Happy New Year

As 2008 draws to an end and I've been reading a few blogs of their accounts of the year, I think of how I've changed throughout the year, what I experienced, just mundane things we did, etc.
Life's fun. Really it is. God knew exactly what he was doing when he created us. He made sure we could laugh, smile, be filled with joy. He also allows us to feel pain and heartache and utter sadness. With pain, I think we appreciate joy more. I've had more joy than I absolutely deserve this year and have felt great pain as well.

In 2008 I celebrated 11 years of marriage with my husband. We were both such babies when we got married. I was barely 20 yrs old when I said "I Do" not only to Chad, but to the Army life as well. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, on either account really! I have no regrets! I do not deserve this man who took my hand 11 years ago , yet he not only grabbed hold, he held on tight and has never let it go! I giggled out of complete nervousness when saying my vows to this man, he had tears streaming down when he said his.

I watched my oldest son turn 7 years old. It's not that old, yet he's a wise little boy who has a heart for Jesus! Oh my does his heart yearn and chase after Jesus! He's tender, yet tough. Just as little boys should be. What a precious gift these last 7 years with him have been!

I watched Jackson turned 5 years old. He's unique all unto himself. He's got a contageous laugh that once it starts it's hard to stop, a tender heart that when it's broken it's down deep. Eyes that sparkle with mischief (which makes me shiver just a little ROFL!! he's got a bit of orniness going on!). He is developing a passion for our Lord too and to hear him rattle off bible verses and the pride of when he gets them down, it's like no other!

My sweet Emma Grace, how fast her first year went. Celebrating her first birthday was amazing to me in so many ways. To know I cherished every moment and still do, and still it just goes by far too quickly. To see all she's learned in such a short amount of time alive. The scream to end all screams , and the love that heals all brokeness inside of me. I don't know if she'll ever know all the good she has done for my heart.

This year brought me and the kids back to the states for the first time in 3 years. It was bittersweet. I loved seeing my brother and his family, seeing Emily and her family and feeling right at home instantly. That even if she's not the touchy feely kind, she still hugged me and it was just right. Seeing my inlaws was even a wonderful event. If you know of our history you'd understand how huge this is. There was a time that I was ready to cut all ties with them. God is amazing at how he can heal relationships. That forgiveness is a choice as is loving people just as they are. Knowing that I don't have to forget mistakes, but don't have to hang onto them so tightly either. Seeing Tami. My friend who's been with me since Jordyn died and her Sydney died. A friendship that was natural from the start, I never have had to "try" with her, it was just simply meant to be. She's been my rock and I have been hers. A friendship like ours is unique and I'm so blessed with that. My parents. You know that "bitter" part of bittersweet? Well, there was a period of sweetness, but there's definitely bitter too. It's learning that no matter what I do, I can not change them. That they have to want to change themselves and that I must defend my family at all costs. That I can not compromise on what is the base of our family and even if they don't like it, I can not comrpromise. I believe that anything is possible, especially change...but you have to want it and you have to allow God to work in your life and through it, but until you open your life up to him, he will remain standing at the door like a gentleman knocking waiting. Please pray for 2009 to be a change. I do love my parents, we're just vitally different and without a doubt our relationship is better and stronger with an ocean between us. I pray one day that will change. I also was able to see another dear friend and her family this summer. One that's been such a support to be and I've known her since the last months of Jordyn's life. She's a precious friend and I'm so blessed to have Beth in my life.

With joy, sadness often comes as well. My deepest sadnesses of the year would definitely be Chad deploying to Iraq once again. Our 3rd deployment to Iraq, and 5th over all in our marriage. Watching the love of your life load up on a bus and knowing that for 15 months he's going to be in a war zone and not knowing for sure if you'll ever see him alive again, is NOT easy. Yet I believe I will see him again! I believe that no matter what happens I will be with my husband again. He's a man after God's own heart and I have no worries there! It is still not easy though. Having to go at the daily life all alone is not exactly what I want. I know there are lots of divorced families out there, there are families with a completely absentee parent so they're truly and completely doing it alone....it's different, yet for 15 months we do it virtually alone. Technology is a blessing though!
Then there's B who left one month ago. Wow it feels like more than a month. Nov. 25 they left Germany, and moved back to the states. Saying goodbye to hear was most definitely one of the most heartbreaking things I've had to do. To pray for a friend and have God answer those prayers, only to have her leave after 2 1/2 yrs is not easy. Yet I'm thankful for the time he allowed us to have together. She's the best friend I've ever had as an Army wife and just taking out the Army she's one of my best friends and I'm so thankful for her and just love her to pieces.

For 2009 my prayers are that I grow closer and closer to God. I am going to be hiding his word in my heart this year like I've never been able to do before, but this time I WILL memorize those versus and I will not let them escape!

I pray that as a mother I will be gentler. I'll seek out joy first as a mother. That'll I'll step it up a few more notches and praise my children more.
I pray that as a wife I'll be more dutiful. That I'll be more submissive (biblically), and that I'll put Chad first before our children.
As a woman I pray that I'll be a better housekeeper. Seriously, I suck. Let me just tell you, those shows where they come in and clean out a couple rooms...yes my bedroom could sooo be a front runner for that show! I WISH they came to Germany.
My prayer is to get my bedroom in order and keep it that way! For it to be a peaceful, restful, place in our home that I can escape to and not escape from!

I have two big goals this year....less screen time. The computer and tv...I'm addicted. Hello my name is Christy and I love the computer and tv. I watch way too much tv and I spend way too much time online! I want to spend more time playing games with my children, drawing with them, teaching them crafts and simply sharing laughter with them and most importantly learning from them!

My other goal...to lose this weight! I would like to lose at least 30 lbs by the time Chad comes home this summer. I know classic New Years resolution. I'm going to find someone who will watch Emma for me and I'll take the boys to SAS 2 times a week and I'll be hitting the gym 2 afternoon's a week. As it gets nicer out I will start walking again, it's just so cold here right now (I know some places in the states are colder) but I can not go walking in 20 and 30 degree temps. I'm also going to bring up my gazelle and start working out on that every day. I'm hoping to have at least 10 lbs off by the time Chad comes home for R&R. If I get that off I'll be 20 lbs lighter than when he left in May. I know I can do it!!!! Once I start working out I'm going to find accountability partners here in real life as well as online for encouragement as well as a good dose of reality!

My biggest goal though...to read my bible daily. To get to know our Lord more intimately. If I do this, all my other goals will be easy. I truly believe this, when we have God on our side who can be against us? No one more powerful, that's without a doubt!

2008 has been a far more blessed year than painful. I've grown more than I've fallen back. I've lived more.
Here's to a wonderful New Year. In 15 minutes we'll be welcoming it in, here in Germany!!!!

God Bless

Not Me Monday

Ok before I start typing, keep Stellan in your prayers, if you don't know who Stellan is...click on the Graphic righ below (Not Me Monday) and meet Stellan...

I did not threaten to take away Christmas presents the days leading up to Christmas, because my boys bedroom was such a mess that had anyone came over I would have jumped shoes and tried not to trip over them in the hallway just to close their door so no one could see the horrors of reality of our home. No I make sure their room stays properly put together at all times.

I did NOT pretend to call Santa and tell him to NOT leave presents for Jacob and Jackson and only leave the gift for Emma that he was bringing, I'm not that cruel. I do not tell my children I have his phone number AND email address.

I did NOT h ave Santa call them via a really awesome website that I SHOULD have posted on here, but didn't think about until right this minute because I'm ALWAYS on top of those sorts of things. They did NOT stand in AWE with their mouths hanging open and Jackson was NOT jumping around saying "Santa, Santa" with the biggest GRIN on his face the whole time! I did not just laugh with a heart full of love at their innocense and sweetness.

I did not force them to go back to cleaning their room AFTER said Santa call and threaten to call him back. LOL

I have not become secretly (or not so secretly now) addicted to the boys Wii that they got for Christmas. I hate video games, so I surely would not have been inticed by Mario and all the fun memories of the original Nitendo from my own childhood, and did not play it for over 2 hours and only stop because of numbness in my hands. I did NOT pick up the wheel as soon as I got feeling back and start back to playing.

I definitely did not challenge my 7, almost 8 yr old son to a sports game and I most definitely did NOT, I repeat did not dance around after I beat him...singing and dancing and laughing my butt off. He did not look at me like I'd lost my mind.

