I haven't done this in a couple weeks, last week because I was so ill it never crossed my mind until I think Saturday, so with that here we go...
I most certanly did not entertain the idea of doing my last "2" Not Me Monday's on Saturday, but held back because I didn't want to look like a pathetic dork.
I did not sit on the toilet almost all night last Monday night, praying to GOD for true relief from the vomiting and dirreah. And I absolutely did not fill a large kitchen sized trash bag full of vomit and then feel disappointment that I'd only lost 6 lbs from all that misery (I surely deserved at least 10 lbs from all of THAT).
I did not cry and actually scream out loud when Emma broke the pickel jar last week and wonder why I was being punished. No, I'm not insane and think that God was actually punishing me for some mother blunder I'd done in the last few days. I know better than to think that way!
I absolutely do NOT have a trashbag sitting in my kitchen full of trash, because I'm not too lazy to haul it down 3 flights of stairs and over to the trash. That would be disgusting.
I do not still have all my totes still sitting here in the dining room behind me, over a week AFTER I set all the Christmas decorations out. I am surely not THAT lazy.
I do NOT have a hall way FULL of laundry, a bathroom floor covered in a HUGE pile of towels because I absolutely do NOT detest doing laundry and put it off as long as possible. I surely do not start running out of clothes, the boys never run out of socks, and towels do not get low. No I always stay right on top of that household chore. I love it don't you know?
I am not sitting here at the computer, wasting time vs cleaning while my kids are at a Mom's Morning Out. No I make good choices and use my time wisely. I'm not addicted to this computer.
I most certainly did not, not do the dishes last night after dinner. I would NEVER leave dirty dishes all night long and I most certainly have not still done them at 11:17 am, when my home is childfree and I could get them done in a couple minutes without a 16 month old playing between my legs as if they're her personal park.
I definitely did not cry myself to sleep last night.
I am 100% NOT having a Pepsi for breakfast. No, I have sensible breakfast. That's why I'm so svelte and not at all overweight.
I was not annoyed when my mother told me she bought my brother and sil a Kitchen Aid mixer for Christmas that she got for an AMAZING price on Black Friday, but said she didn't get ME one (after I've made it so clear for oh the last 5 or more years how much I want one) because it'd cost too much to ship. I did not sit at my computer and have tears stream down, because I'm absolutely not petty like that.
I do NOT want a Digital Canon Rebel, but know I will not get one because I can't afford it right now. I do not feel sad about that fact at all. I do not want that more than the Kitche Aid mixer.
I did not hide in the bathroom the other night, because I needed a break from holding Emma. I do not walk around sometimes just so she'll give me a moment of peace.
I did not cry last night as I read the latest newsletter from Curesearch and there was an article about the advances in AML research and survival and think "why not us", and weap for Jordyn on top of all the other mess from last night. No I'm not selfish. Surely I celebrate progress being made against the cancer that KILLED my child.
I am not in tears just thinking about the above now and have to stop this entry now.