'd experience, the deep pain that still haunts me nearly 10 years later. I never believed I'd know the pain of having my daughter die and know the heartache of seeing her in that tiny casket. I also never knew the joy I'd feel. The love that would form over 9 months and onto the rest of my life. No matter the pain, it's worth it. Even if I knew how it'd all end, including if I'd known Jordyn would go to Heaven at only 2 years old....I'd do it again. Walking with Christ has been hard at times and yet it's brought me the absolute greatest joy of my life and it's worth every hard part, because no matter how hard, horrible, terrifying life here on earth may be....Heaven's the reward for loving, knowning, and devoting my life to Jesus. To know that one day I'll spend eternity with my Savior, wow!

Tonight I'm so thankful. Thankful that GOD's faithfun in all ways and over all things, even when I don't understand the how's and why's of things of this world or just of my own life. The simple truth is, I don't have to know the why's or how's, I just have to accept that the LORD has allowed them and trust him.

It's ALWAYS nice when....

Through a dark time in your life, you have an authentically good day. I didn't hardly sleep last night so honestly I figured the day would not be good at all. I started off with the alarm clock going off (you should all know I despise alarms that scream....I prefer my children to gently wake me up, it's just nicer that way!). I got maybe 2 hours of sleep, got up and headed to my board meeting, left there and went and met a friend and my secretary for Sparks (AWANA...I'm the director) so we could go over what we want/need ordered for the end of the year Awards ceremony. From there I went to our Health clinic to get a copy of the boys' Health certs for sports, went to sign them up for baseball, was told the paperwork the clinic printed off for me is no longer accepted, they have to have THEIR form filled out, back to the clinic talk to the nurse fill out what I need on the paperwork and she takes the paperwork and is going to have the dr fill it in (transfer all info from the other paperwork onto the "correct" form), I will be able to pick it up tomorrow, since all the drs were at required training for the afternoon, then go back and sign the boys up for baseball (tomorrow's the last day, has to be done!). Then I have to run to our post Gym and find out when we can set up a day for them to show the ladies from our bible study how to correctly use the equipment in the weight room and explain the importance of adding weight lifting to their work out routine (vs just cardio...you have to build your muscle to speed up your metabolism and lose weight and change that fat into muscle..cardio is important as well, but too many don't take into account the importance of weight training). After the gym I am heading to a store to find little boxes that I want to give out as love gifts for my ministry (to deployed spouses), I'm planning on giving them prayer boxes (so they can write down their prayers and burdens and place them in the box and pull them out from time to time and see how GOD has answer those prayers), and look and see what they have as far as natural wood photo frames go, for April's love gift!

Anyways back to today! (ok I guess technically it's now yesterday here in Germany). Even though I was busy, and got home in the afternoon and was EXHAUSTED and just as I was falling asleep for a nap, Emma woke up, so no nap (sniff-sniff)...the sun was shining all day, the temps were in the 50's, the boys spent the rest of their afternoon outside playing. My heart is still heavy, but even in the heaviness I was able to appreciate a day that although not perfect felt good none the less. I'm so thankful for today and am prayerful that tomorrow will be a good day as well.

Prayers for little Faith

I want to thank so many of you who are praying for me and am humbled and honored to know so many are and I will say I do need them. I feel a little more under control tonight and feel at peace to share a little more...I am having a VERY difficult time as Jordyn's birthday is coming closer (March 30) and more so that May 8 will mark 10 years since Jordyn went to the arms of Jesus and two short weeks later I'll be having a new baby. I feel like I'm honestly going crazy in many ways, please understand I'm not even saying that lightly. I feel torn in every way you can and can't imagine. My heart is broken, grief is overwhelming to me right now, and there's so many other issue's that I will not get into right now that have been going on long before this bbaby was conceieved, but I know that the pregnancy hormones are not helping and if nothing else encouraging the feelings. I'm seeking Christ, and will be honest I feel he's very far from me right now, but I KNOW he's there and know he's teaching me something (I just don't know what right now). I hurt, I'm scared, but I'm not being idle any longer. I am going to speak with a councelor on Monday. I'm currently praying this councelor is a Christian, but I do not know since she's on post (please remember I'm in Germany and seeking counceling off post is not an option at this point) and because we live on such a small post and we know the chaplains on a very personal level (they're all friends of ours) that going to the chaplain is just not an option I'm comfortable at all with at this point. Right now I'm praying the councerlor I see is a Christian and if not I'm willing to drive the 30-45 minutes to the next nearest post and seeing the Family Life chaplain there, but would prefer to stay here if at all possible. My prayer request is that GOD will continue to help me through this struggle and that the councelor will be a Christian. (As you can tell this is extremely important to me as true Christian counceling.) I went ahead and asked for prayers in my bible study class today and was very raw and honest with them, so I'm feeling stronger in the fact that I have more and more people praying for me and who are seeing the struggle I'm going through right now.