I did not secretly enjoy that Emma slept in on Christmas Morning and that I got to totally focus on the boys and not juggle picture taking and her in my lap. No, never me.

I do not secretly (or not so secretly as Lori now knows lol) loathe someone from an email loop I'm on and think it's just sad that she's so miserable, argumentative, and just want to slap her. No, I'm a good Christian woman and never, absolutely never have mean thoughts about a lost soul. ( I don't hate her, but I dislike her as much as I possibly can).

I did not yell at Emma this morning as she wanted to nurse again after finishing up a 30 minute nursing session 5 minutes before hand and just wanting to go to sleep without being touched. I am not selfish like that.

I am not going to go listen to Beth Moore, because Lori is telling me I have to before it expires and I am NOT finding my tissue's. I don't love Beth Moore, I do not think she's fabulous. I also do not think God's using her in all sorts of ways to convict my butt. I do NOT have a love/hate relationship with her book Breaking Free. It did not make me cry constantly because God was convicting me every step of the way through that study.

I do not feel envy towards women who's husband do not deploy for 15 months. I do not get just a bit testy at women who complain about their husbands being gone for a couple of days, to me directly. (Except for Emily, although I still call her out! LOL).

I am not falling asleep right now writing this, because it's 3:18 AM. I am not all of a sudden tired.

Who's up for a challenge?

So who loves Beth Moore? Who loves God even more? Who's up for a challenge?
Well she's doing a challenge for the year of 2009.......read HERE . What's the challenge you ask...memorizing scripture. We'll memorize 24 over the next 12 months, that's just 2 a month and it'll be scripture that YOU are personally led to memorize, not what Beth or anyone else tells you to memorize, just what GOD tells you to memorize! How awesome is that?

The best Defense against Satan is knowing and having God's word in our heart. Let me tell you, I'm the Spark's Director for AWANA (don't know what AWANA is, well go HERE). My children know so much scripture, they have so much of God's word hidden in their heart, it's humbling and humiliating to me, that I know so little word by word as they do. I know a fair amount, have a good idea where quite a bit is. So I'm taking this challenge! I'm going to MEMORIZE God's word! I'm going to go and buy my spiral index card book, hopefully tomorrow (we're in Germany things are not always so easy to find here as they are in the states!!), and if I can't find that, I'll find a good substitute that will do the job I need it to do! I will take it everywhere I go, including out and about with me. I may buy 3 so I can carry one in my purse, keep one in the car with me at all times and one here at home, then I don't have to worry about "leaving" it somewhere. Because I'd NEVER do that! LOL

IF you're joining in, make sure to sign Beth's LPM blog and let me know too! I'd love to know how many friends I have enduring this task with me. I will admit too, that memorizing scripture has been a HUGE struggle for me in the past, so this is a completely and 100% GOD thing!

Blessings

Prayers needed for Stellan/McMama

I know many of you follow Stellan and McMama (Not Me Monday). They are away from home, at McMama's parents and Stellan has become quite sick and they are in the hospital. His heart rate is dangerously high and oxygen levels are in the 80's, along with other issues. Please be in prayer for them, as well as go and check their blog for regular updates when possible.

Just playing around

So I was over at Slide and have never worked on individual pictures, but decided to play in the paint. I'm NOT artisticly blessed AT ALL, trust me, but got to love the internet to make you feel a little better about yourself in your weaknesses! ROFL

I added color to Emma's eyes, the pink in her shirt and on her new, beautiful crocheted hat that I got for her, for Christmas! (it's brown with pink flowers in color!!)

Christmas Pictures

I realized I didn't include our Christmas pictures. I made a slide, most are pretty self explanatory! :)

Christmas

Hi, well one I know for some reason no one seems to be getting updates on their dashboard for my blog. I'm honestly not sure why. If anyone has a suggestion of what I can do to change that let me know. I'm not really sure what the issue is, but it's obviously an issue on my end because quite a few of you have mentioned it!

As for Christmas, we stayed home! It was nice to not be rushed and we stayed in our PJ's all day long, all 4 of us! Christmas Eve we went to the Christmas Eve service at Chapel and then over to a friends house for a small get together of fingerfoods, the kids watched a movie, and we adults talked! We spent about 2 hours there and then headed home, made Sugar cookies, opened their traditional Christmas gift of new PJ's, they put on said pj's, then off to bed to wait for Santa. :)

Christmas morning I was awaken by two VERY excited little boys exclaiming that Santa had came!! How I asked did they know...the cookies and milk were gone! ;) So....we got up. Emma remained sleeping, not sure how through all the excited screams, but she got up about 2 hours later! Oh and my boys woke up at 6 AM. I know it could be worse, but it hurt none the less! Santa only brings ONE gift and it's the big gift...this year he brought the boys a Wii. They both had asked for it and "he" was able to ablige. They got along with the Wii (sports) Mario Kart game w/wheel. Momma likes! ROFL! Of course Santa wasn't thinking and did not get the extra remote, and of course the store is all out of them now too! So I'm either going to go off post and buy one or order one. They have another one coming in their gift from my brother, but I figure the more remotes the better, especially when Chad comes home! ROFL.

Emma got up and was fairly grouchy. She was NOT happy that she woke up in my bed alone and was not all that impressed by the craziness of gifts all over the place, but she eventually got over it for the most part and opened gifts, although she insisted on sitting only on my lap, so Jacob took pictures of her, most were pretty good, some blurry ones, but a good amount that were not so I was happy with that!

We're still waiting on gifts from Chad, which we're hoping will be here any day. My mom also ordered us gifts and had them sent, so we're waiting on those too. She ordered Chad's gift one or two weeks after ours and he got his before Christmas! Speaking of Chad, he also got his box of gifts from us on Christmas Eve!! Yeah!!!! We got him a Photo light box, a Digital Frame, a wooden manger, and a smoker. I also got him a sweater which I'd put "up" but found so I'm going to send that and his buckeys out on Monday to him. I am going to go to the commissary and pick up a few more things to send to him too.

I got from the boys a beautiful bell which is clear glass and small Christmas tree's are painted on it (I need to take a picture of it still) and a stand to hold it or one of my other large German ornaments/balls. I also got a beautiful bracelett that my friend Tami made for me and a cermanic butter dish, I'll have to take a picture of it as well. She had one and when I was visiting her this summer really liked hers and she was sweet enough to get me one!! :)

I have no clue what Chad got me, but have to say I'm anxious to see what it is. He said it's something I've wanted for quite a while. I know what I'm hoping it is (coughCAMERAcough) but honestly not counting on it. He got the boys some Wii things and Emma a wooden, hand carved jewelry box (I believe that's what he told me it was! LOL). I'll take pictures once they arrive!
Ok, well I'm off to bed.

If anyone has any thoughts about my updates for the dashboard let me know. I'm stumped!

Bring Him Home

A friend shared this with me tonight and oh the sobs...but it's beautiful and I will admit (shhh) it's my Christmas wish. I know it will NOT happen, but a girl can wish none the less. I keep telling myself we can do 2 more months (until R&R). Tomorrow marks 7 months since he left, just 8 more months to go. :(

Amazing Grace

So I was over at Jana's blog and came across this video. I have LOVED Chris Tomlin's version of Amazing Grace, but the video is beautiful!
I don't think it's surprising or any secret that I'm ProLife and here's just one beautiful example of WHY every single child deserves the RIGHT to life. It is NOT, I repeat NOT our choice to make...GOD made it for us. We made it for ourselves when we got pg, and even in the horrible circumstance of rape, God still allowed an innocent child to be created and there are families out there that will LOVE that child with everything in their soul.

Enjoy.....

Sending out Congratulations!!

My sweet friend Amanda had her baby yesterday!! She already has 2 little boys and they've now welcomed a daughter into their family! She's beautiful and wonderfully loved! Please go congratulate Amanda and family!

If you don't "know" Amanda, let me tell you a little about her. She's a Minnesota girl with a heart for Jesus! She loves him with all she is. She's a Mommy to the depth of her soul, and an adoring wife. She's honest, gentle, but isn't afraid to tell you like it is and step on a few toes while she's at it, if God calls her to! So go take a peak and love up on the baby picture! :)

Good Night,

I had planned to write this fabulous, deep, life changing blog tonight. Ok so maybe not all that. I'd planned on writing a really good blog. No you still don't believe me? Ok so I thought I'd write my normal sub-par blog tonight, read some, then head to bed.

