Thursday, May 21, 2009

12 Months

We're at the 12 month mark. Can I just tell you that I FEEL it? I feel like my husband's been deployed for 12 months. I feel like I've been going at this on my own for 12 months. I feel like I'm at my wits end and honestly not sure how I'm going to do it for 6 more weeks. Honestly I'm so very, very, very thankful we don't have to do the full 3 extra months. Some of you may think "well it's just 3 more months, big deal you've done 12" well let me tell you it's a HUGE DEAL. Walk a year in my shoes and let me know how reasonable you feel about 3 MORE months, or eve 6 more weeks?

I'm not "strong", I'm not "amazing", I'm also not a woman who thrives on being independent from my husband. I feel strongly that biblically we're called to be a help mate to our husband's. That we're to NOT be the head of the household, that is our husband's job. May I tell you that when they deploy, those lines get rather blurred at times. How do you not become the head of your home when he's gone and you're left to do it on your own? If there's other Christian Army wives out there, that have figured this out, seriously please share your secret. Chad calls almost daily, I share with him the daily struggles if the kids are misbehaving or something has happened. (I with Chad don't think it helps them ANY to not share when things aren't going perfectly. He WANTS to know. Sometimes he actually does have an answer for the problem of the day!!!). Anyways, it's a struggle for me.

We are seeing the light of this long deployment. We have officially surpassed all other deployments. It is a way of life at this point, but I'm not enjoying it much. I love my children and enjoy them all all that they bring to my life. As a whole though, I miss and long for my husband. I don't want to be a single parent and although I'm not, often we're placed in that situation. There are times I have to make decisions that I'd never make without his input if he were here. There are times that I just want to curl up in a ball and cry and stay in bed all day long. I can't though. I have to get up and make the most of our days and just get through them.

I'm trying to focus on what we have in front of us. This is our last week of school I decided. So next week I'm going to take the kids to Playmobil for a day of fun and celebration that school is out. I am planning on taking them swimming one day in the next week or two as well. We're going to start going on daily walks and bike rides, and we'll continue daily reading for both boys. We'll go to Tuckerland's too (an indoor play place). Hopefully the temps get warmer, so we can start going to the outdoor pool too. I don't want to overwhelm us with activities, but want to make life fun and help the time go by as quickly as possible until Chad's home. The 2nd full week of June the kids and I are heading to Italy! I'm excited! We'll be spending our days at the beach, playing in the ocean! We will go to Pisa, since it's about 15 minutes away. I'm debating if we'll go to Florence or not, just depends on my mood you could say! :)

Thank you for the prayers over the last 12 months, we definitely still need them for the next 6 weeks. I think they'll be are longest and hardest in many ways.


Missie said...

I can't imagine how hard the next 6 weeks will be. You are a very strong woman!!

a corgi said...

((Christy))) I can't say for sure that I prayed for you/Chad every day of his deployment but it was probably at least 85% of the time, maybe more, maybe less. I think we need to give the praise and glory to the Lord for being with you/Chad during this time. I specifically remember praying for a specific thing for you/Chad and seeing that that particular prayer was answered in something you wrote in your journal so I'm giving the glory and the honor to Him for carrying you through this deployment. THANK YOU LORD!

has it been easy??? by no means no. Did you do what you had to do when you had to do it? Yes. Did you do it the best you could? Yes, you tried even though it was overwhelming and tough and so very hard, but you tried to stay the course. You tried to hold it together, to raise your kids without your help mate there walking beside you, you tried to educate them and teach them about Jesus and feed them,clothe them, clean up after them, love them etc and you kept after it day after day after day knowing there was no end in sight. And even though there is only 6 weeks left, it is still 6 weeks, 42 days, give or take, those many hours, those many minutes, etc. each one will be hard, but I know the Lord is right there with you, walking hand in hand with you and when you are weak, when you can't go on, that's when he is carrying you lovingly on his shoulders like the Good Shepherd that he is and you are his little lamb.

I think it is neat you have things planned in the days ahead to help count down the days. They sound like fun adventures too! I'm sure they will be enjoyed by you and the kids!



Amanda said...

Goodness Christy!! Don't beat yourself up!! I totally agree with you on the helpmate front... and I think you are making the most out the of situation... honoring God before all else. THere is no fault in that!

For you to think you are not AMAZING just because you sometimes feel like you need help is silly!! Aren't the most amazing people the ones who accept their limitations and the seek help and support??

You ARE AWESOME. You are making good choices and doing whats best for your kids. WEll done!

God bless-