Now off of me...I came across a blog who shared of a little girl who's battling a very aggressive brain tumor. Faith is 6 years old and has been given a very short amount of time. From what I read and my own personal understanding of childhood cancer, there does not seem to be an option for actual treatment. It sounds like although they'll be doing radiation it will be for keeping her comfortable. Please pray for this little girl as well as her parents (I do not know if there are siblings.) If you click on her name above you should be led to her website if not it is: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/faithpruden
There's nothing worse than watching your child being in pain and you have no control to truly help her. Nothing worse than having to make that decision of life support vs letting them go, and there's nothing simple about that decision and even when you feel GOD leading you, I think many if not all question the decision they made...whether it was the right one or not, even when you "know" it is...telling your heart that is a completely different thing and that goes for either decision. Please pray for GOD to lead the parents who are Christians, that they will not question their decisions they make in their daughter's treatment and life, and that they are completely surrounded in the love of Christ from Christ himself as well as their family and friends. Pray for rest for the parents, you want to spend every second you have with them and struggle to sleep and struggle eventually to stay awake (not wanting to miss a thing). Pray that they never feel guilt. (Trust me, that's a HUGE one). Pray for comfort for both little Faith and her family. The last thing I want to say is: Childhood cancer SUCKS. I know it's crass, but there's nothing so true.

no title

Thanks to all who answered my last posts questions, it's always interesting to see how others do and celebrate things. It was also nice to see no one was extravagant in what they give, especially from the toothfairy as the couple of examples that I know of. Most people I know don't go to the extremes but there are always some.

Last night I wrote a post, it was my heart, very bare, raw, my face was a red, tear stained mess afterwards and I had to take my contacts out since everything was blurred from the tears. I am not posting it, for a couple reasons...it was just too raw and after I was done found it was more for me to get out and give over to GOD. All I can say is I'm struggling right now with a deep sadness that I struggle to even find words for. I've went to those who I trust the most in human form to pray for me far more specifically and ask that you all will pray for me as well. I'm not a "good vibes" woman, I'm a prayerful woman, because honestly vibes don't do a thing...only prayer to our one and true Heavenly Father will. I can say I'm hurting, I'm sad, and I know only the Lord can fill this void up for me. Maybe one day GOD will lead me to share more indepth but right now I don't feel it, other than what he's telling me right now.

I'm holding my Emma girl as I type this. Dinner is cooking, I JUST got kisses from Emma, the boys are taking the dog out, and honestly I'm ready for the kids to go to bed, so I can finally have some quiet time, spend some much needed time with the Lord one on one, dig into my bible as I so desperately need, and finish up reading the book I'm reading, Little Women (btw...read this wonderful classic if you never have!).

Sorry for such a boring kind of cryptic post, I really dislike these sort of postings in general. I do so appreciate the prayers.

Crisis Adverted..whew!

We had a crisis in our home a little bit ago. Jacob lost another tooth (still a big deal, even though it's his I believe 7th or 8th tooth). We have a tooth box, I found them in Poland when shopping for pottery at my favorite shop (unfortunately they do not have them anymore, when I was there a few months ago..sniff-sniff). I had purchased two of them. Well Jacob went to put his tooth into his tooth box and Jack hit his arm on accident as he was about to place the tooth in the box and it fell in either the dresser or the toy box. Jacob was in tears. There was a little bag in the dresser, and so they started going through it and Jack found the tooth. Daddy was already called to make sure he had a gold dollar (that's what the tooth fairy brings after the 1st tooth...1st tooth gets a whopping $5.00 which I think is INSANE, but seems she's a cheapskate in our home compared to all their friends! She brings one friend $20.00 every time. We have a friend who has a friend who she brought a DS for a lost tooth. INSANITY and honestly very sad to me). Anyways, Daddy has the gold dollar (he has a few since Jack has his 2nd tooth loose and it could fall out at anytime, so we're all prepared).

So for those of you who do the Tooth fairy, how much or what does she bring? What about other holiday's? Such as Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Easter?? For V-day we normally do a small toy and a small amount of candy (remember I home school so we've never done exchanging cards with other kids), St.Patty's Day...nothing we just make sure we have green on us somehow, we actually try to have fun with this one, since Chad's Irish.We have some crazy green curly hair wigs, huge Leperchaun hats, I have some fun earrings...just silly goofy things. Easter always something related to Christ, be it a book about the Resurrection, DVD, or a kids Christian CD, some candy, and maybe a toy (just depends)...it's more about Christ and his resurrection for our family.

Anyways, the tears are all dried up for tonight. :)

update on sickness in our home

Well Jacob's still sick. He's not vomitting so you get the picture of what the poor guy's dealing with. Thank you for praying for my little man. He barely ate today, but thankfully kept the liquids going. He fell asleep early so hopefully with the extra rest he'll be feeling better soon. Although he kept telling me he felt ok through the day I knew he didn't, because Jacob's the
type of boy who the instant he gets out of bed he's got his jeans and shirt on. He never got dressed today so that was an easy answer to me.

I do have a prayer request for me too. I've been dealing with a throat virus for a month now. The drs suggestions was lots of rest (rofl...I have 3 kids and am pregnant oh and I homeschool), not to talk (again are you kidding me...this is when he asks "do you have other children?"**besides the one I'm pg with***when I told him yes and I homeschool my older 2 and the youngest is 2), he agree's it'll be hard and said drink hot tea with lemon and honey to soothe it (at the time my throat did hurt, it does not now). Well, off and on over the last 4 weeks my voice has been hoarse, I've lost my voice, it's gone in and out. You get the picture. Last week while we were in Garmisch my voice was the best it'd been, still slightly hoarse, but everyday it just seemed to get better and better, then Saturday came along. I woke with no voice, it slowly came to a rough hoarseness and stayed like that. Sunday I had no voice, I was back to whispering as that was all I could do. Monday, Chad was off of work for President's Day so I took advantage and barely whispered a word, mostly I did a lot of mouthing, pointing, and clapping (to get their attention). I was honestly very hopeful that come Tues., I'd have a bit of a voice, that the case...so I stuck with whispering. Today it got a little better, until it was dinner time and it started going in and out. I am honestly so very frustrated and just sick of it. My throat does NOT hurt, unless I really push and try to get more than a whisper out. So I'm here to ask you to pray that GOD will heal my throat and voice. It's been a month of this now, there are no medications to take...it's not bacterial so no antibiotic is going to do anything anyways. To top it all, Chad's going to be gone for a couple of weeks so it's all going to be on my shoulders.