Ha! We went caroling (a lot of walking) for almost 2 hours otnight. Then we came back to the Hospitality House, ate lasagna, a fabulous salad, and of course bread. Dinner was good, the hot chocolate was yummy. We stayed and I talked with T who's the hostess of the house, while M who's T's husband and cohosts, runs the house played a board game with one of their son, and two new single soldiers tonight. The boys played with their other son, Emma was played with by their 2 daughters. It was nice to just sit and chat. But we didn't get home until about 10:30 and I was wiped out then, now it's 1 am and I can not keep my eyes open...so I'm off to bed.

That FABULOUS blog will have to be written another day~!

Christmas

So my kids have totally lost focus of the true meaning of Christmas and I was feeling really down earlier about this. Today I took Jack out to shop for Jacob. He kept talking about what HE wanted and I was fed up and told him if he kept it up, every time he talked about what HE wanted, I was taking a gift away that was under the tree. I know, MEAN MOM! LOL It worked. Then I told him that it was really sad to me that he was so concerned about gifts, when he should be focusing on Jesus and that maybe we needed to do something different and should not be doing gifts at all. He of course got really quiet and I know, I know...he's 5. But I just felt like I was failing this child who I know loves God and knows that Christmas is the celebration of Christ's birth, yet he can be very self-centered...again I know shocking for a 5 yr old. I expect more though. I want their hearts to be so about Jesus that they can't think of anything else.

The problem with that though is am I? Is my own heart so absorbed into Jesus that he's all I think about, that he's all I focus on, and is Christmas to me all about Jesus? The reality is, the answer to all those questions is a very sad and humbling no. How can my children be centered around our Lord, if I'm not doing it myself. If they see me stressing over gifts and such, then why won't they? So...tomorrow we're going to start making it all about Jesus.

Tomorrow's focus during bible will be on Jesus and no one else. How he works in our life even today. I want him to be the complete focus. I'm also working out in my head right now, on how to show examples and various acts of Jesus every day in the year 2009. I want 2009 to be ALL ABOUT JESUS for our family. I'm going to comit to memorizing verses, being a good example to my children, and for us as a family to be spending more time in the bible, in prayer, in living as Jesus tells us to live...than living of this world. I've done that too much and it's time to stop!

So will you pray for me and our family? I have to talk to Chad too and share with him my heart and idea's. I am sure he'll be encouraging and very supportive. My hope is that he can do this with us, even all the way in Iraq! What an example he'd be to his soldiers!!!

We're at 6 days now until Christmas. I almost think I enjoy Christmas Eve as much as Christmas Day. We always read from the bible the birth of our Lord. Some of my favorite pictures are of the boys listening to Chad last year read from the bible Christ's birth story! I think Emma will really enjoy it this year, as she LOVES being read to, too! I always let the kids open one gift on Christmas Eve...new pj's. Jacob's figured this out now, but no matter we'll continue with this tradition. I can know that when they get up in the morning to open gifts they have on cute pj's and not just their underoo's ! LOL On Christmas Eve we will go to the Christmas Eve service, which is just such a special gift to me. I keep the kids with me (not sure if I'll keep Emma or not). The service is always unique and special. There's always special music, a complete focus on Jesus, and it ends with everyone lighting their candles, the lights being turned off, and the congregation singing Silent Night in English and German. It's beautiful, touching, and I ALWAYS cry!
This year we've been invited to go to a friends home after the service for cookies and hot chocolate and fellowship. I plan to have our cookies already done so we should be able to do this without issue. Once home we'll do our bible reading and gift opening. I'll let the kids watch Polar Express, then I'm sure it'll be time to set out cookies and milk and off to bed after prayers.

I have to say it's a balancing act. To truly raise our children to focus this day on the Lord and his birth and not be focused on themselves and Santa. I want this desperately for them. I did not have that at all as a child, and know what I missed out on, I don't want my children to miss out on the true meaning of this celebration.

Well, it's late and I'm EXHAUSTED.

God Bless and Merry CHRISTMAS

All better...whew!

So thankfully last nights incident was a one time only thing! Thank you Lord!!! I have praised him all over the place today!!! So my prayer warriers, thank you! I just got done skyping with my husband! He changed jobs and he's so much happier! I'm about to make another batch of no bake cookies, the last batch did NOT turn out good at all, not sure what happened, but they would not set up right and dry. So I'm about to make another batch! I'll try to come back later and write a real entry, we'll see ;)

You've Got to be kidding me

So it's back and I'm absolutely at the end of my rope. Ok. Jack is sick. Dirreah and vomiting have reared their ugly heads once more in my home and I'm DONE. I'm done being nice. If I find out who was sick and exposed MY FAMILY once more to this, I may cause physical harm. I am so sick of people who have this nasty, digusting bug exposing others because they don't want to stay home, or keep their kids home, or because 6 hours later they think they are better. Stay away from people for 24 hours AFTER it's all over. This is NOT brain surgery. This is NOT rocket science. This is COMMON SENSE. If you are throwing up and spending quality time sitting on the toilet, you're not "not contagious" just a few hours later. IF you're sick or you child is sick...stay home. I understand the necessary running to the store to get a couple things, but you try to send a friend for you if possible and if not, go when it's going to be at a time when there are as few of people as possible. I'm just so sick of this. I am tired of my kids feeling so poorly. I'm tired of cleaning this junk up, I'm tired of the extra laundry, and I'm tired of finding myself sick with the same thing as well.

Seriously tell me what is it that people can't just stay home and get better? Why do they feel it necessary to expose others to the misery?

I could just scream. I AM inside trust me. If it wasn't 1:41 am I'd do it outoud right now. I'm heading to bed, it could be a long night. Of course this would happen right now. I have to make a lasagne tomorrow AND nobake cookies and need to take them to the chapel for a singles dinner that the missionaries that run our local Hospitality House are putting on. Oh I forgot I'm supposed to pick up salad too. Please pray that this was just so awful fluke and Jack's better tomorrow. If not I may have my neighbor come and sit with him while I run to the store.

Goodnight.

Not Me Monday

It's Monday again! Who'd have thought so many people would look forward to Monday's??? Come on admit it, you do!

I am NOT sitting here eating Chocolate Chips straight out of the bag and I surely do NOT have a bag of Dorito's sitting close by too, so I can go between sweet and salty. AND if I WAS doing that, I surely would NOT admit it, right here on the internet for any and everyone to see!

I did not have a big, huge fight with my husband on IM last week. No he's deployed and in Iraq for that matter, I'm always supportive, kind, loving, and gentle with that man. I'd never be fuming mad at him while he's deployed. (We did make up! LOL)

I absolutely did not have my kids clean their room Friday morning vs doing their school work (which they do in the afternoon's normally) so their room would be more presentable (HAHA) when their friends came over one last time, for one last playdate before they leave (tomorrow..sniff-sniff). I did not let them skip out on making up that school work on Saturday so I could go to another post to do shopping. No I'm right on top of school every day Monday through Friday and I never allow skipping. :X I am surely not giving homeschooling a bad name all of a sudden.

I am not going to be a mean mom and make my kids do school everyday this week and most of next week (Mon,Tues, and Wed). I am surely giving them a break for Christmas. I'm not debating making them do school work the week after Christmas. I'm not writing this just to also redeem myself from being slacker homeschool mom as shown above! LOL

I am not counting down the days until my husband comes home on R&R in February. No, I don't mind deployments. I just love doing everything all alone. I love feeling like a single mom every other year. I really don't mind 15 month deployments either, hey what's another 3 months???

I am not bothered at all that one by one (or 2 by 2 or 3 by 3) my friends are moving away and I'm being left trying to figure out how to manage. I don't mind that they're leaving part way through this deployment. I feel no sadness, and I definitely do NOT Feel resentment that I went through their 15 month deployment and they're up and leaving me. No, no resentment and you know I also do not give any guilt trips at all.

I am not a slacker at housekeeping. My bedroom could be in a magazine or better yet on tv. (You know that TLC or HGTV ones for cleaning out absolute dumping ground rooms! LOL)

I did not ignore the fact that I saw Emma eating cheerio's off the floor while dinner was in the oven tonight. I would NEVER let my child eat off a floor. That's gross.

I absolutely did not pick up a few more gifts for all 3 kids today after my massage, no...no...no!

