(B and I last night at my house before she went to the hotel...)
She's gone. The tears have been flowing easily, fast, and hard today. The reality is, it hurts. The miles are great, there's an ocean between us, or soon will be. They're over the ocean as I type this and should be landing soon. They will spend Thanksgiving with them and I'm truly happy for them that they get this. I called both B and T's families and let them know that they were taking off on time. T's mom was wonderful and so kind and that sweet woman comforted me as I started to cry again, asking her to hug B for me and tell her that I loved her one more time.
I honestly feel like I have a brick on my chest. There's a lump that just will not go down no matter how hard I swallow, and my eyes are starting to hurt from all the crying. I knew it'd hurt, I knew I'd cry...I did not expect this. Coming back I had to concentrate more on driving because of construction so I didn't cry very much driving back. Once I got onto post though, the tears started streaming hard and fast. There's not a single spot on this post that does not remind me of her. We walked all over this post and a good portion of the city over the last 2 1/2 yrs. I have to drive by their old apartment everytime I leave, there is no other option. I KNOW that as the days, weeks, and months go by the hurt will leave and joy will take over. I have so many wonderful memories with B and I don't want a single person to think that I do not appreciate them. I am so thankful to GOD for bringing B into my life, and for giving me this friendship that I prayed for, wept for, longed for. He's a faithful God and does as he promises. I know he's not left me in my time of sadness. I know he's wrapping his arms around me. I know I'm not alone.
One of the greatest blessings for today was that my children were well taken care of. My friend A took the 3 kids. I had to drop them off at 6:30 AM this morning and she was there with a smile on her face and open arms. Oh how blessed I am. She's leaving in 3 weeks and I dread her parting as well. I adore her and love her as well and her oldest son is a good friend of Jacob's and her younger son is Jack's friend. I ache for my children as they're getting one blow after another.
Please keep them in your prayers, as their hearts are so tender.
A little bit ago my friend Heather called. She let me cry then made me laugh. How precious is that woman? What a gift huh?!! How God has blessed me with friends is so unimaginable to me. I wish you all understood just how thankful I am for the way God's blessed me with friends. Growing up I always had friends. I thrived on them and with them. Throughout college friends, in the beginning years of marriage and mothering friends. When we moved back to Ks I hardly knew anyone. We lived off post and I didn't know a sole in our apartment building. I did go back to work and had friends there. Then after I had Jacob we moved on post and had some wonderful neighbors and loved them. I was blessed once again. When I got pg with Jackson, we moved to a 3 bedroom house and I was friends with 2 of my neighbors, but we were not that close. It is hard for me to explain, but I never felt I could share my heart completely with them. I can remember crying to Emily and Tami on how lonely I was. I wanted friends, close to me. I wanted good friends to hang out with. We did have good friends from church and it hurt so much to leave, it was just different. Then we moved here and it took a little while, but then B moved here and wow, we hit it off immediately and before we knew it we were spending all our time together it seemed like. When her husband was deployed, 5 to 6 nights out of the week she was here. Hanging out, having dinner. We spent our days together and she just became a part of our family. Our husband's really liked each other, our kids loved each other. It's what I prayed for.
Tonight I'm allowing the hurt to just be. I'm allowing God to use this hurt for his good, and I know it will. I'm going to let the tears flow, the sadness be what it is, and just breath as much as I can.
B and I saying goodbye at the airport
********Thank you Emily for bringing this verse to my attention tonight....
For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.
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