Thank you, you don't know how much it'll mean to me to have your prayers for me and more so for Jacob.

Humbled at his feet....

Award

Kate gave me this award, she actually gave it to our "deployment" blog, which I only write in when Chad's deployed, but she just found THIS blog and since this is the one I write in 99% of the time. Thank you Kate, it was so sweet of you!
The rules of the game:



1. Thank and link to the person that gave you the award.


2. Pass this award on to 15 bloggers you’ve recently discovered and whom you think are fantastic.


3. Contact said Blogs and let them know they've won


4. State 7 things about yourself







I just recently went through the bloghop, so I discovered some truly AMAZING blogs and have been reading many amazing blogs for quite a while, so this will be hard to narrow it down to just 15! I will not follow the rules completely, because at least a couple blogs that I know I want to give this to, I've been reading for quite awhile.



The blogs I'm giviving this to are:




1. Amanda over at I Am Mommy she's one of my best blogging friends, I've been reading her for years, way back when she was on aol journals. She loves Jesus, her husband, Chad, her 3 beautiful children, and baking! She has a baking blog too that you should check out!





2. Emily over at Four Girls One GOD I fail with words to describe Emily. She's one of my 2 best girl friends in real life. To say she loves Jesus is saying that breathing is optional, it's a simple way of life for her. She adores her crazy and wonderful husband, Matt. She is an amazing mom to her 4 girls one of whom, Miller Grace is resting with Jesus and my Jordyn in heaven after 5 precious days on this earth. She also has a slight love of Beth Moore (just slight! ha!). Emily's real and honest and I love her more than words. Go visit her and you'll love her too!





3. Kelly over at Green Olives and Pickle Juice Kelly is one more of my "old" blogger friends. How I love her and one day we're going to meet and oh watch out! She's funny, real, well just cracks me up. She goes and takes blogging breaks and annoys me when she does, lol....she's a true friend and will go to the ends of the earth for her friends, including her blogging friends. She also loves Jesus, her husband, and her kids. She also loves her kids who she didn't give birth to but her bio kids bring home and who need a safe and loving home to stay at be it temporary or permanantly. (Pretty awesome if I say so myself) oh and she LOVES country music. :)





4. Rebekah over at Bekah's Butterflies: Rebekah is one of my other real life friends and another of my best friends. As long as we're both home a day doesn't go by that we're not chatting, in some form. I met Rebekah when we were all stationed at Ft. Belvoir, Va. Jordyn was going through chemo at Walter Reed and our husband's worked together. We instantly clicked and we've been friends since that day almost 11 years ago. She actually knew Jordyn, loved her, was there with us the day she died from what I remember (the day is a big blur as far as who all was there). She is about to go through a divorce and blogs about the pain of that, and her heartbreak and fears, and let me tell you I've personally never met a woman who's tried so hard to hold onto her marriage, trust GOD, and although she's saying goodbye to her marriage she still loves and holds hope. She's the mom of two great little boys, who have their own struggles and although she doesn't see herself as strong...she is. Go meet my precious friend, give her support, and pray for her. You deserve this award so much Rebekah. I love you girl.





5. Julie the Army Wife: I've been reading Julie for a short time now but totally enjoy her! She's another army wife, living in Germany (well for a short time still). She's awesome, loves her husband and kids and the Lord!





6. Anne Marie at Household 6 Diva: Another Army wife. Again another "new for me" blog, I'd read her before and somehow didn't get her blog saved. She's also here in Germany, loves Jesus, her soldier, and her kids! She recently just hosted the Winter Blog Hop where I've found tons of new blogs to read!





7. Kathryn at Singing in the Rain: Ever since she found me or I found her (not sure who found who) I've completely loved reading her! Christian, Military Wife, and soon to be 1st time Mom!





8. God, My Savior Forever: She's a former Army wife, expecting Mommy, devoted wife, and as you can see from her blog title...Christian.





9. Emily from the Lamb Family Ok so I've been reading Emily for a while! She's a mom to two, wife to one, and Daughter of our FATHER!





10. Bri and her Ramblings I love Bri. I met her where I met Emily (4 girls), on an AOL pregnancy board. She's another midwest girl, military wife, momma, and lover of Christ! Bri's fabulous, what more can I say about her, oh she has a HEART OF GOLD!



11. Mimi is funny, articulate, and an amazing photographer. She has one of the blogs that I enjoy so much. She has great nick names for her family and the love she has for them is an example of her love for GOD!