I did not love my massage that I got today. I did not lay there thinking that I should have one done every other week or at least once a month. No, I am really not into having someone rubbing my back, legs, and arms and taking away all the aches and pains.

I layed perfectly still and did NOT, repeat did NOT jump when I had my eyebrows waxed. I'm not a jumper, even when it doesn't hurt that much. No perfectly still I'm telling you!

I also did not find things go a little blurry out of my right eye for a moment after she waxed my right eye brow and get worried that something was wrong. No I'm rational and know that it's just from the non-pain that I was obviously not going through. I did not have to sit for a moment after the wax was done to get my barings because my body was so relaxed from the massage and in shock from the pain of waxing.

I did not talk to the lady who gave me my massage about not waxing the bikini area. I did not confess to her that I'm too chicken because of the pain factor. She did not totally bust on MEN who have their eyebrows shaped and wonder if they were men or girls! ROFL We did not crack up and she did not have to stop my massage as we composed ourselves!

I'm not wishing that she was here right now giving me another massage! No, I told you earlier I don't enjoy them!

So come on and join in on Not Me Monday.

Sesame Street and Nursing video

I came across this on a facebook page and just loved it! Made me teary-eyed! So many see breastfeeding as something sexual for some idiotic reason. Many know I'm an advocate for breastfeeding and believe you should at least try to extend breastfeed (nursing past a year)...there have been so many AMAZING benefits shown from extended nursing.

Anyways...take a look at this! I'd love to see this on tv now, oh wait, they're too busy showing the annual Victoria Secrets special...

Christmas

Ok first off, scroll down and make sure you check out the previous post, seriously it's awesome (not my writing, but the subject matter!!!)...and for a hint, look at the top widget/graphic here on the right side of my blog! :)

I got almost all the Christmas gifts wrapped tonight. It's a small Christmas this year. We have spent about the same as we do normally, but the kids are getting a Wii this year so fewer gifts. The kids still have gifts coming from Chad, from my parents, my brother (most likely will not be here in time), and my best friend Tami. My inlaws normally send money for the kids, not sure if they are this year or not.

I of course realized today I've not gotten my inlaws or grandma inlaw or my grandparents gifts. I need to go to the Christmas market on Monday and get those. It's not going to be anything big, but should get them something. I don't know how that escaped me this year. I have to mail the Christmas gifts that's being mailed on Monday too and part of that is Chads. I got him another Christmas gift today, A Digital Photo Frame! So tomorrow night after the kids go to bed, I'm going to upload pictures onto it for him! The boys each picked out a gift for him at the Christmas market, and when we were in the states I had a photo light box made for him. It has the kids and I picture on it, you plug it in and there we are! I think he'll like everything. I went shopping in the next post closest to us and went to the commissary and got him lots of snacks too.

I am finished with the kids for Christmas. I got their Christmas PJ's today. The boys are matching and Emma's is a cute Christmas nightgown. I'm going to have the gift wrapping place here on post wrap those, they take donations, so it'll be perfect! I have decided I'm going to have the Wii all set up for the kids Christmas Morning. We do Santa, "he brings" one gift. It's normally the "big" gift! Last year it was our Cat Whisker's, this year it's the Wii.

I do still need to find Emma a Santa gift. The two different options I was going to use as Santa gifts, the boys ended up seeing, so that ruins that. She's getting a cute little wicker stroller that I got in Poland and a wooden rocking chair that I got in Czech Republic. So I need to find her something, just not sure what. She's only going to be 16 1/2 months...she's into baby dolls! She's already getting a baby from one of her brothers (sorry can't remember which one picked it out! LOL). I guess I could still get her another baby as her Santa gift. Ugh! IF only they hadn't been so stinking nosey! LOL I'm going to have to go to the PX again and look and if nothing sticks out head over to Toys R Us. I was hoping to avoid that place! LOL

My parents got Emma a baby doll set...stroller, carrier, and a bunch of other things come with it. My brother is getting her a baby or a purse. I can't remember what Tami got her! :X Chad I believe got her a jewelry box. Chad's getting the boys Wii accessories and I "think" a game for it, but can't remember (I know BAD), my mom got them each a Wii game, and my brother is getting them accessories and possibly a game for it too. They're getting some money from my parents as well so they're going to have a very "nice" Christmas. The boys each have 9 gifts under the tree. Emma currently has 7. Not too many, not too few.

Ok I'm going to get off of here, and TRY to get some sleep. It's 4 AM here in Germany. If you're reading this, please pray I can go to sleep.

God Bless and don't forget to read the previous entry!!!!!

Rebel With A Cause Raffle

Ok so I'm late on this, but hey better late than never and it's not "TOO" late! So want a chance to win an AWESOME Cannon Rebel (or give me a REALLY AWESOME Christmas gift??? LOL) Click on the little Camera over there (yes right there on the right hand side...the first thing on the top side bar) and you will have a chance of not only winning an awesome Cannon SLR, high speed Memory Card, a beautiful camera bag, costum strap, and an amazingly powerful lens...you'll also be helping out 3 wonderful causes! Want to know more? Ok go here. Learn about the 3 causes: String of Pearls, No Hands But Ours, and The Ellison Project. And give yourself a chance of winning.

Well what are you waiting for? Go see McMama and enter, hurry up the drawings tomorrow! (See told you I was cutting it close).

Clinging

It's 2:15 am and I'm wide awake. I was doing really well for a while and the last week or so the late nights/early mornings have taken back over. If you've never suffered from insomnia then it's something you can't understand. I know there are people out there who have it far worse than I do and honestly my heart aches for them. There are people who simply can't sleep at all. How they function at all is truly beyond me. On a good night I average 5 hours of sleep, on a bad night...2.

Tomorrow afternoon my friend A is bringing her two boys over for a playdate. She and her husband are going to Nurnburg to the Christmas Market. I know the boys will have a great time and this will most likely be the last time they see each other and have the opportunity to play together. They MIGHT see each other on Monday but I'm not really sure. Saturday they head to Rothenburg and will be staying at the castle there, I think they come back on Monday. I'd like to go by and say "Goodbye" Monday and give her one last hug. I'm trying to be stronger about her leaving than B, because I just can't break like that again. Speaking of B, they'll be in Arizona on Sunday and will sign for housing on Monday! God has truly worked for them on that end. Please keep praying for them as they are about to enter the next phase of this transition. They will know a lot of people there as a lot, and I mean A LOT of people from their brigade moved to Arizona too. It's like a mini reunion for all of them! I'm trying hard not to be envious of those who will get to see B on a daily basis. I have honestly tried not to think about her much because if I do, I am afraid the tears will just start to flow and I am tired of crying.

Anyways in the next couple of weeks there will be lots more goodbyes. Sunday I will say my official goodbye to another friend who also flies on Tuesday. There's a few more that are leaving throughout the month, although I'm not sure of dates for them. It's such a huge turnover right now. New people coming and honestly part of me just wants to block my heart from any of them, yet the rational part of me says how stupid that is. I mean if I did that I could miss out on a great friendship that I don't even know exists yet. That's how they always begin, when you least expect them it seems. I admit I am clinging to the friends I have right now, despertately. I'm seeking God all over the place and just hungry for him and desperate for him. That's how we should always be isn't it! Yet it's not until the support system he's set up for me oh so perfectly starts to fall down all around me that I reach out to him in the most desperate of ways, which again is how he sets things up. I know that he wants me to cling to him with and without the support system. I need to do that and want to. It's my hearts cry right now, to know him more intimately. To feel his grace day in and day out. To know that I seek him first and formost before anyone else. Why is it when we get comfortable we stop seeking him as much as we should? Why am I so foolish to not keep it going. Why do I seem to "forget" that the relationship with him should not only be the most important relationship I have, but the deepest? I know I'm not the only one that falls on their face with this issue. I know I'm surely not the only one who grieves over that fall either. I want to please him, I want to be humbled by him constantly and to keep that humility at the forefront of who I am.

I am nothing without my Lord. I have to cling to that, remember that, live that.

