Wednesday, March 24, 2010

11 years ago

There are days the pain just overwhelms me. Today is one of them. I love living in Germany, but it's such a bitter sweet place for us to live. 11 years ago today, pretty well to the minute we got the devestating news that our sweet, beautiful, precious Jordyn had leukemia and ultimately 14 months later was in the arms of Jesus. This day is also a bittersweet day in itself. Jordyn was due this day 12 years ago and then 1  year later we were ultimately given her death sentence. 

I want to praise Jesus, I know I should, I just hurt right now. I am not asking for her back, I'd never want her to leave Heaven for this place. I just miss her, my arms ache for her. I could have 100 more babies and they'd never replace her, they'd never be her. My arms will always ache for her. It just seems unreal sometimes. I mean other people's children have cancer, other people have the hospital start to feel more like home than your actual  home, other people's child dies, not mine. Yet it was my child, my beautiful little girl.
You know sadly I don't even know how to end this, other than this is it. My heart is heavy tonight.

I heard this tonight and thought it was HERE


Amanda said...

You are on my heart. I am so thankful that I have never had to go through this.. and also so thankful that you are such a strong and faithful child of God who is willing to share and show me about the kind of person I want to be.

Bless you-

Jodi said...

My heart aches for you when reading this post today. I have prayed Jesus to comfort your heart today and always. ((hugs))

He & Me + 3 said...

Praying for you.