12. Linda and her MacDonald Clan I met Linda soon after I arrived here at our post in Germany. Our very first meeting (not sure if she remembers!) was dropping our kids off at childcare and walking over to the CAC (Community Activities Center) together, her sharing with me her horror story of getting their household goods, and I can remember feeling guilty that afternoon when I got the phone call that they'd be delivering ours a few days later, while Linda who'd been in country for over a month longer than I was still waiting, because they were just SITTING in Frankfurt! We then went through PEP together, which is a spouses newcomers week long class, and the rest became history...she was a fast and true friend who I've stayed in contact with and love her and miss her!





13. Lori: Oh Lori, hopefully this will get her butt to blogging more. One of my long term blogging friends originally from AOL journals. I love her, she's funny, witty, great wife, awesome mom, fabulous friend. Oh and if you're a country music fan, you've come to the right blog. She's also discovered in the last year a love for contemporary christian music!! :) The woman LOVES music and Miranda Lambert!! Lori's sassy like her Ran! :)



14. Teri is a wife and loves her puppy, loves shopping, spending time with her family, remember her precious Aunt Judy who's in Heaven, and is a big fan of a former American Idol Daughtry (HUGE FAN).

15. Kristi..I "met" Kristi through Emily. She has 2 little boys waiting for her in Heave as she raises her 2 other little boys and little baby girl. All her children are miracles and no doubt she doesn't take them for granted. She's faced every mother's nightmare, not once but twice and waited in a Faithful bit of fear and concern through her pregnancy with her baby girl Hope, who although was born with issue's concerning her skin, is doing AMAZING. Head over and meet her and the Whole Bolte Family!

Whew, that's done! It was really hard, if I didn't pick you please don't feel like I wanted to slight you, grab the Award anyways and play along!

Ok so now 7 things about me:

1. I completely gave my life over to Christ at the age of 24 years old. I'd beleived before this, but was not truly living for him. It's life changing in ways that if you do not know Christ, you just don't know what you're missing. To know you're loved inspite of your faults, but that he wants so much MORE for you!

2. I LOVE wheat fields. I'm a Kansas girl and get tremendous peace in my heart and soul when I'm walking along a dirt road along wheat fields, i especially love when the wind is just blowing ever so slightly. Seriously it's so calming.

3. I think everyone should support childhood cancer research, and not just St. Jude's (I'm not knocking them, but there's far more than just them). Curesearch.org is one of our favorites as is St.Baldrick's (http://www.stbaldricks.org/). NO parent should watch their child go through chemo, radiation, bone marrow transplants, no parent should ever be told there's nothing left to do after putting their child through that HELL. Kids do NOT deserve cancer (many adults do in a far more logically way of thinking because of their choices). I do NOT support ACS, they USE children and give less than 1% of their funding to childhood cancer research...if you are going to place a child's face on your brochures then you better be actually GIVING money to that disease. Personally find them a disgusting organization, they also have a high overhead. I'm not against people getting paid, but there needs to be limits when you're getting money for cancer research and paying those people more than you put into the research.

4. I think it's disgraceful that less than 4% of ALL AMERICAN's serve in the US Military. Seriously are you kidding me? We are a nation in war, a nation that's HATED by terrorist nations, and 4% of our nation is defending our country. It's disgusting and we should be ashamed of ourselves as a nation. I am PROUD that I'm married to 1 of those 4%, who's willing to die for our country if GOD calls him to do so (not that I want him to), but proud that he loves our country so much he's willing to defend it at ALL costs.

5. I used to play clarinet and then bass clarinet when I was in High school and was offered scholarships from varioius colleges, but was stupid and turned them down. I was actually very good, went to lots of competitions and did very well, played in special bands, etc.

6. I'm VERY opinionated on topics...especially politics. I try not to bring it here often, but seriously I have my views and if yours differ, you're wrong! ;) just kidding (a little) (See #3 about my opinions!)

7. I'm pretty well as completely opposite of who I was as a teenager and newlywed as could be. I used to be very liberal in my thinking, views, morals (or should say LACK of morals) as could be. I'm now very conservative in my morals, values, thinking, and views.

Ok that was even harder than coming up with the blogs!

Oh here we go, again

Sweet mercy, sickness has hit our family again. It's now Jacob. He's the child that rarely gets sick. He has what we jokingly call "Chad's immune system". Because that man rarely gets sick, he was literally never sick (other than the childhood chicken pox and that was before he was in school!), never had a cold, never had the flu, no allergies. You can say it, I do...DISGUSTING! The first time the man got sick was when the ARMY started making the flu shot mandatory for , soldiers, yep you guessed it...Chad ended up with the flu, 103 fever, was severly dehydrated, I had to take him in, he got iv fluids and was watched for a couple of hours and then I was allowed to bring him home, push the fluids (they recommended plain pedialyte...oh the whining! LOL no seriously though...you'd have thought he was the first human to ever have the flu). Anyways...Chad gets sick normally once a year, when he's forced to get that STUPID "vaccination". Ok back to our own boy wonder (of immune systems)...he's now the sick one. When it was time for him to go to bed he tells us his stomach feels funny, I asked funny like he was going to be sick and he said "no, just really squiggly"...Chad and I KNEW he was coming down with something...well 1 AM on the dot it hit him. He's not vomitting at least. His stomach's now of course really hurting him. I'm praying that no one else will end up with this, but I'm not holding my breath. With this of course there's a decent chance Chad's going out to the field for a couple weeks too in a few days (we're still waiting for the final decision, because he's supposed to be moving to a brand new company, but they need him in the company he's in too...so we're waiting and hope to know by tomorrow). It would just be really nice to have him home at least in the evenings if I'm dealing with sick kidS. If you would pray that only Jacob is afflicted and that this leaves his body very quickly.