A little of this and that

It's been a good day so far! The kids slept in (ahhh so good!) until 9 am! Let me tell you with my children that never happens. One of the beauties of homeschooling is that they COULD sleep in, but do they, RARELY. Ask Emily they're normally up at the crack of dawn, but the sun's not up at 7 AM here right now and there for my sweet children are sleeping in the last few days! I am NOT complaining. I woke up very tired so I lazed around for a while, the boys played in their room and cleaned for a bit. Emma ran back and forth from me to the boys room. She took full advantage of me since I was already laying down lol (she's a nursling) so she was in her own little heaven! LOL So....I got up made grilled cheese (again...it's right before payday and lunch idea's are running low and the kids LOVE them so it works for me!) and they had applesauce and raisins. After lunch, Emma went down for her nap and the boys started school. School went VERY smoothly today, I'm so thankful for that! After they were done with schoo and Emma was up from her nap we made my Great Grandma C's Applesauce Raisin Cookies. They're my ultimate favorite cookie and my family loves them! (Well except Chad, he's a freak who doesn't like cooked raisins lol more for us!) The kids and I made them, they are doing great at learning all the measurements, love doing the "fun" stuff of pouring and mixing. I sling them on the stone (got to LOVE Pampered Chef) and since I made a double batch so I can take some to PWOC in the morning half are now done! I'm taking my friend Petra some tomorrow too, because she loves them and she's such a bright light in my life so hey if I can add a smile I will. The only thing with the cookies is I am out of walnuts so they're not "perfect" but they're still good!
After cookies were done I made some Beer bread and started a pot of Wild Rice Soup. They'll both be done in about an hour or so.

It's just a good day! The kids are happily playing in their bedroom, my home is cleaned up (other than my bedroom, seriously one day I WILL get that done! I'm making SLOOOOOOOOOOOW progress). Yesterday my home got a FAST clean up when my friend called to see if her boys could come over while she went to her dentist apt. She had another friend lined up, but that friends husband was able to come home (from deployment) for about 5 days because a unit that is attached to our battalion (but that unit is from another Army Post about 1 hr away) is coming home SOON. Anyways that husband had to come back and get things prepared for the unit's redeployment home, so his wife and baby girl were blessed to have a couple days of him and yesterday was one of those days. So...the boys and I started cleaning like MAD. I took all my Christmas totes to the basement, took laundry down there, got a ton washed, dried, AND PUT AWAY! (Wahoo for me! LOL). Took out the trash (you know the trash I blogged about in my "not me Monday" post lol). She dropped the boys off and had to leave immediately (the perk is I literally am right next door to the dental and health clinic (it's all one building) so she walked a few steps and she was there so she was able to wait until literally the last minute to drop them off! Whew! I kept cleaning even after she left while the kids all played. Was able to sweep every room, vacuum the living and dining room, and just get things moved around that had been sitting out (my scrapbook totes and get them placed at least temporarily). Today I've been going through framed photo's that I want to hang up. I have a wall in my living room that is bare because you used to have our wall unit there and since we moved it I've never hung anything else there, so it's time to get some photo's up there!

Ok the boys are playing air hockey, so I'm going to take advantage of this time and star hammering some nails! :)

Not Me Monday

I haven't done this in a couple weeks, last week because I was so ill it never crossed my mind until I think Saturday, so with that here we go...

I most certanly did not entertain the idea of doing my last "2" Not Me Monday's on Saturday, but held back because I didn't want to look like a pathetic dork.

I did not sit on the toilet almost all night last Monday night, praying to GOD for true relief from the vomiting and dirreah. And I absolutely did not fill a large kitchen sized trash bag full of vomit and then feel disappointment that I'd only lost 6 lbs from all that misery (I surely deserved at least 10 lbs from all of THAT).

I did not cry and actually scream out loud when Emma broke the pickel jar last week and wonder why I was being punished. No, I'm not insane and think that God was actually punishing me for some mother blunder I'd done in the last few days. I know better than to think that way!

I absolutely do NOT have a trashbag sitting in my kitchen full of trash, because I'm not too lazy to haul it down 3 flights of stairs and over to the trash. That would be disgusting.

I do not still have all my totes still sitting here in the dining room behind me, over a week AFTER I set all the Christmas decorations out. I am surely not THAT lazy.

I do NOT have a hall way FULL of laundry, a bathroom floor covered in a HUGE pile of towels because I absolutely do NOT detest doing laundry and put it off as long as possible. I surely do not start running out of clothes, the boys never run out of socks, and towels do not get low. No I always stay right on top of that household chore. I love it don't you know?

I am not sitting here at the computer, wasting time vs cleaning while my kids are at a Mom's Morning Out. No I make good choices and use my time wisely. I'm not addicted to this computer.

I most certainly did not, not do the dishes last night after dinner. I would NEVER leave dirty dishes all night long and I most certainly have not still done them at 11:17 am, when my home is childfree and I could get them done in a couple minutes without a 16 month old playing between my legs as if they're her personal park.

I definitely did not cry myself to sleep last night.

I am 100% NOT having a Pepsi for breakfast. No, I have sensible breakfast. That's why I'm so svelte and not at all overweight.

I was not annoyed when my mother told me she bought my brother and sil a Kitchen Aid mixer for Christmas that she got for an AMAZING price on Black Friday, but said she didn't get ME one (after I've made it so clear for oh the last 5 or more years how much I want one) because it'd cost too much to ship. I did not sit at my computer and have tears stream down, because I'm absolutely not petty like that.

I do NOT want a Digital Canon Rebel, but know I will not get one because I can't afford it right now. I do not feel sad about that fact at all. I do not want that more than the Kitche Aid mixer.

I did not hide in the bathroom the other night, because I needed a break from holding Emma. I do not walk around sometimes just so she'll give me a moment of peace.

I did not cry last night as I read the latest newsletter from Curesearch and there was an article about the advances in AML research and survival and think "why not us", and weap for Jordyn on top of all the other mess from last night. No I'm not selfish. Surely I celebrate progress being made against the cancer that KILLED my child.

I am not in tears just thinking about the above now and have to stop this entry now.

Does Anybody Hear?

I know another post before the night is even through. My own heart is so heavy. You see Chad and I argued a great deal tonight. I will not get into that, as some was simple pettiness, while other parts of it were very serious. You see I'm not strong. I'm weak. My heart is heavy and simply put I'm sick of deployments. In our not even 12 yrs of marriage we've gone through now 5 deployments, ok we're in the midst of our 5th...3 of those in the last 5 yrs to Iraq. I'm tired. I'd like to say "I didn't sign up for this" yet in a way I did.

It doesn't matter because I love this man, who's a soldier. I love him and accept him and support him. But it takes a toll on a person, on this woman, wife, and mother. It's hard. I don't want to live the life of a single mother and I'm not a single mother, yet every other year I get the "opportunity" of parenting virutally alone. When only 4% of ALL American's are in the military, you can see that not a lot of people "GET" what I'm living through. I am blessed beyond measure with my friends who are Army wives and other military branch wives. Most people though do not have a true concept of this hardship.

I have to confess I find I have very little, to no empathy to someone who's husband goes away for a few days, a week, or even a month for a business trip, weekend get away, etc. It's hard for me to read of the wives who talk of their "hardship" when they just have to deal with it for a few days. Ok being REAL here...I want to SCREAM "get over it". Yet my head knows that even those small seperations are a big deal to them and it's their own personal burden...yet still my heart is screaming "at least he's not in a warzone, where terrorists want to kill him. At least he's not in a country that you don't even know if you can truly trust that countries military to not turn on you and try to shoot you in the back, literally. At least their not in a country where their own police may try to kill you or at least set it up so your killing can happen." See, not such a nice person am I? I'm selfish and am sick and tired of being seperated constantly. Even when he's home, they are training. They do on average 5 months of training in between deployments and that doesn't count any schools they may need to attend, any trainings, etc. It doesn't count the late nights at work. You can not even imagine the last weeks before a deployment how it seems like they've put off everything until days before it's time to go and they're working until all hours of the night and leaving at all hours of the morning and you're screaming "What about us? Where's our family time before you take him?". Then when they get back, sure they have time off, after a week or two of returning...then after the block leave is over everything starts arriving from the deployment and guess what...more early morning and late nights. It's this vicious cycle that never seems to end.

We're looking at retirement in the next few years and I wonder how many MORE deployments will we go through. Just because they're calling for a pull out of Iraq does not mean our deployments are up, no there's still Afganistan, and it's a dangerous place as well. Same routine before and after.

I just wonder just exactly how much more is left of me? I feel alone and abandoned. The loneliness sometimes is so absolutely overwhelming I can hardly breathe. I want to scream and be comforted. I want my husband to be able to wrap his arms around me and tell me "Everything's going to be ok", but he can't because he's in Iraq.

