Honest, Gentle, Prayerful...my words of the year

Emily asked on her blog what our word of the year was going to be. Meaning...that one word that describes what you want to do, be, etc for this year. I'm stuck between three...honest, gentle, and prayerful. I want and need to be both and really they go hand in hand. I'm a pretty honest person the way it is, my friend Jen often says with a laugh "So what do you REALLY think, Christy," because I do not hide my thoughts or feelings hardly ever. I've tried really hard in the last few months to hold my tongue more and my fingers. The problem for me is that I then have so much inside of me that I feel like I'm going to explode. What happens with that, it comes out....as ugliness normally or in tears. Towards who you may ask...my family of course. So with that honesty I want to find more gentleness. I want to find it especially towards my husband and children. I'm a big disciplinarian. I don't have a lot of patience (which people assume mistakenly since I'm a homeschooling mom....LITTLE,ITTY BITTY, HARDLY ANY.....Patience!). But with that I'm very touchy feely. I'm a hugger by nature. I do recognize not everyone is though, and try to respect boundaries...but hey if someone wants a hug I'm all for it and hug and kiss my children A LOT! The prayerfulness...well I need to seek GOD first and foremost on everything and don't do that as I should. I depend on him all the time, but need to be more faithful in conveying my love for the Lord, my dependence on Him, my praise to Him, my absolute need for Him....through prayer.

I think for this blog my word will be honesty. When I write I am honest, but here's the thing....I hold A LOT back. I have so many blogs written that are simply saved and not published. The other night Amanda and I were emailing each other and I shared how I have not shared so many blogs (aprox 20 or more) because they're so deep and personal for me. My heart is completely exposed and my heartache is written throughout them. The thing is, I have written and published these blog posts before, yet I find myself still struggling with these same issues. So in honor of being more honest and by the encouragement and hopefully prayer from Amanda and you who are reading this....I'm going to start publishing them. I want to say it here and now, I'm NOT seeking or desiring pity or any sort of comments. I am asking for prayers. I know the issue's I have are faith related. I'm not seeking GOD first to fill up those empty places in my heart and life, I get that, so what I'm asking is when I do get so honest...pray that I give it completely over to GOD, pray that I let him fill my heart up, let him fill those empty places up. Will you do that for me? Oh how I need my Lord, My sweet Jesus to be the first priority in my life.

So be prepared....I'm going to get really honest here. I'm going to show parts of my heart that I leave very guarded. Ok, you know what I'm going to TRY to show it...as I wrote those words I actually felt sick to my stomach at the thought. I want to and I know I need to. Throught his honesty blogging, one thing I really want to write about is my faith and beliefs. I will warn you now...I'm a fairly black and white person on certain subjects. I'm not a politically correct woman, PC actually leaves a horrible taste in my mouth, oh and in case you didn't know...I'm a conservative Christian...with Conservative Christian values. So if you don't share those values and beliefs you may be offended....to be honest, that's YOUR problem and if you feel so offended maybe GOD is trying to tell you something! ;) You've been warned!