Also I want to thank all of you who commented on my last entry. I'm human and being told such ugliness hurts, but you know I won't let anyone define me...only I and Jesus can do that (well my kids and hubby too, but you know what I mean!!). I won't let someone who is not willing or brave enough to admit who they actually are, who make up a fake name, be used by Satan to tear me down. I will use their comments to the best of my ability to Glorify JESUS, because he's the one who loves me, defines me, and KNOWS ME, and forgives me!

Thank you again to those who know me so much and truly love me, and even my blogger followers/friends who care enough to continue to remind me of who's the TRUTH and who's the LIAR! I have a KING, a FATHER, a SALAVATION and he trumps the king of lies every single time!!!!!

Thank you again also for prayers for Jacob.

interesting thing about being honest and real!

So I got this comment (that I will not be posting) just a few minutes ago telling me I'm too judgemental, etc, etc and why those who are on the fence on THEIR walk with CHRIST, walk away. First this was a comment on my post "Lets Get Real"..."Susan" did you read that I ADMITTED I was being judgemental and saw my OWN sin there???
No, then please by all means take another read. And just in case you or anyone else comes here and are confused....I'M NOT PERFECT. I'm NOT AN EXAMPLE of PERFECTION, especially in my walk with Christ. Like I said in that post and have stated before, I fall on my face CONSTANTLY. CONSTANTLY. No seriously...a hundred times a day. It sucks, but I recognize this and am working on it. And I hate to inform you, but you're responsible for your own walk with CHRIST. Not me, because I'm not perfect, and have all sorts of sins I am dealing with, working on, trying overcome, etc. If your walk is not where you want it, think it should be, etc I'll most definitely pray for you, but will not take responsibility because you don't want to, sorry that's not mine to own, that's between you and Christ. Oh and honey I know I'm fat, I know that's another of my sins, so while you call me judgemental, take a look in the mirror. Personally I have honestly not met a person who's being HONEST who is not judgemental of others in some way or form. It's NOT ok, but when we're being honest it's a truth. The only one I know that's perfect, sinless, who does not need that plank pulled out of their own eye...is Christ.

Want to know more of my sins, ok..here goes and judge me all you want....I yell at my kids, I'm not submissive to my husband like I'm supposed to be, I judge people often, I don't love everyone, I often don't even love myself, much less like myself. I eat too much, and often too much of the wrong things, I drink pop, I say swear words from time to time (really working on that one hard...I had completely stopped for about 8 years and in the last couple have started slipping up again), I get jealous, I covet things that others have. The list goes on and on. I'm a SINNER. I'm failable, I'm often unlovable, my attitude often stinks, I get it, that I NEED Jesus more than ANYTHING in this world, and am SO very thankful that he loves me inspite of my sins. I'm so thankful that because Christ died for me, GOD does not see me covered in my sins, but see's my perfection and if you KNOW and have proclaimed Christ as your Savior, he see's your perfections as well. We still have to confess with our mouth our sins to the LORD, but he FORGIVES us. I am not sharing my sins as something I'm proud of, I'm not. I'm being honest, being real and sharing that without Jesus I'd be hopeless. The wonderful thing is though that because of Jesus, because I repent and try hard to take responsibility for MY own sins.....I have the HOPE of Heaven, of forgiveness, of being with my Savior one day, and being with my sweet beautiful Jordyn. "Susan" I hope you will know that hope, that love, and that grace if you don't already.

I'm Back!! :)