Yes I KNOW this is the life I chose. I CHOSE to marry a soldier. I CHOSE to have children with him. I just didn't know when we got married what being an Army wife would entail. This is NOT an easy life. It's the life I know and I'm used to it. I love my husband and children and most of the time I even can say with a full heart that I love the Army life, but right now I don't. Right now I want to throw myself down kicking and screaming and make the Army bring my husband home...safe and sound.

I am so unbelievably tired, yet I can't sleep. How can I be surrounded by love, grace, and friendship and still feel like I'm all alone? Lately the song that's on my heart is

"Does Anybody Hear Her" by Casting Crowns




She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And she's three more steps behind

Does anybody hear her?
Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

If judgment looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we've never even met herIf judgment looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we've never even met her
If Judgement looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter And we've never even met her

Never even met her(Never Even Met her)
(OHHHHH)
Does anybody hear her?
Does anybody see?

Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? (Does anybody hear her?)
Does anybody see? (Does anybody See?)
Does anybody even know she's going down today?
Under the shadow of our steeple (shadow of her steeple)
With all the lost and lonely people (Lost and Lonely people)
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her?
Does anybody see?
He is running a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction

Prayers Please

Please keep my husband in your prayers. He's got so many burdens on his heart that I simply can not share because of things I do not know and things that I could not divulge. As most of you know he's in Iraq. Chad's a soldier in the US Army (only those in the Army are called Soldiers). This is his 3rd time in Iraq, and his 5th over all deployment. He's struggling with things right now and feels the weight of the world on his heart. I've urged him to make an appointment to talk to his Chaplain, who's someone he trusts completely. His job is changing so he'll be staying put verse going out on missions constantly and that's truly fabulous news. He'll be working for people he really likes.

Pray that those he's around are people who are also after God's heart. He's struggling there as well. It can be a struggle to be surrounded by Christians down there and to have those who are trying to live the same life you are trying to. Please pray for him.

Also pray for Emily's family. They had a family tragedy today and they could all use your prayers.

We know our Lord is a loving God, a Sovereign God, a Gentle God. He's a forgiving God and when we confess our sins he forgives us. Let us seek him in all things. Let us remember that NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING it soo big for GOD. Nothing is too big for him to handle. Nothing is too big for him to forgive. Let us ALL remember this, and right now, especially let Chad remember this.

A little Meme

I got this over from Barb at One Day at A Time (I'd link, but my computer is acting up right now in that department).

Anyways, it's a long one....

.Are you a vegetarian? Goodness no! I like meat! I like my veggies too, but I like meat, appreciate it, and hello I grew up on a farm!

Do you believe in Heaven?: Of course! My little girl is there, our Lord and Savior is there!

Have you ever come close to dying?: not physically (my heart broke and I WANTED to die when Jordyn died, but wanting to die and doing it are two different things)

What jewelry do you wear 24/7?: No...I even take my wedding ring off at night because my fingers tend to swell a bit when I sleep and I also do not wear them when my hands in the water for a prolonged amount of time (washing dishes, shower)

Are you eating?: Nothing

Do you eat the stems of broccoli: Yes!

Do you wear makeup?: Yes, about 75% of the time

Would you ever have plastic surgery?:The only plastic surgery I plan on having is a breast reduction one day when I'm done having babies and done nursing them...it's going to be a few more years and that's only to help ease my back pain. Like Barb said if I was burnt or in a car accident something like that, I wouldn't have any objection..but for pure vanity reasons no. I have no problem growing old and showing my age. That's how God made me.


What do you wear to bed?: Usually a tshirt and shorts, can't stand long pants (pj pants or sweats) they always seem to crawl up my leg and that drives me batty!

Have you ever done anything illegal?: Yes, gotten a speeding ticket

Can you roll your tongue? Yes


Do you believe in Abortions? ABSOLUTELY NOT. It's MURDER no matter WHAT the situation, it's murder. There are other options like adoption or keeping your legs shut if you're not wanting a baby. There is no grey area here.


What is your Hair color?: Brown and all natural


If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?: Goodness I have a list of places we still want to go, but my personal number one right now is Switzerland!

Do you sleep with stuffed animals?:No, I sleep with a 16 month old little girl though who thinks she should sleep right up against me and somehow in a queen sized bed, with a husband in Iraq, I still manage to lay on my side clinging to the side of the bed half the time! LOL

If you won the lottery, what would you do first?: Well I don't play the lottery, but if so, the first thing I'd do is Donate a big amount to Research for Childhood Cancer (namely Pediatric AML research).

Gold or silver?:gold

Hamburger or hot dog?: Hamb. I do NOT like hot dogs unless they're covered in chili and I don't have to think about what I'm eating! LOL


If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?: The only thing I like "that much" is chocolate, but I think I'd get sick of Chocolate eventually if I had to eat it every day! LOL

City, beach or country?:Beach or country

What was the last thing you touched?:My mouse.

Where did you eat last?:at the table

Whens the last time you cried?:last night


Do you read blogs?:Yes I do and I try to write them.


Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?:Maybe for Halloween....


Ever been involved with the police?: ???


What's your favorite shampoo/conditioner and soap?: Arbonne for all 3

What's your favorite song at the moment: Does Anybody Hear Her: Casting Crowns


Have you ever had a cavity?:Yes, didn't have one until I was 24 yrs old

Window seat or aisle seats?:Window, although I normally sit on the aisle and let the kids sit by the window

Ever met anyone famous?: yes quite a few country singers and in the Childhood Cancer Arena many :X

Do you feel that you've had a truly successful life?: I think so. I don't look at success in the monetary value, but in the fact that God's blessed me in this life so above and beyond anything I've EVER deserved. I have a wonderful husband and 4 beautiful and precious children and none of it have I EVER deserved. AND he lets me stay at home and raise them! Truly amazing if you ask me!

Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?:both lol


What is your fave.sport to play?: what ever sport my kids ask me to play with them. Growing up it'd been throwing shot put with volleyball as close 2nd

Do you drive a stick?: Our BMW is a stick, so yes

Cake or ice cream?: Cake


Are you self-conscious?:Not really


Do you like any of your close friends?: Well they wouldn't be close friends if I didn't like them!


Have you ever given money to a bum?: To a bum...no to someone who was down on their luck, trying to get back up, struggling....absolutely

Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?:Yes , I was in them with Jordyn 3 or 4 times


Can you tango?: no, but it'd be fun to learn

Last gift you received?:A kiss from Emma!


Last thing you spent lots of money on?:A Wii for the boys for Christmas

Where do you live?: Germany

Last wedding attended?My Uncle Dennis's this summer when I was back in the states for a visit

Favorite restaurant? Here it'd be Italia's

What is your favorite kind of car?:Seriously who cares about that stuff? Maybe it's me but if it's a realiable vehicle that gets me and my family from point a to point b without breaking us in the gas it takes...works for me!


Most hated food(s): Peppers...all of them YUCK! Raw Onions, liver, pattea (not sure if that's spelled correctly), rare meat (cook it, it MUST be COOKED...NO PINK)


Most loved food(s)?: Brownies (lol), Chicken Alfredo, My stroganoff


Can you sing?yes

Person on your mind?: Chad, I'm missing him so much right now

What's your least fave.chores?:Laundry
Favorite drink?: Pepsi and water

Oh my aching back

I wish I could say it's just from "getting older" and well I'm sure a bit of that's true, but the reality is I think my body is just recovering from the sickness that's been in our home for the last week. My back is absolutely, positively killing me and because my room is such a disaster zone (oh you all say yours is too, but most likely it's anything but...trust me MINE IS I could be on one of those tv shows where they show those peoples homes that are absolutely horrific with the mess...yeah that's my bedroom, seriously). Anyways, I can't even find my heating pad because well I'm sure it's under the mess of piles somewhere, but who knows where exactly, or maybe under my bed, that's a better guess, but who could possibly wedge their self down to look under there? We need new mattresses too and have for a couple years now so that does not help. I know it's from all the vomiting I did Monday night/Tuesday morning and then all the holding of Emma who insists on being held so much lately, and all her nursing which does put a strain on your back when you nurse all night long (literally I think she was attached all night last night).

