Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Happy New Year

As 2008 draws to an end and I've been reading a few blogs of their accounts of the year, I think of how I've changed throughout the year, what I experienced, just mundane things we did, etc.
Life's fun. Really it is. God knew exactly what he was doing when he created us. He made sure we could laugh, smile, be filled with joy. He also allows us to feel pain and heartache and utter sadness. With pain, I think we appreciate joy more. I've had more joy than I absolutely deserve this year and have felt great pain as well.

In 2008 I celebrated 11 years of marriage with my husband. We were both such babies when we got married. I was barely 20 yrs old when I said "I Do" not only to Chad, but to the Army life as well. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, on either account really! I have no regrets! I do not deserve this man who took my hand 11 years ago , yet he not only grabbed hold, he held on tight and has never let it go! I giggled out of complete nervousness when saying my vows to this man, he had tears streaming down when he said his.

I watched my oldest son turn 7 years old. It's not that old, yet he's a wise little boy who has a heart for Jesus! Oh my does his heart yearn and chase after Jesus! He's tender, yet tough. Just as little boys should be. What a precious gift these last 7 years with him have been!

I watched Jackson turned 5 years old. He's unique all unto himself. He's got a contageous laugh that once it starts it's hard to stop, a tender heart that when it's broken it's down deep. Eyes that sparkle with mischief (which makes me shiver just a little ROFL!! he's got a bit of orniness going on!). He is developing a passion for our Lord too and to hear him rattle off bible verses and the pride of when he gets them down, it's like no other!

My sweet Emma Grace, how fast her first year went. Celebrating her first birthday was amazing to me in so many ways. To know I cherished every moment and still do, and still it just goes by far too quickly. To see all she's learned in such a short amount of time alive. The scream to end all screams , and the love that heals all brokeness inside of me. I don't know if she'll ever know all the good she has done for my heart.

This year brought me and the kids back to the states for the first time in 3 years. It was bittersweet. I loved seeing my brother and his family, seeing Emily and her family and feeling right at home instantly. That even if she's not the touchy feely kind, she still hugged me and it was just right. Seeing my inlaws was even a wonderful event. If you know of our history you'd understand how huge this is. There was a time that I was ready to cut all ties with them. God is amazing at how he can heal relationships. That forgiveness is a choice as is loving people just as they are. Knowing that I don't have to forget mistakes, but don't have to hang onto them so tightly either. Seeing Tami. My friend who's been with me since Jordyn died and her Sydney died. A friendship that was natural from the start, I never have had to "try" with her, it was just simply meant to be. She's been my rock and I have been hers. A friendship like ours is unique and I'm so blessed with that. My parents. You know that "bitter" part of bittersweet? Well, there was a period of sweetness, but there's definitely bitter too. It's learning that no matter what I do, I can not change them. That they have to want to change themselves and that I must defend my family at all costs. That I can not compromise on what is the base of our family and even if they don't like it, I can not comrpromise. I believe that anything is possible, especially change...but you have to want it and you have to allow God to work in your life and through it, but until you open your life up to him, he will remain standing at the door like a gentleman knocking waiting. Please pray for 2009 to be a change. I do love my parents, we're just vitally different and without a doubt our relationship is better and stronger with an ocean between us. I pray one day that will change. I also was able to see another dear friend and her family this summer. One that's been such a support to be and I've known her since the last months of Jordyn's life. She's a precious friend and I'm so blessed to have Beth in my life.

With joy, sadness often comes as well. My deepest sadnesses of the year would definitely be Chad deploying to Iraq once again. Our 3rd deployment to Iraq, and 5th over all in our marriage. Watching the love of your life load up on a bus and knowing that for 15 months he's going to be in a war zone and not knowing for sure if you'll ever see him alive again, is NOT easy. Yet I believe I will see him again! I believe that no matter what happens I will be with my husband again. He's a man after God's own heart and I have no worries there! It is still not easy though. Having to go at the daily life all alone is not exactly what I want. I know there are lots of divorced families out there, there are families with a completely absentee parent so they're truly and completely doing it alone....it's different, yet for 15 months we do it virtually alone. Technology is a blessing though!
Then there's B who left one month ago. Wow it feels like more than a month. Nov. 25 they left Germany, and moved back to the states. Saying goodbye to hear was most definitely one of the most heartbreaking things I've had to do. To pray for a friend and have God answer those prayers, only to have her leave after 2 1/2 yrs is not easy. Yet I'm thankful for the time he allowed us to have together. She's the best friend I've ever had as an Army wife and just taking out the Army she's one of my best friends and I'm so thankful for her and just love her to pieces.

For 2009 my prayers are that I grow closer and closer to God. I am going to be hiding his word in my heart this year like I've never been able to do before, but this time I WILL memorize those versus and I will not let them escape!