Did you miss me? We were out of town, we left last Sunday and returned today. We went down to Garmish and stayed at Edelweiss (a military lodge and resort) we actually rented a cabin, because it was cheaper than staying in the actual hotel (as in half the price!). While there we celebrated my birthday (I have no problem sharing my age...it's 33 and can I just say I really love my 30's). Lets see what we did all week, we went to the hotel and swam every day and enjoyed the hot tub, now before you get all up in arms because I'm pregnant...it's not HOT, or I wouldn't be in there...it's like] the perfect bath with the snow falling on your face..oh yeah my face got wind burt on Tuesday (my bday) while enjoying and relaxing in the hottub, the snow falling hard, and the wind blowing like a maniac, but the water just felt so good, that until we got out of the shower I didn't realize there was an issue and my face was on FIRE! I'll just give a shout out to my beloved Renew lotion via Melaleuca! (No paid endorcement, just my undying love and unending use of this magic lotion among many other SAFE and nontoxic products!!). For my birthday I got 2 cookbooks and a maternity massage (that came on Friday, no available apts until then). I got the Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook, that I've wanted oh since I can remember, and while at the PX in Garmish saw they had the Pioneer Woman's cookbook and I was drooling over it and made a very tiny, HINT to Chad that I'd love to have it and that I read her blog from time to time, can I just say that although I have not been able to use it yet, so many recipes look so good, and I HIGHLY recommend getting it! Oh, but if you're going for healthy, low fat....yeah um not the cookbook for you I guess, but seriously get over yourself and just get it and ENJOY the food you'll be making for your family!! We went out to eat to our favorite German restuarant in Garmish-Partenkirchen (it's actually on the Partenkirchen side of town), the food is awesome, the atomosphere is wonderful, very Bavarian with Polka music, often they have 2 boys who dance there (although they were not there on Tuesday), but that's ok the food and company and music made it perfect any ways! After dinner is when we went swimming and enjoying the hot tub, oh and Emma, yes she's a girl after my own heart, she by and far prefers the warmth of the hottub over the supposedly heated pool that is rarely what I'd call heated (we've been there probably about 20 times in our 4 1/2 yrs here and I've personally only found it truly an enjoyable heated pool 3 times, 95% of the time it's ok, and a few times it's been down right COLD, which is fine with it's hot outside, NOT when it's in the teens and one day this week it was down right COLD, so I skipped the pool! Sorry shivering it just not up my alley when I don't have to...I'd rather shiver from snow than water).
So back to our week, we went sledding a couple more times, Chad and the boys took ski lessons on Thursday. It was Chad and Jackson's 1st time skiing and they boys did great and had a good time, although Chad defin. felt all the muscles he does not normally use and bought some rub (kind of like icey hot) and I rubbed his sore legs and knee's Thursday and Friday. Jacob had skiied before and he loved it, although he walked very painfully for a couple hours after he was finished too! Jack was the only one who didn't walk all bow legged afterwards and was RUNNING around afterwards! LOL It amused me to see the difference in a 6 yr old and a 9 yr old! I'm hoping next winter that we can go down and they can all go to ski school for a ski week (it's 5 days of ski lessons). We really just tried to enjoy ourselves and relax and honestly it was just what I needed and the break we needed from everyday life. I'm the first to admit I've been under a lot of unnecessary stress and this week I've spent it praying that GOD will make it clear to me what needs to be cut down and/or completely out and that he'd give me the wisdom, strength, and courage to do what needs to be done for me and my family and most of all in my walk with him and how I serve him. At this point I'm still in shock at what seems to be what he's calling me to cut from my life, well at least cut back on, it saddens me, but I also know that when something that is supposed to be encouraging my walk, is actually hindering it, something has to change.

Oh I forgot to mention how WONDERFUL my massage was on Friday. Now I love massages in general, I think every woman should experience the blissdom of having a professional work on muscles that you don't even realize are sore, tense, etc and work it all out. I think we should all experience that relaxation in our bodies. The one time I've never exerienced this blissdom is during my pregnancy's and well ladies....if you are pregnant find a place that does a maternity massage, and let them give you their best! Oh my mercy. I was able to lay on my stomach (and anyone in their 2nd or 3rd trimester understands that in and of itself is such a wonderful blessing and treasure) then to have them massage you, help you truly relax, work on that sore and aching back, shoulders, and what I discovered was my favorite...my fingers. Seriously the girl who did my massage, her name is Natasha did something to my fingers that just was so amazing and literally I felt it through my WHOLE body, oh and she massaged my head too (my 2nd favorite thing in general when done correctly). I've had quite a few massages over the last few years and this was hands down the BEST EVER, not just because I'm pg, although that was a HUGE added bonus, but she just was AWESOME. For those who have had at least 2 massages, anyone else have that spot on their back that seems to um open up the sinus's, even when you didn't realize there was an issue there? It's happened 3 times to me and the first time I was mortified, but this time I just asked for a tissue and she kept doing her thing! :) Seriously what's better than being able to breath better (especially when you thought you were breathing just fine!), feel more relaxed, and having those sore muscles not sore, oh and your skin oiled and silky (but not gross). I've yet to discover anything better (as far as a luxury items go).

So over all great week! I'll work on uploading photo's hopefully tomorrow, although tomorrow we're going to be cleaning and organizing so we'll see when I'm able to get to it!

To my new followers...hi and thanks for coming, reading, and I look forward to you getting to know me more and getting to know you!!

Blizzard Bloghop...DONE!

I just finished hopping through 85 blogs (86 if I counted my own) well and a couple that I already read faithfully. It was great though and if you haven't started to participate, you should! I found some really, really great blogs that I'm already a fan of! What's great is you'll find new blogs and others will discover you as well! I'm not one who actually cares how many followers I have, goodness most don't even comment, but it has been fun to see I now have over 100 followers! So if you're new here, I hope you'll stay while, get to know me and my family, and our life that's sometimes crazy and sometimes rather boring! It's life!! :)

Have a blessed day!

Christy

Sickness, sickness, oh and more sickness

Who's "sick" of being sick??? Don't you see my hand waving like a MANIAC? No, well it is, seriously. Christmas Eve I became extremely ill. It could have been the flu, I don't know, but vomitfest and well another um unmentionable was going on inside (and well outside) of my body that was NOT fun. I felt awful and have been to church ONCE since then and it's February, does that tell you the joys we've been having? Honestly I haven't missed this much church since we gave our lives completely and utterly over to Christ and found our home church 8 years ago and in the last 4 1/2 yrs I can probably count on 1 hand how many times we've missed church besides simply being out of town, although we do TRY to find a church to go to even then.