Right now the throbbing is just overwhelming. I will get my room cleaned if for nothing else, than so I can find my heating pad and cure this ache. I am debating right now on a hot bath to see if that'll help. I have a hard time relaxing in the bath (the opposite is true for my dear husband who can and does fall in asleep in the tub...yes the man takes baths and loves them and will sleep in there until the water is freezing cold...insanity I tell you!). Now if I have a good book that I can't put down, I can normally relax in the tub, but I don't have one I just can't put down right now. I'm hoping on getting some Yada Yada Prayer books for Christmas so I'm refraining myself from going out looking for them until after Christmas at least!

Tonight I did get that overwhelming feeling of missing Chad. We last talked on Monday and he said he'd call Tuesday, but didn't so I can only guess he's back out on another mission. I miss him so much and miss just hearing his voice when ever I please. There's a possibility he could get another job in a different company, which would be a great thing for him. He'd not be going out on all the missions that he's going out on (HUGE, HUGE,HUGE PLUS) he'd be working for a 1st Sgt that he's friends with and has a great deal of respect for, and it's just something he'd like. He'd have more free time to go work out, call us ;) it'd just be better. He said not to get my hopes up on it, but I'm praying and if you'd pray too, I'd so appreciate it!! It would mean we'd be part of a different company and honestly that's fine with me. I'm just waiting on him to let me know how things pan out. Ultimately I know God's got this and I just can not worry about this. So I'm not!

Tonight we had a good night. The post had their local Christmas Tree Lighting, so we went to that and then over to the movie theater so the kids could see Santa. The boys were good, told him what they wanted, and smiled for the picture. Emma screamed (of course). We had a snack, walked down to the commissary, and came home, made dinner, and off to bed they went. Tomorrow night the boys are having one last sleep over at our friend A's home. Jacob and her oldest who's birthdays are just days apart are having a birthday exchange and sleep over. Jack and their youngest son are friends and so she asked if Jack wanted to have a sleep over too. She's taking them to see the movie Bolt as well. I was going to take them, but since Jacob was having the sleep over figured we'd have to wait until it's second run through here and now I don't have to worry about it! Works for me, because I would have had to found a babysitter for Emma. No way she'd sit still for the movie and that's fine, but just one more thing to add to the list right now, and now I don't have to!



Ok, you know I just can't take the back pain anymore, I'm heading to the tub.

Come Check It Out!

Ok so I'm pretty sure last year I did a little "Free" advertising and will do it again this year. My friend Tiffany is VERY talented and makes 100% original designs, including but not limited to Christmas Cards! She made ours last year and she did it again this year! I told her I was thinking something simple, sent her 3 pictures to put on it and it wasn't simple, but FABULOUS! I was so thrilled with it you just do not even understand. I'd share it here, but I don't know how to do it without showing my last name which is on it (if anyone can tell me how to do that nifty trick let me in on it ok!). Anyways...she only charges $10.00. You sent her the picture(s) you want on it and any wording, bible verse, any thoughts on colors, graphics, etc and she'll do what she can (which is A LOT!!) and you'll get your very own, one of a kind Christmas card to send out to family and friends! She does a great deal of other things too and if you explore her site, and know me and my family you'll see at least 3 other examples of her work that she's personally done for me through the Wall Collages (that was my Christmas gift from Chad last year as well as we had one made for my mother and one for my mother in law...all unique and different!). I've gotten her key chains as well as Italian Charm picture bracelett and love them! Great unique Christmas gifts!! Ok done with all the plugging...just go check her out, use her, abuse her (ok don't abuse her!). She's actually using her profits this year to put towards a college class trip to Ireland next year (from someone who's been there...HELP THAT GIRL GET THERE!). Oh and if I did not say so, she's super fast in getting her work completed! She was able to get my card done in just a couple days! You can then print them off yourself or have it sent to WalMart, WalGreens or any place that prints and just have them printed off as 4x6 photo's and there you go!!

Her website is on my sidebar, but here you go for easier access: www.tiffanyallemand.com

A Christmas Carol

Tonight the kids and I went to our post theater, as in plays, musicals (not movies) and saw locally acted, produced, directed musical A Christmas Carol. It was wonderful! It was the first time the boys had seen it! I know how could I have deprived them of this wonderful Christmas classic!?! Honestly though, I'm so thrilled that tonight was their first time seeing it! The whole thing was just wonderful! The man who runs our theater is just wonderful! He moved here in 2005 with his wife who had been hired to be the posts Occupational Therapist. I can't remember exactly when but it was a few months after we'd arrived his wife died. Sadly I can't recall how (thinking it was either cancer or heart attack, I know two vastly different things, but her death was huge in our community but I did not know her). Anyways...Jack decided to stay in our community and he's very well loved and respected. Our little theater went from nothing special to having all these amazing plays. Jack was an Architect for 20 yrs before moving to our community, so his job change was pretty big. He has his 2 daughters who are very involved and normally in each play (and VERY talented). He has a gift for picking the right play, musical, etc.

Tonight was absolutely NO exception to his brillance! I don't think a single person who walked out of the Sold Out show left disappointed. It was just so wonderful, I just can't even tell you! I really want to see it again, but just not sure our schedule will allow it, and if I do, the only thing I'll change is that I will NOT bring Emma! LOL She definitely enjoyed it, but felt it was her DUTY to "sing" along, talk along, and at times cry! LOL It didn't start until late (7:30) and did not end until late (10 pm). I would like to see it again, because there was about 10 minutes that I missed because Emma was so restless that we went out into the front of the theater and she just ran up and down the hall, into the bathroom (which she discovered the FABULOUS accoustics it has! LOL) and just got some of her energy out. (Maybe it was that choc. chip cookie I gave her to try and shut her up!). I actually put my hand over her mouth a few times (not her nose I promise and it was lightly over it) trying to shush her, but I swear it made her louder and more determined! Ahhh the joys of a 16 month old future actress/singer/Queen of the world! LOL She's a delightful mess I tell you.

The boys loved it. Jacob wished he could have been in it. Mom's fault, I missed the notice on when try outs where. :( I promised I'd make sure and keep my eyes and ears out on when the next one was that there was children's parts so he could try out and Jack said he wanted to try out too! Jacob was in Robin Hood this past year, when the Missoula Children's Theater came (they come every year), and he loved it! I "think" Jackson will be able to participate next year when they come through, hopefully!

Ultimately it really felt like a reward to our family after the "fun" we've had over the last few days! LOL
As for how we spent the first part of our day. The kids did their school in the moring today, and I was reassured that afternoon's are still truly the best time for them to do it, when Emma is NAPPING! Goodness she likes to TRY to distract them, tries climbing up on the table, taking their pencils, erasers, books, what ever she should not have...she sooo wants and throws the ultimate temper tantrum when she's not allowed! LOL And forget redirection or distraction, there is no redirecting or distracting her! They managed to get everything done though. Then we went to the bowling alley as a "Goodbye" get together for two of our homeschooling families. One leaves tomorrow to head to the states for 30 days, then when they return in Jan. they're moving about 1 hr away. The soldier he's a chaplain has a new job, at a new post, and they got housing (he's already working there and comes "home" on the weekends right now), so we said goodbye to them. Then my friend "A" who I've talked about before here, she and her family leave on the 16th. So we officially said goodbye to them too from our little group. Thursday's is free bowling so the kids had fun bowling, Emma had fun running around getting chased by the little girls, hugging on the older boys lol, and just being center of attention. We ate some pizza. Took a few pictures then we left. I took Heather and her kids home then ran home, grabbed the stroller and the kids and I walked over to the bus stop and went downtown to the Christmas Market. We got Christmas ornaments for all of us. (Including one to send to Chad). The boys picked out gifts for Chad down there too. I grabbed a couple stocking stuffers for the boys. The both declared they wanted some slippers , I found out their size (European size) and will make a trip down there in the next week or two wihtout them and grab those up! Jacob got Jack a small gift, which the stinker found, but he thinks it's for someone else and got yelled at for it! I found a few things I want to get Emma, which I'll get next time I'm there and a couple other things for the boys.

The boys are getting a Wii from Santa this year, so Christmas will be a bit smaller after such a big gift, but that's been the goal, to make things smaller and take the focus off the gifts and back to Jesus. I bought them a few things while in the states so I need to find where I "hid" them and get them wrapped! LOL Jackson found his stocking stuffers already so that was ruined. I was so ticked at him. He's now banned from any boxes that arrive, until I tell him he can look at them! (I'd bought tons of batman stuff while in the states and he saw it and grabbed it all out before I could say anything. I wanted to strangel him! LOL).