I pray that as a mother I will be gentler. I'll seek out joy first as a mother. That'll I'll step it up a few more notches and praise my children more.
I pray that as a wife I'll be more dutiful. That I'll be more submissive (biblically), and that I'll put Chad first before our children.
As a woman I pray that I'll be a better housekeeper. Seriously, I suck. Let me just tell you, those shows where they come in and clean out a couple rooms...yes my bedroom could sooo be a front runner for that show! I WISH they came to Germany.
My prayer is to get my bedroom in order and keep it that way! For it to be a peaceful, restful, place in our home that I can escape to and not escape from!

I have two big goals this year....less screen time. The computer and tv...I'm addicted. Hello my name is Christy and I love the computer and tv. I watch way too much tv and I spend way too much time online! I want to spend more time playing games with my children, drawing with them, teaching them crafts and simply sharing laughter with them and most importantly learning from them!

My other goal...to lose this weight! I would like to lose at least 30 lbs by the time Chad comes home this summer. I know classic New Years resolution. I'm going to find someone who will watch Emma for me and I'll take the boys to SAS 2 times a week and I'll be hitting the gym 2 afternoon's a week. As it gets nicer out I will start walking again, it's just so cold here right now (I know some places in the states are colder) but I can not go walking in 20 and 30 degree temps. I'm also going to bring up my gazelle and start working out on that every day. I'm hoping to have at least 10 lbs off by the time Chad comes home for R&R. If I get that off I'll be 20 lbs lighter than when he left in May. I know I can do it!!!! Once I start working out I'm going to find accountability partners here in real life as well as online for encouragement as well as a good dose of reality!

My biggest goal though...to read my bible daily. To get to know our Lord more intimately. If I do this, all my other goals will be easy. I truly believe this, when we have God on our side who can be against us? No one more powerful, that's without a doubt!

2008 has been a far more blessed year than painful. I've grown more than I've fallen back. I've lived more.
Here's to a wonderful New Year. In 15 minutes we'll be welcoming it in, here in Germany!!!!

God Bless

6 comments:

Michal Ann said...

Hi Christy, I noticed your Stellan comment just ahead of mine so I checked your profile. I enjoyed reading about you and your lovely family. I appreciate your walk with Jesus and the military service of your family. Thank you so much. I hope to spend some time in the future following links to other military families so I can understand a bit better what you are going through.

Oh! I was at the local VA hospital last night helping with a little holiday party on the psych. ward. It was a blessing to once again participate and bring a little cheer.

I have no idea what you're going through as you support your husband who is once again deployed but please know how much I admire and honor you both. You are one fun, loving and HONEST woman! :)

Gratefully and in the Name of Jesus, Michal Ann McAllister (Seattle area, Lake Forest Park WA)
immichal@yahoo.com


I'm sorry don't have a blog.

Missie said...

Happy New Year!

Amanda said...

Well, I have enjoyed getting to know you so much better over this past year... I feel like I have suffered with you a few times... its seems like your poor angels were sick so much!..and you ahveing to do it alone... I HAVE NO IDEA how you do it. Well. OK. I do. Through Him. BUT! I know its tough. I am so grateful for you and your inspiration adn honesty and the true love you share and compassion you elicit in others. You are a dear friend and a dear bloggy buddy and I am excited to meet you someday... either here or Up There!

Lots of love to you this New Year... 2009 will be one of new discoveries and new perspectives.

Amanda

a corgi said...

I liked reading about this past year Christy; it has been a year of growth for you for sure; I'm off to check out Beth Moore's journal for the memorization of Scripture challenge for 2008; I enjoy memorizing it, I have just gotten out of the habit to do it (I used to do mine on index cards when walking the dog)

all great resolutions too for 2009!! I know its hard with young ones and being by yourself with Chad gone, but reading the Bible daily is such a good thing to do! I hope you'll be able to find the time to read at least a chapter daily!

Happy New Year to you and your family!

(you guys are always in my prayers; I might not read/comment on your journal a lot but you guys are in my prayers almost daily)

betty

Leene said...

Hi there. I have missed almost a month of entries from you, I usually get alerts through dashboard but not yours - don't worry I've added your journal to my list of favorites and shouldn't be missing any more. I enjoyed reading your recap of the year. I know you have had many ups and downs and will say it is a pleasure being on this journey with you virtually speaking. I wish you a very Happy New Year and if you'd like a virtual weight loss partner count me in, I always have the resolution to lose weight but this year its more of a healthier lifestyle resolution. Leene

Terri said...

Loved your year in review...
Thanks so much for letting me know you've been updating...I have to try and do better with you and Lori's blogs...at remembering to check in on you all...forgive me :(

Wishing you all the best in 2009!

I suck at housekeeping too...I do try to keep things clean and tidy but there is always at least one room that collects all the clutter or junk...It use to be totally filled with "junk" we called it the junk room..HAHA A few years ago we made ourselves get it all cleaned out and turned it into my computer room... we just need more space is all for storage...I told him if we ever move ...a walk in closet or a couple is a must..lol

Happy New Year!
Hugs
Terri