Anyways....so I was sick, then Emma got sick, then I got sick again, then Emma got sick again (seeing a pattern???). So this has went on and then last Saturday night after getting home from Jacob's ice skating birthday party (I know I haven't posted pictures yet), I took Emma's temp because she'd felt hot to me while ice skating, and by the time we got home she's proclaiming she's sick and she was BURNING up.....103 is what it read...yep she was hot and miserable and definetely not well and of course we were out of Tylenol and Motrin (we had thrown out all the expired stuff and kept forgetting to go over to the medical clinic and get a bottle or even go to the PX and pick up one) and of course our 24 hour shoppette does not carry children's medicine (yep really handy they are!). She was complaining about her eyes itching, she'd became stuffed up fairly quickly, and her eyes were watering so I gave her benedryl to at least take that misery away and hoped it'd help her sleep. She passed on dinner (sure sign she felt like crud) and we put her to bed, at around midnight she woke up...she'd gotten sick. She slept with us from that night until Wednesday night. Sunday night she threw up in our bed, but wait..it gets better.
I was still up and out here in the Living room, I heard her went running in there, Chad's jumping out of bed (the man can handle the blood of war, nasty diapers, grossness that comes from the dog, etc but he doesn't handle vomit LOL). The dog of course is not laying in his basket, but right at beside the bed, Chad trips on the dog, turns and manages to kick the night stand and proceeded to break his little toe! (I admit I was cracking up too, I know...I know, I shouldn't have been, but the whole process of 10 seconds was hysterical) then the smell hit me and well quizy pregnancy stomach and I made a mad dash to the bathroom! We got Emma changed, the bedding changed, and off to bed we all went. (Oh and Chad had went and bought Tylenol and Motrin on Sunday, but I'm one of those mom's who does not give medication unless more natural ways work and only if it's over 103..we get fevers for a reason and we have an immune system for a reason, LET IT WORK!) So lets just skip over to Thursday...Emma was finally fever free and feeling good. I was going on aprox 3 hours of sleep a night, since Emma was often coughing, having various aches that she wanted me to rub, and cuddling so tightly into me I thought I was getting a fever! Lets just say that on Wednesday I wasn't a great mom to the boys, and on Thursday because of some bible study "drama" (can I tell you all how much I DESPISE drama and secrets???) anyways...lets just say Christy had a little (or major) meltdown, oh and at this point I barely had a voice, was coughing like a maniac, and Jackson had developed a some what croupy sounding cough....yeah um I was not feeling "it". So here we are to Friday. Jack's definitely got a croupy cough, Emma's fine, Jacob's fine, and I woke up and had no voice what so ever. I was barely audible with the little bit of a whisper I can get out, and people kept calling. The only call I took was from a friend who I'd forgotten I was supposed to meet to talk about AWANA stuff, and she could hear me enough to understand I was sick and completely spaced our meeting (how I love that woman for being so forgiving) and Chad.

Fast forward through the day, the boys cleaned up Emma's room ALL afternoon, after they hatd destroyed it yesterday and I didn't discover it until bedtime last night, and I sat and laid on the couch trying not to talk at all, drinking lots of fluids, and totally zoning out for a good portion of the day. (Yes I know, not Mother of the Year, but guess what...I gave up on that award the day after I became a mother, so eh!) I put the kids to bed, Chad had already passed out in bed, after being at work at, I think it was 5:30 since they had a Battalion run for PT, then not getting home until after 7 (no lunch of course, only single soldiers seem to get that!), he went and picked up dinner since the planned meal was still at the commissary (it was to be Taco Salad). A couple hours after the boys went to bed I hear Jack in the bathroom coughing and sounding like he's going to get sick and moaning, if you're a mom you know that moan..I DASHED into the bathroom and no doubt he'd kill me, but he's sitting on the toilet so the trashcan went in front of him just in the nick of time. Whew no cleaning up vomit for me!!! The cough sounds worse, he feels horrible now, the humidifier is now in his room and can I just say how much I LOVE Melaleuca....Sol U Mel and Melalueca oil are in the humidifier in hopes to clear up the cough and stuffiness. Oh and it's um, yeah well it's REALLY LATE (is that the sun rising? Oh wait, we're in Germany...there's no sun being seen right now!)...yes it's 4 AM...(INSOMNIA how I despise thee..please no "advice" or remedies...I've battled this for nearly 10 yrs...seriously I don't want your advise, not trying to be rude, just honest) and I'm heading to bed, only to be up in probably 5 maybe 6 hours, because Chad has to go back into work tomorrow! Everyone from his office is working tomorrow. Chad's moving to a different and brand new company that he's helping set up but before he goes they need him to train the other lower enlisted soldiers in his office, plus since Brigade, ok the Master Sgt. who was in charge of making sure all of his re-enlistment paperwork was done and you know done correctly (such as changing our DEROS date...for you non military that's the date we're to leave Germany) he has to put in an admendment now, he's talked to the guy who makes the decision and was told it's approved just to get the paperwork in, and it needs to be in by Monday (we're going to Garmish on Sunday) so it has to be done tomorrow.

I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be an all day sort of day, and since I still do not have a voice at this point, and Jack's feeling so poorly I am just praying Chad will be able to make it to the commissary before they close.

Ok, so did I complain enough for you?

In all honesty can I say how thankful I am that we're just dealing with pesky virus's and nothing life threatening? The big picture is, Jack and I don't feel hot, but really that's it, we don't feel good. Oh well, Chad and I have seen the worst, went through the worst...this is a simple inconvience.

Blizzard Bloghop

I decided to change my attitude and join in on something fun, whether I'm in a fun mood or not!

Household 6 is hosting this bloghop so hop on over and join in!


