Overwhelmed

So often life throws us curve balls. God allows them to happen, although I do not beleive that it's his desire for us, but we live in a sinful world, we have free will, ultimately bad things happen, even (or especially?) to Good people. I am NOT saying I'm a good person, although I try to be. I want to have a heart like Jesus, but it's so far from his. I judge, I make snide remarks, I'm full of sin all over the place. Yet I'm forgiven.

Knowing the truth, knowing the Lord has me and loves me...I shouldn't feel like this, but here I am. I hurt my back today carrying a tote that obviously was too heavy for me to lift, although I didn't lift it much and used my legs, I still managed to hurt my back. It has been sore since I did it, but it's now really HURTING. I'm guessing I sprained or pulled a muscle. I'm hoping some tylenol and the heating pad will help, when I go to bed here in a few.

Then there's Chad coming home. Ok we're talking just a short amount of days now. I'm ready. I'm excited, anxious to get everything done that I want to get done (I know he won't care, but I do), and I'm even a little nervous! I mean think about it, it's been 8 1/2 months since I've had my man here with me and well I think all of us as adults can get to what I'm talking about! It's been a while! LOL Part of me is afraid he's going to jump on me! ROFL Part of me is afraid that I'm going to go back to my sinful nature and tell him "not right now" or something equally wrong. I am working VERY hard to be a Godly wife, I have a LONG way to go, trust me on this, a very long ways. The desire is STRONG though. I want nothing but to please my Lord and my husband. So pray for me ok. Pray for Chad too! Who knows maybe I'll be the one attacking him! LOL

Then on a far more serious note...Jordyn. I wrote a little meme on my facebook tonight and it was on your "First born" (I mentioned this in my Not Me Monday). Anyways....just focusing straight on her made me feel so overwhelmed in how much I miss her. Plus the last week or so I've met back up (via Facebook) with friends from Walter Reed. Oh how I miss her. I long to feel her in my arms. It's funny the things I miss the most, are the absolute simplest of things. The feeling of her warm breath against my neck as I rocked her and the feeling of her hands playing in my hair during the rocking. She also gave the best and tightest little hugs around my neck. Oh I loved those hugs, they were always the best parts of my days! I miss her so much right now. I am struggling not to cry. How do we have a child in our arms for 2 yrs 1 month 8 days and then not? How are we supposed to say goodbye to them? I know the answers, we just do, knowing the Lord's controlling it. Knowing he'll find a way to bring Glory to all of it and he has, he really has and I've seen it time after time after time. Yet I still miss her, long to feel her in my arms, long to kiss that beautiful little face. There will always be the "what might have been".

I'm about to head to bed, but know when I'm needing prayers and feeling at my weakest emotionally, and Satan is trying to get ahold of me, he's not go me....but he wants me.

Thank you for the prayers.