Anyways...today was really a good day! I have to say it was truly a wonderful change! Tomorrow, we're cleaning! I have a ton of laundry to do. A whole house to clean really. I'm going to start with a few loads of laundry then start carrying stuff down to the basement. At 4:30 we have our community Christmas Tree Lighting and Santa will arrive on post and we'll go to the post Movie Theater and have a Free picture taken with him! :) Emma gets to wear another one of her Christmas Dresses!!!! (She has 3 that she was given!)

After that we'll come home, have left over soup, and just relax for the evening. Saturday more cleaning. I'm very hopeful we can get what I want accomplished in those two days. The biggest task for me is my bedroom. It's humiliating (well the whole apartment is right now, but I'm being a little kinder to myself since I've been sick on the rest of the place) but my room has been out of control for a while now and I just can't live like this. I want a calm, peaceful place to "escape" to. That at the end of the day I can go into and feel happy to be in there vs praying I fall asleep quickly so I don't have to look at the mess that surrounds me. All you clean freaks and orgnized guru's...my hats off to you...I am NOT one of you. I would like to be closer to what you are and that's one of my goals this deployment! I'm hoping when Chad's home in Feb for R&R we can get more organized. Get rid of A LOT of stuff we don't need, use, or simply want and just declutter. I really think I'd just feel so much better if that was done. It also means getting rid of 85% of the boys toys. This will be hard for Chad. He's the one that wants to hang on. I'm just the one that can't deal with the junk in there and hate going into their room. I am also wanting to get the shelf up in Emma's room and would like some sort of smaller cubby cabinet for her room too. So we'll be making a trip to Momax (like Ikea but even cheaper and closer! LOL). I want to put wicker baskets in the shelving unit for her shoes, socks, books, etc. Something that will just grow with her as she gets older. Right now we have toy cubby things, but they're very boyish and I'd prefer to sell them.

Well, Emma just woke up and I have been getting to bed a bit earlier lately so I'm going to try to go to bed myself!

Oh the joys

Well we're finally healthy, I pray!

Sunday Jack had a fever, a high one at that. Motrin took care of it. Now if you know me, you'd know that I rarely if ever treat my children's fevers with drugs. I try to let them run their course, knowing they're doing exactly what they're meant to do, but when you're dealing with a high one and a completely miserable child, you have to give some relief so I gave him 1 dose of motrin and it brought the fever down to a more reasonable temp (still fevered, but not scary anymore). Then Monday I woke up not feeling well, Emma wasn't too hot, and Jacob initially said he didn't feel good, although he perked up. Jack wasn't 100%, so we layed low. Cancelled our plans to go downtown to the Christmas Market. There was no way I could get too far from the toilet to be quite honest with you! (at least at that point it was not vomitting! LOL). Off and on I'd have moments of feeling awful, but it wasn't until dinner time that my stomach started that oh too familiar churn. I felt that exact same church only a little over a month ago (in October). I was not excited over what I was about to come upon. I fell asleep on the loveseat at 9 ish. Woke up to the dinging of yahoo msgr, via my hubby. I told him I was sick and just did not have it in me to chat long. We managed to "talk" for about 10 or so minutes, but the bathroom was calling my name and since his laptop is out right now he was borrowing a friends and had to get it back to him. It was just enough time though. I really felt the need for a bath, but wasn't sure I'd be able to get up, because I was feeling very light headed, so I decided to take a shower and see if I could move on down to the bath. ( A warm soak sounded sooooooooo good). That's when it hit me.
I'm going to warn you now, if you have a weak stomach you may want to stop reading. There are no pictures so it may not bother you! LOL

I puked and although my hands were on the toilet seat and I could have sworn in my blindness (glasses were already off) that my head was OVER the opening of the toilet, I managed to miss the opening for the most part, hit the seat, the floor, and have it splatter all over me. I had puke all over my legs, all over the floor, all over the bottom of the toilet. I just stood there once I was done and started to weap, knowing that even if Chad was home he wouldn't clean it (the man can handle WAR, but CAN'T do puke..go figure!). Either way I was having a pity party, but it lasted all of 10 seconds as the shower was REALLY calling my puke covered legs now. I cleaned the floor up the best I could (still not putting the glasses on, since there was puke on my hands too and I just wanted to get things cleaned up and get into the shower.) Just so you get a "clear" picture...I'd ate corn with dinner. We ALL know how "well" corn digests. Good grief. It was disgusting and honestly I'm pretty amazed I didn't puke again cleaning the disgusting stuff up. I got it cleaned up, layed a towel down to step on when I got out of the shower and just let the hot water run over me. Oh my, I don't know the last time a shower felt that good. I didn't stay in long though, because I honestly thought I was going to pass out, just long enough to get clean, get "refreshed" (well as refreshed as a sick person can feel), got out, put on my glasses and discovered there was a good portion still not cleaned up. Finished cleaning up my lovely mess.

I had my trashcan to take to my bedroom, then a thought came to me...get a BIG trashbag. I did. Oh what a good idea that was. I can remember the last time I was so violently ill, but it's been a while. That trashbag got filled up, plus the trashbag in the can. I spent so much time in the bathroom Monday night/Tuesday morning, I'm pretty sure there was more time spent sitting on a toilet, leaning into a trashbag or over the trashcan, than me in bed. I woke up and my stomach felt better, although plenty of time was still spent in the bathroom ( at least the vomitting was gone!) on Tuesday. Jacob woke up and said he didn't feel good. Dirreah had hit him and a horrible headache and light headedness off and on through the day. I didn't have a ton of energy since I got no sleep, so spent most of yesterday dozing off and on. Emma didn't feel very good herself, so she was with me most of that time. By night time, Emma was pretty well herself, Jack was fine, but Jacob had developed a fever. Oh the goodtimes just seem to never end here I tell you!

Then it happened...Jacob woke up SCREAMING. It was a scream that made my blood run cold. He had a nightmare. I ran to him as fast as I could (he was in my bed), he was sitting there crying and shaking, and awake. I brought him out to the living room and he climbed into my lap and I rocked him. He told me about the nightmare and I prayed over him. He shook for quite some time and the tears just kept coming off and on. I often forget he's only 7. He's still so innocent. He often seems older to me, but he's not. He's just a 7 yr old little boy. I laid back down with him, prayed over him again.

Emma woke up, I took her to bed with me and she was delighted to discover Jacob in bed with us. She fell asleep and Jacob was sleeping and he woke up again. My eyes flew open and I just grabbed him into my arms. (He was awake). The nightmare had more or less continued. Some of the same elements. We prayed again, and this time as he was falling asleep we went over everything that makes me happy and just over all happy thoughts. From then on out he slept through the night. Emma was up off and on all night though, oh don't we just love teething (molar). At one point this morning I put her back in her bed because I had to get at least 30 minutes of rest. I fell asleep and it was glorious. (She fussed for about 15 seconds before it was all quiet in her room. (We love cosleeping, but there are times where it's just not good for either of us)

We woke up and everyone was healthy. Emma running all over the place. Jacob felt good, Jack felt good. I was EXHAUSTED. The boys asked for a snack before lunch and Emma pulled the pickle jar out and it shattered all over the floor. That was my breaking point..I just let out a scream (AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...literally). I felt better and cleaned up the pickles, juice, and glass. I got a small piece in my foot, got that out and all was good for me. Jacob came across a small piece, and so did Jack. I think after the floor getting swept 4 times, all the glass is up. I hope so anyways. The rest of the day went pretty good. The boys did school, Emma took a good nap for the first time in days, and I feel rested.

I did skip PWOC this morning though. With Jacob having a fever last night (oh I forgot he did vomit this morning when he first got up, but after that he said he felt great, ate some toast and that was that). I just am of the thinking that if you're sick or have been, you wait 24 full hours until you go out and around others. Now if everyone else did the same thing, these nasty bugs would not keep getting passed around from person to person, family to family.

My home is in absolute shambles, but you know what, that's ok. I have a week (or more) of laundry needing to be done, need to take totes from our Christmas decorating back down to the basement, and just get things cleaned up over all around here. It'll get done. Probably not tomorrow though, I have too much going on, so it'll wait until Friday.

So there you go. Don't you envy me! ROFL It's always a good time here! If nothing else, all our immune systems should be a little stronger from this lovely bug.
BTW...Emma Grace is 16 months old today....how IS that possible?