My brief introduction:

I'm Christy, married to my soldier, Chad for almost 13 years (next month)! We're currently stationed in beautiful and wonderful Germany for the last 4 1/2 years. We've been blessed with at this point 4 1/2 children. Jordyn would be almost 12 years old, she died at 2 years old from AML leukemia, Jacob is 9, Jackson is 6, Emma is 2, and we're expecting baby #5. I'm a born and raised Kansas girl, love the peace of blowing wheat fields. I LOVE JESUS, love him, there is no other above him, I truly ache for those who do not know him and his truth and promises of salvation. I look forward to meeting new commenters and bloggers? So come and join in.

Sometimes a Song Says it All

Sanctus Real - I'm Not Alright
Free Videos at www.blastro.com

Lets get real

I know I just posted, but I'm so overwhelmed right now this is the only thing I can do...write. Whether I will post this or not, I've not decided. I just finished reading Emily's lastest blog entry and oh how it grabbed my heart. Emily knows just how every life is a miracle, her sweet Miller Grace was part of this world outside of her womb for 5 precious days. It got me to thinking more of this baby growing inside of my womb. I've not talked much about this pregnancy, mostly because it seems every where I turn there's another broken hearted mother, mourning her child. I've been there. I've been that grieving mother and honestly don't want to the cause of another's hurt and pain...because of that though I've not openly celebrated this precious baby, this absolute miracle that's growing inside of me. It's not my job to feel the guilt of what GOD's allowed for others. It's my job to celebrate the miracle that GOD has allowed me to experience once again. I don't understand why GOD's allowed me to experience this miracle not once, not twice, but 5 times! As I'm typing, the baby is kicking...a good reminder of the fact that I DO have a miracle inside of me.


While being open about this miracle, I have a confession. I stopped recently reading a very popular blog. I'd been thinking about it for months, but a few weeks ago it became clear that I could not in good conscience continue to read her, while I found myself annoyed, aggrevated, and even angry with her, as I read her words that to me twist GOD's, yet proclaim to know him. I should state that I do believe she believes and loves him, but our beliefs in GOD and the word and what we're to accept are different, some are minor but others are HUGE. Then tonight I clicked on her link from another blog (I'm nosey...I admit it, it's the ONLY reason I went, I was being nosey). I read her and was ashamed at the emotions of anger and frustration I had towards this woman, this mother. I am not proud of those emotions and am asking for prayer. I'm not perfect. I'm failable, as we all are. I fall all the time, flat on my face. I've been called ugly names and I've called people ugly names. I'm sitting here confessing these things, not because I need YOUR forgiveness, only Christ can give me that...no man, no woman can give any of us forgiveness. BUT I think if I'm being honest, if I'm being real...I need to share my flaws as well as my joys and enjoyment and loves and desires, etc, etc, etc.

So with all of this...with sharing my joy and my shame I'm real. My name is Christy. I'm a Child of Jesus. I'm the wife to Chad. The mother of Jordyn (resting with Jesus), Jacob, Jackson, Emma, and little Miss/Mr No Name...and I'm fallen, I'm not perfect, I hurt, I feel joy, I'm judged and judgemental. But most of all I'm FORGIVEN.

More sickness and vacation

I tried to post last night, but Miss Emma woke up and wanted me, so off to cuddle with my sweet girl who's been sick since Saturday night. She wanted nothing to do with Daddy, and was all about mommy and has been for the last few nights. I've gotten very little accomplished, because all she wants is to lay on top of me and sleep and cuddle, who can say no to that and why would you? She's been running a fever of around 102-103 since Saturday night. Honestly our bodies are amazing things, GOD knew what he was doing when he gave us an immune system, allowed our bodies to get fevers to fight off various virus's and infections. I'ms praying she starts feeling better soon. We're heading out of town next week, to enjoy ourselves in Garmish. We're going to stay in a cabin, Chad and the boys will be going skiing, Chad and all the kids will go sledding, and we'll get in plenty of swimming, and hopefully the hot tub will be at a good and safe temp and I can relax in the hot tub (don't worry if it's warmer than bath water tempature I will not get in it.). I'm also going to schedule a massage! Can I just say now I LOVE massages! :) I am going to try to schedule it for my birthday! (yes that's next week)

When we return from our vacation, Chad will be working probably a lot of late days. Our battalion's setting up a new company and Chad's one of the 4 that will be doing this and then will be sponsoring over 50 new soldiers coming here for that company between mid/late Feb-mid March. It's great for him, but I know we won't probably get to see him much and he'll probably be ready to pass out when he does come home. So goes the Army life! In late March we'll be celebrating 13 years of marriage, and then 4 days later mark what would have been Jordyn's 12th birthday. Hard to believe, she went home to Heaven at only 2 yrs, 1 month, and 8 days old. The years have honestly went by so quickly, which is great in matters of I'm that much closer to joining her with our Savior in Heaven, but times just goes by too quickly with our other children and I want it to slow down.

On other news!! :) Then pregnancy is flying by! I'll be 23 weeks on Friday. The baby moves quite a bit and I love it! I don't want to rush this pregnancy (it's not our last, but each pregnancy is precious and I'm thankful for each and every one!) but I do look forward to meeting this new little miracle and find out if there's a boy growing inside of me or a girl! But that will be somethin
we find out when she/he makes their great appearance in a few more months! (Oh and don't ask about names...we don't share, not even what we're thinking of!!)